oh god no "True Life: I am SIU Basketball Player", I shall never hear the end of this. To get the idea, pretend I just said "True Life: I am Dayton Flyer!" and Rick updated every day.
TV PG LV entertainment the Rock wants Stone Cold and not Booker T (:39) open fireworks - you know, the Coach sounds really white this week. More than usual!
Rodney Mack (Lafayette, Louisiana, 265 pound w/Theodore Long) vs - "You know, let me hollar at you playa'. You know, there's been one whole week that has went by, and Theodore Long and Rodney Mack have not been seen on RAW yet. Now I don't know how stupid you people think I really am. Now I want you to know that me and Rodney, we know that the man is trying to hold us back. And we know that you people are afraid to stand up to the man. So [distracted by the fans] Well, I'll say this - I want you to understand that all you people are afraid of me and Rodney Mack [heat machine turned to high suddenly] and the main thing is that because you know what we are about. And we're about, we're about thuggin' and buggin, and that's what we're going to do to every WWE superstar and especially the one that we're facing tonight, Tommy Dreamer, and that's off the hizzle for chizzle, you feel me playa? Now, Tommy Dreamer, get ready for your nightmare, because it's time to back a Mack. You feel me? Come get it done right now.
Rodney Mack (w/Theodore Long) vs Tommy Dreamer (Yonkers, NY, 252 pounds, w/Singapore cane) - Teddy points to the cane, as if to say "I'll hit you with that sometime during this match." When Not Coach says "You've been on the road a lot, Lita", I wonder. The Top 10 Reasons You Might Be A WWE Superstar on Dreamer's shirt are as you'd expect from a WWE viewpoint. Teddy wastes no time in getting the cane, Tommy wastes no time in being distracted and Rodney wastes no time in beating him down to the mat. Choke choke cane taken away by the referee. Whip jumping shoulderblock by Mack. Exciting punching in the corners. Mack's punches do look good but it is Dreamer so who really knows. Corner whip, and he goes down. Dreamer comes back by blocking a turnbuckle smash, but Mack cuts him off with a knee. Overhead belly to belly suplex. One two no. Lita: "Even if I find Rock slightly annoying, I've never been opposed to seeing him in his tights" uh oh Matt's gonna be jealous. Right hands. Whip, sunset flip (by Dreamer!) one two no. Clothesline hits by Mack to take back control. Whip, reversed, Tommy's head is down too soon so he gets kicked (more in the shoulder), Mack off the ropes and gets powerslammed. Dreamer with a clothesline to take him out. Mack pulls him out and I'm so bored with this match. Even though it doesn't seem to make any sense for his style, Mack goes to the top rope- too long and Dreamer crotches him on the top rope, then hangs him in the tree of woe so he can do the crotch stomp. Teddy logically argues for a DQ but there's no logic here. Dreamer goes for the cane, getting it before Teddy can. That'd be awesome if it connected (Dreamer's a moron either way) but no Mack ducks, kick, slam no Tommy lands behind, kick wham DDT but Mack hooks the top rope. Swinging neckbreaker one two three? (3:59) Wow, he's got the same finisher as TORRIE WILSON. What a tough guy. Now it can be told - your announcers are Lita and SmackDown's Marc Loyd - if you're asking for an explanation of why he's allowed here, you haven't been watching for long enough. (Although maybe this is an exchange for the time where Lita was on Velocity...with Marc Loyd.) If you're wondering where Coach is, you're a moron. I'm sorry to be the one to let you know, but I couldn't keep it in no longer. Lita and Loyd are talking about wrestling or something, I dunno.
Steven Richards vs Al Snow, much much much Later
Imag-eye-WHAT? That's one of those Steven Richards made up words, even if I've heard them say it before. If Tommy Dreamer is Mr. Extreme like they said about 10 times during that last match, does he still need to read the Hardy Boyz book? Maybe they mean Xtreme, yea that'sit.
Spike Dudley (150 pounds) vs Matt Stryker (183 pounds, already) - Why isn't Spike announced from Dudleyville ever? Did Cincy turn on Stryker after his loss to Shannon Moore last night? I wouldn't really blame them. There's a little known rule I have about recapping only one Matt Stryker match per weekend, so sorry. Spike wants a handshake but Matt's a heel, baby. A heel who's getting shown up by Spike. Loyd is SHOCKED that Morely cheated the Dudleyz. Lita mocks him, good for her. To his credit, this is not Spike Match #1 - nice to see that he'll try to wrestle someone else if he's wrestling someone within 50 pounds of his weight. Chavo's got the better European Uppercut but Spike tries to see exactly how much can oversell it. Here's the Spike Melody of Rollups For Two Counts sequence we all know and tolerate. Nice jumping side kick by Stryker. Sometime later, there's the Dudley Dog. (4:16)
2 Weeks Ago, we can't show blood in color. Well actually that's now that they're not doing the blood thing (I wonder if they'll be able when we move to TNN, shouldn't they start to mention that already?), but it's weird because they go to color shot for Jericho and then switch to the black and white when they show HBK from the front. "I'll see you at WrestleMania! Call your cable operators right now!" (1:30) This graphic is graphic! Well not really but it sounded funny in my head.
