Heat #463



I hate bags. (Some people call this game Cornhole. They are wrong. I am right.)

I suck at bags. I, in fact, am perhaps the worst player to ever to play the game. When I throw bags, I usually miss. On the rare times the bags gets to the board, they hit at a high rate of speed and ricochet far off. On the odd chance they actually stick on the board, or miraculously fall in the hole, the person I’m playing against will inevitable match and beat my total.

I lose to guys. I lose to girls. I lose to young people, old people. I could’ve lost to a person with a broke wrist last time, but we got bored of playing. I lose to drunk people all the time. I hate the unending losing, I had the drunk conversations (immensely more boring while non-drunk), and the random inexplicable near fights after drunk games of bags are kinda getting old (but totally connected to my horribleness at the game, I’m sure.)

This has nothing to do with anything, but it’s Thursday and this is Heat from last Friday, so I don’t know how a teaser could help at this point.

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Heat #462


the end of Josh (for now.)

It must suck to be Chris Masters. When you’re working 50/50 programs with VAL VENIS, it’s not a good sign. Maybe they wanted to program him with a good worker for an extended period of time to see if he improves. Maybe losing to Val Venis is the last we’ll ever see of him.

The fates must really not like Cryme Tyme. Or the bookers. They’re never going to get a title shot if they keep having the good guys as champs, and I think they could actually have a match the fans would get into – this match, right here from Heat, a few minutes longer.

The show has gone 4 weeks without an all-clip show week. I would not have suspected such things.

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Heat Velocity #461


Yea, I know what the show said, but we had Josh commentating and we had Matt Hardy (a SD! wrestler.) This was totally the start of underground Velocity revolution. Viva la green screen!

In other insane thoughts: Dan Rodman is no Black Warrior.

I should’ve spelled it Jecht. Missed opportunities.

Heat #460 (04/14)


oh so boring. Whoever mic-ed the crowd probably wants this one back. Or a better crowd, or something.

It’s nice that they’re trying to make having the same matches every week A Story, instead of just exposing the laziness for all to see. They need to have a Shelton/Charlie/Kenny vs Val/Shad/JTG trios match next week, so we can see if Charlie’s inability to beat Val is outweighed by Val’s inability to beat Kenny.

JTG and Shad have had squash matches 4 of the last 5 shows, and only missed on Heat in the last 8. That’s not a record you want to have (unless you’re Val, and just happy to being alive.)

So, if Eugene didn’t come out, who would’ve been Khali’s main event opponent? I didn’t see Viscera on this show! That’s a shame we didn’t get that one.

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Heat #459



I was hoping the Candice/Victoria match was better, because I was so willing to start yelling “Candice is a better wrestler than Mickie”. If you haven’t heard the last dozen times I alluded to it, I think Mickie’s either overrated or living off a rep at this point…but she’s still better than Candice was here.

This match was comparable with, say, Mr. JL vs Dean Malenko from ’96 WCWSN. (Though only in the “you broke them, now you must make it to them by losing” way.)

What I realized after the fact is Candice has been with WWE for two years, and this appears to be her first match ever on Heat. Not like she’s wrestling weekly on RAW. No matter how much practice you’re doing, you actually have to do TV matches to get TV matches, and Candice doesn’t seem to get enough of those.

ALSO, every time she’s announced from Milwaukee, it makes me laugh, so she needs to be on this so forever. And also – how do I say this – she made elective surgery look good tonight.

This was far more interesting to talk about than the other matches. Val’s a fool for signing to wrestle anyone but Charlie Haas.

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Heat #458


This was pretty good. It seems like Shelton and Crazy figured out how to work together (just do a bunch of big moves and see if you can connect them) and it turned on fun, and Charlie vs Val was good as well. They need to run the tag match next week and give them eight minutes too.

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Heat 03/23 (457)


Mickie really hasn’t been in good matches which haven’t involved Trish, and this match with Victoria didn’t change that. I’d like to chalk it up to only irregularlly getting TV matches, but – you’d think they’re still working at house shows or before events or something, and this still isn’t very good.

She’s better than Shad! They don’t trust Shad to do anything, and yet, I get the feeling that if he could actually do anything at all, they’d push him thru the moon.

Heat 03/16 (456)


If I write something on Saturday, why am I waiting till Tuesday to write this little blurb to point to it? I dunno. Questions like this, and how to sneak in a link to Albert Ching, Comic Book LA Beat Reporter, are the kinda of things that distract me when I’m busy and don’t get addressed when I’m not.

To be fair to me, this had a Duggan squash, a Cryme Tyme squash, and someone decided Eugene/Kenny was the kind of match that demands an eight minute rematch, so…no one’s missing anything.

Watching RAW, I was wondering how they possibly could manage to do a Heat this week, what with everyone on the Heat roster working RAW (Battle Royal, shaved head), but apparently they got to work twice on Monday. Lucky them.

Also, if Monday was the end of Eugene, I am so ready. If it was a test for Todd as ECW host, I’m okay with that.

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Heat #455


Aired 03/09. Val/Shelton felt like they were trying to remember a match they did, except they both didn’t remember the same parts of it. If they did it again a month, I think it’d be better.

I could stand going a long while without Eugene and Highlanders matches.

If Todd does end up with ECW, as the talk has been, at least Josh will be back around to be amusing.

Heat #454


03/02. They did a long Charlie Haas vs Val Venis match, which was a much better idea than sending Cryme Tyme long. Shad selling is as amusing as I’d been led to believe.

Last time Val beat someone on the roster (on Heat) was 09/30/06 – but that was Conway, so does it really count? He won a tag match with Viscera over Tomko & Snitsky on 02/10/06, and the last time they beat someone who is still on the roster was 12/05/2004 when he beat Viscera.

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