TNA Wrestling Impact! #4 - 06/25/04
by Scott Christ
Yes I'm getting around to finishing Raw, kind of, maybe. I might.
Yes I'm seriously ordering the Great American Bash. No foolin'.
This show is coming on the heels of the two-year anniversary PPV which seemed to annoy 90% of those that ordered it. To this I say, that's why you don't pay $9.95 unless they taped some X Cup thing and you hear it was good. I know it's UNDER TEN DOLLARS MIKE TENAY, but when it sucks, boy does it suck, and there went ten dollars. That's when you start saying it WAS ten dollars, and not under ten dollars.
And here's the show!
We await the decision of Vince Russo about who the NWA champion is! Impact! is next!
And now, from Stage 21 at Universal Studios at Universal Orlando Resort, it's Total Nonstop Action Wrestling Impact! This is episode No. 4 and we are airing on June 25, 2004 (taped June 24, 2004)
Today! Abyss & Dallas v. AJ Styles & D-Lo Brown!
AMAZING RED, CHRIS SABIN & PRIMETIME v. KAZARIAN, NOSAWA & MIYAMOTO: Any team with Amazing Red and Primetime is just my favorite. Your referee is either Mike Posey or Andrew Thomas, they're the same to me. They talk about Jeff Hardy. Kazarian and Red start, joy of joys. What the hell are you two doing? Kazarian takes him down - WITH IMPACT! Yeah, Mike doesn't call moves, he just says IMPACT and TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION a lot to describe things. Nosawa and Red miscommunicate on an armdrag spot and thankfully Red tags out to Sabin. Let's not pay attention to this EXCITING X DIVISION MATCH WITH IMPACT AND TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION, it's VINCE RUSSO walking backstage with the belt. Larry Zbyszko is the judge this week. Primetime is in the ring. So let's recap - Kazarian, Red, Primetime, Russo, Zbyszko either present or mentioned in one segment. Yeah, this is my least favorite segment ever. Red's in with Miyamoto. I realize I'm not calling this very well, but it's ... oh Red just fell off the ropes trying to springboard. It was Kazarian shaking the rope. Yeah I'm not buying that one, Mike. Tower superplex from Nosawa and Miyamoto and a "sit-out driver" from Nosawa, but he pulls him up at two. Kazarian tags back in. Sabin back in and these guys like to do lots of meaningless flipping into other moves. Sabin with Nate Webb's Soylent Green on Kazarian, and a tornado DDT/enzuigiri Tekken tag combo on Kazarian and Miyamoto. Let's dive to the floor! Yay! Kazarian with a Boss Man Slam on Red, butr he's okay! 718 from Red, Asai moonsault then onto Kazarian. Primetime with the Play of the Day on Nosawa - 1, 2, 3. (05'33")
When we return, Irish Pat Kenney v. Monty Brown.
Wednesday, there's a PPV, featuring Styles v. Kash and the battle of the Browns and Watts v. Abyss
Commercials: [plug] Ultimate X Collection, Right Guard Xtreme Power Caps, Tigers stuff
Jonny Fairplay returns to TNA next week and this might be my last show.
MONTY BROWN v. IRISH PAT KENNEY: Your referee is Rudy Charles. Kenney with an armdrag and a silly slingshot crossbody to the floor. Kenney just stands there to get punched in the face and fall down. Backstage, GLENN GILBERTI and JOHNNY SWINGER are wearing silly outfits. Swinger flexes his pics in his coconut bikini, which is marginally funny. Brown goes to a sleeper. Kenney gets out, but there's amazing agility from Monty Brown as he throws a dropkick. Kenney with a very loud superkick to the stomach. I wish he would stop slapping his leg so loud if he can't kick high enough. Hooray, the fricking pounce. 1, 2, 3. They took the Fox Box up too fast, I missed the time.
Next - AMW v. Team Canada
Wednesday, D-Lo v. Monty
Commercials: Tigers Weekly, Beyond the Glory: Matt Kenseth, NBS 24/7, FSN Across America, Yankees v. Mets blah blah - boy, every commercial is a Fox commercial
NON-TITLE MATCH - PETEY WILLIAMS & BOBBY ROODE (challengers, with Scott D'Amore) v. AMERICA'S MOST WANTED (NWA tag team champions): Your referee is Posey, I think. I think that's Posey. Petey and Storm start it off and man, Petey is really short. Harris tags in, big hiptoss but Roode got a blind tag. SHANE DOUGLAS is waiting outside of a door and hey, look, I'm actually interested in this match, stop it. Harris delays a vertical suplex. Cover, 2. Flying clothesline from Storm on Williams being held by Harris. Yeah, that was a clunky sentence. More double-team movery, using Petey to take Roode down. Team Canada go to Scott D'Amore for advice. Roode takes control with a choke and the tape machines are rolling. (03'01")
The X Division!!
