You know, the good thing about blowing off everything (and deleting Velocity on my TiVo, oops) is that I'm better rested for this. The bad thing is that in the process of blowing off everything, I spent much time outside today and got myself a heat headache. Typically, I don't get those till 15 minutes into the show! Thank you, I'll be here all week (or at least for another hour.)
TV PG DV CC Entertainment (NOT QUITE LIKELY) open - we're live in Worcester, MA. Crowd just starting to get in - Coach may be fibbing when he promises a full house tonight for Backlash. Wow, the budget's gone so far down, the Backlash stage blades no largely lamely sway.
Your announcers are Coach and an Empty Chair. The cheap joke would be "the empty chair knows the action better than Lawler!", and I am nothing if not cheap. I keep waiting for someone's music to interrupt Coach (like the last 5 times) but first, let's get that look at Lita being fired. (1:23) Props to the three guys with the "We Want Lita" chant. You know, that seat is like Galahad's chair at the table - Raven sat in it, fired. D'Lo, fired. Lita, (storyline) fired. Heck, Jackie and Crash did one week bits there and they seem to be barely hanging on. Woe be the person who takes that place next. Of course, with the WWE's state, I'd be more worried about them finding the right person if that analogy made any sense. Coach shows little backbone, per usual.
Oh you've got to be kidding me - this week's new Heat co-host IS Jerry "the King" Lawler. Hope you've invested wisely, King. Wonder what they'll do next week? Maybe Austin will be back by then...anyway, Lawler offers to show off a new shoulder tattoo while Coach apologizes for King having to endure this show. We're all a little bit sorry, Jonathan. Lawler's getting overtime so it's all good. Backlash rundown - the Rock vs Goldberg, Brock Lesnar vs John Cena, Booker T/Shawn Michaels/Kevin Nash vs Triple H/Chris Jericho/Ric Flair. Let's see how that got started. (2:26) Tonight's about U-N-I-T-Y.
Backstage, a trainer massages Trish's side. Before he can make his move, Eric's in to interrupt. Truly evil, this man. Anyway, since we feel like playing the "Eric Bischoff doesn't care about his talent's well-being" card tonight, Trish shouldn't be allowed to wrestle by the trainer but Eric is gonna force him to clear Trish, at the cost of his job. While Trish says "it's fine" and ignores the pain to Eric's approval, ignore the part about this flying COMPLETELY IN THE FACE OF THE "Stone Cold wants to wrestle, can't be cleared, so Eric won't let him" angle.
Still to come: Scott Steiner vs Rico. POOR RICO
4/28 - Burlington, VT (SOLD OUT - don't see that much)
4/29 - Manchester, NH
5/3 - Quebec City, QC
5/4 - Fredrericton, NB
5/5 - Sydney, NS
5/6 - Halifax, NS
Just so everyone has to suffer, Coach throws it to Tazz and Cole at ringside. Tazz makes the requisite "Worcester is a funny name" jokes. "Remedy" by Cold is the theme song. Brock vs Cena is the WWE Title match. Coach and Lawler interrupt to talk about the RAW matches: RVD/Kane vs the Dudleyz for the World Tags. Rikishi vs Sean O'Haire (w/Roddy Piper). Trish vs Jazz for the Women's Title. Team Angle vs Los Guerreros for the WWE Tags. And the six man main event. Big Show vs Rey Mysterio. The Rock vs Goldberg. No PPV bonuses for YOU, Chris Benoit Rhyno, and Matt Hardy.
As seen on Confidential, Goldberg talks. They kinda should've done this on week one and hyped it. Eh who cares (3:52) Goldberg suffered a concussion via chair shot but since everyone but Austin wrestles injuries, the match is on.
Tonight: Scott Steiner vs Rico. Coach and King think Poor Rico as well.
French Guys Loose On Times Square! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! The Resistance is a good name, tho'. I'm personally feeling some resistance to this show right now, ha.
Castrol GTX Big Show is a big guy, Tajiri not so much, but Big Show is also a moron from Thursday. It's kinda hilarious how they repeated the Angle/Kidman match (to hype Angle/Rey at SummerSlam) somewhat note for note there. Big Show is not Kurt Angle. Big Show is not Eddie. Eddie is Eddie. Oh Tazz and Cole are talking about this.
The WWE visits the troops! Sadly, they did not bring back the audio. Ah, there we go. That must've suck: "Hey, you get to meet a WWE superstar today!" "COOL! WHO?" "Test." "Aw, dang it." (:54) Coach and King decide that they should join the military so that one day Stacy and Terri might visit them.
