Wrestle Society X - 02/02/07
by Tanvir Raquib
Wrestling Society X is a great wrestling product. There are lotsa guys flipping around all over the place, a crowd full of actors woefully playing the parts of "wrestling fans" and a fanbase consisting of 16 year old boys and 35 year old men, who are both trying not to get kicked out of their parents' basement again.
As a proud contributor to thecubsfan.com, I realize what's at stake here. And that's why I will do a horrible recap. Well, bad recaps are what I do best. I intend on at least contributing this one just to continue my legacy. I am also doing this recap through Russo-vision, meaning that wins and losses don't mean anything so I won't go out of my way to find out who did, since it's completely forgettable in the long run. SORRY. Okay, maybe I will look elsewhere to remind myself who won.
Three 6 Mafia performed a song. No one in the audience knew the words.
Kris Kloss is a commentator. And so is some other dude.
The Human Tornado vs. Luke Hawx
I only know of Luke Hawx from checking out his Alter Boy Luke profile
on the Gerweck site. I'm glad he has a job! Tornado was awesome in
this match with his dives out of the ring and whatnot. I don't recall
much of this show at all BUT I know I was captivated by his
performance. Why he hasn't gotten even a comedy role in TNA is a query
that I think hasn't been investigated enough, honestly. Lotsa crazy
editing and it doesn't bother me. I believe the 3 6 Mafia guy with the
small hand said that Tornado [a.k.a. "that skinny dude"] could move!
Tornado won the match apparently!
Some other shit happened with Aaron Aguilera and Kaos and some other team. Whatever. The Aguilera get-up is tremendous. The shiny pants and wifebeater and suspenders are a style that I think can't go away.
The Filth and The Fury did this intro deal. TEDDY HART and M-DOGG 20 MATT CROSS are great guys with crazy moves. Hart is the king of Canada and Cross is the king of America. Something like that. Hart needs to be more charismatic on the mic, which is something I thought I'd NEVER write.
Team Dragon Gate vs. That 70's Team
More flying around and these guys are tiny. Especially Joey Ryan, who
I already hate. I also hate Disco Machine. Machine looks like he
should be doing my taxes and Ryan looks like a sleazy gypsy cab driver
from Bensonhurst. Them 70's Dudes won the match and something happened
where that one Jap(anese) dude broke the disco ball. I hated Machine's
skirt thing. If they're from the 70s, then they should come to the
ring with white stuff surrounding their nostrils and whatnot.
The awesome Trailer Park Boyz promo was next and it was awesome. Johnny Webb as the former world champion and his sister's kids should have jobs by now but are instead, losers who drink beer is great. Nate Webb is an ugly man who should be on television more often. Like he looks really different and considering wrestling is cosmetic, he should be in the spotlight somewhere doing something. Josh (Jug) Webb has ugly star tattoos, which help complete his gimmick. Some trailer trash dude needs to e-mail me and tell me what these guys are missing.
Vampiro vs. 6-Pac
They did their moves and stuff. Apparently, a table was involved. Both
of them fell through Vampiro's exploding coffin and since Vampiro was
on top, he became the new champion. This match was the greatest match
of all-time. Better than the Iron Sheik/Slaughter boot camp match.
Better than Steamboat/Flair 2 out of 3 falls. Better than Flair/Funk I
Quit. Your children's children will be debating about all the
intricacies and merits of this epic encounter on messageboards and
dirtsheets for millenniums to come. Psychology, crowd heat, intensity
and a finish that would put Jack Brisco to shame. 5 stars plus a fresh
plate of chicken penne.
Thanks for reading. It really meant a lot to me.
Tanvir
tDOTraquibATgmail.com