Okay. You may not know this, but if you recap lots and lots of television in a small piece of time, you kinda get sick of television and recapping, even when it's a good show. And this, I'm going out on a limb here, is not going to be a good show. No offense to you, Heat, but you've got a bad history. At any rate, let me babble a little bit to decompress for a second before we get started. You can go down to the part where I transcribe that little white box if this bugs you.

The problem I have right now is that I watched Velocity last night. (I do a recap...elsewhere.) Velocity was the best weekend show possible - we got two returns, angle development and Cat being both intentionally and unintentionally hilarious. All it was missing was one really good match from being The Best Velocity Ever. Anyway, having seen that, and knowing the odds of two good weekend shows in a row, I don't like my chances here.

Hi Mysterious JG. I went on this rant about a man in an Iron Mask a little while ago in one of these things which was supposed to be a wink/nod reference to you but I forget your mask is apparently gold. Sorry. 

Free column ideas I'm too lazy to pursue: the first single-brand PPV is two months (and a week) away; have they made a step to prepare the fans for such a thing? Why haven't they even started a storyline to explain it? What seems in line to be the PPV main events of those shows, and are the first ones going to be able to sell this concept? What does all this tells us about the big picture planning on a creative level? Seeing as their business model kinda depends on this working, I'd think this is a bit important...

Okay, one last thing. Given: The match is build around the heel working a single body part of the face. It's a well-known previous injury, and while the heel doesn't have a large known moveset, he uses all he's got to work that body part. Many minutes of the match are spent with the heel working on the body part, with the announcers specifically pointing it out and establishing the history. The face sells submissions - but what would you say about the worker if he didn't sell the injured body part at other times? Even when he was doing/taking moves that put stress on that body part? Would you think he's not a top flight worker?

What if was Chris Benoit on last Thursday's Smackdown?

TV PG DV CC entertainment - 2 weeks ago Nash returned. And last Monday - Nash really didn't make a choice, did he? I don't know but I suppose that's the point (1:06) open fireworks

Miss Jackie (Dallas, Texas) vs Molly Holly (Mobile, AB) in a "Divas" match - Your announcers are Lita and Coach. This is match #10! I'll pick...Molly. Announcers are talking Backlash - Rock/Goldberg, 6 Man. Lockup, headlock by Molly, Jackie with a foot into Molly's knee, turning the headlock into a wristlock. Armdrag. Molly with a knee. Whip, head down to soon so Jackie gets the sunset flip, Molly rolls through, double leg and turning it into a Boston Crab. Lita says it's a Best of 7 series, which is close enough, while Coach figures the only way Molly would learn how to do a Boston Crab is to learn it from Chris Jericho. Anyway, Jackie pushes up and flips Molly over, cover one two kickout. Armdrag by Jackie, armdrag, Molly trips up Jackie on to the bottom rope. Head smash into the mat. There's the snap suplex floatover one two no. Side backbreaker. One two no. Neck vice. Jackie drawing from the fans, who are ... filing to their seats quietly. Jackie fighting back, off the ropes, kick to the midsection, Molly with a powerbomb? Molly held her up there for something, but it took too long - Jackie rolls over Molly into a sunset flip one two no. Molly up first with a clothesline. She's not in a happy mood. Knee choke on the middle rope. Coach picks up on Molly not being in a good mood. Lita: "It can't be her hair, because her hair looks good tonight." You know what, it really does. Coach uses this as opening to flirt, of course. Coach uses breathing as an opening to flirt. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, Mollypop took way too long - Jackie gets out of the way and punches her. Lita's pushing a "they know each other so they're gonna counter the stuff they've seen and need to pull out new stuff to succeed" storyline, which seems logical. Jackie with another punch, whip, flapjack. Double underhook suplex, that is new, one two no. That wasn't up and over, more yanked around to the side. Corner whip, Jackie charges into a back elbow. Another turnbuckle smash by Molly. Molly puts Jackie on the top rope, right is blocked, Jackie back with her own, Rising Sun is blocked. Molly's right is blocked, Jackie with a kick, hey now that's a real (running) Tornado DDT one two three. (3:37) Shows what I know. It's now 7-3.

Later: 3MW vs Al Snow/Maven

I have Confidence that I'll be able to get no lame puns out of this movie title (RVD/Kane retain their titles from Monday.)

