WWE RAW - 06/28/04
by Scott Christ
Boy, I just get lazier and lazier don't I? I blame the world. Anyway, next week, I'm going to get this in on Tuesday. That's a promise.
I was watching Smackdown when I decided to do this finally. It was after the Cena/Kenzo promo. John Cena sucks, people, what's wrong with you?
WWE won some cable awards or something? This is really corny how they say, "Congratulations to the WWE!" I mean, because who's saying it? The WWE!
CC - TV-14-DLV - SmackDown!/WWE Experience/Bottom Line/Velocity/Heat/Afterburn/Tough Enough - RAW - Attitude - Entertainment - Bischoff
Video package of the HHH/Eugene saga
Live on June 28, the last Raw of the month, and we're in the Richmond Coliseum in Richmond, Virginia! TONIGHT - Chris Benoit v. Kane for the world heavyweight championship. Your hosts are JIM ROSS and JERRY THE KING LAWLER. Tonight, JR has to interview Kane in the ring. Last time, Kane set him on fire.
EVOLUTION is out to waste my time. HHH will talk. "I had a conversation with Eric Bischoff over the weekend, and despite what happened here last week, Bischoff has decided that no matter who wins the match tonight, whether it be Kane, or Chris Benoit, the winner will face me for the world heavyweight championship at Vengeance. But that's not why I'm out here. I'm out here to talk about Eugene. Now Eugene, I know you're back there, and I know you're watchin' your favorite wrestler in the whole, wide world talk on TV. But buddy, why don't you come out to this ring so I can tell you what I gotta say, face-to-face. C'mon, Eugene!" And here comes EUGENE. Eugene has a bandage on his forehead with a smiley face drawn on it. "Don't be scared, Eugene, listen - I understand it got a little bit heated last week between you and I, but, I was just trying to teach you a lesson. You see, Eugene, this is the WWE. This is the big-time. And there are a lot of guys in the back that are mean. They're not like me. There's a lot of guys in the back that would wanna beat you up. That would wanna hurt you. I was just tryin' to get you ready for when you face guys like that, Eugene. I was tryin' to make you prepared. Now let's face it, Eugene. If I wanted you hurt, you wouldn't be here this week, right? But I would never do that, because I'm your friend. Eugene, I would never hurt you, because I'm your friend. Unlike Chris Benoit, who smashed you in the head last week with a steel chair." "He, he, he told me he was sorry." "Oh, I'm, I'm sure Benoit did call you, and tell you he was sorry. But, Eugene, I promised, I will always tell you the truth, okay? And the truth is - the truth is - Chris Benoit is a liar, Eugene. No, Chris Benoit wants to hurt you, because he's jealous of you! Chris Benoit cannot STAND you, Eugene! No, he can't! And it makes me angry! I'm very angry at Chris Benoit! And you know what? I don't usually say things like this, 'cause I don't talk like this, but Chris Benoit is nothin' but a - he's nothin' but a - well I, I don't wanna say it Eugene. No, Eugene, I, I - alright, I - Chris Benoit's nothin' but a - he's nothin' but a - a big jerk! That's right, that's right, Eugene, I said it. Chris Benoit's nothing but a jerk! I said the j-word, that's right, because he makes me mad! But you know what? You don't NEED Chris Benoit anymore, you know why? Eugene, because you have Evolution now. And Eugene, I'm honored, I'm honored that you would see me as your favorite wrestler in the whole, wide world. So, because of that, I wanna do somethin' for you. Eugene, right here tonight, I wanna make YOU - Eugene! - an honorary member of Evolution. (Orton and Batista share a look) You'd like that, wouldn't ya? You like that! I knew he'd like that."
