We're in David McLane's office. Wait, we're in David McLane's office? Odd. I know I screwed up the 14 show, but this looks oddly like 16, not 15. Lana Star, and Patti Pizzazz, enter the room - they want to know what he wants. David McLane wants to get off. The phone. Lana: "What do you want McLane? I'm a very busy executive producer and star." Patti: "She is, I'm in charge of her scheduling." "Well, this isn't going to take long. Lana, could you at least lean back. This isn't Basic Instinct." "Could we please get this over with? I'm already late for a " "Spa appointment, facial, massage with Sven." "See? I'm late for Sven!" "Sven! There's always something with you, Lana Star. I'll cut to the chase: remember your match with Poison and Ice Cold? You think you're moving ahead in the tag team tournament? Remember doing this (David's small TV plays the end of that match) hitting Poison in the head with a mirror, well, that's going cost you Lana. And you too, Patti. Because I'm overturning the match." "You're what?" "Overturning the match, you heard me right. You're not the winners!" Patti: "We won that match, fair and square!" "Fair and square, I'm tired of that, I'm tired of listening to that, I'm tiring of seeing YOU gain victories by using the mirror!" "But you can't give the match to Poison and Ice; they were totally double teaming her through the whole thing, and Ice was the one who got in the ref's face." "You're right, for the first time. I'm not giving the match to Ice Cold or Poison either. Neither one of you are advancing in the tag team tournament." "I wish I had a mirror, right now!" "You're gonna need one, you know why? In today's broadcast, you know who you're going to wrestle? Ice Cold, and she can't wait to wrestle you, Lana." "Well, guess what, Patti Pizzazz is in charge of my bookings, not you!" "That's right, that's my job!" "If anyone is going to wrestle me, they have to beat her first." "That's right, that's my job too. Haven't you learned anything McLane?" "Yea, I can't remember one thing, and I know one thing: the two of you need to learn a lesson." "And I think you need a trim!" Lana has buzz clippers, Patti grabs David, and they go to work...
Intros.
At ringside, David McLane (who seems unaffected by the previous skit) and the #1 Contender for the WOW World Championship, Riot. But she's only #1 contender because Danger's "inactive", and doesn't look too pleased when McLane points that out. "McLane, you better give me that belt right now! Because if you get Terri Gold in that ring with me, you better have an ambulance waiting outside! Terri Gold, are you listening? You better turn up your volume, and all you idiots out there. The only reason why you're the champion is they were too stupid to figure it out, I'm the one who should be champion. Look into my eyes!" Her eyes are bugging out. "Because the next time you see these eyes, it's when you're going to be meeting your maker. I'm going tear off every hair on your head, I'm going take my bat and beat you senseless and break every bone in your body! And I'm going powerbomb you not once, not twice, but over and over again until they peel me off your bloody corpse! The end is near, because nothing can stop the RIOT!" Yea, I think she's ready for that match.
On today's show, you'll see Ice Cold, Slam Dunk and, in a WOW Tag Team Tournament Semi-Final, Caged Heat vs Bronco Billie and Beckie the Farmer's Daughter. In the main event, the heavy metal maniac Riot takes on Terri Gold. Who's the new guy doing voice overs? Dom DeLuise?
