WWE SmackDown! - 07/15/04
by Tom Feely

I thought Vengeance sucked except for one match that was ruined by a retard. Really, I think I prefer SmackDown! to Raw right now, mostly because while I have no idea what the fuck either brand is doing, on Raw it'll involve Eugene, and I'm beginning to really hate him. I don't care if Nick Dinsmore is a good wrestler, fuck off.

TV PG D L V W W E

Last Week, John Cena was stripped of the U.S. Title for accidentally hitting Kurt Angle. This week, we recap this in a video package with dramatic music.

hey yo it's my life my man that JBL graphic looks awful

We are once LIVE in the Drunkin' Donuts Center in Providence, Rhode Island! Your announcers are MICHAEL "M.C." COLE and "TAZZ" TAZZ!

TONIGHT!: JBL! EDDY! STEEL CAGE! TITLE!

We start with BOOKER T coming to the ring. He might have something to say! And does. "Yo, listen up. See, Booker T is all about championships. After all, I am the FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME...what the hell? Check it out, I know for a fact that none'a you people are five time WCW Champions. Not one of ya. So when I, Booker T, talk about me being the five time WCW Champ, show some respect and shut your mouths. See, I didn't come out here for you. I came out here to get what I deserve. And that is the United States Championship. You see, last week, I wrestled John Cena. I didn't lose! So therefore, the title should be mine. As simple as that. But check it out, I know Kurt Angle had a lot on his mind last week. Gettin' ATTACKED by John Cena. You see, THAT'S the reason he didn't award me the title that night. But I tell you what, TONIGHT, I'm more than ready to accept what's rightfully mine. So Kurt Angle--" CENA CENA CENA "Kurt Angle, would you PLEASE come out here and present me with the United States Championship."

Why, that's the music of LA RESISTANCE. Oh, wait, and RENE DUPREE (w/Fifi). "Booker! Booker, you're absolutely right! John Cena should not have the U.S. Championship. But neither should you. You see, it's a known fact that Americans just can't cut it as U.S. Champions. I mean, they have no culture. I mean, there certainly isn't any culture here in Providence, Rhode Island. I mean, you people name your arena after A DONUT." hahahahahhaha "[to some guy at ringside] Here, hold my Fifi. Booker, let me explain something to you." Dupree is entering the ring "The next U.S. Champion needs culture." USA chants "AS I WAS SAYING, Booker, the next U.S. Champions needs class and culture. The next U.S. Champion needs to be...French. The next U.S. Champion needs to be THE FRENCH PHENOM RENEDUPREH!" Booker is saying something to him "Excusemoi? Oh, you disagree? Alright, mister SMARTY PANTS. Who should be the next U.S. Champion?"

They jaw and here's the music of KENZO SUZUKI (w/Hiroko). WHY IS HE HERE, the announcers wonder. Suzuki grabs a mic and says stuff in Japanese. Understandable: "U.S. Champion" and "America" while he puts his hand over his heart. Dupree says stuff in French to him. "Booker, I mean, I speak with an accent, but WHAT THE HELL DID HE JUST SAY?" "Check it out, man, you French aren't as smart as you think, huh? Look man, I speak fluent Japanese. You want me to tell you what he said? Kenzo said Booker T should be the U.S. Champion. Domo, you are very wise, my friend." Kiroko interjects: "No, no, no. Kenzo say that the person who the new U.S. Champion should be love the United States of America. And, no one, no one loves America more than Kenzo Suzuki." YES KENZO DOES THE SMILEY FACE as Booker seems skeptical "Love America? Look, you can't even speak English. Go ahead, say something in English, I'm beggin' ya, say something, anything." Kenzo confers with Hiroko, then stares at his palm. "CAN YOU DIG IT, SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAA" hahahahaha "Tell me...you didn't...just say that." Kenzo and Booker yell at each other and here's the music of

