WWE RAW - 07/05/04
by Scott Christ

A promise is a promise.

CC - TV-14-DLV - SmackDown!/WWE Experience/Bottom Line/Velocity/Heat/Afterburn/Tough Enough - RAW - Attitude - Entertainment - EUGENE

We are live on July 5, 2004 from the Winnipeg Sports Arena in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. Tonight! Eugene is GM.

RIC FLAIR is headed to the ring in his suit, and already in the ring are JERRY LAWLER, STACY KEIBLER, TAJIRI, THE COACH and TYSON TOMKO. JR has no idea what this is about. Hey, chairs. Oh man, they're going to play musical chairs. Lawler and Flair are like, "WTF?" Here comes WINNIPEG'S OWN CHRIS JERICHO to a huge ovation. And here is EUGENE in a predictably scuffy suit jacket. "Welcome to Monday Night Raw! My Uncle Eric couldn't be here tonight (boo - yeah, we want Eric!), but he left me in charge (yay!)! I even got a sportscoat and a hanky. But I want everybody to have fun tonight! Even you, Coach, I want you to have fun, too! (bahaha look at Coach) Who wants to see a championship match tonight?! (yay!) That's why I got everybody here in the ring. One of you's gonna get an opportunity to wrestle for a championship match. (loud Y2J chant) The - the - the person that - the person that gets the opportunity to wrestle for the championship is gonna be the one who wins this game ... of musical chairs! So, so hit the music!"

There it goes. Everyone just stands around. "Pop Goes the Weasel" - well, Stacy's into it. Therefore, Lawler is in. Everyone else just stands around and Flair is PISSED OFF. It stops, and Lawler and Stacy sit. Everyone stands ... looks ... RUSHES and Tajiri is eliminated. Coach laughs. GREEN MIST ON COACH! Ahahahahahaha. This is awesome. Coach staggers through the next round, blinded. Now they're all circling. Jericho and Tomko are clearly the best players. Coach has no idea where he is. Music stops, everyone sits, Coach isn't there. He sits anyway, but there's no chair. Coach is gone. Music stops, Lawler is late and he's gone. Down to Stacy, Flair, Jericho and Tomko. Here we go again and oh man, Flair's starting to get into it, trailing Stacy and stylin' and profilin'. This is one of the greater things ever. Music stops mid-whoo from Flair, so he shoves Stacy out of the way to steal her chair and eliminate her. WHOO! Now Flair is TOO into it, the music stops, and he's hitting the ropes, so he's gone. Down to Jericho and Tomko. Look at this heated musical chairs staredown. Here we go! Music stops, Tomko goes to sit, Jericho pulls the chair out - WHAM! Jericho puts it down, sits, and he's got a title shot. But what title? Let's ask Eugene. "You did it! You did it! You did it! Chris Jericho wins! Chris Jericho wins! And that means, and that means tonight, in that very ring-uhhh, it's gonna be one-on-one for the Intercontinental championship, Randy Orton against Chris Jericho!"

Commercials: Joe Schmo 2, The Butterfly Effect on DVD, Spider-man 2 for PS2, 1-800-CALL-ATT, Gatorade, Progressive Auto Insurance

NON-TITLE MATCH - LA RESISTANCE (World Tag Team Champions, combined 477, Province of Quebec) v. RHYNO & VAL VENIS (unannounced): Grenier's "O Canada" is booed but also sang-along to a little. Rhyno and Val rush the ring, what a great team. Your referee is Chris Kay. Slugfest to start, and JR understands that Rhyno is actively seeking a tag partner to take down La Resistance. That's pretty awesome. Val and Rhyno take Grenier down with a double back elbow and we'll start proper with Grenier and Rhyno. Back-and-forth on the strikes, Rhyno whips Grenier in and down Grenier goes in the corner. Grenier with an eyepoke, tag to Conway and Rhyno is in the wrong corner. Rhyno fights out, but Grenier snaps the throat over the top rope with the referee's back turned. Conway gets two. Tag back to Grenier, he drops a knee for two. Funny: "Reverse chinlock by Sylvan Grenier. Shades of ... 30 years ago..." Rhyno brutes his way out and hits Grenier with a shoulderblock. Well HERE COMES VAL FREAKIN VENIS! Conway, pick it up, you can't hang with Val's quickless. Half-nelson slam by Venis gets two. Chop, off the ropes, stopped, Conway has a sleeper. Val is like, NO, blue thunder bomb! 1, 2, Grenier breaks. Rhyno comes in to clothesline Grenier out of the ring and calls for the gore on Conway. Grenier trips Rhyno up and takes his nuts to the steelshed. Venis with a kick to the gut on Conway, fisherman suplex, Grenier breaks it with a kick. Au Revoir! 1, 2, 3. (4'29") This was as okay as most La Resistance matches that they win or lose in four minutes.

