TNA Wrestling Impact! #9
by Scott Christ
Last Wednesday Night at the Asylum, Dusty and Russo had a fit and there was an Ultimate X. Today, Jeff Hardy makes his Impact! in-ring debut.
Stage 21 in Orlando
THE ELITE GUARD are out.
NON-TITLE MATCH - LEX LOVETT v. JEFF JARRETT (NWA Champion): Jarrett doesn't even take off his coat or belt before beginning to pummel Lovett, a 29-year old five-year veteran from the Florida independents who I hear is just GREAT. Lovett does kill himself on a missed clothesline, hurling himself to the floor. Lovett goes into the crowd via Jarrett, then back, now to the Spanish table. Oh great, this is a repeat of last week's Shark Boy/Jarrett match. Back in and Jarrett hits the running rope-assisted Mike Enos. Tonight's judge is Dusty Rhodes. Lovett throws some rights and hits a running blockbuster neckbreaker. Lovett misses a swanton and boy I bet no one was too happy with him pulling THAT out. Jarrett with the stroke - 1, 2, 3. (2'45")
NEXT - the return of Kid Kash with His Family Member Dallas
WEDNESDAY - A Night of Revenge. That actually looks pretty okay but knowing them they'll make it not worth $10.
Stills from Ultimate X. According to Don, one of the greatest Ultimate X battles they've ever seen. I'd hope so, there's only been three before that one.
KID KASH (with Dallas) v. MIKEY BATTS: They gave Batts an "Iron Man" ripoff. This is experience v. youth, Kash a 14-year veteran, Batts 20 years old and a two-year pro, and blah blah. Kash gets a flying clothesline for two after some interference by Dallas. Both try a clothesline, both go down. Russo and Rhodes argue at ringside, for whatever reason. Why the fuck would they come out to ringside to argue? Do these people have no sense? Take it to a private room. Batts gets a couple near-falls. Moneymaker from Kash - 1, 2, 3. (4'25")
NEXT - Raven
RAVEN (with turban) v. ROD STEELE: Raven Effect 1, 2, 3. (1'22") SABU runs in with a chair but Raven meets him. Springboard leg lariat and Sabu throws the chair at him. Raven bails and Sabu dives to the floor.
NEXT - Williams & Roode in action
Man, I actually want to see that PPV Wednesday because they've done a good job with Raven/Sabu. Ah hell. Maybe.
PETEY WILLIAMS & BOBBY ROODE (with Scott D'Amore) v. JERELLE CLARK
& MARK LAURNOFF: Laurnoff is victim of the 2-on-1 right away. Roode
dominates Laurnoff properly, and tags Petey Williams in. Sign: Mark Laurnoff is
#1. Roode cheats with the refree distracted. Williams with a neckbreaker and he
TUGS THE ROPE which is such a babyface thing he shouldn't use in TNA. D'Amore
gets some shots in on Laurnoff. Clark finally makes the hot tag and they give
him some actual offense. 'Rana on Williams, dropsault on Roode. 630 on Williams!
Amazing. Seriously. Roode breaks the pin and he's really big and strong. Clark
gets faceplanted and Laurnoff is lariated. Williams says fuck your 630, here's
my ridiculous piledriver. 1, 2, 3. I missed the time completely. Match of the
day so far!
Russo and Dusty keep arguing around the ring because these bastards can't afford a TV screen in the arena to do it backstage.
NEXT - Jeff Hardy in action
ROMEO v. JEFF HARDY: So Romeo has worked Raven and Jeff Hardy two weeks straight. Romeo with some Power Plant clotheslines and stuff. Oh my God Hardy's jawbreaker is in super slo mo. Hardy's legdrop to the nuts isn't very good either. Twist of Fate is bad. Dudes hate Hardy, girls squeal. Swanton bomb hits - 1, 2, 3. (2'03") Oh my God oh my God - "The winner - The Charismatic Enigma, Jeff Hardy!" Yeah that's seriously what Borash said. The Charismatic Enigma, Jeff Hardy. Wow kiss my ass Jeff Hardy.
Six Points of Impact with MONTY BROWN. ... ... ... ... ... "You're a race car driver!" oh. I. ...ok.
Your hosts are MIKE TENAY and DON WEST. TNAwrestling.com, PPV, etc.
SHANE DOUGLAS is with Russo and he'll make announcements about junk and name a championship committee on Wednesday. Dusty comes in and they yell. What a couple of obnoxious assholes.
MICHAEL SHANE & KAZARIAN (with Traci) v. CHRISTOPHER DANIELS & PRIMETIME: Daniels starts with Kazarian but it breaks down in about 40 seconds and they're all fighting. Let's get an XTREME CLOSEUP on Jeff freaking Hammond. DANG. "Michael Shane n' Kassarian." Shane tags in and stomps at Daniels' bum shoulder. Scoop aaand a slam, kneedrop, pose. Kazarian in and they stay on the shoulder. Quick tag, Shane comes back. Shane looks at Skipper so Skipper runs in like a moron to distract Rudy Charles, allowing the double-team. Daniels with a jawbreaker on Shane and they're both down. Traci holds the X belt and slaps the mat and stuff. She does not grab the foot. Primetime in with a backdrop, clothesline and spin kick on Kazarian. Kazarian kicks Primetime, Daniels kicks Kazarian, Shane kicks Daniels, Primetime kicks Shane. Then he sits down so they can all be down. Primetime with a spine on the pine for Kazarian, cover, 2. Play of the Day or whatever is broken by Shane, but Daniels sends him to the floor. Daniels eats boot into the corner from Kazarian, but he comes back. Flying 'rana from Daniels, flying legdrop from Skipper, but Daniels is pulled out by Shane and Traci distracts the referee. Shane hits Primetime with the belt, but here comes AJ STYLES. Let's ring the bell. (DQ - 5'59")
KID KASH is in, too. Here comes TEAM CANADA. Heels dominate the brawl until AMERICA'S MOST WANTED run in and they put the Impact! music on because we're ready to go.
PPV hype and goodbye.