WWE RAW - 06/14/04
by Scott Christ

Yeah yeah yeah.

CC - TV-14-DLV - SmackDown!/WWE Experience/Bottom Line/Velocity/Heat/Afterburn/Tough Enough - RAW - Attitude - Entertainment - Bischoff

Last Week, Eugene v. Triple H was announced for This Week. Jericho tried to clue Eugene in to the truth about HHH, but HHH swindled Eugene.

Come on, come on, come on. Ehh. Fireworks. We're live from the American Airlines Arena in Miami, FL on June 21, 2004. TONIGHT! Triple H v. Eugene. TONIGHT! An update on Shawn Michaels.

IF YA SMELL! THE ROCK is out to a huge pop. Rocky Rocky Rocky Rocky Rocky. And he milks it, 'cause he can. "You see when I do this, this means I got goosebumps, 'cause FINALLY - THE ROCK HAS COME ... HOME. (squeeeeal!!!!! home!!!!! he said home!!!!!!) I can always stop for one more Rocky chant, hell yeah! (Rocky Rocky Rocky Rocky) See the Rock has come home, the Rock has come home, here live, live on Raw, LIVE in ME AH ME! See the Rock didn't come by hisself, no no no, the Rock knew it was live, his hometown, so the Rock, so the Rock just had to bring some friends, the Rock had to bring some family, front-row family right there, MUCH LOVE! Damn. Look at the Rock's fine ass wife. The lovin's gotta wait 'til the business is done, mama, you know that. The Rock - there's some other cats here who the Rock's gotta recognize. The Rock's gotta recognize two other cats here, the Rock's gotta - no, not y'all. Two girls over there - no, no, couple cats here. My man, my homeboys, kickin' ass all year, had a great season. Ladies and gentlemen - All-Pro, middle linebacker, number 54, ZACK THOMAS. The Rock just noticed, I just noticed, I just noticed this, we got the former Miami Hurricanes in the house! Rock didn't know that, damn! My alma mater! And my boy - my boy, yeah - my boy, All-Pro, All-Pro, kickin' ass, sack leader, all that, All-Pro defensive lineman, number 99 JASON TAYLOR. Damn. Alright. Tell ya what, y'all come here, damn - it's nice of y'all to dress up for the show. Y'all make twenty million dollars a year, y'all got on free Nike gear. That's cool, damn, I didn't even know the Dolphins played defense this year. I'm just curious, between the two of y'all and my boy Junior Seau, which one is y'all's job, who gets the ball every time the New England Patriots score a touchdown, which one is that? I'm just playin', I'm just playin', y'all my boys, you're my boys, I have a lotta love for you guys. He's my neighbor, Jason Taylor's my neighbor, he makes twenty million dollars a year, and I tell ya, that damn guy still calls me collect. Okay, I'ma get off y'all. But before I get off y'all, my boys Miami Hurricanes know this, 'cause we got one - but right now, what I'm, what the Rock's standing in right now, this is a ring. That means, that means, if y'all do what ya need to do, and I know you will, you're gonna bring a championship home, Super Bowl champs this year! But they're my boys, my homeboys, my friends. And there's another guy in the back who's the Rock's friend. Exactly - his name is Eugene. So Eugene, for some ungodly reason, I know, I know Triple H is your favorite wrestler, I get that, but you're going against Triple H tonight. No, boo, you boo Triple H, but Triple H is a bad cat, I get that, but Eugene, the Rock says this, you gotta come out here. The Rock has gotta tell you a few things about Triple H. So Eugene, the Rock is gonna play a little Bob Barker Price is Right -"