Rico (Las Vegas, Nevada, 233 pounds, w/3 Minute Warning) vs Spike Dudley (150 pounds) - Lita notes that this a 3 on 1 and doesn't look good for Spike. Spike does seem a bit distracted by the two large guys outside the ring. Rico takes advantage with a forearm, but Spike comes back with a forearms. Whip, reverses, there's Jamal grabbing the leg, but Jack Doan is looking the wrong way. Spike manages a swinging dropkick to take care of him, while Doan yells at Jamal. Is he throwing them out? Seems that way. Rico isn't happy about it. Spike, bored with Rico taking time outside the ring, goes to the top rope - suicide cross body! Spike gets 3/4 headlock, runs up the stairs and hits the a Dudley Dog on the barricade. Spike stops to pose before picking Rico up and throwing him in - one two NO. I guess it wasn't Dudley Dog enough. Spike with a forearm, whip, quick reverse, clothesline misses but Rico ends up with a rope gutbuster on Spike anyway. Stomping. Turnbuckle smash. Slap to the face. Hard corner whip, Spike going down very hard. Rico works him over as the crowd starts with that familiar chant. European Uppercut the the back of the head, that's odd. Knee drop one two no. Surfboard. Spike rallying the crowd, who are more into this one. Elbowing out, but Rico stops him with a forearm to the neck to stop that. Right. Whip, toss and Spike comes down with a 'rana. Rico charges Spike gets a drop toe hold into the middle turnbuckle. There's the stomping in place. Lita's talking about all the evil Eric's doing, and Coach is all "Well I agree but it's gotten me the PBP seat on RAW so I'm not gonna complain - you can, though." I think he needs a Stunner. Whip, reversed, Spike back with the battering ram. Normal bulldog which Coach calls right for once one two no. Spike with a right, corner whip, reversed, Rico charges into a boot. Spike going to the second rope stomp, but it doesn't hit right and Spike loses his footing. Looked more ugly than usual as result. Spike with the Tarzan impersonation. Kick - is caught - Rico with aback suplex, Spike lands on his feet and gets a waistlock, Spike pushes him in the ropes but Rico drops down and Spike goes in throat first. There's the standing spin kick one two three. (3:46) Coach calls it a reverse heel kick for whatever reason. Rico yells that he's Rico and his three minutes are up.

Next: the Rock doesn't do well on tape.

Rock and Goldberg. (3:15) At Backlash. And the Rock Concert II Monday. Lita and Coach were speculating about Goldberg perhaps singing himself Monday. I hope it happens just so Meltzer's brain exploded. I wonder if this one will end with his guitar getting broken too.

Mr. America is coming. But only if you ask nicely.

APA visit DC

Rodney Mack (Lafeyte, LO, 280 pounds, w/Theodore Long) vs Brad Hunter (Samford, NC, 213 pounds) - this is EVERY HEAT EVER, isn't it. ISN'T IT. Lita lives knows Samford. "Let me holla at you playa. You know as I look around at the ring here at Rodney Mack's opponent, I can see that the Man just don't get it. In other words, the Man is still hating on us, we've been haterized, you feel me? Well let me say this to you playa, Rodney Mack and myself, we did a little background check on you, playa, and we know that you hail from Whitesville, USA. Believe that! Oh, by the way, isn't this the same white boy we wrestled last week? I mean, I dunno, because all white people look alike to me, you feel me. [Coach has had enough of this] Well, let's say something to you playa, the results are going to be the same as last week because when Rodney Mack gets thru thuggin' and buggin' then you're going know what it means to back a Mack. And then the other thing is, playa, it's gonna be off hizzle for shizzle, believe that. Now, and we're going send another message to Whitey that it's time to back the Mack. Now, let's get it on, playa." Circle. Lockup, Rodney with a headlock. Coach and Lita are discussing the meaning of "thuggin' and buggin'". Rodney is a "thug in theory" and he's gonna "bug out", there you go. Brad with forearms, and shots Rodney in the ropes, and the top rope BREAKS. I think the impact (and the tightness of the ropes) pulled it right out of the turnbuckle - the end of goes flying and it's a good thing that Teddy wasn't yet on the camera side of things. It's still up but very loose on the other three times. Rodney starts kicking and punching, having nothing else to do. He's going to do a whip? Rodney thinks much better of it at the last second (was Charles Robinson yelling to him?) and makes it a short knee. I'm surprised they just didn't pull this match right now, because it's unsafe (as the announcers note) and the guy we're pushing hasn't come off as well rounded enough to get by a match without using the ropes. At any rate, Rodney with a forearm, elbow, elbow drop. One two no. Coach fears the "Whitey tried to kill Rodney Mack!" Long rant to come. Choke on the middle AND the top rope, because that's where the middle rope is now. Corner whip - no, they'll just do another short knee. Forearm. Brad coming back with punches, but Rodney takes him down with a clothesline. One two NO. Rodney loads him up - running shoulder powerslam one two three. (1:52) I don't know how long that was supposed to go (that time's not that far off than some other Mack matches), but the finish right then was the best idea possible - they were obviously unsure of what they still could do. There's no top turnbuckle on one corner, so I think that's what snapped.

Next, Booker T sees a match in mind.

Someone let the French guys roam around town! OH NO!

