I Can't Stop Writing About WSX
by Tanvir Raquib
“haven't heard yet what Tanvir thinks of WSX's Second Coming. I guess we shouldn't be surprised it rose three days later, but I should stop now before I steal more material.” – The Cubs Fan, 03/07/07
I had decided to retire my title as a middling pundit during this somewhat inauspicious time, but after a few days to let the emotions subside a little, I’ve decided it’s time to say something.
After reading the news that it might be back on the air, I quietly observed what the overall reaction to the news would be.
The messageboard posters and lurkers went nuts – running from their laptops and personal computers to their respective bathrooms, where they foolishly masturbated to thoughts of the pseudo-promotion’s season being back on the air. Unfortunately, when they came back, the males on the other end of their long chats filled with sexual innuendo had looked elsewhere for companionship that night.
Pundits began to debate furiously over how this would change the Tuesday Night Wars. “How will Vince McMahon combat the likes of money-drawing superstars like Jimmy Jacobs, Fabian Kaelin and Disco Machine?,” they wondered. Millions and millions of keystrokes were devoted to discussing this subject. Scooter Libby, who the fuck is that.
However, those keystrokes were all for naught.
Just when we were given the glimmer of hope from Houston Curtis (a man with a fantastic name, might I add), those bastards at MTV decided to give WSX the marathon treatment. Granted, I’m all for a marathon of professional wrestling, but on a Tuesday night, it seems really unfair to the cavalcade of wrestling fans who glued themselves to their television sets once they learned of the news.
But things can’t end like this. They just can’t. There’s been talks of Big Vision looking for someone to air the next season of the show. But with a rather paltry overall rating and cable executives’ general belief that wrestling fans are toothless and poor, the future doesn’t look too bright.
But I’d like to issue out a statement out there to all of you who really give a damn: do not be frightened by what’s yet to come, but instead, embrace it.
There’ll always be a money mark out there trying to do his damndest to book guys out there who don’t need the repetitive chanting, the clap-clap clap-clap-claps or the pat on the back from newsletter writers to be successful.
There are guys like Umaga, who have come out of nowhere to present something different to an increasingly skeptical and “smartened-up” audience: a believable heel presence.
And there’s the thought of seeing Steve Austin shave Vince McMahon’s hair off. I am a big fan of the near-scalping of billionaires. Actually, I’m just a big fan of scalping anybody. The customs of Native Americans are something that I endorse.
While Wrestling Society X’s Second Coming may be a short one, there are still things to be hopeful about. But if you’re really bent out of shape, just take that yellow ribbon off the tree in front of your house and put a black ribbon on instead. Don’t worry about those troops in Iraq, they’ll understand.