"One of the most chilling performers in professional wrestling, from the Artic Blast" Iccccccccccccccccccccccce Cold vs Patti Pizzazz - That's how McLane said it. Patti's music plays, but Ice would like it stopped. McLane blows her off and introduces Patti again, but she's still not coming. Too bad Patti doesn't have a title, 'cause someone could just pull the 10 second deal out and she'd show up. "Cut the music, McLane." "[Random production people's names], where is Patti Pizzazz?" I think you might want to ask Ice that. "I can tell you where Patti Pizzazz is. Lana Star informed us that I had to go through her personal assistant before I could get to her." "What are you insinuating, Ice?" "Come on David, that took less then five seconds - we'll show it on WOW Vision!" "You did something to Patti Pizzazz?" There's the WOW Vision, and Patti is shown cutting a promo. "You know, since I became Lana Star's personal assistant, things have going really well for me. But you know, I used to be a cheerleader, and if you'd like, I can do a cheer for you. But first, let me and go ahead and get prepared for my closeup." Patti walks away from the camera, turns and looks in a mirror, and doesn't see Ice Cold jumping off a chair and hitting her with a double axhandle. Patti's knocked into the mirror. Ice mocks Patti: "Getting ready for your close up?" and there's another shot in to the mirror. Picking her up by the hair, sitting her left arm on a metal chair, and snapping the chair shut. "Here's a little treat for you." Patti screams and gets run into the locker. "One down, one to go." Back to live action, McLane is aghast at what just happened. Ice treats us to fake sympathy. "Oh, poor Patti Pipsqueak all hurt. I don't think she can wrestle, and it's time to seal the deal, I want Lana Star right now!" But, as her music plays again, Patti Pizzazz appears instead. Dig that crazy camera shadow. Her left arm is in a sling, and she's taking her time - oh, so Lana Star can jump out of the crowd and give Ice a mirror shot to the back of the head. Perfume spray for McLane, and he's being thrown out of the ring! Lana opens her makeup case, and she's got a pair of scissors. She drags Ice over (why? you need her in the middle in the ring to cut her hair?) and Lee Marshall is beside himself about hair being cut off. Lana cuts off a little bit, as Poison makes her way out, knocking over Patti in the process. Hey, Poison, I'm sure stomping Patti is fun and all, but you might want to go get Lana - oh, she's taken off. Poison checks on Ice, who wakes up and realizes what's happen. She's not quite happy. David can't quite see. Replays of dramatic hair cutting.
Riot is in the production truck! She grabs a video tech and taps him with her bat, "I've got a job for you, boy." Okay.
Wendi Wheels vs Tanja the Warrior Woman (w/sword) - David thinks he got sprayed with mace, and he's not paying attention when Wendi comes over to say hi. Hey, aren't these two supposed to be faces? Wendi's too busy doing her revving motion on the turnbuckle to notice that Tanja's ready for her, taking her down with a spear before the bell rings. Whip, swinging punch misses, Wendi's hits. Headlock. Stomp, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Body slam. Whip, reversed, Wendi with a sunset flip for 2. Announcers talk about Riot and Wendi having issues. Corner whip, revving, Tanja charges out, right into a drop toe hold. Turning her over, grabbing her by the legs, Boston Crab. Tanja's screaming in pain, but she's like right in the corner so all she needs to do is reach out - or kicking out of the Crab into a rollup, that'll work too. That gets one, Wendi's rollup gets 2. Both up, lockup, Tanja with some weak kicks to the upper leg, kick is caught by Wendi, enzuiguri (hitting the chest) is not. Whip, clothesline is ducked, spin wheel kick connects but not well. Big Swing! 1 and 3/4 rotations, dropped to the mat, cover, 2. Corner whip, charge in, Tanja gets a double boot to the face. Wendi going to the second rope - diving clothesline gets 2.5. hip, reversed, spin wheel kick connects better this time. Fans are booing her? Corner whip, the third spin wheel kick misses, Wendi with the kick wham Blowout and that'll be it. (2:55) Riot's in the ring quick, and Wendi gets turned around for the bat shot to the gut. Here's a powerbomb for you. "You remember me? Do you know what that's for, Wendi Wheels? Show it to them on the WOW Vision." We go back about a month to #10, where Riot gets a Blowout from Wendi after she got DQed. "Just a little reminder. And remember, nothing can beat the Riot!"
Here's the new voice over guy hyping the Selina Majors/Thug feud - they'll be having a steel cage match on 2/4, you know. I wonder where I can see such a thing.
