Tape Review: IWA Mid-South TPI 2005 - 09/23-24/05
by Scott Christ
God, I should've gone to this show. Read Joe Gagne's live report instead of this if you only read one of the two, because he was there and experienced it, and like an idiot, I regrettably wasn't and didn't. But I am glad to report it was regrettable.
Anyway, I bought the tapes for $25 because IWA had a brief sale at the South Bend debut, and it would be stupid to pass up this much good wrestling for such an inexpensive price.
!!!!!!NIGHT 1!!!!!!
TPI FIRST ROUND
KEVIN STEEN v. NATE WEBB
Steen grows tired of Webb's long entrance after Nate stops by the concession stand, demanding he hurry up. "Do you want some chips?!" "Yes!" Steen takes the chips and lets Nate continue, even joining in a bit. Decent enough match, I am not at all a Steen fan but I like Webb. I wish Nate had gone over here, but he was also a good first round foil for Steen since (SPOILER!) Steen was going a long way due to Styles being absent. Nate made him look good and got him over with a crowd that probably 70% if not more had seen him work once or twice at the most. The package piledriver is pretty cool looking for that sort of thing.
TPI FIRST ROUND
JOSH ABERCROMBIE v. JAMIE NOBLE
Jamie Noble rules my balls and your balls and everyone else's balls. I like Josh just fine but he clearly was nowhere near Noble's level, and Jamie carried this one. I don't think that is at all an insult to Josh either. Noble is just really damn good, and though I'm glad he's back making money, I'll miss him being on these shows because he fit them like a glove. He's also a humble motherfucker as his post-match promo taught me. Abercrombie turned up the volume about halfway through this and started looking better and better as it went on. Noble went for the tiger driver but Josh reversed with a huracanrana for the pin. Fun match, I may never see these two against each other again.
TPI FIRST ROUND BRAD BRADLEY v. TANK
These fellers is big. Truth be told, as much as I love Tracy Smothers, I'd rather see Tank v. Bradley than Smothers v. either. They went only six minutes or so but they didn't waste a second of it. It wasn't incredible or anything, but they took the fight to one another from the get-go and just went all-out. Bradley hit three wicked lariats for the win. I like Tank better, but that makes sense. There aren't many guys in the tournament that have the ability to work Tank properly. In fact Bradley, Rainman and Hero were probably the only ones, though I'd like to see a Quackenbush/Tank match just to see what the hell that would end up being.
TPI FIRST ROUND MIKE QUACKENBUSH v. RECKLESS YOUTH ALEX SHELLEY
This was Match No. 1 where I was watching it and thought, "Man, I really should've gone to this." Quack and Shelley are two of my very favorites and this match is the good shit. Tons of chain wrestling, wacky submissions, reversals, everything you'd expect out of these two. If the world were just and/or run by me, these guys would both be billionaires. Quackenbush wrestles like an old gunfighter in a classic western. Even if he's up against formidable opposition, he draws on his vast knowledge and experience and kind of makes them look stupid for even trying. Like if the old gunfighter shoots someone in the foot just to make the point that he can. Shelley is just as good but in a totally different way. I loved this match and everything it represented. Crowd got really into it the further it got. Quackenbush won on the Quackendriver after a great sequence where Shelley hung on to the border city stretch through many rolls and escape attempts only to have it reversed on him. The big palm strike Quack hit toward the end was choice too. Really, really, really good.
TPI FIRST ROUND
ARIK CANNON v. JOEY RYAN
I don't know what it is about the Cali guys like Joey Ryan but I just never feel it from them. I don't like California in general I think. This was perfectly OK but the end result is never in doubt, the crowd could give a shit for Ryan, and it sort of looks like Ryan isn't that interested in being there to begin with. Exploder and glimmering warlock end a watchable but wholly unspectacular encounter.
TPI FIRST ROUND
SKAYDE v. PUMA
I really like Puma. I had never seen a Skayde match. This was lucha style, or so I've been told, and I mostly enjoyed it despite some clunky parts and the botched ass ending. Skayde won although Puma kicked out while in the ropes. Miscommunication and bad placement combine to mar the finish, but the match is pretty fun if not superb or anything.