Commercials: KFC, Belle Tire and the Tigers are teaming up!
Storm is on the defensive. Williams tags in and leapfrogs to the turnbuckles, jumps back, and he's caught with a power bomb. Storm is hobbling, but makes the hot tag to Harris. Lariat on Roode, forearm for Petey, Uncle Slam on Roode - 1, 2, no. Backstage, LARRY ZBYSZKO watches TV. They're just going to kill this powerbomb -> superplex stack spot, aren't they? Crowd is really into this match. Petey tries the destroyer on Harris, but forget it, midget. Spear on Williams, powerslam from Roode on Harris, two count. Roode tries a tornado DDT, blocked, Storm superkicks him off the apron and hits a slingshot crossbody. Petey and Harris left in the ring with under a minute left. THE NATURALS hit the ring to throw powder in Harris' eyes and hit him with a chair. Ref is back, Williams is covering - 1, 2, 3! YES! O CANADA! (03'47" - 06'48" aired)
Commercials: [plug] Ultimate X Collection (2), Bad Santa on DVD, Detroit fans
Vince Russo is really a great guy! That's about all I got out of that video package.
JEFF JARRETT comes to the ring with a real big-time entrance that doesn't look so big-time really. But it's pretty cool. "Thank you. Last week on Impact, Vince Russo said that if a guitar was gonna be used in the world title match at TNA's 2-year anniversary, there would be an immediate disqualification. Well the whole world saw the Truth use a guitar." There is no decision, says Jarrett. Get out here, Russo, give him his title back! Larry Zbyszko comes out instead. Zbyszko says Jarrett will get their decision this Wednesday on PPV. Zbyszko keeps talking like he's hot shit, so Jarrett el kabongs him. I can't blame him for that. 3 LIVE KRU are in to beat Jarrett up, but here comes CHAD COLLYER and HOTSTUFF HERNANDEZ, and they win out.
So, in short, they shafted people on PPV to watch this show, they (might) have gotten them to watch this show, and now they have to pay another $10 to find out what they tuned in to find out for free, or, more realistically, what they paid to find out in the first place - who won a match. Yeah.
Commercials: [plug] Ultimate X Collection (3), Right Guard Xtreme Power Caps (2), Detroit-area Chevy dealers, 2004 All-Star Game
Two-year flashback: Jarrett attacks Hogan, no one in the room reacts. "Chono, help 'im!"
Your hosts are MIKE TENAY and DON WEST. Tenay is sooo smug right now: "And quite honestly, we have not heard from Hulk Hogan since." And he sits there with that stupid smile on his face. That shit-eating grin. F you, Mike Tenay. NEXT WEEK ON IMPACT! DENNIS RODMAN WILL BE HERE! HOLY CRAP! BIZNESS!!!
Jeff Hardy video package. Is that Peroxwhy?gen?
Next, our main event
Commercials: KFC (2), FSN Espanol brings you sports programming - in Spanish!, FSN Detroit, FSN bumper
ABYSS (with Goldylocks) & DALLAS v. D-LO BROWN & AJ STYLES (X Division champion): Brawl to start, D-Lo went and got himself some Japanman wrestling pants. They work better for him than they do Trik Davis. Brown takes a short beating, but Styles springboards in with a clothesline on both, which only rocks the two of them. They're real tall. Styles with a Stringer splash, Brown follows. Why is this match in slow motion? Abyss can move. Goldylocks trips D-Lo, which allows for the distraction. You know, for being so big, Abyss and Dallas don't seem all that strong. Scoop aaand a slam by Dallas. D-Lo with a shining wizard because enough people don't do that. D-Lo went to Japan and came back as an American indy cliche. Tags to Styles and Abyss, and Styles is all about it. Wow, that is a hell of a leapfrog. Spinning heel kick! Springboard forearm shot, but Dallas has him for the reverse crucifix. Sky-High/neckbreaker combo, but it's only two. That's good, it didn't look great. Styles with a dive to the floor, but Abyss catches and posts him. D-Lo with a suicide dive to take Abyss out. Does it matter who's legal? Styles with a 'rana on Dallas - 1, 2, 3. (06'37") Monty Brown is out to beat up D-Lo, and KID KASH is out to beat up Styles. It's a 4-on-2 beatdown to end the show.
Well, this was better than usual, I actually liked both the tag matches. The six-man was the same as the usual six-man, only with Red blowing stuff.
But Jonny Fairplay? I'll take a week off, maybe.