Okay, ad for RAW. Ad for Stacy on Slammin Saturday Night (which will probably be a rerun of last time), but not Heat ad, good for them.

RAW Live
Monday - Atlanta, GA
Saturday - Portland, ME
Next Sunday - Worcester, MA
Next Monday - Boston, MA

Coach flirts with Lita some more (maybe he's owed a Twist of Fate) and explains how we got to a Booker/Triple H at WM. What are you even here for, Hurricane? What are you here for, indeed. (5:31) Coach promises that the six man is on even if Nash doesn't like his teammates. On RAW, Booker will not win the title.

Next: 3MW vs Al Snow and Maven

The weird thing about these RAW ads is that they focus on a multiple people and that's not what RAW is about.

Stacker 2 Christian really needs to rethink his strategy of Last Monday

3 Minute Warning (723 pounds, w/Rico) vs Al Snow (Lima, Ohio, 227 pounds) and Maven (Charlottesville, WV, 235 pounds) - Rico's changed into a complete different outfit! That's dedication. They did repair that top rope, of course. Al Snow's Music: "What does everyone want?" Coach and Lita: "HEAD!" That caught me totally by surprise. Is that weight right for him? He's Benoit sized. He's outweighed by Maven! I must've heard that wrong. You speculate why: Coach and Lita are tap dancing around the words "Tough Enough" here. Maven and Al play Rock Paper Scissors to determine who starts. Paper beats Rock, so Rosey faces Al. Circle. Lockup, Al with a waistlock, headlock, shot into the ropes, Al back with a shoulderblock but Rosey isn't going down. Al off, Rosey's hiptoss is blocked, Al's is blocked, Rosey's clothesline is ducked, Al with an armbar and kneelifts. Rights to the shoulder. Twisting that armbar, kick to the chest, cranking the arm. Right. Elbow into the joint. Tag to Maven, who gets in a kick to the left shoulder. Armbar, twist, knee, bending it back into a hammerlock.  Rosey with a single leg, elbow drop but no one home. Rosey with an elbow drop but no one's home. Maven with an armbar, tag to Al. Al with a punch to the shoulder. Armbar, armbar takedown. Back to the armbar, tag to Maven, Maven takes over the armbar but Rosey finally gets in a knee. Forearm to the back. Rosey makes the tag out so he can work some life into that shoulder. Jamal with a knee. Whip, back elbow misses, Maven leapfrogs and hits a drop kick. Dropkick. Dropkick to knee. Tag to Al, who's going up - cross body. No cover, shot to Rosey on the apron instead, but he turns around right into a clothesline. Rico roots Jamal on, stomp, tag to Rosey, hold for a Rosey right. Jamal gets in one last forearm as he leaves. Turnbuckle smash by Al. Corner whip, Al slides short, , Rosey misses a clothesline, there's the double underhook and the headbutts. Crowd thinks Rico sucks. Tag to Maven, who gets a back elbow to Rosey. Second rope bulldog! one two Jamal breaks it up. Jamal with a rib kick - and another. Rico in - ref arguing with AL about Jamal coming in Rico throws Maven into the corner, shoulder first. Maven falls out of the ring, Maven is able to crawl to the apron and Rosey pulls him in between the ropes. Slam. One two no. Tag to Jamal. Double double chop. Jamal setting up in the corner, making the sign of the cross, running headbutt splash one two no. Jamal taunts Maven as he crawls - then smacks Al on the apron. Corner whip, right into Rosey's back thrust kick. Not quite in Tajiri's league, but it works. Ref is keeping Al out and is slow to count a following cover one two AL breaks it up. Rico and AL argue his involvement - that allows Rosey to come into hit the double headbutt.  Jamal kick Maven around, then makes the tag to Rosey. Forearm. Maven with forearms, Rosey with a right hands. Whip, Rosey misses a clothesline and Maven hits a wheel kick! Tag to Jamal and he gets to Maven before he gets to the tag. Back suplex, but Maven lands on his feet. Off the ropes, tossed up and coming down with a dropkick. Now can he make a tag - yes! Right for one, right for the other, right for Jamal, right for Rosey. Back thrust kick on Jamal. Whip on Rosey, reversed, AL with the slide under into the pumphandle Russian Legsweep. Right for Rico on the apron, but Jamal uses the opening to hit a clothesline. Maven to the top rope - missile dropkick! Rico in - that's our second Rico standing spin kick of the night. The ref catches Rico trying to lave and misses 3MW squashing Al from either side. Rosey whips Al into the press Samoan Drop one two three. (6:10) They're the champions of Heat, I believe. Rico does a celebratory dance.

Booker vs Triple H! Rock concert II! Monday!

Ah, an ad for Heat after Heat. Nice work.

You know, not that it means anything, but they didn't hype being Live next week...