This Bond fellow sure seems to have a lot of sex at the end of movies.
TV PG DV CC entertainment open fireworks. Coach promises tonight won't be a disappointment - Chris Jericho vs Hurricane in a RAW rematch.
Victoria (w/Steven Richards) vs Miss Jackie (Dallas, TX) - that spider cut (but not really cut) top Victoria is wearing looks neato. Your hosts are Coach and Al, who breaks the world land speed record in making fun of Coach's RAW departure. Coach would rather not talk about it (makes sense; he's not due to get that Stunner for another hour in half in their time.) Al: "You know what your dad, Pastor Joe, always says, the good lord does not shit one door without opening another, and right now, I you want to jump out a door." Al and Coach say hi to their moms and Ohio in general. And then they discuss if their was a conspiracy about putting a man on the moon. That weird segue only reveals that Coach gets "landing on a moon" confused with "going in space." Back in the world of the sane, Victoria jumps Jackie with a knee to get this match going. Forearm to the back. Slam. Elbow drop. Victoria still thinks she's the Woman's Champion, apparently, mostly because no one wants to inform her that it's not true. That's a nice reddish/brown in her hair. Knee. Corner shoulders. Rights. Suplex. Victoria going out - there's the somersault legdrop, but no one's home. Jackie with an inside cradle one two no. Victoria immediately back in control with a clothesline. Yelling at Jackie while picking her up, whip powerslam one two no. Victoria has trouble dealing with that being a two count, so she chokes on Jackie. Al likes calling him Stevie. Victoria with a whip, Jackie back with a spinning headscissors. Right hand, right hand, whip, flapjack. Al likes the first big decision Austin made (firing Coach.) Kick to the ribs, kick to the ribs, standing heel kick to the midsection - that'll take Victoria out. Jackie out after her, but she's distracted by Steven, so Steven gets punched. Back to Victoria, and throwing her in. Jackie to the apron - Victoria tires to meet her, but gets a shoulder to the midsection. Slingshot sunset flip in, but Victoria sits down and Steven gets leverage one two three. (2:16) Charles Robinson had to work hard to avoid the obvious right around him there. Coach moans the lack of clean pinfalls in Women's Matches. I think Victoria is celebrating another successful title defense here, but Steven's mugging around her too much to notice. You think Victoria might work as a face? Not that they hinted it here, but people do love the crazy wrestlers. The heels stare at Jackie from outside the ring for a long time but nothing comes of it.
Later: Goldberg's RAW debut match.
Next: Steven Richards vs Maven. Hmmm...
Stacker 2 you're fired
Victoria and Steven are in the ring now - no sign of Jackie. Victoria IS asking where her belt is, ha. Oh yes, the match.
Maven (Charlottesville, VA, 235 pounds) vs Steven Richards (already in the ring, w/Victoria) - Steven's all offended that Maven dare come out for this match. Back to 2 Weeks Ago where Goldberg introduced himself to Steven Richards. Al says Steven got a stinger off that? Lockup, Maven with a slam. Steven kicks the bottom rope in anger of getting slammed. Shove for Maven. Slap for Maven, bigger slap back, and Steven backs into the corner. Coach and Al lay out the IC Battle Royale rules as "former IC champion and on the RAW roster" - let's see how that changes. Maven's blocked from following up by Jack Doan. Steven tries to sneak a kick, but it's caught. Steven swings but Maven dodges - there's an inside cradle oen two no. Armdrag, armbar. Steven rolling to get his feet under him and standing. Steven desperately trying for a hairpull but shockingly, it's not working. Steven's not quite sure why. Al: "He should reach up and grab the eyebrows!" Steven with an armdrag but Maven holds on to the armbar. Steven up, Maven armbar a reverse, wristlock. Steven reverses. Maven reverses. Steven with a right. Steven grabs the tights and pulls Maven into the middle buckle, and now he's doing good. Big chop. Elbow to the back of the neck. Maven trying to battle up but getting a knee. Steven with a inverted facelock, yell, reverse neckbreaker one two no. Kick to the chest. Coach and Al on Triple H/Nash: "That was brutal!" They don't mean it like you mean it, perhaps. Snap mare by Steven, there's the full nelson, haven't seen the Rat Trap in a while but I think it's going on to my list. As Maven rallies the crowd to get out of this, Coach challenges Josh Mathews in the "who sounds more geekier saying 'North Cackalaki'" contest. The winner is no one. Maven up to his feet - elbow, elbow, elbow, drop down to his feet and kicking Steven away. Steven up first though, but I guess Maven was just luring him there to a jawbreaker. Right right but Steven stops him with a kick. Steven off the rope and into a forearm. Clothesline. Dropkick. Whip, backdrop. Maven pumped up. Whip, reversed, Steven puts his head down too soon, Maven jumps over him, Steven stands up and Maven hits the wheel kick one two NO. Maven goes for the corner punches one two three four five lifted off and dropped for an inverted atomic drop, but Maven blocks it. Maven misses the clothesline, Steven does not miss the Stevenkick but he's too tired to cover. Victoria yells to Steven, pointing out the advantages of covering, but he's got a ways to go. Eh, he's going to pick him up. And setting him on the second rope? This would seem to be a tactical mistake, made worse by Miss Jackie reappearing and going after Victoria. Victoria gets posted and thrown in - that distracts Steven, who cuts off Jackie and gets snapped over the top rope. Doan gets Victoria out of the ring, and Maven's gone all the way up - there's the top rope missile dropkick one two three! (5:16) Jackie gives Maven a thumbs up - Al reminds us that this is a Tough Enough 1 thing, that's right. Mixed tag next week? I was gonna give Maven a hokey finisher nickname there, but I thought better of it.