JOHN CENA, the former U.S. Champ. "Yo yo yo yo YO. What in the hell are y'all doin'? What is this, some kinda We Are The World mixtape reunion tour or something? Oh oh, no no no, these cats are battlin' it out for the worst haircut on SmackDown! Aw, noooo, I see y'all, I see y'all, they're out here tryin' to recreate the Wizard of Oz. It's true, we got everybody, we got Toto, we got Dorothy, she's...wearin' a little heavy on the makeup, I ain't gonna front. We got Booker, Booker you like the dumbest dude I ever seen. Naw, I know you got no brain, you make a great Scarecrow, bro. We got Kenzo. I don't know about your heart, but I know you got no TESTICLES. He make a hell of a Tin Man! Oh, yo, we got Michael Cole, representin' the Lollipop King! And of course, uh, the Cowardly Frenchman. Calm down, bro, what you want us to name the place, the Croissant Arena? Y'all gotta realize you ain't in Kansas anymore, you in John Cena country. We keep it rough like the PJ's on Marble Hill, this is PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND. And THE CHAMP IS HERE! Because the champ is John Cena. Y'all can argue and click your heels and wish to go home, that ain't gonna save ya (ass), I'm here to see the wonderful Wizard of SmackDown!, Kurt...Angle. See, last week, Kurt done took somethin' that was mine. And I want it back. So, uh, since you didn't join your parade here, I'm gonna take my fine (ass) down that yellow brick road right there, STRAIGHT TO HIS OFFICE, and if he don't GIVE ME MY TITLE BACK, then ya boy just gonna TAKE IT back." Dupree, Suzuki and T argue as we cut to

Cena walking in the back, and there's Angle's door. It's locked, but Cena kicks it and it opens. "You got somethin' that belong to me, baby." "Cena, listen, I know, I know you're angry, okay?" "Angry." "I know you blame me for you being stripped of the U.S. title, but, but Cena, you did it to yourself. Nono Cena, Cena--you wouldn't hit me again, would you? I mean, Cena, I'm a handicap. You wouldn't hit me in a wheelchair." Cena grabs Angle by the collar and lifts him up "You're not in a wheelchair now." Here's Luther to attack and ultimately fail, getting thrown through a wall! That had to hurt. In theory. "THIS IS MY HOUSE. NEXT TIME, WIPE YOUR FEET BEFORE YOU GET HERE." "Security, you get a hold of him." They do. "You listen to me, Cena. Tonight is a night that NO ONE will ever forget, ESPECIALLY you, Cena." Angle wheels over to check on Luther as we go to

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MOMENTS AGO: the last paragraph

