TV PG LV entertainment - Eric reveals his master plan from Last Monday (:33)

Bischoff Countdown: 25:58:30. I wonder if west coast people are getting the same time. Call me crazy, but didn't Vince give that ultimatum about an hour in the show? This countdown's scheduled to go off at the RAW open, and I gotta figure Eric's gonna be employed for at least a good 60 to 130 minutes more.

Christopher Nowinski (Cambridge, MA, 267 pounds) vs Tommy Dreamer (Brooklyn, NY, 252 pounds, w/cane) - Your announcers are Lita and Coach and Coach needs to take his meds already. They're counting down. "And how appropriate that we're going to be in Los Angeles, one of the most popular cities in the entire country, one of the most popular cities in the entire world, and tomorrow night Eric Bischoff's career could be coming to an end." Oh-kay. Coach says "who can forget" and I think he's recalled that these two were feuding not that long ago (it seems) but he's actually forgotten. Lita was amused that after Dreamer caned John and Matt, John and Matt ended up taking a piece home as a souvenir. Chad Patten asks Dreamer to put down the cane and he does! Coach says "as of late, Chris Nowinski has been a very cocky individual" and me and Lita both blurt out "As of late?!?!?!", so it's like I'm playing the home version of this game. Anyway, clean break gives Coach time to push the "WWE Superstars at the World." Lockup no kick by Nowinski, waistlock takedown, spinning on his back and slapping him in the butt. Nowinski celebrates, Dreamer looks at him, Chris takes off, Dreamer follows, in, out, kick is caught, Dreamer wit the waistlock takedown, really bad spin over and a kick to the butt. Chris charges in anger and take a drop toe hold in anger. Armdrag, armbar by Dreamer. Chris gets to the ropes. Chris pulls himself up on the apron, yells as the fans and Dreamer takes the opening to crack his left arm over the ropes. Chris bealed in. Almsman in the tunable by scientific master Tommy Dreamer. Corner whip, charge, but Nowinski sorta steps forward and sorta Snake Eye's 'em and it sorta doesn't suck but it sorta does. Stomps. Slide dropkick to take Dreamer out. Nowinski with the forearms. Coach warns us that if we tune in five or ten minutes late, we'll never know what happens to Eric Bischoff! They'll never mention it again! They certainly won't show a replay of it after a break! It'll be just like it never happened! Come to think of it, that's not a half bad idea. Anyway, slam on the floor by brawling Nowinski. What's wrong with this match set up? Chris throws Dreamer in and covers with his feet on the ropes in a mild attempt to remind us he's supposed to be the smart one - one two caught. Maybe he should've put them on something higher than the bottom rope. Second rope ax-handle works! Side backbreaker! Lita is quoting Pace Picante Sauce commercials, which cracks them both up. Bearhug. I guess he's working the back now. Dreamer headbutts and facebites out as usual, but gets thrown down his hair. Coach has this weird tangent about the new guys coming in not really being high fliers and maybe that's what's going to get them ahead. Meanwhile, Chris jumps into a punch, so maybe they've got a point. Dreamer winning the punch battle, and a reverse neckbreaker. Backdrop. Bulldog. One two no. DVD - no, Nowinski grabs the top rope to get free. Clothesline by Nowinski, and he goes for that cane Dreamer brought. Patten warns him but Chris pushes him aside - swing and a miss, Dreamer kick wham DDT. One two three. (5:07) Dreamer needs the cane to pull himself up.

Later: Steven Richards vs Sgt. Slaughter! For no reason! Also Spike gets destroyed by Batista.

Last Sunday, Molly Holly at the World. Ric Flair too. Scott Steiner - I bet that's not the same night. HEY, that girl was the same one we saw talking about Team Angle, that's awful lazy not to interview multiple people. Scott: "It's nice to meet the fans - the hardcore fans appreciate the hard work [beat] and the stuff I've done over the years." For a second, I thought Scott was moving on to comedy. (:52)

Rico (Las Vegas, NV, 243 pounds) vs Brian Danielson (Aberdeen, WA, 204 pounds) - Coach doesn't sing this time - he's been told not to. 25:45:50. Busy week for Brian, but he found time to move from Philly back home since last night. Brian has opted for blue tonight. Lockup, Rico with a headlock, Brian pushes him down by the back of the knee and reverses to an armbar, and a headlock. Rico shoots him in the ropes, but Brian back with a shoulderblock. Brian with a headlock, Rico with an armbar, Brian rolls to a reversal, snap mare hold and then takedown one two no. Coach says "we've seen Brian in the past" and unless he means "on Velocity and my tape collection at home" he's kinda lying. Lita says buzzwords "Japan" and "the Dragon" (halfway there! - more than Josh aid) and figures that he's going by a real name to be taken more seriously. Brian ends up getting a waistlock, Rico to the ropes and rebound back. Rico points to his head and gets dropkicked. Corner charge by Brian but Rico moves, hard kick to the midsection, hard kick to the head. The World Hard Sell #3 - you'd think they'd have better things to do during sweeps. One two no. Brian did get a small tan. Lita: "You never know who you might see, but you might see Tommy Dreamer!" like way to make me want to go. Brian with a right hand, kick. Corner whip, Brian rebounds into a kick to the midsection, crucifix lift, what's Rico gonna do here? Apparently walks around until Brian can use the top rope to reveres it - backdrop with bridge one two no. Standing heel kick to the gut, step over mule kick to the face. Walk, then cover one two no. Stomp. Surfboard! Coach says everything they go to LA something big happens - I'm too disinterested to look that up. Coach should stick to his more believable point - "Vince McMahon is gonna have something for Eric Bischoff, one way or the other", because that seems to make sense. Rico telling the fans to shut up, but they're pretty quiet. Brian escapes and kicks Rico away, but Rico hits a clothesline one two no. Turnbuckle smash. Coach notes that Rico should be selling the table he went through on Monday. Well not in those words, no. Corner whip, Rico charges into a boot, then gets a turnbuckle smash. Enziguri is not shown at a good angle and both are down. Rico's right misses, Brian hits a European Uppercut and another. Whip, reversed, Brian slides under and pops up with another European Uppercut. Coach: "I've heard that this kid was actually trained by William Regal." Well one match goes a long way, one supposes. Also Lita told him that, and they have a discussion that leads to Coach: "You make me sound smart - or as smart as I sound." Corner whip, charging forearm. SNAP suplex. One two no. Rico up first with right hands - "You piece of trash" - off the ropes, into a Brian forearm. Brian off the ropes, right into the Rico spinning heel kick one two three. (4:51) Coach wants to sing but can't.

