ECW One Night Stand
by Scott Christ
Hi there. I don't reckon I'm much for doing a PBP rundown here, but I've watched this show three times plus at this point. It was that much fun. It was literally like being in a time machine, the whole thing felt authentic if you tuned out some of the WWE music and the invader bullshit they did that threatened to ruin but really didn't affect much of anything. Mostly I just wanted to document my feelings on these matches. I don't even really know why, I don't think how good or bad the matches were was really the point. But nevertheless, I am very bored.
Joey Styles' introduction was sweet. I never really liked Styles and sometimes found him downright obnoxious and out of control annoying, but this wouldn't have felt right without him so I'm glad they got him. Foley worked out just fine as the color commentator.
LANCE STORM (with Dawn Marie) v. LIONHEART CHRIS JERICHO
Lookit that raggedy ass stupid looking vest Jericho's got. However it was cool that he went back to tights that don't make my head hurt and he didn't front with his crappy open button shirts he wears on Raw. These two were hella oiled. I enjoyed the match although it was short and not exactly a tightly-worked masterpiece or anything. Storm was rusty-looking but honestly this was probably one of the better Lance Storm matches I've seen, because he was never very good. Jericho trying to do wrestling sequences was a nostalgia trip. Lots of dropkicks as I recall. Dawn Marie was pretty useless but then again she is pregnant. The Justin Credible/Jason run-in was neat and Justin's cane shot was brutal sounding, so the finish worked for me. I like the idea of Lance Storm's last match being him cheating his friend, because at his best and most interesting Storm was the straight-laced heel preaching bullshit to everyone. I did take issue with Styles saying the most successful run of Storm's career was in ECW as a tag champion when he was the US champion and a highlight of WCW's dying days, but maybe that's just me. I would guess his real best days were that awesome tag team with Candido.
The Pitbull that isn't dead showed us some clips for people who are.
TAJIRI (with Sinister Minister & Mikey Whipwreck) v. LITTLE GUIDO MARITATO (with Big Guido, JT Smith, Tony Mamaluke and Tracy Fuckin' Smothers) v. SUPER CRAZY (who has no friends)
Another match that was fun and nostalgic and way too short, because clearly these three guys can all still go, although Tajiri looked like a shadow of his former ECW self even in this setting. Any time I can see Tracy Smothers on a pay-per-view in the year of 2005, it's a good night. The whole match was built around putting Super Crazy over for WWE fans that have never seen his work or forgot all about him, and in that regard he looked fine, breaking out the big moonsault from the balcony dive onto the FBI and hitting some moonsaults in the ring and all this. It really said nothing about whether or not he can work a match still but I don't suspect he really had time to do that AND get himself some new highlight clips, so pick one or the other, and he picked the one that would get people to go OHHHH, so good for him. Guido really didn't do anything in the match besides take a wicked top-rope whippersnapper from fat little Mikey Whipwreck. Tajiri didn't do much either. This was all Crazy. He won on a power bomb and a moonsault. Oh Guido got eliminated first. I wish this match would've been more than it was because it was clear all three guys were in the shape to put on a match like they used to, which was rare for this show.
Bunch of old clips.
PSICOSIS v. REY MISTERIO JR.
This one wasn't much but upon a second and third viewing, was definitely better than the first time around. Psicosis was actually trying to make it work at a few points with that psycho guillotine to the floor and that nasty bump he took into the corner when Rey dodged him, but Rey wasn't up for the match and the crowd didn't seem like it was buying him from the get-go. Rey got no pop when that dorky WWE music of his hit. You take that shit out of such a totally cartoony, big-timey atmosphere, and it really seems lame. I wish these two had had a better match and that Rey's ankle or whatever wasn't all messed, because this was a matchup I was looking forward to seeing again. Too much of a WWE-style match and the crowd weren't havin' it. 619 got booed and rightfully so, not because it's WWE branded but because the move sucks and is corny as hell. Rey should've known better. I felt bad for them though.