Backstage, EVOLUTION minus Triple H walk and talk. Orton talks anyway. "Hey guys, I just don't get it, you know? I trust his judgment. I trust Hunter's judgment, I really do, but - havin' Eugene being an honorary member of Evolution, I mean, it's just not right! And I gotta face Jericho tonight, for my title? I mean, come on! And then, a week from now, Sunday, at Vengeance, I gotta face Edge for my title? It's just not right! Eh - eh - it's just not right!" "That's not right?" "No!" "I'm Ric Flair! Sixteen times the world heavyweight champion! My autobiography goes on sale around the world tomorrow! And I'm out there playin' RING AROUND THE ROSEY? That's what's not right!" Batista has had enough. "Calm down. The bottom line is, Triple H wants Eugene to help win the title back. That's the plan, we're gonna stick to the plan." They spy Eugene's Office, and it is a MOONWALK. Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah.

"Hey guys, what're you doin'? You wanna get in my office? It's really cool! You gotta take your shoes off." Eugene brings up Kane making Eugene look like a fool. Batista wants to make sure Eugene isn't making HHH v. Kane. No, no, Batista - it's YOU v. Kane tonight! And Sunday, at Vengeance, La Resistance will defend the world tag team titles - against Ric Flair and EUGENE! Flair is unenthused. Eugene goes back into his office.

Commercials: Ashen for N-Gage QD, Anchorman, Burger King, Castrol GTX High Mileage, truth

Raw Diva Search Casting Special is on sometime

TRIPLE H is out. "An event inexplictable (what?) by the laws of nature. That is Webster's definition of a miracle. My definition of a miracle? Chris Benoit's reign as world heavyweight champion. You see, it was a miracle that Chris Benoit won the championship at WrestleMania in the first place. And it's been as if he's had divine intervention (the Slayer album) in keeping it ever since. ("You tapped out!") This Sunday, at Vengeance, I am gonna personally answer the age-old question of God or Evolution. And ladies and gentlemen, Darwin is right. You cannot stop Evolution! I WILL become, once again, the world heavyweight champion! And there is nothing anyone can do, no man, no woman, no God can stop me." EDGE will try to anyway. "You know, for the last year, I sat at home, and I watched Evolution dominate Rah. And since I've been back, not a whole lot has changed. But it's time for a change. (WOO! Remembering Owen!) So I want you to tell your *boy* Randy Orton, that win or lose tonight, at Vengeance, he's MINE. And I want you to tell the rest of Evolution, and Hunter, I want you to listen up *real* close - you're all goin' down. You won't know when, you won't know where, but one-by-one, you're all gonna fall. Somebody needs to take a stand, and guess what, Triple H? That somebody is gonna be me." How convincing. Triple H takes off his jacket. "That's great, Edge, that's, that's really great. But, uh, y'see, I've heard that a million times, from a million different guys. Foley, Austin, Rock, Michaels, Benoit, they've all said the same thing, but yet here I stand in this ring, Evolution, on top of the world, Edge. Nothing changes. (do tell) Now, uh, what makes you think you're any different than them, huh?" PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH! Knee! Punch punch punch punch punch, Edge with a double-leg and here's your Summerslam main event, I reckon. Edge wins the fight but here comes Evolution. Edge leaves through the crowd.

NEXT! Kane v. Batista

"To Be the Man" by Ric Flair - on sale now!

Commercials: Subway, Catwoman, YJ Stinger, Driv3r, Starburst, Stridex Clear Cycle, Blockbuster, King Arthur, Red Dead Revolver

N-Gage QD presents Lita kicking Kane in the ass hole

KANE (320, homeless) v. BATISTA (318, Washington, D.C.): This Sunday, Kane faces Matt Hardy in a no disqualification match with Lita at ringside. Your referee is Jack Doan. Here we go! Collar-and-elbow, struggle, hard break. Batista shoves Kane's face, Kane throws two rights. Corner whip, reversed, Batista follows in with a lariat. Right, shoulder to the gut, shoulder to the gut, "c'mon Kane!" Whip is stopped, Kane gets this one. Batista stumbles out into a sidewalk slam. Chokeslam? Fuck that, Batista elbows him in the head. Uppercut from Kane. Slow motion off the ropes, spinebuster by Batista. Kane sits up. Batista with shots to the back, up to the shoulder, Kane slides down, slow motion and Batista runs into a big boot. "You tapped out!" chant. It's the new "holy shit!" Double clothesline on the floor, but here's MATT HARDY to ruin life. Doan calls for the bell, I guess Kane wins via DQ. (1'57") Hardy pummels Kane's head on the ring steps until referees break it up.