WILLIAM REGAL makes his way to the ring, talking. "Eugene! Eugene, listen to me! Eugene, listen to me, son. It's all bloody rubbish! He's setting a trap for you! Do not listen to him! Eugene, it's a bl - it's a trap, don't listen to him. Look, you know, you know me! You know me, you understand me - you cannot trust this man, you cannot trust Triple Haitch!" "Eugene, Eugene, Eugene, don't listen to William Regal. Okay? No no no. Remember how I said I would always tell you the truth? Well I'm gonna tell you the truth right now. William Regal was never your friend. Y'see, the truth is, William Regal was hired by your Uncle Eric. William Regal just pretended to be your friend, so he could get his job back as a wrestler, from your Uncle Eric. Isn't that right, William? C'mon! Look Eugene in the eye, and tell him - tell him the truth. Look'im in the eye." "Look, it started out -" "B-b-b-b-b-b-bu-but nothin'! You know what? You disgust me, Regal! Nothing is lower than a man that would pretend to be someone like Eugene's friend, just to get what he wanted! You - make - me - sick! So what - Eugene? Eugene, you have to make a choice, I guess. Now, you can, you can with William Regal here, you can go with a man that has just ... self-admitted, come right out and said that he is not your friend, and that he's lied to you from the first time he met you. Or, or, you can stay here with your real, true friends in Evolution. What's it gonna be, Eugene, huh? You wanna stay with your friends - or do you wanna go with William Regal?"
I'm Back! It's UNCLE ERIC. "Alright! Stop it! Stop it right now! I am not going to let you pressure my nephew like that. Now if you two have a problem, you can face each other as opponents in the ring tonight. Now of course to be fair, I need somebody who can call it right down the middle. I need a special referee. So tonight, when William Regal wrestles Triple H, the special guest referee is going to be - my nephew. Eugene." I'm Back!
NEXT - Jericho/Edge v. Batista/Orton in a rematch from last week
Commercials, I'm not tracking them because I just want to get this done
1-800-Whatever of the Week was Jericho dying to Batista's lariat last week
BATISTA & RANDY ORTON (already in the ring) v. CHRIS JERICHO (230, Manhasset, NY) & EDGE (250, Toronto, ON): Tension to begin the match with Edge and Orton shoving and Batista pulling Orton back. Your referee is Earl Hebner in an opener. Wild. Loud "Y2J" chant at the start. Jericho is going to start with Orton, but he wants Batista. And he'll get Batista. Collar-and-elbow, Jericho ducks instead and stings him with a right. Batista smiles. Repeat and Jericho stays on him with forearms, backing him into the corner. The fire alarm starts going. It's like "BA. BA. BA." And it just keeps going. Batista chokes Jericho with his knee and backs him into the corner. Three shoulderblocks to the breadbasket, and Orton gets the tag. The crowd becomes great chanting "Y. 2. J." along with the fire alarm. Jericho with a boot up in the corner, chop, chop, Orton cuts his momentum and tags Batista back in. The fire alarm goes off and the crowd pops. Jericho chops Batista, chop, chop, let's stop that and throw Jericho to the floor. Batista: "OK!" Forearm across the chest over the apron, and we're back in and Batista works the arms, but Jericho gets out and dropkicks him. Edge reaches for the tag, Batista drops the hammer on Jericho and takes him to the Evolution corner. Tag to Orton. Orton with the standing dropkick. Cover, 2. Jericho catches Orton on the run in the sleeper drop, and both are down. Jericho is up, falls, tag to Edge! Edge in and he puts Orton down with rights. Off the ropes, reversed, forearm from Edge. Russian legsweep! 1, 2, shoulder up. Spinning heel kick on Orton, shot to Batista, snake eyes on Orton. Edge is set for the spear, Orton leapfrogs it, Edge takes him down for the not a sharpshooter and not an indian deathlock, but Batista breaks. Double-team dropkick sends Batista to the floor, and then Orton is elevated out, nearly dying. Edge with a baseball slide on Orton, Jericho's up top and aiming for Batista - crossbody to the floor connects! This one has broken down, we'll take a break. (07'25")
We're back and Orton is taking a beating in the face corner. Edge tags in with a couple of fay forearms. Into the neutral corner, but Orton fights back and tags Batista out. Powerslam from Batista, cover, 2. Knee into the back, knee into the back, now Batista grinds his foot into Edge's stomach. Orton tags in and does the same thing. Batista is back after some short Orton offense, and he has a seated full nelson locked on Edge. Edge gets out of that and drops down to send Batista face-first into the middle turnbuckle. Edge crawls for the tag, Batista cuts him off and nails Jericho too. Orton tagged back in and he works the body scissors. Crank! Edge with the Edgecution, Orton sells it like a champ. I like Orton's "oh fuck I'm dead" selling every time he does it for any move. Tags to Jericho and Batista and Jericho is caught on a crossbody. Up to the shoulder, Jericho slides, forearm shot puts Batista down. Shot for Orton. Batista throws Jericho into the corner, kick to the face from Jericho, faceslam, drop toe-hold over the middle rope - 619? Naw, running rope-assisted Mike Enos. Edge dropkicks Batista into a sunset flip for two. Orton is back in and he puts Edge on the floor. Orton crawls around like Edge, RKO on Jericho, blocked, Batista charges, Jericho ducks, LARIAT ON ORTON! Oh fuck Orton's dead. Jericho goes for the walls, Batista kicks him away to the floor. Spear on Batista! Jericho's back - lionsault! 1, 2, 3! (07'27" - 14'52" aired) Pretty strong match. Edge looked good for the first time in a few weeks.