Next: Chris Jericho and two other guys.
Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel - I like that spelling better. Black and white for the blood, natch. And then the moments later. Jericho's mad because he knows he'll lose this too. (3:40) Don't get me wrong, it's the right move to put the PPV Title Match Challenger over the Guy Who's In A Less Meaningful Battle Royale. The disagreement is in who should be in each of those positions, and you've probably already made your mind on that, which probably relates to your decision on this PPV they're not plugging.
Tonight: Chris Jericho vs the Hurricane
the Matrix Reloaded and spit out two French guys with really questionable costume decisions
Christopher Nowinski (Canberry, MA, 265 pounds, w/facemask) vs Mark Bartolucci (no graphic, already in the ring) - Al gives a pre-emptive thumbs up on Matrix Reloaded, if you're wondering. Coach suggests that Matrix may open better than X2 and Al mocks the obviousness of it all. Speaking of obviousness, Chris has the mic: "Mark Bartilucci [the guy already in the ring we just now spotted], I think it's so great that a Home Town Hero like yourself is getting the opportunity of a lifetime tonight. I mean, you get to wrestle an actual WWE superstar. [Al: "Why, is he signed for a different match?"] You people should be so proud of this local man achieving so much at a young age - c'mon, let's give a round of applause, c'mon! Well Mark, I hope you heard those cheers, because that'll be the last time you hear that tonight. 'cause your chances of actually beating me in this ring tonight are slim and none, and Slim's outside warming up my BMW. I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you, but tomorrow, it's back to the box factory, working with the rest of these slobs." That was pretty good there, wow. (Let's pretend we don't remember Coach marking out over Mark being announced from Kansas last time he was here.) Al and Coach take time to mock the person with the "Nowinski Went To Communiy Collage" [sic] sign. Lockup, Chris slides under to a hammerlock. Cranking it in and kicking his butt while they're there. Al and Coach are doing their worst French accents, which may also be known as their best French accents. Swatting the back of Mark's hair is too much - Mark armdrags out. Mark is a little pumped, but Chris nails him with a clothesline. Yelling at him, stomp, yelling at him, stomp, choke to the back of the neck. Right. Right. Mark with a right back, right back, forearm to the head, forearm, corner whip, charge in with a dropkick but no one's home - Mark takes the lucha hamstring off the ropes bump and lands right on his head, OW. Chris points to his head, as if to point out his is still attached to his neck. Big spinebuster one two three? (1:16) This after a week of people telling me that Chris had a real finisher - HA. Either that, or I should be paying attention the announcers pointing out how smart Chris took advantage of dumb Other Wrestler to win, which wouldn't be a half bad push idea.
Terri (wearing a flight suit) is waiting for her interview, but that person is late - ah, here's Hurricane with the fly in. "As you see, Citizen Terri - dividing my time between fighting crime and wrestling keeps the Hurricane pretty busy. But I told you I'd show, and you doubt the word of the hurricane? [pose] What'supwithdat?" "I apologize, I should have never doubted you, let's kinda change the subject - you have a huge main event match tonight on Heat. Tell me how you feel about that." "Tonight I face a tyrant, an ego-manical conquer, I face...Dr. Doom." "Dr. Doom? No, no, you face Jericho." "Jericho [nuts!] Well, I've faced Jericho before, and he continues his evil ways. So as long as evil endures, so too, shall the Hurricane. Remember this Citizen Terri, crime never sleeps, and I've got a job to do. Now stand back [assumes the flying pose - and gropes Terri in the process - stops the pose, but not grope immediately. Terri gives him the look. Hurricane exits, with his cape wrapped around his midsection. Coach: "It's happened before! Don't worry, I think she kinda liked it."]