This Sunday - Randy Orton (Intercontinental Champion, 3rd Generation Superstar, "Legend Killer") - Vengeance - Edge (3 Time Intercontinental Champion, 7 Time Tag Team Champion, Former United States Champion) - Vengeance - The Intercontinential Championship - Edge V Orton - Vengeance

Commercials: Burger King (2), 1-800-CALL-ATT (2), Gatorade (2), Full Spectrum Warrior, Stridex Essential Care, King Arthur (2), Enzyte, Enzyte

Moments Ago, Matt Hardy ambushed Kane

Backstage, Matt walks until he's interrupted by TODD GRISHAM. "My chances?! Did you just see what I did to Kane? Did you see me bash his head into the ring steps, over, and over, and over again?! Did you see that? What I did to him tonight is nothing - NOTHING! - compared to what I'm gonna do to him this Sunday!" What about Lita? "I'm not answering any questions about Lita." But, speculation! Kane's baby? Yours? Let him leave, asshole Todd. Matt stares him down.

Raw Diva Search - God, this is so predictable. These women are not attractive.

NEXT! Jericho v. Orton

Commercials: Joe Schmo 2 (2), James Bond on SpikeTV, The Bourne Supremacy - ugh, Spider-man 2 on PS2, Castrol GTX High Mileage (2), Taco Bell, Red Dead Revolver (2), SpikeTV road trip thing

INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - RANDY ORTON (champion, 245, St. Louis, MO, with Raw is brought to you by Catwoman, N-Gage QD and Burger King) v. WINNIPEG'S OWN CHRIS JERICHO (challenger, 230, Winnipeg's Own): We get clips of Jericho receiving the prestigious Order of the Buffalo Hunt. Your referee is Chad Patton. Collar-and-elbow, break. Collar-and-elbow, Jericho with an armdrag and Orton is annoyed. Orton collects himself and stretches. Waistlock and a standing switch. Jericho bars the arm and goes to a wristlock. Hammerlock applied, Orton reverses with a top wristlock. Jericho goes down but bridges back and armdrags Orton over. Jericho is so stout-hearted. Jericho with a kick, chop, chop, off the ropes, back elbow puts Orton down. Vertical suplex, c'mon babay! One count. Orton gets angry about that there and decides to punch him in the face. Jericho springs up to the second rope, leaps, and eats dropkick. Orton with a shot to the chest and he has a nice wide base on this chinlock. You notice that, right? JR does. Nice, wide base. Jericho fights out but Orton cuts him off with a forearm to the back. Orton tosses Jericho out, OR SO HE THINKS. Jericho's up top - flying back elbow! 1, 2, kickout. Orton stops Jericho's momentum briefly, but Jericho schoolboys him for two. Running enzuigiri! 1, 2, foot on the rope. That looked funny with him reversing his body's momentum to fall backwards. But oh well. Orton snaps the neck over the top rope from the floor, comes back in, and gets backdropped right back out. Uh oh, here comes Batista! This is predictable (5'55")

Commercials: Joe Schmo 2 (3), Catwoman (2), Burger King (3), Spider-man 2 on PS2 (3), 1-800-CALL-ATT (3), HealthyBPinfo.com