JR and the King tell us about something, I was fast-forwarding. Oh, Lita's pregnant. It's Kane's. Let's relive it in the form of a crappy video.
TONIGHT! Benoit v. Kane
Backstage, HHH has no pants on. Flair interrupts. "You're the greatest professional wrestler alive today. You're the franchise of the WWE. And I will never question you ever said or did. But tonight, you're gonna bring Eugene into Evolution, my God, it'll kill our gimmick, brother, we are it!" "Calm down. I made a deal with Bischoff, alright? Bischoff gives me a match for the world heavyweight championship at Vengeance, I get Eugene out of his hair. I'm just livin' up to my end of the bargain." "But why don't you just kill the little worm right now? Strangle him right in the middle of the ring!" "Ric, you're the dirtiest player in the game! This is a page right out of your book, I learned this all from you. Last week I learned, Eugene's got some talent. Some ... special talent. And I'm gonna use that talent to get back the one thing that means anything in my life - the world heavyweight championship. And when that's done? Eugene will have outlived his usefulness, and then - Eugene goes bye-bye. For good." These two should just kiss already.
Here is a shot of the beautiful Coliseum in beautiful Richmond
Don't forget the Raw Diva Search
Backstage, LITA has been crying. I know that because her makeup is runny and stuff. She's on her phone. She's calling Matt. She leaves a message. STACY KEIBLER, an important role player in this saga, joins Lita. "Lita?" "Just a minute." "Lita. What's wrong." ARE YOU RETARDED, STACY? "Stacy I'm a horrible personnn" "Don't. ..say that." "Iam Stacy. I . I slept with Kane." "Oh. You are a horrible person."
JR makes his way to the ring to interview Kane. Let's take a break.
Let's see the cops surrounding the ring. JR asks us to please welcome Kane. Kane says if he felt like doing something to JR, nobody could stop him. Not even Deputy Moustache or Lieutenant Moustache. Short form: Kane maimed Shawn Michaels because he was angry; he boned Lita because he wanted a normal life but can't have one, so he wants offspring; tonight he'll beat Chris Benoit and become the world champion; MATT HARDY attacks and is taken out by the police. Fuck tha police, but more importantly, fuck this angle. It was humorous how the police just stood around not reacting to Hardy until Bischoff came out to tell them what to do. One of the guys was from the K-9 unit. More like ... the KANE-9 Unit. Huh? Bischoff apologizes to Kane for Matt's actions, and says tonight Kane can win the title via DQ, countout, pinfall or submission, and Benoit has to make Kane tap.