Slam Dunk (w/basketball) vs Boom Boom - "Slam Dunk's got one word for you: Undefeated." David and Lee starting work on side gigs as part of Maui's Board Of Tourism. No one attacks before the bell, odd. Lockup, Slam pushes Boom Boom down. Boom Boom with a dropkick. Whip, reversed, big boot. Slam taunts. Slam misses a legdrop. Corner whip, Boom Boom-er Splash. Corner whip, run right into that big boot. Slam drags her into the corner, put her feet on the ropes, and covers. The ref looks at Slam, then decides to count anyway. Kickout at 2. Taunt. Roll up by Boom for 2. Bodyslam, but Slam blocks it. Again and again blocked. Slam body slams. "Now what?" Slam with the legdrop for 2. Taunt. Legdrop. 2. Fireman's carry pick up - airplane spin, 3 1/4 and a drop face first. Announcers talk about Slam being focused now. "I am a slam!" Splash, Boom Boom gets a foot on the bottom ropes. Pickup by the hair, whip, clothesline misses, choke doesn't. As Slam is lifting her up, Lee says: "This could be the powerslam" and we all laugh. Chokeslam, 3. (3:15) Slam's still undefeated. Replays. "Shut up! Slam Dunk has something to say!" "That's a surprise." "McLane. McLaaaane. As you can see, Slam Dunk is still undefeated. I've wrestled all the so called top contenders. I mean, come on, I even wrestled two at one time. All Slam Dunk is asking for is some real competition. Please! Because I am a slam. Look, all I'm trying to do McLane is I'm trying to go for the gold." Cue Roxy Powers? She's got a new yellow outfit. Well, new to me. Also, she's the total athlete,. "Hey, Slam. Slam! You're always running your mouth, saying you're looking for some real competition. Well, here - I - am." Slam laughs. "Who do you think you are? I am Slam Dunk!" "Yea, you always talk the talk, let's see if you can walk the walk!" "You want some of this? Okay, I'm not hard to find." McLane name drops Shaq. Roxy missed the punch - choke, , now Roxy slips out and trips her out. Slam rolls out. She's not happy and she's letting the announcers. Roxy starts a chant for her own name, okay. "Hey, Slam, I'm out." Slam's upset about the copyright infringement. "McLane, come here." Slam his him by the lapels. "You don't need to do this." "I need to do this to you - let's do this, Slam Dunk and Roxy at WOW Unleashed, February 4th. Now I'm out!"
Here's some clips of the tag team tournament. Six teams moved on to the second round. Earlier tonight, Patti and Lana were kicked out of the tournament, leaving us four teams and a bracket like this.
Caged Heat Caged Heat (8) Asian Invasion Danger/Riot Beckie/Billie (11) Beckie/Billie Beach Patrol Beach Patrol (14) Mystery/Misery Caliente/Boom Boom Harleys Angels (15) Harley's Angels Team Pink Lana/Patti (9) Tanja/Roxy Lana/Patti (10) - Match thrown out (16) Ice/Poison Poison/Ice (9) Farah/Paradise
Also, a bikini contest.
Bronco Billie (w/lasso and sparkly hat) & Beckie (the Farmer's Daughter) (w/one family member) vs Caged Heat (w/sparkly fireworks) - While George W. Bush was waiting to figure out if he was president or not, he was watching WOW. I think that alone disqualifies him from leading the country. Fireworks > lasso, shiny hat and family member, I think. Loca: "Wassssssssssssup? You know what time it is?" Fans (weakly): "It's hard time." Delta: "I said, do you know what time is it?" "It's hard time." Loca: "That's right." Loca throws down the mic, with McLane worried about it being broke. Loca helps Delta tie her bandana around her wrist, okay. Beckie's ready to start, so is Delta. Lockup, into the corner, Delta with punches. She's having words with Ref Josh Milton, uh oh. Corner whip, Beckie leaps to the second rope, turning leapfrog over Delta as she charges in, and Beckie with a beal. Arm drag. Up to the second rope, flying dropkick. Cover, 2, Loca hits her with a boot. Whip, reversed, Delta lifts her up but gets dropkicked. Delta rolls out to yell at the announcers, who are talking about Bronco and Beckie's upset win over Danger and Riot. Back in, tag to Loca. Lockup, Loca trips her and takes her down. Body slam. McLane show off the tag team belts (eh) and we go to break.
Loca with a snap mare, but Beckie lands on her feet, dropkick. Climbing the turnbuckle, turning cross body for two. Tag to Delta. Tag to Bronco. Kick from delta, snap mare, whip, hair toss. Off the ropes, legdrop to the head. (Or "backwards brainbuster", if you're McLane.) Whip, tilt-a-whirl pickup, tombstone?, no, Delta runs her into the turnbuckle and then slams her to the mat. Like an Oklahoma Stampede. Cover, 2 and Beckie breaks it up. The ref is watching Beckie and not Loca coming in for the double flapjack. Whip, clothesline misses, Billie with a bulldog. Tag in to Beckie, and she dropkicks Delta. Loca tagged in, hiptoss, armdrag, dropkick. Off the ropes, and she's tripped up by Loca. Josh can argues with Delta, as Billie comes in to get kicked and thrown out by Loca. Loca holds Beckie for a clothesline, but Beckie rolls out of the way and Caged Heat hit each other. Delta is dropkicked out of the ring, and Beckie's going up to splash Delta. Here comes Jungle Grrl, running down to push Beckie off the top rope. Loca with a walking stomp, somersault legdrop from Delta to get the ring. (4:09 shown) Loca was the legal person, I think. Caged Heat celebrate, they're going to the PPV. But right now, they're going back to prison. Two guards this week. Here's a replay of Beckie getting pushed off the top. And another. And a third. Jungle: "Beckie, how does it feel to be splattered on the mat? You better get used to it, because I challenge you to a splash match at WOW Unleashed. You'll find out the devastation of my splash and that it rules like the law of the jungle. So welcome to my game of dominos, baby, because you're the next to go down." Uh huh. Lee: "That explains a lot." Sure. McLane's in the ring, Beckie's just getting helped up by Billie. "You know what, you're going be sorry that you ever messed with the Farmer's Daughter." Lee says it's a tough loss but I doesn't mention if Billie lost the farm.