WWE Cruiserweight Champion REY MYSTERIO and SPIKE DUDLEY (325) vs. CHAVO GUERRERO and JAMIE NOBLE (413)
Last week: Noble pinned Spike in a six-man tag. Spike and Noble start, circle, lockup, Spike with an armdrag. Another lockup, Noble with a hammerlock, Spike reverses to an armdrag into an armbar. Noble stands up while in it, then gets a knee to the gut followed by a right to get out of it. Tag to Chavo, who charges with a clothesline but gets a drop toe-hold. Spike with a small package for two. Spike with a headlock takeover, now holding on to it. Chavo punches out of it, Spike with a shoulderblock as Cole brings up Spike's tag team experience, including a title reign with Tazz. Spike off the ropes, Chavo ducks once then gets a spinebuster for two the second time around. Tag to Noble, who takes out Rey. Stomp, stomp, stomp, both men stomping as Rey unintentionally distracts the referee. So Rey leaves the ring and springboards in with a crossbody to both men. Stereo dropkicks, Rey on Chavo, Spike on Noble, both men down in opposite corners. They signal to each other, Rey with a Bronco Buster onto Chavo and Spike with the repeated stepping on Noble. Signal to each other again, DOUBLE SUICIDE DIVES to the opposite corners. Neat. Noble thrown in, Spike comes in himself and tags in Rey. Rey with a snapmare, off the ropes, legdrop. 619 chant. Irish whip, Noble holds on. Rey charges and gets back body dropped, but lands on the apron, only to have Chavo pull his leg and drop him face first onto the floor. Noble goes out and brings Rey in, then comes in with a stomp. Pulls him to his corner, and tags to Chavo, who jumps over the top rope with a stomp to Rey. Kick to the back, a stomp to the head, and tagging Noble back in. Double irish whip, both men signal a back body drop, Rey kicks Chavo in the head, right to Noble, and a double ocean cyclone bulldog! Neat. Tag to Spike, right to Chavo, to Noble, to Chavo, to Noble, irish whips Chavo, baaack body drop. Irish whip to Noble is reversed, but Spike comes back with a flying headscissors. Spike dropkicks Chavo out of the ring, inverted atomic drop to Noble is followed up with a clothesline for two. Irish whip to the corner is reversed by Noble, but Noble charges and gets floored by Spike's boot. Spike hops up top, and then jumps down onto Noble with the double stomp. Chavo breaks up the cover at two and hits an over-the-shoulder backbreaker onto Spike. Chavo plays to the crowd, and gets dropkicked by Rey, landing on the second rope. Here it comes, 619! He headscissorses Noble into the same position, but this time Chavo trips Rey up from the outside. Rey tries a plancha on Chavo, but Chavo ducks out of the way and Rey crashes and burns. Meanwhile, Spike hits the Dudley Dog, but Chavo pulls him out of the ring at two. Chavo irish whip reversed, and Chavo himself ends up in the guardrail. Spike climbs up to the top turnbuckle and tries a double axehandle, but Noble kicks him in the gut. Double underhook--TIGER DRIVER! But wait, here's....D-VON DUDLEY on the apron, distracting Charles Robinson. Noble breaks up the pin and yells at him, but here's BUBBA RAY DUDLEY coming up behind him. OW, kicked him from behind SQUARE in the nuts. Bubba ducks out as Noble crumples to the mat, and Spike cradles him for the 3. (05'50"). Spike looks around confusedly, then sees his brothers applauding by the entranceway. Replay of the low blow. When we come back, Spike is yelling "LEAVE ME ALONE" at his brothers, who don't seem to want to do that.

RAW REBOUND: A retard outwrestles the world champion until HHH unveils his master plan of...beating up Eugene and Chris Benoit. Wow, what an evil genius.

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TONIGHT! JBL vs. Eddy for the title! IN A CAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Video Package: Bullrope Match, El Gran Luchador

Shots of the ominous structure

Backstage, Luther is being treated as Angle looks on, crippled. "Is he gonna be alright? Larry, Larry is he gonna be alright?" "He got thrown through a wall, --" "I know he did. Hey, I think I tweaked my knee when Cena picked me up. I felt my knee pop backward." "In the cast?" "Yeah, it's probably gonna give me problems sleeping at night." Awkward silence until Angle interjects "Is he alright? Listen, Luther, listen to me heyhey shut your mouths. Cena's gonna pay for this. He wants a fight, he's got a fight. I'd do it myself, but I'm probably gonna be in this wheelchair for the rest of my life. Cena wants a fight, he's got one. Three-on-one tonight, Cena is gonna face Booker T, Rene Dupree, and Kenzo Suzuki. Luther, tonight will be a night that no one will ever forget."

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BOOKER T (already in ring, 256, Houston, TX), RENE DUPREE (already in ring, 260, Paris, France), and KENZO SUZUKI (w/Hiroko, 250, Land of the Rising Sun) vs. JOHN CENA (248, West Newbury, MA)
Kenzo still has his platform thing for his entrance. You were dying to know, I'm sure. Tazz: "Could you imagine Suzuki bringing the United States Championship, even though it's not on the line here, to, uh, to Tokyo, to Japan, could you imagine that?" Cole: "No." THROWBACK OF THE WEEK: Boston Red Sox, #24 Rheal Cormier. EARLIER TONIGHT: see MOMENTS AGO. Cole mentions this is elimination format. Dupree starts, circle, lockup? No!!!!! Dupree kicks Cena in the gut! Clubbing right, another, another, another, another, stomp. Picks him up, right jab, right jab, right jab, big right hook. Irish whip, Cena ducks a Dupree clothesline and knocks him out of the ring with a flying shoulderblock. Hey, a commercial already at (00'58").