WILLIAM REGAL (240, Blackpool, England) v. TRIPLE H (265, Greenwich, CT, with Ric Flair): Your referee is Eugene. Collar-and-elbow, HHH backs Regal into the corner. HHH with a wristlock, Regal rolls through and reverses, taking HHH down with a hammerlock. HHH reverses. Hey, what is this? Wrestling? Regal with a takedown on the reversal, stood up into a wristlock. HHH goes back down, comes back up, right, Regal off the ropes and he shoulderblocks HHH down. Regal with kicks and HHH backs away. Collar-and-elbow back to the corner again. Eugene gets in to administer a clean break, but HHH takes a cheapshot over Eugene's head. Regal gets pissed and turns it around, firing lefts. HHH complains to Eugene. Another cheapshot from HHH. Right hand, Regal goes down. Vertical suplex, Triple H with a "Harley Race-like knee." Harley Race wouldn't have needed a camera switch on impact. Regal comes back with forearms and European uppercuts, just beating the hell out of HHH. Helmsley with the Flair flop. Off the buckles, backdrop. This is just Regal v. Flair! Exploder from Regal (!), cover, 2. What is this, this is good. Flair on the apron and he tosses the knux in. HHH has them, but Regal decks HHH with a left and down he goes. Regal puts the knux on and Eugene sees it and DQs him. (04'08") Eugene turns his back to Regal, Regal tries to explain, and HHH jumps from behind to knock Regal into Eugene. Regal puts HHH down and stalks, but Eugene snaps and beats the hell out of Regal. He's real strong, you know. The problem I'm coming to with Eugene, besides the fact that he sometimes is forgetting his 'tard accent and lets the hillbilly in him slip out ("you weren't supposedta DEW THAT"), is the problem I come to with almost all fake retards I have ever seen in a movie or a TV show. Eventually, I just get pissed off at them because they're stupid. I'm not saying it's their fault, but I get frustrated with people easily, and fake retards especially so. At this point, I don't feel bad that Eugene is being manipulated. I don't even care that he's being manipulated. I just don't like Eugene and don't want him socializing with the normals any longer. Put him in a home and I'll go visit him now and then, making him tolerable. When he's there all the time it's just too much for me. As far as this match goes, HHH really made Regal look strong, going down on punches and forearms and such, and holding his own with the chain wrestling at the start, which he looked bad at against Eugene. So there's another thing I hate about Eugene.
07/02 - Vancouver, BC - Pacific Coliseum at P.N.E.
07/03 - Saskatoon, SK - Saskatchewan Place
07/04 - Regina, SK - Regina Agridome
07/05 - Raw - Winnipeg, MB - Winnipeg Arena
07/10 - Worcester, MA - Centrum Centre
Whatever of the Week presented by Driv3r: Kane chokeslamming Benoit on Raw 3 Weeks Ago
NON-TITLE MATCH - LA RESISTANCE (World Tag Team Champions, unannounced) v. SGT. SLAUGHTER & RHYNO (unannounced): What an odd team. Did you know Sgt. Slaughter is a WWE Hall of Famer? Rhyno jumps the champs on the floor, and he'll start proper with Rob Conway. Your referee is Chad Patton. Rhyno dominates La Resistance. Slaughter wants the tag so Grenier blindsides Rhyno, and then Conway knocks Slaughter off the apron. Sarge is restrained from his vengeance. Vengeance on July 11! Near-fall off something. This is the standard Slaughter match they keep bringing out every six months or so. Rhyno does the bulk of the work and he's on the defensive to La Resistance's crappy offense. Sarge gets the hot tag and he's got clotheslines and hiptosses. Scoop aaand a slam on Conway. Backdrop on Grenier. Whip is reversed, Conway can't put Slaughter down - cobra clutch! Big pop for that. Grenier comes in but his shots do not phase Slaughter, WWE Hall of Famer. Bring Greg Valentine back. DDT on Slaughter, Rhyno comes in to nail Grenier, as soon as Grenier wants to turn around. Rhyno is hot now, but he just sits on the ropes waiting for Conway to come knock him to the floor. This is bad and it has nothing to do with the old ass man. Au Revoir on Slaughter, 2, 3. (05'00") Sarge has some balls to take that move, so good for him getting out there.
Backstage, Eugene is still upset. HHH is there too. "You're angry right, Eugene? That's what you're feeling. You're angry. That's okay, Eugene, it's okay to feel angry. You remember when Kane said he was your friend? And then he hit you and he humiliated you in front of all those people? You got angry, didn't you? You got angry, right? That's okay! That's okay, Eugene. You remember when last week in our match, Chris Benoit hit you in the head with that steel chair. And you got angry, didn't you, Eugene? That's right. But that's okay. And then tonight, tonight, when William Regal, he used you and lied to you, Eugene. And when you turned your back on him, he attacked you. And then you got angry again, didn't you? Chris Benoit. Kane. William Regal. They all hurt you, didn't they, Eugene? Yeah, they all hurt you. They were all mean to you. Well NO ONE, Eugene, no one, is ever going to hurt you again - 'cause you're with Evolution now." "And yer mah frennd." "That's right. We're your friends. We'll never be mean to you. We'll never hurt you. We'll always take care of you, Eugene. And if there's one thing that Evolution knows, it's how to take care of people who hurt their friends." Fuck this shit.