Riot (w/bat) vs the ring announcer (w/Josh)- There's a weak Riot chant going on. "Well, I can see who you want for your champion. Come on out Terri Gold, it's time to take your beating."
Riot (w/bat) vs Terri Gold (w/Terri Gold) for the WOW Title- Terri's music got changed a bit, and she's got that ten. Milton goes to show the belt to Riot, and Danger's (w/fireworks and water bottle) music plays. Why can I recognize WOW music by the first beat but never ever newer WCW music. She don't look inactive. The announcers are surprised to see her. "Why are you coming out now, Danger? We have a title match, Riot versus Terri Gold! You have no business being here at ringside." "McLane, you took me out and you made the #2 contender." "Rightfully so." "And Riot, you blew our tag team. And Riot, I warned you were on the Highway to Hell." "Riot, I'm the #1 contender, not you. You are #2. I am #1, and I'm going to be champion. And right now, I am going to bash your head in." Clothesline misses, which is even worse because it sets up Riot beautifully for the Danger Drop through the announcer's table. Scratch that title match. Terri's a little upset. "Terri Gold, you're not going have a title match tonight! I'm sorry Terri, you won't be able to wrestle tonight." "Terri Gold, do you accept my challenge?" "I accept your challenge!" "No way, Danger, you're not wrestling Terri Gold! Terri Gold, you're not wrestling, this is NOT a sanctioned match!" "I will take on anyone, anytime, anyplace. That includes you, Danger." "You're going wrestle Danger? I beg you, don't do it Terri Gold." "You guys came here to see a title match, I am right?" The crowds seems to want it. David, on the other hand: "You haven't prepared for this (gets pulled off the apron by Danger) This isn't right! Fans, we've got a match I guess, Terri Gold will take on Danger." Commercial break, and then..
Terri Gold vs Danger for the WOW Title - Push by Danger, push by Terri. Dropkick by Danger, "how do you like me now?", dropkick by Terri takes Danger out of the ring. Danger back in at 3. Jericho style springboard dropkick from Terri knocks Danger back to the floor. Danger back in the ring, Terri charges, and runs right into a boot. Whip, clothesline is rolled under, back elbow is not escaped. Whip, reversed, side slam, cover for 2. Bodyslam. "My house!" Camel clutch. Letting go to slam Terri's head into the mat. Whip, kick to the gut, off the ropes, swinging neckbreaker. Cover, 2, lift off. Whip, Terri with a cross body for 1.5. Terri going to the top - twisting crossbody hits Josh, that's not a good sign. Danger throws Terri over the top rope. Lee and David already have a new table? Well, maybe not for long, the fans want to see Terri go through. Danger is setting it up. Terri's climbing to the apron. Oh no she isn't, oh yea she is - DANGER DROP OFF THE APRON THROUGH THE TABLE! Well. Danger throws her back in, and a slow three count is still a three count. (3:21) New Champion. She holds the belt, and we take a look at it. "McLane, it appears Danger is your new World Champion!" "Under suspicious means - she wasn't even supposed to be in the match." "So, Terri may not be able to come back for a rematch. She looks a little injured. But McLane, I'm coming back for you. Because you're on the Highway to Hell, and there's a table with your name on it!" "Oh no!" "Who's house?" (kinda) "Danger's house!" McLane promises a rematch - the table shot is replayed five times (that one from far away in slow looks really good) and it's time for the last set of ads
The new guy hypes the re-match, at WOW Unleashed.