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And we are back with Cena vertical suplexing Dupree. Pushes Dupree into the corner, right, irish whips him to the opposite one. Dupree bounces out, baaaaaack body drop. Tag to Suzuki, who yells stuff in Japanese. Lockup, Cena with a headlock. Cena breaks it up with a big chop. Wow, an actual decent chop. Cena comes back with four clubbing rights, and a bodyslam for two. Picks him up, headlock, irish whip reversed, Cena with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, Dupree knees him in the back. SHINING WIZARD IN THEORY! Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, now a blatant choke in the corner. Kenzo ties Cena in the proverbial tree of woe, and...takes Hiroko's scarf. He wraps it around Cena's neck, and he's choking him! And holding on to it past 5, and Suzuki is DQ's at (02'30", 03'28" total aired). Dupree comes in right away with stomps as Cena falls to the mat. Now choking him with his boot. Patrick admonishes him, so Dupree does the French Tickler while arguing back, awesome. Dupree goes after Cena, Cena sweeps the legs, slingshots him into the corner, and rolls him up for...three? (03'24", 04'22" total aired) Okay. Cena's down and Booker's in for the first time with a stomp. Picks him up, right takes him down. Picks him up, right, irish whip, back elbow for two. Crowd chanting for Cena. Booker with the armwringer into a savate kick. Booker staring at the palm, down on one knee, no spinaroonie. Snapmare, off the ropes, kneedrop. Waits to cover, and goes cover for two. Booker with a rear chinlock, Cena up and elbowing out. Right, right, off the ropes, into a spinebuster. Booker with a jackknife cover, it only gets two. Booker prepping for something, Cena slowly up, thrust kick right to the chest! Nice. Only gets two, however. Booker picks Cena up and gets rolled into a small package for two. Booker picks him up, kick to the gut, chop knocks Cena down. Picks him up, head to the corner blocked, exchanging rights, which Cena gets the better off. Irish whip, back elbow. Off the ropes, flying shoulderblock. Sidewalk slam, two count. Whip to the corner reversed, but a Booker charge hits boot. Cena with a bulldog! Cena with the u cant c me, Five Knuckle Shuffle, only two. Pumping up the sneakers, over to Booker, who throws him out of the ring. And here's Luther, throwing Cena into the post and throwing him into the ring. Booker up, staring at the hand, Cena gets up, AXE KICK! That's it at (08'34", 09'32" total aired). Replay of the post shot and the axe kick.

TONIGHT! Layfield! Guerrero! Cage! Not Johnny Cage!

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Hoo boy it's a vignette for a vaguely familiar face. "My name-- is Heidenreich. No one has ever given me a chance. Constantly denied opportunity. My coaches said I was too competitive. My teachers feared my temper. No one wanted to give me a chance. No one. Until now. I've met a man of vision. A vision for me. Heidenreich. This man will benefit from my gratitude for the rest of my life. Heidenreich." And we see that man is PAUL HEYMAN. Oh, and insert annoying slow-motion repetition of stuff Heidenreich says as necessary.

IT'S JOSH!!!! "Eddy, tonight you have the opportunity to regain the WWE Championship, but before we talk about tonight's steel cage match, how would you address the controversy that's surrounding yourself and El Gran Luchador from last week on SmackDown?" "Controversy? El Gran Luchador oh yeah yeah orale homes I know what you're talkin' about, you know, I really like his style. You know, that probably explains why I became friends with him, I mean we're like [crosses fingers] this, homes, I even patterned my whole style after him, homes, which is why, I can understand why people confuse me and him all the time, you know, it's not the first time that happens, you know, uh, he's an amazing wrestler. He's so amazing, JBL ran from him. But you know what esse homes, JBL, he's not gonna be able to run away TONIGHT esse vato, oh no. See, there's a steel cage around JBL and Latino Heat tonight, esse, and it's do or die, homes. There's nothin' but fear, anxiety, and pain, and the WWE CHAMPIONSHIP, HOMES. There's nothing but that tonight in it for me tonight, esse, WOO, can you understand, esse, WHAT A HIGH VATO LOCO. ORALE A WHAT A HIGH. TONIGHT, I AM gonna get high, tonight I AM gonna be the WWE Champion, VIVA VI RASA!"