Lame Smackdown guys showed up. Kurt Angle looks seriously uncool in that blue polo shirt. Luckily he would take it off moments later and stand around in the balcony all night with chaw in his lip and no shirt on. That made him way, way cooler. I think Kurt Angle represses his inner hick.
More clips
Lame Angle/JBL promo that made me want to fart. I just want to see more old timey fun wrestling.
RVD came out to do a promo. If I cared about worked shoot promos I'd have liked this more, but he got his point across I suppose. Fonzie should definitely come back with him although I figure it wouldn't last long. Rhyno gored RVD and his bad leg, but the lights went out and it's Sabuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
RHYNO v. SABU
Holy fucking shit was this better than it had any right to be. Sabu is just beat to hell but didn't blow a single thing and looked just about as good as you could possibly expect him to look at this point. Rhyno was clearly all about making this one look good too, as he mostly just let Sabu take control and do his thing. Considering the last time I saw Sabu work was when he was doped up and crazy in Highland, and I never wanted to see him again, this was awesome. And now I wouldn't mind seeing him again. RVD getting in a big move for a pop was pretty great. Fun match, lots of wild Sabuness and he shoves Fonzie afterward and looks all pissed off. Sabuuuuuuu. Good job by Rhyno too, I hope he gets his job back.
More clips, and then the lame Raw guys showed up.
CHRIS BENOIT v. EDDIE GUERRERO
This match stunk and might have been my least favorite on the show. Guerrero phoned it way in and I guess the scuttlebutt is he was being a baby about having to job clean while he's got a program going on Smackdown, which is so not the point of this show at all. These people don't give a shit about his Smackdown angle and during this match I didn't either. If they never said on Smackdown that Benoit beat him at the ECW show I wouldn't have cared. It didn't help that they both came out to their crappy cartoon music and had their fancy pants on. It was the one match on here that seemed completely WWE'd and unlike anything that had a smidge of legitimate ECW feeling to it. The wrestling itself wasn't awful or even near bad, but there was no emotion and I didn't care about it while it was happening, which sucks because these two guys are both still great and could've had a hell of a match. Guerrero totally no-sold the crossface which made it even worse. What a chump move on his part.
Gertner did another thing in the balcony, which he'd done earlier. This time he wanted a job from Bischoff. It wasn't funny because Gertner sucks and so does Bischoff.
MIKE AWESOME v. MASATO TANAKA
If you ever liked Awesome v. Tanaka before, you'd love this one, because it was absolutely brutal and at times seriously scary to watch. Now first things first - Mike Awesome sucks and this match, like all their others, was completely about the superhuman efforts of Masato Tanaka in making Awesome look, you know, awesome. Tanaka nearly killed himself just to put this over. I was surprised Awesome got the duke because it's not like anyone involved likes him at all, but at the same time who cares, I guess. These guys knew they had no chance of getting a job out of this so they just did their match, and the crowd ate it up because the effort of Tanaka was unreal and brought everyone to their feet, which was totally deserved. But Awesome is a lazy dog turd that wouldn't take a kick to the face or the diamond dust properly, but he could certainly recklessly toss Tanaka through chairs. Fuck Mike Awesome, but this match was a lot of fun. Tanaka is the man and I forgot how much I loved his complete insanity.
Paul Heyman came out and cut a corny ass shoot promo which everyone peed for. If I liked Paul Heyman more I'm sure this was good. In the world of fake shooting, this was pretty excellent I guess. Highlight was Edge doing the V1 sign.
Rob Zombie movie trailer?