TPI FIRST ROUND
RAINMAN v. CHRIS HERO
Rainman has bulked the hell up since he was last in IWA MS, not looking nearly as lanky as he used to. His upper body is much bigger, he's got new gear, and he has a big Jim Neidhart type of beard, except, you know. Black. I didn't know what to expect out of this really, and it didn't exactly shock me by being excellent, though it was far superior to the Rainman/Daniels and Rainman/Sabin matches of 2004. Hero showed some fire and finished Rainman off with two flying double stomps, so that was good for me. I hate Hero's green gear though. I just hate green in general.
TPI FIRST ROUND VITO THOMASELLI (w/Sal Thomaselli) v. TYLER BLACK
Ehhhhh. Black's entrance makes me fart with that awful song, and it just looks like he's trying way too hard to be the new CM Punk. Neither are terribly interesting to watch as singles wrestlers, though I've grown to like the Iron Saints and the Black/Brave team is fun. Black wins on a small package driver or some such shit. Match was OK but the worst of the first round thus far.
TPI FIRST ROUND MAREK BRAVE v. CHRIS SABIN
Brave jumps high and so does Sabin. Joe's right about Sabin being impossible to remember when you see them live, but not even that, it's hard for me to remember a single damn thing about this and I just watched it on video a while ago. Cradle shock was the finish and Sabin moved on.
TPI FIRST ROUND MATT SYDAL v. EL GENERICO
This got a little overhyped but it's a damn thrillride nonetheless. I imagine live it was certainly better. Better than I would guess out of Generico from having seen him before, as I didn't really dig him at all. Sydal is killer though, and there was one fantastic yakuza kick spot from Generico where he hit two that looked absolutely lethal with a half-and-half suplex in between them. The Sydal reverse 'rana from the top is also astounding. Sydal won with the moonsault belly-to-belly. Hot match, crowd was way into it.
TPI FIRST ROUND BRANDON THOMASELLI v. DELIRIOUS
Starting 2005, I thought Brandon Thomaselli was going to be some hot shit. I was way wrong because dude just lost something somewhere and got uninteresting in a hurry, at least to me. Delirious on the other hand has really come into his own. Go figure. Thomaselli just seemed way, way off for the majority of this match, like he wasn't that into it or something. Maybe he had a cold. He also has somehow lost all charisma. Delirious gets his nose fucked up so he bites a chunk out of Thomaselli's thigh. Thomaselli just gets more and more lifeless as this goes on. A horrible performance by him and thankfully Delirious ends it before it can get any worse. I try to like Brandon but he's on the downward slope toward just being a third Thomaselli. I don't have any clue how anybody thought this post-match brawl was a big shoot because it very obviously is not. This pretty much stunk.
TPI FIRST ROUND CLAUDIO CASTAGNOLI v. BRYAN DANIELSON
Holy shit Bryan Danielson really came out to "Turn, Turn, Turn." That is boner-worthy. Idiot Hero doesn't know the difference between the Byrds and Simon & Garfunkel. Lots of comedy here. Truth be told they could have a BETTER match if they both wanted to be super serious, but it works because they're both good at having wrestling matches with comedy thrown in for flavor. Danielson wrestles this match for a bit as if he's toying with Claudio, but it eventually gets a little more serious in tone. Once it starts cooking, the match lives up to any expectations you could have for a first time-ever Claudio/Danielson match. It's pretty damn good. Dragon breaks out an earthquake splash and gets booed by a few fans. Just after that they get to the european uppercut exchange that everyone was salivating for in the buildup to the show. Dragon lands 11, and Claudio just nine, but his ninth was the one where he tosses the fool up into the air and blasts them on the way down, so I say he won. The Claudio extended suplex and Danielson airplane spin stuff is neat. Crossface chickenwing finishes the match for Danielson. It's too bad Claudio didn't get to move on, but it was a good match.