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LAST THURSDAY: new tag champs!

D-VON DUDLEY (w/Bubba Ray Dudley, 262, no home announced) vs. WWE Tag Team Champion PAUL LONDON (w/Billy Kidman, 200, Austin TX)
Oh no, Kidman and London have new generic rock music to go with their team TitanTron. At the suggestion of James Kalyn, I would like to perform a Hey Eulogy:

Hey You
Hey You
Hey You
Hey You
chikka chh chh
chikka chh chh
chikka chh chh chh chh chh chh
chikka chh chh
chikka chh chh
chikka chh chh chh chh chh chh
chikka chh chh
chikka chh chh
chikka chh chh chh chh chh chh
chikka chh chh
chikka chh chh
chikka chh chh chh chh chh chh
hu du cu ha
hu du cu ha
hu du cu ha
hu du cu ha
hu du cu ha
hu du cu ha
ho
chikka chh chh
chikka chh chh
chikka chh
chikka chh
chikka chh
chikka chh chh chh chh chh
Hey You
Hey You
Hey You
Hey You
chh chh chh
chh chh chh
chh chh chh chh chh chh chh
chh chh chh
chh chh chh
chikka chik chikka chik chikka chik
chh chh chh
chh chh chh
chh chh chh chh chh chh chh
chh chh
chh chh
chh chh chh chh
hu du cu ha
hu du cu ha
hu du cu ha
hu du cu ha
hu du cu ha
hu du cu ha
hu ju ca
hu ju ca
hu ju ca
hu ju ca
hu ju ca
hu ju ca
Hey You
Hey You
Hey You
Hey You
Hey You
Hey You
Hey You
Hey You
Hey You
Hey You
Hey You
Hey You
Hey Yooooooooooouuuuuuuu

RIP :'(. SO. Now that I wasted 10 minutes listening to the whole song and typing out each syllable, the match. D-Von with a knee, clubbing right, another, another. Head to the turnbuckle, right, right, right, chop. London with a forearm to the gut, another, another, to the head, off the ropes OH London decapitated with a clothesline. Not literally. Vertical suplex for two. Snapmare, off the ropes, Hennig running necksnap for two. Clubbing right, now a head vice. London fights out with rights, but runs off the ropes into a powerslam for two. D-Von picks London up and gets a jawbreaker. D-Von right blocked, London right, repeat twice more. Forearm, forearm. London irish whip reversed and essentially swatted away, D-Von goes for a back suplex, but London backflips out. D-Von turns around, dropsault! Cole doesn't call that, so Tazz finally has to. London with an enziguiri, crawls over for a two count. Both men up, London charges D-Von and gets back body dropped to the floor. D-Von distracts the ref OH SHIT BUBBA IS WHIPPING THE HELL OUT OF LONDON WITH HIS BELT. And then takes out Kidman, too. That was kind of awesome. Bubba throws London back in and steps up on the apron to yell advice. D-Von goes for the Saving Grace, but London backflips out and shoves D-Von into Bubba, who doesn't fall. London going for a rollup, but Bubba is holding onto D-Von. Kidman pulls Bubba off and into the apron, London gets the rollup and bridges it for three! (03'04") PAUL LONDON WINS A MATCH ON SMACKDOWN! If only Hey You was here.