Backstage, the Dudleyz disagree in front of a Bischoff picture. D-Von, showing he's the vastly more intelligent part of the team, points out they can end this angle by just walking over to Stephanie tonight and asking for a job on HER show. Chief Morely, being anti-intelligence, interrupts to let them know some great news - tonight, he's special guest referee. Bubba thinks this is the greatest thing since Brian Kendrick's finisher. D-Von is sad that logic suffered a cruel death once again and walks out on a handshake.
Mr. America - wait, when did the new George W. Bush footage become classic film. Those three people chanting "We Want Lita" before? They're chanting "Hogan" now.
Hey, did you hear Brock will take on Cena tonight? Do you want video proof of Cena rapping his way here. (2:20) Smilin' Brock arrived earlier today - of course, we've got the woman with her breath taken away by the beauty that is Brock.
Tonight: Scott Steiner vs Rico. Tazz and Cole could give a crap about Rico, I guess.
I have Confidence that Sean O'Haire is the 2000th person in the last six months to do a "Look How Strong X Is By Lifting Rikishi" spot.
Rikishi and Sean O'Haire tonight. If you don't like that, we'll maybe Roddy Piper will do it for you. Or maybe you'd prefer being stabbed in the eye.
Josh Matthews interviews Team Angle - you can at least let them get their bags out of the van, Josh! Match is dedicated to Kurt. Kurt knows when they're sleeping, Kurt sees them when they're awake. Josh (and me - Josh has got to stop reading my mind) jokes that they know if they've been good or bad, but Shelton yells at him for confusing Kurt Angle and Santa Claus. "Besides, Kurt is way more intelligent than Santa Claus would ever be." Shelton's the wacky one, you know. Tonight, Team Angle will be fully represented - Charlie holds up the huge portrait and medals.
Next: Scott Steiner vs Rico
RAW Live! (They've replaced Jeff Hardy with Goldberg already)
Monday - Boston, MA
Friday - Oshawa, ON
Saturday - Kitchener, ON
Sunday - Ottawa, ON
Next Monday - Halifax, NS
the Rock has arrived. Lillian Garcia catches up to interview with him - hmm, Lillian hasn't been doing interviews for months, there's gotta be a strudel or pie joke coming. Rock takes his time to hit on Lillian before he lets her get out a question. The Rock tries to make me care about Goldberg. The Rock attempts to show us what we can expect tonight - and he takes off half his shirt to show of the tattooed arm. Flex - asking Lillian to feel it. And rub it. "How does it feel?" "It feels big." "You damn right!" That counts, I win! There's Rock grabbing his pants. Anyway, tonight is even bigger than his penis, if you can imagine that. (Perhaps you shouldn't.) Don't look at his bootie.
For some reason, King decides we need to say hello to our Spanish Announce Team, Hugo Savinovich and Carlos Cabrera. I guess we're supposed to think "Hmm, maybe they'll use the table", but I don't know. King tries to get Coach in trouble with them.
Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner (Detroit, MI, 275 pounds) vs Rico (Las Vegas, NV, 243 pounds) - The official Three Minute Warning handsignal is putting up three fingers in front of where your wristwatch might be (or your wrist tape is.) It's cooler than Rosey, at least. Rico has no one fat with him, that's odd - King points out the lack of logic in paying for 3MW and not having them around for these specific occasions. Lockup - Rico's pushed down. Forearm. Scott with a knee, forearm, kick, fore, kick, forearm. Hiptoss had a hitch in it. Yelling and punching. Press (One two three) slam. Ah, there's Jamal - nice job getting punched off the apron. Rosey goes for the legs from outside, but gets kicked away. That does allow Rico to get up - Scott's facing the wrong way. Hey Rico, go for the finisher - well, the big kick to the head looked pretty neat anyway but you're gonna lose now. Working him over in the corner - there's the jumping corner kick. Spin kick to the midsection, step over mule kick one two NO. Rico with the mocking bicep pose elbow drop (with added side burn grab!) but Scott's long ago moved out of the way when Rico actually gets to the elbow drop part - Rico even manages to land okay, having realized what happened. Bach on Steiner with a kick, whip, there's the standing spin kick but Steiner ducks. Rico with a leapfrog, and he takes a powerslam. Crowd does not like the Rico. Steiner with a forearm, spinning side belly to belly . Slapping and yelling by Steiner. Whip, clothesline. There's the bicep pose elbow drop. Pushups. Slam, Rico slips behind, standing high kick misses again, Steiner with a Slop Drop one two three. (2:28) He might want to get more of a dedicated finisher at some point. Eh.
The last video package to send us off - Goldberg vs Rock. Somewhere in Los Angeles, DDP is kicking himself for taking that buy out. (3:15)
Goldberg's arrival causes the crew to break in to spontaneous applause. That'sit.