We're back at punch four in a ten-punch in the corner that actually goes all the way. Jericho hits the ropes, but Batista lowbridges him. Jericho is down and out while Orton gets his composure back. Even on the floor, Orton is all about the basics, hitting a devastating armwringer ... ON THE FLOOR! Those mats are only 1/4 inch thick, you know! Orton is focusing on the arm for whatever reason. Snapmare into a top wristlock. Jericho battles up and has rights and a chop and a right, and he runs, but Orton throws him down. More arm work. This match is pretty good, and at least it isn't another Evolution tag. Not that I have a real problem with Evolution tags, but these matches are starting to show the lack of depth on this show. This match adds to it, but hey, at least they're good matches. You know? I know. Another snapmare, this time into an armbar. Jericho again gets out, but Orton whips him in, and wham, double clothesline. Both are down and the count is on. Up to seven and they're both up. Orton's going to do his Let's Slug It Out spot again. Jericho has one arm to punch with, but instead of wildly throwing lefts and rights, Orton only throws rights. Orton is no cerebral assassin. Drop toe-hold puts Orton over the ropes, and here it is - the running rope-assisted Mike Enos! Legsweep, Walls of Jericho? Orton kicks him away. Shocking. Jericho hits him with another elbow, but Orton comes back with a forearm shiver. Neck/backbreaker for two. Kick to the gut, off the ropes, Orton is caught with the sleeper drop and Jericho covers - 1, 2, shoulder up. Jericho is bleeding from his mouth. Chop, corner whip, Jericho hits the post on a shoulderblock attempt. Orton's up top, but Jericho runs over to nudge him with his fist. Jericho's going to use what's left of the bad arm for a superplex, but Orton isn't about that, Orton's about throwing him off with a face-first suplex. Orton is up again, and the frog crossbody hits - 1, 2, Jericho gets the shoulder up! Orton telegraphs a backdrop, "bulldog" connects. Batista reaches but misses, Jericho's up for the lionsault, no, springboard dropkick on Batista! RKO is blocked, legs swept, WALLS OF JERICHO! The crowd goes wild! Batista is back on the apron, so Jericho foolishly releases. Orton's just fine though he was in that brutalizing submission hold, so he'll schoolboy Jericho with his feet on the ropes. 1, 2, 3, Orton retains. (9'37" - 15'32" aired) Good match, somewhat questionable finish. But good. And it makes me want to see Orton/Edge more than I did before, and certainly makes me want to see Jericho/Batista.

Backstage, Eugene and HHH bounce in the moonwalk. They have a deal. Hey that prick didn't take his boots off. HHH bouncing in there is dangerous with that quad. HHH comically falls out of the moonwalk. Flair comes to help him up. This is funny. Wrestlers doing stupid stuff is funny. HHH didn't get around to getting Flair out of that tag match. Eugene is all part of HHH's plan to regain the title, blah blah blah. Tonight it'll be HHH, Flair & Eugene v. Edge & Benoit.

Live!
07/10 - Worcester's Centrum Centre - Worcester, MA
07/11 - Vengeance - Hartford Civic Center - Hartford, CT
07/12 - Raw - Verizon Wireless Center - Manchester, NH
07/16 - Wachovia Arena - Wilkes-Barre, PA
07/17 - Sovereign Center - Reading, PA

Commercials: Full Spectrum Warrior (2), Castrol GTX High Mileage (3), 1-800-CALL-ATT (4), Gatorade (3), The Bourne Supremacy (2), Arby's, Driv3r (2)

Smackdown Rebound feat. JBL kissing a not ugly baby, beating up Spike Dudley, and being challenged by Eddie Guerrero

Thursday! John Cena v. Booker T for the US title

THREE-WAY CONTRACT-ON-A-POLE MATCH FOR #1 CONTENDER TO THE WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP - NIDIA (unannounced) v. MOLLY HOLLY (unannounced) v. VICTORIA (unannounced): TRISH STRATUS joins the commentary since she was so good at it last time they tried that out. Nidia is so great, I love Nidia. Lookit those jugs. They do stuff, and Nidia climbs the pole (yow) and wins. (3'29")

Trish makes her way to the ring. "Do you realize what you have in your hands? The opportunity of a lifetime! A golden opportunity, if you will. I mean, the chance to face me. I mean, think about it. In the soon future (?), you and I will be facing each other. I mean, when I'm ready." CAST SHOT "I think I'm ready. Ring the bell, ref."

WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - NIDIA (challenger, dead) v. TRISH STRATUS (champion, unannounced, with Tyson Tomko): Trish covers Nidia. 1, 2, 3. (0'03")

Sunday - Benoit v. HHH for the world heavyweight championship

Commercials: truth (2), Driv3r (3), Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Jungle Storm for N-Gage QD, Boost Mobile, Fram AirHog, Blockbuster (2), Taco Bell (2)

Here is a shot of the beautiful Winnipeg Sports Arena in beautiful Winnipeg

Raw Diva Search

Your hosts are JIM ROSS and The King. Diva search, etc. Vengeance is Sunday. Orton v. Edge! Jericho v. Batista! Flair & Eugene v. La Resistance! Kane v. Hardy! Benoit v. HHH!

Backstage, Trish and Tomko walk. They come across LITA. Trish calls Lita a slut. Lita doesn't rebut, because, well.