Angle is backstage with Luther, crippled. "Are you sure you're alright?" "I'm fine." "Listen, I promised that tonight would be a night that no one would ever forget. I guaranteed that John Cena would never forget this night for the rest of his life. He will regret the fact that he ever tried to cross me, Kurt Angle, and he will regret ever throwing you through that wall." "I want him, Mr. Angle." "I know." "I want John Cena. You have GOT to give him to me. I swear, I'll put him in the hospital." "I know you will, be patient. Listen, Luther, you're not gonna get him tonight, but come next week, you're gonna the match you want. Next week on SmackDown!, it's gonna be Luther Reigns vs. John Cena, and not only do I want you to WIN that match, I want you to end his career." "When I'm finished with that match next week, there won't even be a John Cena." "That's what I'm talkin' about. It's time, Luther. The WWE Championship match. This is gonna be brutal. Tonight will TRULY be a night that no one will ever forget."

oh shit they're lowering the cage

WWE Champion JOHN BRAD$HAW LAYFIELD (297, New York, NY) vs. EDDY GUERRERO (228, El Paso, TX) in a Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship
Chimel informs us that the door will be chained shut, so it's pinfall, submission, or escape only by climbing out. JBL shaking hands again, what a great guy. JBL seems hesitant to enter, and stares down the cage as we go to

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Crowd is chanting Eddy as we come back, and here he is. JBL starts out by checking out the cage, and finds that there's no escape. Circle, Eddy with a kick to the gut, thumb to the eye, chop, chop, right, tries to ram JBL into the cage but JBL puts his hands out to stop it. JBL with an elbow, right, chop, now exchanging rights until one knocks down JBL. A kick to the gut, Eddy tries to ram JBL into the cage again, with the same non-results. Eddy with a knee to the gut, another, and a back suplex for two. Irish whip, reversed, big boot ducked. However, JBL still lifts Eddy up like a spinebuster and drops him backwards into the cage. JBL immediately tries to escape, but Eddy grabs his leg. Eddy kicks him in the leg, punches him in the back, then pulls him down for a right and a left. JBL irish whips Eddy, clothesline ducked, but JBL hits a fallaway slam on the rebound. JBL tries to leave again, but again Eddy grabs him leg. JBL kicks him off and gets one leg over, but Eddy is able to grab the kneepad of the other to bring him back in. Fighting on the top rope, Eddy rams JBL's head into the cage. Again, JBL falls. Eddy's on the top turnbuckle, Frog Splash! Misses. That'll hurt him. Eddy chants. JBL again trying to escape, but only makes it up to the top rope before Eddy crotches him. JBL falls back in and Eddy covers him for two. Picks him up, right, right, elbow to the head, right knocks him down. Eddy shimmies as JBL gets up, so Eddy kicks him in the nuts. Grabs him for a suplex, hits that, another, and one more. Shimmy, Eddy climbing to the top turnbuckle, but JBL is up. JBL shoulderblocks him, right to the head, another, now JBL is up himself. Has him in position, superplex! Eddy is in pain, JBL is grabbing his head, and we go to commercial at (06'21").

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We're back as JBL gets a spinning neckbreaker on Eddy. Hook 'Em Horns, off the ropes, but Eddy prevents the clothesline with a dropkick to the face. Perhaps from Hell. Crowd chanting for Eddy again. Eddy kicks JBL in the nuts, that's legal! Cover, two count. Eddy with a right, another, irish whip to the corner reversed, JBL with a SPINEBUSTER. Ron Simmons style, too. Cover, two count. Eddy chants again. JBL again trying to climb out, but only gets to the top rope before Eddy brings him down. Eddy climbs up onto the top rope as well, rams JBL's head into the cage, RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP FROM THE TOP ROPE! This is laid out really well, with JBL continually trying to escape, and Eddy using innovative cage-related offense to explain why he chose this match. Both men up, Eddy with a right, another, irish whip reversed, sleeper! JBL unwraps his wrist tape, then wraps it around Eddy's neck, only to re-apply the sleeper. Neat. Eddy runs around in circles, and eventually gets enough momentum to whip JBL off him and into the cage. Both men slowly up, Eddy rams JBL's head into the turnbuckle. Grabs his head, and FINALLY rams him into the cage. Cover, two. JBL's face taken to the cage again, another two count. Head to the cage AGAIN, an elbow to the back of the head, forearm, Eddy off the ropes, and OHHH back body dropped into the cage. Apparently his foot caught JBL in the head too, and both men are down. JBL crawls over to cover, two count. JBL with a forearm to the head and a big chop. Exchanging rights, a big Eddy right is ducked and JBL comes off the ropes WHAM with the Clothesline From Hell for...two. And we go to commercial with both men down at (06'33", 12'54" total aired).

