Bengali Heat
Posted: 05/27/02
"You both rule and need to write more, dammit." - Joe Gagne, 05/22/02, to Albert Ching and myself.
WELCOME TO BENGALI HEAT - a staple of this fine website since late 2000! And since Joe has gone, a veteran contributor on this fair website has to set up and be - THE MAN. And since I have recently turned 21, I am pretty sure that MAN is myself. So let's start this recap.
BENGALI HEAT IS BACK.
I turn on my television and see this weird crap. It's about Judgment Day and whatever. Do you care? I don't! But maybe you do. WHATEVER!
YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT THE REAL DEAL NOW D'LO BROWN IS MARCHING AND LOOKING QUITE AFRICAN AMERICAN!
And here's JUSTIN CREDIBLE! He's well…white. Yeah.
They circle and lockup. D'lo with a headlock, cinches, Justin gets in a forearm, but D'lo hits a couple armdrags and pulls on the arm, as well. Credible up and begins punching. He also put some boots in his violence in the corner. Right on. There must have been some Irish Whippery because I see D'lo about to run into Justin but stops as Justin's boot comes up. D'lo hooks onto this leg and does some weird move involving something like the setup of Lance Storm's one legged crab like in the ECW opening thingy. Tell 'em, Cubs. A chop and punches galore from Credible - and boots - and THERE'S that crappy pull out sitdown powerbomb to boot. Lord, Credible, you suck.
Rear chinlock and he's sinking it. D'lo is down and the referee lifts up the hands - 1…2…nope, D'lo is getting up. Breadbasket elbows, but no, Justin stops that with…uhh…something. And then, Justin runs his crotch into the pole like he does in EVERY MATCH HE IS IN. But that's okay and it certainly doesn't lead the audience to further roll their eyes at professional wrestling, oh no. D'lo with punches, flapjack and that strange uranage he's doing. D'lo goes to the second rope - he jumps, but Credible with a dropkick - cover, 2, no! Credible is furious and whips D'lo into the ropes - D'lo does stuff and HEY waitaminute isn't that the why yes it is THE SKY HIGH COVER TWO TRES VICTORIOUS!
COMING SOON: STEVEN RICHARDS AND BRADSHAW FOR THE HARDCORE TITLE! YEAH!
ANGLE GETS TOUGH ON VAGINA WHILE I STEAL JOKES FROM MIKE LAVIERI.
Stuff from RAW happened. And here's what happened!
Now, I see BIG BOSS MAN walking down to the ring looking like a badass. And there's
TOMMY DREAMER looking fat and just chillin'.
Circle and they lockup. Bossman with punches - to the ribs! He's choking him in the corner. Cross corner whip and an avalanche. Bossman going up to the second rope, presumably to do a ten count punch thingy but there's Dreamer with a crappy atomic drop. Some more inconsequential stuff and an elbowdrop for a two count. Bossman with a forearm. Punch to the face. There's a PALM STRIKE dear god the carnage. Irish whip and uh more of the same domination from the Bossman. We take a breather as Bossman puts in a sleeper or choke or both and yep - BREADBASKET ELBOWS FROM TOMMY DREAMER. He tries to go for a bodyslam but CAN'T LIFT HIM UP so Bossman falls on him for a two count. Raven and Coach were talking about this before. Dreamer with an Irish whip. Now he hits the bodyslam! Russian legsweep and a cover for 2! Death Valley no - Bossman counters with a slam for 2. Bossman is angry and SHOVES referee Nick Patrick - schoolboy by DREAMER ONE TWO THREE. Four and a half stars baby.
TERRI INTERVIEWS RICHARDS AND HEY THERE'S BRADSHAW RIGHT BEHIND HIM WHO CARES AHAHA STEVEN IS GONNA DIE TONIGHT.
Hulkamania does NOT die on SmackDOWN!
REWIND: Raven loses to the KING on RAW.
PLANET STASIAK walks around looking dumb.
And there's SPIKE DUDLEY.
Who cares who cares who cares. This match sucked as Stasiak got to use his crappy offense. Then, he starts talking to his other personalities, so Spike hits his Acid Drop for the win. And yeah, Raven is pissed off! GRR.
KENNY and LINDA and JESSIE deserve to win Tough Enough. BUT WHO WILL?! Find OUT.
RAVEN is pissed and leaves the American Announcers Table. He makes a speech that no one cares about and then, says he QUITS. RAVEN QUITS. HOLY SHIT who cares.
MOMENTS AGO RAVEN QUIT AND NO ONE CARED. NO ONE.
STEVEN RICHARDS walks out and he's obviously saddened by the loss of SUCH an impressive employee to this WWE. Or maybe he's nervous.
OUT COMES BRADSHAW and HERE HE IS THROWING ALL KINDS OF GARBAGE INTO THE RING.
Richards throws everything in out. I'm looking forward to this about as much as I'm looking forward to someone falsely making my ass look enormous on billboards nationwide. Yes, I'm thinking about DENISE. Bradshaw pulls out a cane from Singapore. He throws STEEL STEPS into the ring. Richards running out and THERE'S THE CHASE. RUN RUN RUN! Richards comes in and there's Bradshaw, but there's LID SHOTS TO THE HEAD by Richards. Bradshaw counters with a boot to the head. Okay, we are getting domination right now. Lid shots galore. And here comes CRASH and he's hiding underneath the apron. Bradshaw tries a Clothesline from Hell, but Richards ducks, but he still gets caught in a Fallaway Slam.
CRASH runs into the ring with a Stop sign, but this does little good as Bradshaw eventually clotheslines him to Hell. Crash falls and slides outside the ring and YES Richards is there to cover him for 1 2 3 he wins and we'reoutoftimegoodnighteverybody.
Tanvir Raquib
grandhassan@yahoo.com