IWA MID-SOUTH WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH
COLT CABANA v. JIMMY JACOBS (champion)
Mostly comedy, and as the main event of a night where you've seen 12 matches in a big-time indy wrestling tournament, it works quite well even on tape. Every time I go to watch a Cabana match, and I'm expecting what it turns out to be, I think, "I'm going to get sick of this." But then I don't. Cabana wrestles a lot differently than just about every other indy star. For a while I thought I was bored with Colt, but I'm pretty sure I was lying to myself. And Jacobs' heel champ run has been outstanding. They do a lot of things with Jimmy being short that wouldn't be as funny in written form as they are watching them happen. Finish comes when Jacobs keeps bringing chairs in, Bryce takes them out, and eventually Bryce is so busy with the chairs that he is distracted from Jacobs smashing Colt with the belt to retain. Cabana gets all serious on the mic about being a champion and pride afterward.
The 2004 first round was far better than this year's was. Quackenbush/Shelley was far and away the best match of the first round, but I wouldn't say it was as good as Joe/Strong from last year, and nothing else was close to that level or as good as Punk/Aries was. And then after that you had stuff like Super Dragon/Cannon and AmDrag/Shelley and Rave/Styles, all of which I'd put as better than anything besides Quack/Shelley in this year's opening round. HOWEVER, all that shit-talking aside, it's a lot of damn good wrestling with no lulls except for Thomaselli/Delirious and Thomaselli/Black. What was lacking in Big Name Indy Stars was made up for with shit like Skayde/Puma that you'd never see on a regular IWA show or the surprising Sydal/Generico match.
!!!!!!NIGHT 2!!!!!!
NON-TOURNAMENT ACTION! TRIK DAVIS v. MAREK BRAVE
Marek Brave really does look like a girl. The winner of this gets a LHW title shot later. Trik Davis may be in the ring with someone thinner than him for the first time I've ever seen. Considering Marek Brave was in the TPI and Trik wasn't kind of makes this predictable I think. The same 2-to-4 dicks always start that brief Trik is gonna kill you chant and then they just kind of stop and cackle like it's any funnier this time than it was the last 268 times they did it. I don't like to hate on wrestling fans too much because from as best I can tell the IWA nerds are better than the east coast ROH nerds, or at least some of them, and please don't start with me about how ROH fans are actually all wonderful just because you are, that's great and all, but I don't really care, and shut up. Anyway the point is most people are not funny and it would seem that all of them think they are. Jokes jokes jokes! Ben Jordan sells struggling to call the fast-paced action on like, armdrags and shit. Does Trik Davis go higher on the card anywhere else? Is he kind of a star in some shitty Chicagoland fed or anything? Because Trik is totally competent and I've seen him have some good matches with Hero and Danny Daniels (that one was really surprising), but he seems forever stuck in the same spot for IWA MS. And Marek Brave here is already a more respected star, seemingly, than Trik is in IWA MS. And this girl has only been here for like a few months. And in the middle of me rambling about bullshit, Brave bridged Trik for the win. I don't really know if this was any good but I guess it was OK. Brave has way better music than Tyler Black does but he is not as manly in his tardcore fruitiness. That Tyler Black could sink allllllll the pink.
TPI QUARTERFINALS BRAD BRADLEY v. KEVIN STEEN
I can't say as though I'm excited for this one. Steen slaps some hands this time. Steen has some fans it would appear. Steen has just an awful look. Both of these guys look like real dopes facially. I'm not saying they're dopes, really, but they just have the look of a blockhead. Certain people look certain ways and these guys look like dummies, particularly Steen. This starts really mean-spirited with forearm facewashes in the corners from both guys, so that works for me. They do a short comedy sequence with running shoulderblocks reminiscent of the Cabana/Jacobs match from the night before, or if you're watching on tape, two matches ago. Jordan calls a dropkick a moonsault. Then he's embarrassed and explains it away. I'll let it go. He's bothering me the further along this gets. I miss Prazak. Bradley misses his lariat twice and Steen gets a sloppy crucifix for the pin. This was OK I guess. Bradley gets a nice ovation.