We're back as JBL tries to escape. Eddy up, dazed, and grabs JBL as he makes his way over the top. JBL brought down to the top rope, JBL elbows him in the mush twice and drops down, throwing Eddy down after. Picks him up, forearm to the face, and scoops him up for a fallaway slam. Backing up towards the cage, and Bradshaw throws Eddy back...only to have Eddy reverse it into a DDT! Cover, two count. Eddy climbing out now as JBL is getting up, and JBL manages to grab Eddy's leg as Eddy has one leg over. Trading rights, Eddy hanging backwards now, but JBL finally pulls Eddy in and punches him off the top rope. JBL climbs back down, kick to the gut, going for the powerbomb. And it hits, ohhhhhhh. Cover, one, two, kickout!! JBL trying to escape again, but Eddy's up. Eddy positions himself on the top turnbuckle, and rams JBL with his shoulder repeatedly. He kicks JBL off, makes it up top, and....looks down. JBL's in position, yep. Standing now...beating the chest. HOLY SHIT FROG SPLASH FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE!!!!!!!!! That was absolutely awesome, it hit flush too. Both men are down and out, and as they lay there we get a double replay. Man, that was perfect. Eddy slowly crawling over, 1, 2...KICKOUT! My god in heaven, hoo boy. Both men still pretty much dead, however. Crowd chanting for Eddy again, of course. Both men slowly up, JBL with a quick DDT and both men are down again. JBL pulling himself up on the ropes, slowly climbing up the cage as Eddy stirs. Eddy tries to climb as well on the same side, and JBL makes it to the top slightly earlier. They're both up there, trading rights, when here's....EL GRAN LUCHADORE climbing in on the other side. He runs over and...grabs Eddy's foot! JBL climbs down, and he falls to the floor to retain at (08'12", 21'06" total aired). EGL press slams Eddy to the mat and then shimmies. Awww no strut. El Gran tries to walk out the door, but unfortunately, it is locked. He fights with it a bat, then decides to climb out. As he does so, Eddy grabs his leg. He has him by the shirt and mask now, and pulls the latter off as El Gran comes down with his shirt pulled over his head. He pulls it down, and it's...KURT ANGLE, NOT CRIPPLED! Then he realizes he has no mask, and becomes quite upset. Eddy is angry because he lost and Angle screwed him, Angle is upset because he's been exposed. And on a shot of Angle, we fade to black.

Well, that was another pretty good show. I'd say the cage match was again in the ***1/4-***1/2 match, and it's pretty amazing that this feud resulted in three matches around that level. Plus an Angle-Eddie feud almost redeems JBL getting the belt. Speaking of which, I wonder what's next for him. For SummerSlam, it looks like Angle/Eddy is a lock, and judging by the promo tonight I'd think Taker/Heidenreich takes place there, too. I'd guess JBL/Cena, but it seems Cena wants the U.S. title back, and they might do a Cena/Booker feud with that. But something might happen with the Cena/Reigns match that leads to JBL/Cena, not to mention Haas/Reigns, which they seem to have dropped completely. Poor Charlie. And if Cena main events, what becomes of the U.S. title? Suzuki, Booker, and Dupree all want it, but unless they turn Booker face, what do you do with THAT? The only face near that level I can think of offhand is RVD, and he wasn't even on the show. AHHHHHH. But Angle/Eddy, that ought to rule. 'til next time.

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