THE DUDLEY BOYZ v. TOMMY DREAMER & THE SANDMAN
Dudleys looked ready to roll. Dreamer came out to some crappy WWE Studios instrumental remixing of "Man in the Box" which was weak as hell. When he stopped at the end of the entranceway and looked around I noticed The Wild Cards in the crowd behind him. Kingston and Marciano totally marked for "Enter Sandman" and I did too. Sandman's entrance was just electric, complete with a crazy guy beating himself with Sandman's cane and the whole song and the beers and spitting and lewd gestures at the WWE guys in the balcony and the Dudleys and everyone in the crowd singing along. Chris Chetti and CW Anderson and Elektra in the front row having beer. Well, Elektra had beer poured on her gross tits.
bWo interrupted before the match could start, followed by Kid Kash and Balls & Axl. After that got settled down the match started, and it was just a crazy ECW brawl with all the trademark weapons and very little wrestling besides a double figure-four Sandman and Dreamer busted out. It was a lot of fun and Sandman looked psyched to be out there and doing his schtick for those fans again, plus he actually didn't look all that bad in the ring. People have this misconception that Sandman is fat, which isn't quite true. The man has a big ass beer gut but he doesn't have a fat face or fat arms or three chins or anything. Outside of his gut and I would assume his general health, Sandman really isn't in bad shape. The Impact Players ran in, and held Tommy for a surprise Francine nutshot, and that was followed by a conservatively dressed Beulah coming in to do a catfight spot with Francine and a double DDT spot on the Dudleys with Tommy. Finish was perfect, as the Dudleys (with Spike) put Dreamer through the flaming table and that loser ate the fall as usual.
Sandman called for beer over and over while hovering over Dreamer, and Austin came out. Austin's music got a huge reaction that you might not have quite expected from the ECW diehards, but that shows that maybe they have a few braincells left after all. Austin coaxed the WWE guys into coming down for the fight with the whole ECW crew (well, most of them). I won't go over the specifics of the brawl with JBL and Meanie and all this, but it was nice to see Tracy Smothers mixing it up with these guys. Bischoff getting destroyed by all the guys he could trust to not kill him was a nice touch.
If this is indeed the one and only WWE-promoted ECW show, it was a hell of a good one. There was nothing on here that was a match of the year or anything, but it really was just a total time warp and surreal feeling the whole time, and it took me to a place as a fan that I haven't been at in a long time. I was just watching the wrestling on the TV and enjoying it with no HHH or Jeff Jarrett or Shawn Michaels or whatever else ruining it with some camp ass blood feud of the month, it was a bunch of dudes having some fun. Would I want to see the roster they brought out for this on a regular TV show or anything? Probably not. I mean how often can I see Balls Mahoney and Axl Rotten until I just go, "Eh, yeah, enough"? Not many, I reckon, since I never liked them much before. But I never liked a lot of this shit before and I did tonight, because it felt so amazingly fresh to not have all the tired WWE or TNA crap shoved up my ass the whole time. This show was a genuine blast to watch, and some of the best money I have ever spent on a pay-per-view. I haven't had this much fun watching wrestling in years, and it put me on a real wrestling high for a day until I watched Raw and it was back to the same old shit again.
And for every indy there is, even the ones I really love to death, none of them are ECW. And again, I am not an ECW superfan. But ECW was something really special because their crowd believed in it to such an insane degree. They were dicks a lot of the time, but they weren't shouting "clever" one-liners and they weren't above cheering the hell out of a silly catfight. Compared to some of the crappy jerks that attend ROH (or anyone else, I don't want to single out ROH fans - well, yes I do) shows, these people were model fans. They enjoyed themselves and didn't need everything to be a jackoff session. They'd stand and clap something that was, but they didn't NEED it. ROH has a long way to go if it's trying to be the new alternative company like ECW was, and I say that as someone who generally enjoys the ROH product. And no one else is even close because they either simply don't HAVE the fans, or their fans just aren't any damn good.
So in some ways, I'm complimenting the freaks and retards that shelled out big money for the ECW show, because I missed them all dearly in many ways. They care, and that's exciting to watch. The show was missing a lot of important guys, but nothing could really be done about a lot of them. Again, just a hell of a lot of fun. If you were skeptical and didn't order, I can't encourage you enough to pick up the DVD in a couple weeks. It might be a long time before there's ever another wrestling PPV like this again.