TPI QUARTERFINALS SKAYDE v. MIKE QUACKENBUSH
Well this should be fun. I'm hoping it won't be as exhibition-y as Hero/Quack last year was. I'm pretty sure this is kind of good, but I'm having a hard time really paying a lot of attention. Skayde works the arm a lot. It's certainly more of a real mtach than Hero/Quack was in '04. Lots of submission stuff but more meanness than I was expecting. Quack goes for the 360 armdrag dive to the floor, but completely whiffs and crashes into the chairs. THAT KNOCKS OFF SIX STARS!!! Skayde really dominates a lot of this match, then thinks he has the fall, argues with Bryce about it, and gets rolled up to send Quack back to the semis for the second year in a row. Good match, I think.
TPI QUARTERFINALS JOSH ABERCROMBIE v. CHRIS SABIN
Couple of Michigan boys. My homies. Abercrombie has these shirts I saw in South Bend that are just prints of his silly chest tattoos on a shirt with Josh Abercrombie written in the middle. I'd get one but chix would think I'm hella emo and that is just not the case. Sabin is going to work Danielson at the ROH Detroit debut in November. I suspect I may hit both ROH shows that weekend as I am a damn fool. Sabin works the neck, and then they get into a ton of crazy ass moves, including an arm capture piledriver from Sabin. Right after that, the Cradle Shock finishes. This is every bit as good as Sydal/Generico.
TPI QUARTERFINALS MATT SYDAL v. TYLER BLACK
Bryce is fun on commentary. "When's the punk rock kick in? When's the craziness kick in? I wanna rip some shit up!" And then he does rip shit up. "For those of you who hate your parents, Tyler Black is your boy!" Black looks pretty good in this one, I'm pretty sure this is the best match I've seen him in. Sydal ends up winning with the Here It Is and the standing moonsault. Just sort of ended but it was a solid match.
TPI QUARTERFINALS ARIK CANNON v. DELIRIOUS
Brandon Thomaselli not only tanked his first round match but goes ahead and gets on commentary without speaking into the fucking mic. Not his weekend. This match is comedy, climaxing early when Delirious wipes his spitty hand in Cannon's face, goes outside, hops, then takes the old guy's walker and runs around the ring with it. Nevermind, the waistlock spot after is even better, complete with face-licking. Some folk say that Delirious' comedy gets in the way of his ability, and I disagree greatly. For one, the dude is entertaining, and his comedy is just his character now. In a kayfabe sense you can say his style is so absolutely unpredictable that he'd be impossible to scout, he's unorthodox as shit but also a very well-rounded, accomplished wrestler. Delirious hits 51 clotheslines in the corner on Cannon. Cannon responds with 17 chops. Delirious responds with two and gets blocked, then Cannon bails. Then it gets amped up with Delirious going from a rana from the apron, Cannon catching him halfway threw, and tossing him into the chairs. Then they wrestle for a while and I kind of drift away because either give me a comedy-filled wrestling match or a wrestling match sprinkled with comedy, but don't just totally shift gears on me or shit starts seeming disjointed. Finish comes a little suddenly as Delirious hits the bizarro driver for two, can't get the IN VITRO FERTI LI ZA TIOOON, and falls victim to a concrete crack and glimmering warlock. Match was a lot of fun during the comedy segment and overall was just fine, but could've stood to lose a few minutes. Cannon and Delirious are playful afterward, then Ian comes out to do a speech about Delirious.
TPI QUARTERFINALS
BRYAN DANIELSON v. CHRIS HERO
Hero and Danielson met last year on August 21 in Highland, which Danielson won, and again on September 15 in Evansville in a great 2/3 falls match that ended in a draw. Danielson also beat Hero in PWG this year. Commentary says Hero has never beaten Danielson so I'll go with that. I really do not care for Hero in long tights at all. Makes him look weird and too lanky. Loads of chain wrestling before Dragon starts heeling it up. In response to Dragon being a dick, Hero aggressively attacks the leg of Danielson. One fat man and one woman have a dueling Let's Go chant. This is, as always, fine professional wrestling between a couple of accomplished grapsmen. I dig the figure four spot, there aren't enough figure four leglocks these days. Someone needs to bring that back as their finish. They keep doing these weird comedy spots with Bryce, which are thankfully funnier than his work with Secret Pants. The Rivera Cloverleaf is a really cool hold.