Later: Sgt. Slaughter vs Steven Richards.

Next: The end of Goldust and Booker T?

The official theme song is "Bring Me TO Life" by Evanescence

Well, the end of Goldust at any rate. BZZZZZZZZZ (5:35) Coach says 2nd degree burns, temporary respiratory paralysis, and kidney problems.

Stacker 2 correctly called Jericho loss of last week of Monday

Batista (318 pounds, w/Ric Flair) vs Spike Dudley (150 pounds) - Lita Wooos. Coach isn't sure if Batista killed Goldust on purpose or not. Under/over is 58 seconds. 25:24:57..6..5..4..3..2. Lita: "Spike Dudley's been manhandled by just about everyone in the locker room." I bet Lita's remembering when she beat him! Stop slowly circling Batista! Shut up Coach! You're messing up the time. Big shoulderblock. If you tune in late, you DIE. Spike wins some money for people by going to the floor to evade further beating. I'd call moves here but they don't seem to be mattering to Batista. Batista is being methodical (ie: "30 seconds of action in 4 minutes") Lita accurately compares to a 3MW match on this show. Spike rolls out again to kill some more time. Oh, is Flair going to get token offense? Nah, it's not worth his time apparently. I know that feeling. Press Slam - no Spike escapes, forearms, off the ropes, slide under, kick, Dudley Dog hahaha not a chance. Batista ends up Spearing him although Coach is forbidden from saying that for some reason. Sit down powerbomb one two three. (3:36) Replays of the non-spear and powerbomb.

Next, Eric is a horrible actor!

RAW Live
Monday - Los Angeles, CA [RAW]
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Saturday - Kalamazoo, MI
Sunday - Huntington, WV
Next Monday - Columbus, OH [RAW]

Eric in Texas. This was much better when Vince did it last time. Actually, I didn't watch it then either but you've got to assume things some times for no good reason. This was totally unrealistic, you know - if the APA taught us anything, it's that just one misplaced insult to start a bar fight. (4:09)

Next: Steven Richards vs Sgt. Slaughter.

Starburst Jeff Hardy makes an impact (on HBK's shoe) last Monday

Steven Richards (Philadelphia, PA, 230 pounds) vs Sgt. Slaughter (South Carolina, 324 pounds) - This is just a special treat - there's no real explanation. 25:06:20. USA chant. Oh, that's it - Coach: "How appropriate it is that Sarge should be on the show at this particular time in our country" - I hadn't even thought about that, which says something. Steven, still with his ring gear, has a few words for Steven. Steven respond with a shove. Double arm raise and yelling. Earl Hebner is your ref so Coach can talk about it. Lockup, throwing Steven in the corner. Coach is in awe of Lita for knowing that Slaughter beat Warrior for the title, like shouldn't that be the standard to know about someone's past when you know they're going on the show at least? Maybe I'm asking too much. Circle. Lockup, Steven thrown in the corner. Out with a clothesline, but it's ducked and Slaughter puts on the cobra clutch (Coach isn't sure what to call it, and we can't get a good shot of it because Sgt is facing away from the main camera and they apparently have no cameras on the other side of the ring.) Steven gets to the rope to force the break. Forearm. Steven backs away, circle, lockup, Sarge with a knee, and forearms to the back. Push in the ropes chest first and rebound into a forearm. Again. Push in the ropes, back with the cobra clutch but Steven drops out of it and kicks Sarge away. Steven walks right into a kick. Forearm. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, Sarge slowly walks over. Open hand slap. Again. Corner whip, reversed, there's the Sarge flip to the floor. Here's a replay. Chops by Steven as we pick back up. Sarge back in, Steven with an elbow drop to the back, elbow drop to the chest, one two no. Stomping. Snap mare, turning him over, slapping his own chest - ah, he's not going for the Rat Trap, it's the Camel Clutch! Coach is fed lines about the Iron Shiek as the crowd gets behind Sarge. Sarge standing up out of it - falling backwards and knocking Steven hard into the corner. Steven up first, and stomping. Steven slams him! That's no mean feat at this point, and Steven hurts his back. To the middle rope, yell and flying chin drop. Sarge battling back with right hands. Steven misses with a right and nicely runs into Sarge's clothesline. There's the Cobra Clutch - and Steven gives. (5:06) Hebner salutes Sarge, which isn't exactly a sign of impartial refereeing.

Fade out on 25:00:05...04...03...02...01...