Much much later, Steven Richards vs Al Snow
Monday - St. Louis, MO
Next Monday - Sacramento, CA
Next Sunday - Seattle, WA
Next Next Monday - Seattle, WA
Last Monday, Rock and Austin and other people. (6:17) Stone Cold vs Eric Bischoff tomorrow! Vince won't be there! He doesn't care about this show this month.
Next, Molly vs Jackie
Lugz refusal to get a towel of Monday
Molly Holly (Mobile, Alabama) vs Miss Jackie (Dallas, TX) - This is the eighth time they've done this match since last June on this show - Molly is 6 and 1. Molly was in the heel locker room but way in the back so maybe she's still deciding. Lockup, Molly with a headlock, Jackie escapes with a wristlock, armdrag into an armbar. Molly spins into a single leg takedown one reversed one two reverse one two no. Molly up like a bolt, hammerlock on. Jackie with a jumping snap mare to escape. Armdrag, armdrag. Whip, Jackie puts her head down too soon, powerbomb? No, it's that kinda flapjack gutbuster, neat. One two no. Beautiful double wristlock Northern Lights suplex one two no. Jackie's smashed into the apron and stomped. Nice quick elbow drop. Side backbreaker one two no. Whip, bodyscissors cradle by Jackie one two no. Clothesline misses, Lita says "it's hard for the girls to get control in a match because they're just right back on top of each other" and wow is it good not to have Coach here, Jackie with forearms, Molly stops this with a knee. Kick is caught but Jackie quickly throws it down and goes back to the forearms. Whip, reversed, Jackie with a kip up, Molly tosses her, Jackie lands on the apron and Molly snaps her neck over the top rope. Slam, now, Jackie falls behind, whip, Jackie with a back elbow. Whip, Jackie with a flapjack one two no. Kick catch enziguri by Jackie one two reverses into an inside cradle on two three! (2:52) Wow, she didn't have to cheat! Lita: "We'll probably see these two again!"
Later, Steven Richards vs Al Snow.
Next, the Hurricane vs the Rock.
WrestleMania Moment: WM "1999" - ButterBean kills Bart Gunn. Who is picking these moments?
the Match. (3:04) Austin's match video worries me.
Next, Steven Richards vs Al Snow.
Steven Richards (Philadelphia, PA, 230 pounds, w/Women's Champion Victoria) vs Al Snow (Lima, OH, 226 pounds) - Steven points at Lita on his way down. Victoria's wearing her Ode to Chyna outfit. Al is confronted at the end of the ramp by Victoria, oddly. "What do you want?" "Nothing, I'm just stalling you so Steven can ambush you with a forearm" and down goes Al. Not a promising start! Steven throws him and starts punching to get started. Stomping. Marc is still showing signs of his abusive relationship with Michael Cole (and Rico and Bob Holly), it's almost sad. Punching, alternating with kicks. Marc says Hurricane d. Rock was the biggest upset in the last 10 years of RAW. Oooh, they're mixing knees in. Steven with a chop, corner whip but Al gets to slide stop on one of those per match and there's his kick catch enziguri. Rights and chops. Victoria feels Steven's pain. Steven is eliminated from the Royal Rumble. Al out as Victoria and Steven talk - Steven takes off, but Victoria goes face to face with Al again. Victoria swings and misses, so Al does the logical thing and gives her a big kiss. Steven ambushed Al from the back so I guess it works out. Al thrown in and elbow dropped. Choke. Choke in the corner. Lita: "When you said you're not much of a man, I thought you might like Steven's pink tights." Stomps. Stomp to the head. Stomp to the head. Choke. Jumping reverse neckbreaker. One two no. Seated full nelson, oh wait - "LITA! LITA! THIS IS FOR YOU! FOR YOU LITA!" Rat Trap so Lita can yell out the name of the move. Al looking for help from the crowd. The crowd chants "WE WANT HEAD" which is apparently good enough. Back elbowing out, and there's a shoulder jawbreaker, haven't seen one of those in a while. Steven recovers to charge into punches. Whip, reversed, quickly - there's the double underhook, does the crowd want it?, Al rubs Steven's face, Steven yells "what the hell is that?" and here comes the headbutts. Reverse neckbreaker one two NO. Whip, backdrop. Steven begging off, Al - slowed but still going after him. Corner whip, reversed, Al whipped back into the corner, Nick Patrick barely gets out of the way as Al shockingly pulls out another slide, but gets tripped up by Victoria anyway. AL stumbling, right into the SteeVeeTee one two three. (5:00) Steven is happy. Al less so.
Stone Cold vs Eric Tomorrow night. Night.