The thing about this match, as I've said before about Hero/Danielson, is there's not really a lot to say. It's good. You know it'll be good. How good is another story, but this is the third time I've seen them against each other and every match is rather similar with subtle differences. In the first one, Hero was playing heel a little bit because he was so focused to break the Highland curse, and Danielson just beat him. The second time in Evansville, Danielson played heel and they were neck-and-neck the whole match. This time, in a big important tournament, Danielson is playing heel based on a few early pro-Hero crowd reactions it would seem, which is cool, and as always, it's just really strong wrestling with some fiery parts. THIS TIME, however, Chris Hero is intense as shit, and even breaks out the airplane spin on Danielson. Danielson hulks up because he's so used to the spin that he isn't dizzy, which is cute. I guess that all plays off of their PWG match, but I haven't seen that one because of my Cali wrestling bias. The legwork here by Hero is really good, and at this point in the match, it's almost like Danielson has forgotten all about any heel business and is just desperate to stay alive. He starts throwing Samoa Joe-esque palm strikes to rock Hero, putting him down with a roaring elbow for a near-fall. Danielson goes for the Arms Across America, but settles for the crossface chickenwing. Now it's Hero who has to stay alive, so we're in another match where these two are evenly matched and can't put each other away, like their last IWA encounter. Dragon, stupidly, goes for the airplane spin, but can't get him up, misses an enzuigiri, and Hero cradles him for the pin. Danielson is shocked, but they show respect after. I liked Evansville better but this is exactly what you'd expect out of these two, as usual.
IWA MID-SOUTH WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH
MICKIE KNUCKLES v. JIMMY JACOBS (champion)
Mickie Knuckles might be my second-favorite wrestler at this point. Jacobs cuts a promo promising to bloody Mickie. Eastman introduces Mickie, then says, "And his opponent..." He then stops and gets slapped in the groin, then corrects himself. The referee finds Jacobs' spike in his boot during the patdown, and finds a chain right after. Mickie isn't looking on the bell and gets jumped, which is her own stupid fault if you ask me, but then she knocks Jacobs on his ass with a big forearm. The match is built early on Jacobs taking Mickie lightly and Mickie outwrestling him, then Jacobs takes over and is actually working the tits. Dominating, Jacobs hits the Hogan hulk-up offense, superkick w/pre-kick stomp, spear (Mickie can't stand for the jackhammer), Stone Cold Stunner (Mickie takes it in Scott Hall fashion), then humps her face. She finally counters with the testicular claw, so I guess she's imitating Jazz in response. So here's what we've learned, basically: having your balls squoze is equal to the offense of Hogan, Michaels, Goldberg and Austin. Mickie comes back, but it doesn't last long. Jacobs' senton doesn't end it, so Jacobs goes for the chair thing he used against Cabana. This time, his belt shot misses and he nails the referee from behind. Mickie gets a rollup but there's no ref. He still has the belt, so wham. No ref. Bryce is in but Jacobs can't get the fall. Mickie gets another near-fall. Bryce is bumped shortly thereafter.