And we're cut off not by Eugene, but by RANDY ORTON. "Now Rock, I hate to break it to ya, I hate to break it to ya, man, but Eugene is not here. Okay? Actually, Eugene is with Triple H! That's right, Triple H picked up his newfound friend at the hotel, and he's gonna - he's gonna bring him to the arena personally. But Rock - now, uh, now that I gotcha here (ass hole!) - Rock now that you're in the ring, now that we're standing here, I just wanna say I'm very happy, because, man, we've never really had a chance to talk. I mean, sure, sure, I remember beating you and Mick Foley at WrestleMania XX. You know, I remember all that, but we've never really had a chance to speak to one another, and Rock, what I've got to say to you is that you are yesterday's news! You are irrelevant! You are no more! Okay? There's a new third-generation superstar that is making his mark on Raw, and he is much younger, much more hip, and much, much better-looking than you! And his name is Randy Orton." "Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah, exactly, no, we've never had a chance to sit down and meet. But damn, I gotta say, you came out, you interrupted the Rock, you ran your mouth. I thought you were gonna come out to say, 'hey, good to see ya, man!' 'Hey, ya like my belt?' Or somethin' like that, so I must agree. 15,000 of the Rock's hometown fans callin' you, you are an (bleep)! Listen, the Rock knows who you are, he knows who you are! Third-generation wrestler, yeah yeah, as a matter of fact, the Rock remembers, very distinctly, long time ago - 'member meetin' your daddy, Cowboy Bob Orton, yeah, with the cast on his hand. I remember that! And I also remember some cat named Soulman Rocky Johnson whoopin' your daddy's ass! Nah, wait a minute, no, it keeps goin' back! Your grandaddy, Bob Orton, Sr., the Rock's grandaddy, High Chief Peter Maivia layin' the Samoan smackdown on his monkey ass! Oh, even back, way back more than that. Your big fatassed grandmammy! Your mammy! They all complained, hell, the Rock's grandmama, his mama, right there, slapped the lips off all two of them bitches! (Rock's grandma dances) (Rocky Rocky Rocky Rocky)"

"Rock - Rock, you can listen to all these people chant your name, but they all know deep down inside, who the man is! Thank you very much!" "I tell ya what, the Rock even remembers you! I remember you! I remember you, how 'bout the gerbils, you remember the gerbil? Don't forget." "We never knew each other as kids! There's a gerbil? What're you talkin' about?!" "That's funny, we never knew each other as a kid? Well let the Rock remind you. The Rock remembers in the locker room, your old man, callin' the Rock over - 'Hey, Dwayne, I want to meet my son, this is Randy Orton.' Yeah, I remember that. I remember lookin' at you, sittin' there pickin' your nose, wipin' it on your shirt. And of all things, of all things, you were sittin' in the locker room, sittin' in the locker room, playin' with a My Llll - Pretty Pony!" "A wha?! A pretty pony?! I never, I never had a pretty pony." "You never had a pretty pony?" "I didn't play with it! It was my sister's, okay, it was..." "Oh, the Rock remembers, oh yeah. Then your dad calls me over, 'Here, this is my son.' I went to shake your hand, 'Hey, man, how ya doin'?' 'This is my pretty pony, don't touch my pretty pony!' You remember that?" "No, I don't remember that!" "Shut your mouth! And then you just RAN! You ran! You ran right by Andre the Giant, right by Junkyard Dog, smack dab into the middle of King Kong Bundy's ball(bleep)! And I was LAUGHIN' - hold on, we're not done - I was laughin' my ass off, and you were sittin' there, and your dad's like, 'Hey Dwayne, don't laugh, one day, my son's gonna be great.' And I looked up again, and I said, 'No, no, Mr. Orton' - I called him Mr. Orton 'cause I respected him - 'Mr. Orton, actually one day, I'm gonna whip your son's candy ass.' (Rocky Rocky Rocky Rocky) So I'll tell you what, I tell you what, in tradition, in honor of tradition, how 'bout this, how 'bout this, how 'bout the Rock whoop your candy ass right here right now LIVE all over Miami!"

Orton de-jackets and circles - "Well Rock, truth is, I got a match later tonight, I'm wearin' my suit, I'm not stretched out, I don't think it'd be a good idea. Not today, NOT today." "No, you know what I'm sayin', yeah you look good, you look good in your suit, but I tell ya what - there's one reason these people paid hard good-earned money to see the Rock whoop your ass. And it might not be today, it might not be today, no no no, it might not be today, it's gonna be TONIGHT!" Rock unloads with rights! Orton hits the floor! ERIC BISCHOFF is here with security. "Hey hey hey hey Rock! Hey Rock! Sorry, Rock! Not gonna happen! See, I don't mind you comin' out here on my show, but I will not let you put a superstar like Randy Orton in jeopardy! And I sure as hell am not gonna let you jeopardize my main event tonight, Eugene versus Triple H! So security, if you don't mind, please escort the Rock from my arena, and if he even BEGINS to resist, you let me know and I'll have law enforcement arrest him and throw his ass in jail! (ass hole!)" "Okay, okay. Okay. Want the Rock to leave, okay, well the Rock'll leave, the Rock'll leave. The Rock ain't gettin' arrested in his hometown, no no no. Okay. The Rock sees this. Oh oh look, look what we got. Is this what you send out, Eric Bischoff? Where's Snow White and the rest of the seven dwarves? Sumbitches. The Rock will go, the Rock will go on his own accord, he'll go carryin' the mic, he'll leave. This the best you got, