I need to contribute more often to the site. But I don't.
Hopefully, I get a job this summer, which would mean less contributions, I'm guessing, but THAT'S OKAY I GUESS. I remember my old job - Banana Republic introduced me to folding clothes and actually having conversations with homosexual co-workers. But I am more than happy to be away from such an evil experience - the pay sucked and on Sundays, the motherfuckers made us fold clothes for four fucking hours and I'd get home around 12:30 in the AM. FUCK THAT JOB SUCKED.
As you can see, I'm in a lovely mood writing this intro. So about my future - it's either gonna be a summer job or summer classes or maybe even both. But I gotta find out what an English major needs to take and then, BOOM I'm all over it.
Nothing much else to say [mets suck :(] , so I guess I'll start here.
Bengali Metal - CURRY!
I turn on my TV and lo and behold, I see Essa Rios shaking his hips or whatever, so I guess he's wrestling or whatever. Now, we see Tom Pritchard and Kevin Kelly. They're both white guys.
ESSA RIOS vs. CHRIS MICHAELS
Essa has 'AMBITION' on his tights. Hey, don'tcha think he and Juvy go to same tights person cuz these phrases are crazay! Lockup - Essa with a side headlock - he gets pushed into the ropes, but bounces off with the obligatory shoulderblock. Essa with a short dropkick to a seat Michaels' back. A light kick and a flyin' headscissors, as well. A clothesline and we see some weird lookin' chops from Essa. A CCW leads to Essa running into a back elbow. Essa misses the Avalanche as well. I hate Colorado. Michaels hits a SNAPPY superkick for 2. Thars a throat o'er there! Essa pulls Michaels outside and hits a chop. Throws him back in. Essa with a fireman's carry slam and the standard slingshot legdrop for 2. A shitty boot to the face by Essa. Michaels backs Essa into the corner and hits a side suplex. Michaels hits what might be an evil lookin' rana. Looked kinda bad. Hmm. Michaels goes up top, but Essa dropkicks him as he falls off. Essa with some punches - he grabs the wrist and does some crazy ass shit off the ropes. COME ON ESSA JUST DO A SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE INSTEAD. Really. Essa with a slam after all that. Sitdown powerbomb for 2. CCW goes Irish and stuff happens. Essa finishes it all off with a fireman's carry slam and up top, hitting the moonsault for the win.
Blah, blah, blah. Really. BLAH.
Should I find humor in Chyna telling me not to do moves at home when she looks like she's doing moves in the ring for the first time in her life?
HAKU vs. DOUG BASHAM
Doug's apparently very awesome, according to Meltzer and his wonderful website. Lockup - Haku with a side headlock, bounces off and hits a shoulderblock. [SOUNDS FAMILIAR!] Later on, Basham hits a boot, but all his trickery doesn't fool the man with the Afro. The Afro is all knowing. Haku hits a clothesline. A couple of mean chops. CCW by Haku, but he runs into a back elbow. Basham with a top rope shoulderblock. Haku with a flapjack and some mauling. HE'S AN ANIMAL! Mean ole backbreakers from Haku with his knees and such. HEE YAW. A couple of CCW's lead to a couple of Avalanche clotheslines. Punches, headbutt, scoop slam, but Haku misses an elbowdrop. Bashman tries valiantly, but Haku hits a backdrop. UH OH HERE COMES THE TONGAN DEATH GRIP AHHHHHHHHHHHH COVER 1 2 3! WINNER!
I'm tired tonight. So I'll do other stuff and do the rest of this recap LATER. Yeah.
19 hours later, I'm back to finish this up. So let's do dis.
SLAM OF THE WEEK is Benoit with his overhead suplex on Angle from RAW.
We see highlights involving this weeks shenanegans in the REALLY NEAT feud between Benoit and Jericho and Angle and Regal.
K-KWIK vs. RAY STEELE
They circle and Kwik does a little dance. Kwik with a side headlock and a quick rollup for 2. Another rollup for 2. Couple of armdrags and a dropkick. Steele to the outside. We learn Steele was one of the frootbootys who challenged Angle in that submission exhibition. Once Steele gets back to the ring, Kwik hits a quick drop toe. Some punches, as well. Steele with what might have been a leg lariat but looked retarded nonetheless - cover for 2. Snapmare into a headlock - Kwik with the breadbasket elbows and he hits a sunset flip for 2. BOO YEAH NEGROES!
Steele with a clothesline and HOO WAH lets go back to the headlock after the snapmare. Kwik gets out with the shocking breadbasket elbows [AGAIN], but I think he runs into a boot. Kwik with a side suplex. He punches, hits a clothesline and flying headscissors. Some stuff happens and Kwik hits a leg lariat, which is not Hat Rack Cracked, for 2. A boot and a front suplex, which IS Hat Rack Cracked, for the good ole pin, this tha win. Will Kwik be this successful against Haku on HeAT?
HHH/Jeff Hardy made me sad. :(
TOO CHEESE vs. DAMIEN and SEVEN
I was watching MTV for some reason, but when I clicked back, I see Sexay in the ring with Damien. Sexay hits a crossbody from the second rope. Blackman is in and hits some chops and a quick backelbow to a seated Damien, I think. He beats up Seven. Damien hits a hangman on Blackman. Seven and Damien hit a double backelbow - cover for 2. Seven hits a scoop slam and yes, I am slacking off on the recapping. BECAUSE I WANT TO.
Seven misses a legdrop. Sexay is in and he goes buckwild. Punches! An enziguri! Double DDT! Sexay does it all! Too Cheese hits a bootleg Harlem Hangover! Hart Attack! YES! Blackman with a spinebuster on SOMEBODY! Sexay goes up top - he's goes those goggles. IS IT? COULD IT? YES!
COVER THAT MAN MUHFUCKA! ONE TWO THREE! Kelly says "BLING BLING!" I think "you stupid, stupid whitey." Man, back to the ring: Sexay's got the glasses. COME ON STEVE! GET DOWN! STEVE…WEARS THE GLASSES! THEY HAVE *BOTH* LENSES THIS TIME! AMAZING! TURN IT UP! BANGINIT BANGINIT BANGINIT BANGINIT! GO STEVE! GO STEVE! GO STEVE! GO STEVE! STEVE DOES THE MOONWALK! IT'S REALLY BAD! YES! GO ON WIT YO BAAAAAAAAAD SELF!
Stuff is on HeAT! WATCH IT! Only on MTV! 7PM!