You know, this is really well-executed, and is probably the best intergender match I've seen. The tit-working segment is not something you see every day. It's basically a WWE-style match, for lack of a better term, with lots of old school worked in. There's nothing fancy about it - it's 90% story but the action is good enough to carry the other 10%. There's lots of weapons stuff after the two ref bumps, and again Mickie nearly has victory within her grasp after the shining kick to the face, with Ian running in with a ref's shirt on and counting the two. The Iron Saints hit the ring, but Tank and Rainman are there to get rid of them. Half the locker room is there to assist Tank and Rainman. This is a mess. Jacobs gets the powder to the eyes and a belt shot, follows with the contra code and a second senton. With Ian gone, the original referee is back in, and that's it. Anyone that calls this sports entertainment doesn't really get what sports entertainment is, but that's not new. This was a well-executed story-driven wrestling match, much better than I thought it would be. They used a bunch of tricks and made everything make sense. I won't argue they might have gone overboard, but what do you want? Awesome or not, Mickie's a woman, and not a real viable contender. That's just the tradition of pro wrestling, so don't get all on my balls with this women's lib. But nevermind that - in short, I liked this a lot for exactly what it was. Jacobs cuts a promo about Ian's doobie. Ian comes back with something about penises and Colt Cabana, all amounting to Jacobs/Cabana on 10/13 in a lumberjack strap match. Spoiler! Jacobs retained. Ian is full of piss and vinegar, with all the pussy, bastard, this and that. But he doesn't drop any f-bombs. There are children in attendance after all. After all that, Ian puts over Mickie for the 500th time. Oops, there's an f-bomb.
TPI SEMIFINALS MIKE QUACKENBUSH v. KEVIN STEEN
Quack's favoring the arm, so Steen runs up behind him and attacks during his entrance, going right after it. I've seen enough Steen already. Awwwwwwwwwwww fuck this match, man. Armwork, armwork, armwork, armwork. Quack can't do anything. Steen is boring looking. I really am not digging Steen. That dumbass in the front row that hates Quackenbush is getting a hard-on. Why does Steen wrestle in a t-shirt? He doesn't seem fat enough for that. He isn't cut but Jesus Christ, Brad Bradley lets his tummy jiggle around and this guy with his doofy ass haircut is walking around in a big ass t-shirt. The t-shirt probably makes him look fucking fatter than he actually is. I mean I think I get the point of this - make Steen look like a total asshole - but it doesn't really add up to his first two matches IN THIS TOURNAMENT so it seems kind of stupid. I guess you could say he was sitting backstage and thinking, "You know, Mike Quackenbush is awesome and I sort of suck, how can I beat him?" And thus he decided he had to take the low road. Quackenbush hasn't gotten any offense in and this match has been 26 years long already. Oh, here he comes with forearms and a palm strike to the back of the head. He has to get desperate and fly, but Steen doesn't allow it. Quackenbush is basically fighting one-armed here which is finally getting me into the match. Back to the goddamn armwork, back to me struggling to fight off the FF button. Quack comes back and goes for a superplex, but it doesn't go and Steen goes back to the arm. Arm arm arm. He is Mr. Wrestlepants. Steen locks on an armbar, but Quackenbush fights his way back into the match. After a short flurry of offense, Steen finally hits the dumbass package piledriver to advance to the finals. Awwwwww fuck that, man. For the second year in a row, Quack gets thank you chants and a big applause. Again he speaks without a mic, but this time all he says is, "Hey. HEY! You're welcome!"
TPI SEMIFINALS
MATT SYDAL v. CHRIS SABIN
Danielson joins commentary and puts over both. These two wrestled October 23, 2004 in Highland at the 8th Anniversary Show, with Sydal getting the duke in what was a good but unexpectedly short match. Danielson is the best commentator I've heard over the two nights so far. Dummy Jordan (or at least I think it's Jordan) says Sabin is showing off his strength when he keeps lifting his weakened leg on a held vertical suplex. Danielson has only done color on a couple matches I've ever heard but he's always very informative and attentive, I really like him. Danielson keeps harping on the word "explosive" but it totally fits. This match is all about which guy can hit the big move at the right time, which is exactly what you'd expect out of these two guys. I think I'm starting to like Sabin a little more every time I see him. Yeah this is exciting time action wrestling, and it's plenty enjoyable. "Let's go Sabin" v. "Let's go Sydal" is just another goddamn annoying attempt at that that thankfully they give up on after a big move and near-fall. Sabin goes for the cradle shock off the top, Sydal forces it back down, blocks, and cradles Sabin for the win. I think I liked this one better than I did Sydal/Generico. Rollup finishes are getting played.