Later: Chris Jericho vs the Hurricane.
Next: Terri talks to Stone Cold about sexual harassment in the workplace. Or something about Goldberg.
Goldberg on RAW. Match. Beer. Completely blown off Austin/Goldberg tension gives Dave Meltzer a front page story. Nice of the WWE like that. (6:40)
RAW: Goldberg vs Christian, Cage Match
Next: Chris Jericho vs Hurricane
Monday - Philadelphia, PA
Next Sunday - Charlotte, SC
Next Monday - Greenville, SC
Next Friday - Bossier City, LA
Next Saturday - Baton Rouge, LA
Chris Jericho (Winnipeg, Manitoba, CA, 237 pounds) vs the Hurricane (215 pounds) - not to play master of the obvious or anything, but if Jericho's gonna be spending his RAW segment on an interview bit a lot, we might see him in action a bit more on this show. Jericho is the only entrant in the IC battle royale so far. Mask goes to a little kid, who does not freak out, but it's thrilled - he's taking it back off, in fact. Circle. Handshake? Hurricane gives it a thumbs up, but Jericho's annoyed by the crowd and backs off. Jericho complains to Nick Patrick about the handshake offer. Nick's like "that's not my department". Okay, no handshake, they'll circle. Lockup, Jericho with an armbar, crank, crank, twist it down to a wrisltock, Hurricane rolls, kips up, reverses, Jericho throws a clothesline but Hurricane ducks, right hand. Al and Coach wonder what Eric meant by "raise the bar" on Monday. Jericho's complaining about closed fists. Nick dutiful warns Hurricane. Jericho with a shove, Hurricane with a right, right, whip, reversed, falling clothesline by Hurricane. That almost looked like a double clothesline spot but only Hurricane used one but he took a bump anyway. If that confuses, how about it "it looked odd", okay? Whip, reversed, Hurricane rolls under the leapfrog, Jericho charges and he's thrown over the top rope. Hurricane checks, runs - slingshot somersault plancha! Al says hilo. Hurricane hit his legs on the barricade on the way down but he appears to be okay. Jericho thrown in, Hurricane follows, Jericho begs off, then pulls Nick Patrick in front of him. Hurricane moves Patrick and goes for the corner punches but Jericho grabs him - flapjack on the to rope. Hurricane is staggered, sleeper neckbreaker one two no. Back suplex. Al is pushing Coach towards bitterness. Jericho takes his time then covers one two no. Jericho decides this match needs a little more...exposed turnbuckle, and goes after one. Nick Patrick disagrees and fixes it, which gives Jericho time to unwrap some wrist tape and choke Hurricane. Crowd cheers Jericho here. Patrick is back over as Jericho throws Hurricane down - Jericho actually pleads innocence as the tape is handing from his wrist! Patrick pulls it off and throws it out. Snap mare. Surfboard chinlock. Hurricane up after a bit, elbow out, off the ropes, Jericho with a knee but Hurricane with the inside cradle one two no. Both up, Jericho strikes first with a clothesline. Jericho poses for the crowd. The crowd loves him. Hurricane with rights, but Jericho with an eye rake. Whip, Hurricane back with a spinning headscissors. Both slow up - Hurricane with a leaping clothesline, and another. Whip, reverses by Jericho into aback suplex, Hurricane lands on his back jumping neckbreaker one two NO. Hurricane heads to the corner and sets up for it - Shining Wizard is just ducked (gets some hair, though) and Jericho hits the bulldog. Lionsault? Yes, Hurricane moves but Jericho lands on his feet, double leg on Hurricane, turning it crowd would like to see it) but Hurricane with a small package one two NO. Al and Coach are ignoring the crowd, though they've previously acknowledged "we've been in Canada all week," Hurricane tries for a 'rana! He fails miserably! Powerbomb one two no. Jericho throwing a fit at that being a two count. Hurricane retreats to a corner, Jericho charges, Hurricane moves, Jericho posts himself. Hurri-slam one two foot on the rope! Hurricane going up now, and here's the - Al: "Hurri-cross body!" but Jericho rolls thru, grabbing the legs and turning it. There's the Walls of Jericho. Can Hurricane get to the ropes? Not on this night - he taps. (6:51) A Canadian wins in Canada! Call your mom! No, really, go do that.
RAW: Jericho vs Nash! Goldberg vs Christian in a steel cage! Wacky Philly Fans vs WWE Angles!
That's it for the 250th Heat.