Vengeance! Orton v. Edge, Jericho v. Batista, Benoit or Kane v. HHH
Backstage, Bischoff and Flair attempt to not punch each other. Coach comes in as Flair is leaving and Flair invites him to a party. Bischoff is taking next week off, Coach assumes he'll be the interim GM. Slight change of plans, Coach. Coach assumes Ric Flair will be interim GM. No, Coach. The GM will be Eugene. Just what I needed.
At Bad Blood, Benoit pinned Kane, which he can't do tonight. NEXT! Our main event.
Smackdown Rebound feat. JBL winning the WWE championship and the untimely death of Paul Bearer. Well, is it really that untimely? Dude is morbidly obese.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - KANE (challenger, 320, with Earlier Tonight and Raw presents Vengeance) v. CHRIS BENOIT (champion, 229, now residing in Atlanta, GA): Your referee is Mike Chioda. Kane with a boot to the stomach. Off the ropes, Benoit dropkicks the knee and goes to work on it. Benoit goes for the sharpshooter, Kane kicks him away. Benoit, the rabid wolverine, goes right back to the knee. Another sharpshooter attempt, Kane has him in a choke. Benoit breaks away, off the ropes, back elbow from Kane. Elbowdrop misses. Benoit tries an Oklahoma roll -> crossface, but it doesn't work. Benoit trying for the crossface, Kane tosses him to the floor. Let's take a break. (01'57")
We're back and Benoit is throwing rights and chops in the corner. Chioda backs him off, which allows Kane to get a big right in. During Break, Benoit tried the sharpshooter and lost the handle on it, and then dropped for the crossface but Kane rolled to the floor. Kane gets two on a legdrop. Benoit drags Kane out to the floor and they slug it out. Kane gets Benoit up and darts him into the post. The count is on, and Kane can win the title via countout, remember. Pretty decent way to work that in. Kane is excited. Benoit is in at nine after encouragement from JR. Hey, there's TYE DYE GUY. Maybe he gave Benoit encouragement. He should let me know. Back to the floor again, Benoit tries to put Kane into the post on a slide-down of the same dart attempt, but Kane blocks. Kane charges, Benoit drop toe-holds him into the steps. Chioda can't count. Let's take ANOTHER break. (02'52")
We're back and predictably in a Kane chinlock. During Break, Kane hit a lariat. This is a history-making night, says JR. Benoit with elbows, Kane puts him down again. Benoit with a chop, kick to the leg, off the ropes, hooked for a German, Kane elbows out and kicks him in the head. Kane stalks for the chokeslam - countered with the crippler crossface! Kane picks it up and drops it down to break the hold. Kane sits up. Kane goes for the tombstone, block, German suplex! German suplex! German suplex! Lookit Kane get his ass up on those. Cut da t'roat! Flying headbutt and my God that looked amazing. Benoit covers, but Chioda can't count. Kane sits up again, so Benoit dropkicks him in his face. Benoit goes back up, but Kane is on his feet. Kane gives it away by grabbing for the super chokeslam with his left arm. Benoit drops to the floor, taking Kane's arm over the top rope. Shoulder into the post, German suplex! Crippler crossface! Kane rolls over, but Benoit holds on. Benoit keeps his shoulder up so he's not pinned in the hold, Kane taps out! (04'59" - 09'46" aired) Pretty good match! All the matches tonight were pretty good!
Post-match, Kane beats Benoit up until Lita comes down with a smile on her face to give Kane the belt. During all this stupid shit, all the crowd cares about is chanting "You Tapped Out" - yeah, the wrestling is secondary, WWE. Lita raises Kane's hand to big boos, then tells him to give Benoit more punishment. When he turns around, she kicks him in the asshole. She has the belt and she wants to hit him with it, but instead he's going to chokeslam her. He puts her down because she's pregnant. That dickhead Benoit nails Kane with the belt, and we're out.
Good wrestling this week, but I'm really having a hard time with the two major angles, because I hate them both very much. I'm sorry, I just don't like Eugene and don't want to see it. But again, next week on time. Seriously.