HHH does the same promo talking to Eugene that he's done for weeks. REMEMBER WHEN SO-AND-SO DID SOMETHING? THAT MADE YOU MAD, DIDN'T IT? "MM HMM."

Commercials: Spider-man 2 for PS2 (4), Starburst (2), The Butterfly Effect on DVD (2), 1-800-CALL-ATT (5), Burger King (4), Progressive Auto Insurance (2)

1-800-CALL-ATT presents Benoit hitting Eugene with a chair 2 Weeks Ago

3-ON-2 HANDICAP MATCH - TRIPLE H, THE NATURE BOY RIC FLAIR & EUGENE (combined 741, with Ric Flair's book and Vengeance) v. EDGE (250, Toronto, ON) & CHRIS BENOIT (World Heavyweight Champion, 229, homeless): JR says Shakespeare couldn't write this tragedy (HHH/Eugene), which of course gets all the sallies riled up because they think JR is saying Brian Gewirtz > Shakespeare. Take a Midol, ladies. Your referee is Mike Chioda. Benoit's going to start with Eugene. Benoit wants a handshake, Eugene waistlocks, Benoit reverses, side headlock from Benoit and a takeover. HHH gives Eugene a pep talk. Collar-and-elbow, Eugene is really strong, remember. Right in the corner, Benoit turns it around and he's going to chop him, but he ... doesn't. What a pussy. If Benoit loses Sunday, it's because his killer instinct is gone. My Chris Benoit would chop a retard and not think twice about it. Benoit knocks Flair and HHH from the apron, but Eugene nails him from behind. Tag to HHH, Benoit's up and HHH is a little more reluctant now. "You tapped out!" Benoit with chops in the corner, off the ropes, HHH with the shitty facebuster. I mean shitty. Benoit counters a pedigree with a backdrop, into the crossface, he's got it! Eugene breaks it up. Benoit to the floor and Flair whips him into the steps. Let's take our final break (3'11")

Commercials: Joe Schmo 2 (4), Anchorman (2), Subway (2), Gatorade (4), 1-800-CALL-ATT (6), Castrol GTX High Mileage (4), Bond on SpikeTV (2)

We're back and HHH has Benoit down. Off the ropes, HHH grabs the sleeper. Benoit with a back suplex counter and he needs the tag. Tag to Flair, tag to Edge. Clotheslines on Flair and HHH, punches, clothesline, clothesline, Flair off the ropes, backdrop. HHH off the ropes, backdrop. Just get married already. Edge up top, flying double clothesline. Edge sets for the spear, and he gets it on Flair. Right for HHH, right, right, get him out, Chioda. Jesus Christ take control of the match. HHH ducks and Edge hits Eugene by accident but kinda not. DDT on HHH, and now Eugene is very mad. Here he comes. Big boos for Eugene's assault on Edge. Assault on Devil's Island. HHH pulls Eugene off of Edge. Eugene freaks out some more. Flair and Edge in alone finally, Flair covers, 2. Tag to HHH, and HHH sends Edge's shoulder into the post. This match is not very good. Tag to Eugene, who takes over the wristlock. Eugene lets go because he's concerned about Edge's arm. JR tries to say they're not booing Eugene, but HHH. So the crowd corrects JR: "Eugene sucks!" Tell it, Winnipegans. Flair comes in to do some damage. This is a SNOOZER. A YAWNER. A total TURD. Now Edge needs the tag, and he's going to get it. JR says Eugene is in a state of confusion. Actually, in Canada they're called provinces. Bahahaha. Tags to Benoit and HHH. JR says this is a preview of Sunday. If that's true, you could count me out if I wasn't a moron that would order it anyway. HOOOOOOOOO German #1. HOOOOOOO German #2. HOOOOOOOO German #3. Cut da t'roat! Flying headbutt connects. Flair's in to break the pin. Edge's in to break Flair. Edge and Flair to the floor, Edge whips him into the wall and charges for a spear, missing and sailing into the crowd. That's a stupid idea anyway. Eugene tries to tell Chioda that Edge is hurt. HHH shoves Benoit into Chioda, who hits Eugene, and let's repeat Eugene being mad at an accident. HHH gets a chair, Benoit cuts him off and has it, Eugene cuts Benoit off, and Benoit talks Eugene out of swinging. Eugene won't do it. HHH with a low blow, pedigree is countered with the sharpshooter! Here comes Eugene - chairshot to break the hold. He didn't wanna do it. I don't care, fuck Eugene. Pedigree! 1, 2, 3. (9'42" - 12'53" aired) What a crappy match.

Well, I did it. See you for Vengeance.

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