IWA MID-SOUTH TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
TANK & RAINMAN v. THE IRON SAINTS (champions)
Why did they put this before the final semifinal? I mean they have another buffer match, sure. Maybe just to split up the tags? The Saints jump the challengers on their way to the ring and double up on Rainman inside. This is sloppy as hell at one point with Vito totally whiffing on a right, then Sal's vertical suplex looking really ugly. Rainman is FIP for a bit, then fires up on both guys. They just don't shut up with the fact that spine splitta ends with an a instead of er. COVA. MANEUVA. That's awesome guys. Shut up. Tank finally gets the hot tag and I'm hoping he just demolishes things. This devolves into a brawl outside which is most welcome. Sal Thomaselli sits on a chair in the front row, and Rainman whips Tank into him, putting about 450 pounds crashing down on top of Sal and his chair. I assume that chair had seen better days at that point. Tank hitting a Samoan drop on both guys at once gets a huge pop. This is easily my favorite IWA Iron Saints match, even with all the goofy double team moves that usually would bother me after 18 of them. Tank just starts flinging Thomasellis into chairs every which way. After that, the Thomasellis end up hugging, so Tank German suplexes Vito, who ends up throwing a belly-to-belly on Sal at the same time. Contrived, sure, silly, you bet, but anything that ridiculous is going to entertain me at the very least. You know, Rainman isn't doing fuck all in this match. This is a gigantic showcase of Tank, and the Iron Saints get killed like men. The Saints hit the Californication and then decide to go for the flying pendulum headstomp, which doesn't even get to get attempted before Vito rolls Rainman up for the three count to retain. I'm pretty sure 70% of this match was wrestled tornado style, but it was all the better for it.
TPI SEMIFINALS
ARIK CANNON v. CHRIS HERO
Hero doesn't wait the minute for his music to get to the walkout part, he just comes out and gets in Cannon's face. This is a rivalry. A feud. And it's a fucking fight. This is like Joe/Necro except stiffer and the brawling looks way better, and it's roughly 3487 times better of a wrestling match. It starts off as your usual Cannon/Hero technical wrestling showcase, then they lose their minds and just stick each other with strikes (Hero's straight rights are a thing of beauty), throw gruesome headbutts, and, eventually, do nothing but hurl each other onto their heads back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. In Joe's review, he said it was around the head dropping portion that he said, "This may be the damnedest thing I’ve ever seen." I was thinking the same thing watching it on tape. There's even a ridiculous fucking dive to the floor by Hero. Watching this match is what REALLY made me wish I had gone. I would have shit my pants for this match live. I peed a little just watching it on tape. Upon repeated viewings, watching people in the crowd make horrible faces after the headbutts and shit is half the fun.
And Hero snapping after the match, my God. Could that have been done any better? Am I asking Joe Buck rhetorical questions? It was long overdue, executed perfectly, and the crowd was on fire for it all. Hero throwing Bryce and Trik into chairs and leveling Mickie with a forearm after his second attack on Cannon would have had me jumping off of chairs and elbow dropping my clothing like Ric Flair. I was in a lull trying to watch wrestling, but this shit made it all come back to me again. Something always does, but now I'm on a real wrestling high again. The match is insane, the post-match is insane, and everything about it is professional wrestling at what I consider to be its very best, and that is violent and emotional. I won't break this match down any further than what I've already said, except for one part: Cannon eyepokes Hero in the match a couple times, and afterward, when Hero is trying to apologize to Cannon for snapping on him, Hero sticks him right in the eye with his thumb, then goes back to beating the crap out of him. I marked way the hell out for that little piece of genius. I cannot recommend this match highly enough for fans of hate-filled wrestling, hard-hitting wrestling, or just plain old good heel turns. I loved this match like I haven't loved a wrestling match in a long time. Goddamn yeah.
>MOTHERFUCKING SURVIVOR SERIES YEAH
THE ULTRA GENERIC PUMA SPYDERS (PUMA, EL GENERICO, BRANDON THOMASELLI & NATE WEBB) v. THE TEAM SUPER DRAGON (SUPER DRAGON, SUPER DRAGON, SUPER DRAGON & SUPER DRAGON)
Really, whatever happened after the last match would be gravy for me. I got my $25 worth right there. The faces all come out masked and dancing. They even get that kid Delirious is always messing with in the ring to dance with them. This is a total 180 on what the show was five minutes ago and is all the funnier for it. Holy shit that kid just broke dance. You know, I would like to see a Nate Webb/Generico match sometime, or a tag team. Them two could do stupid shit. Just when you think it's all fun and games, the most menacing goddamn thing ever happens. Super Dragon comes out. He is followed by Super Dragon. He is followed by Super Dragon. And Super Dragon rounds it out. Joey Ryan, Claudio Castagnoli and Alex Shelley unmask during the introductions, hailing from Dungeons & Dragons, Dragonball-Z and Dragon Quest, respectively. I don't want to go too far into this one either. It's 40 minutes and it's balls out. 40 minutes at this point in this show is crazy for the live crowd. They do lots of quick tagging early on to get everyone time to get established in the match, and it really just lets the crowd get into it because for the first few minutes they totally aren't. Puma is the first to go after a team-assisted top rope curbstomp and a border city stretch. Super Dragon and El Generico have a weirdly timed brawl in the crowd that seems to come almost out of nowhere. Generico gets destroyed for a while, but Generico 'ranas Claudio to eliminate him. Claudio is used for shit in IWA MS. The three remaining faces hit a triple dive to the floor, but Ryan has brass knuckles for Thomaselli and that'll do it for him. 3-2. Nate Webb takes a big beating after from Shelley and Ryan, but comes back to eliminate Shelley, leaving Ryan/Dragon v. Webb/Generico. Webb is killed dead in short order. Generico hits the top-rope brainbuster on Dragon, which is just a silly move. Dragon rolls out to die, leaving Ryan to eat a kick and the half-and-half suplex. After some back-and-forth, Dragon murders Generico with a flurry of nasty maneuvers. Sole Survivor: Super Dragon, predictably. This was a poor description of the match. See it, it's a blast. After the match, Dragon walks on Generico's face, threatens fans, and steals a tape.
Ian is on the mic and says Cannon can't compete in the finals.
TPI FINALS
KEVIN STEEN v. MATT SYDAL
I've not only seen enough Steen, I've seen way more than I wanted to. Sydal is limping on his way out. Steen fails to impress me for the fourth time in a row. I do like that it's heel/face and the brawling outside would probably be better if Hero and Cannon hadn't pretty much put a lock down on convincing brawling for the night, or if they weren't doing AMERICA! CANADA! shouts with their chops, which is hella goofy for the TPI final. More fucking dueling chants. I hate to say it but I am loathing the fuck out of this match. Cannon runs in to compete and takes the package piledriver right away, so he's eliminated. This is mostly Steen dominating which is enough to make me want to hit the FF again, but it's the last match and why start now? Steen hits a real nice 450, I'll at least say that. He goes for a package piledriver from the top, but Sydal fights him off and hits the shooting star for the anticlimactic win, which the crappy commentators oversell.
This tournament deserved a much better final. It deserved Sydal beating Styles. But them's the breaks. Still, there were a number of guys better than Steen to go into AJ's spot. But maybe you like Kevin Steen, I don't know. I just didn't think it was that good of a match. I'm glad the guy that won the tournament won, but I'm just talking about the match.
Cannon congratulates Sydal, Steen bitches his way out hopefully for good, and Delirious comes in to hug Matt. Ian calls Daizee Haze in, then puts the Gateway crew over and tells TNA to sign Sydal. Ian puts Steen's ability over. Sydal talks about not letting wrestling die. Talking talking talking talking.
Five Best Matches Over Two Nights
1. Cannon v. Hero
2. Quackenbush v. Shelley
3. Webb/Puma/Generico/Thomaselli v. Dragon/Shelley/Ryan/Claudio
4. Danielson v. Hero
5. Jacobs v. Cabana
But there's so much more that's good. If you like indy wrestling or think you might, this is for you. It didn't top 2004, but fuck that, the 2005 TPI stands on its own. I'll never again miss this tournament if I have the chance to see one live. I learned a valuable lesson.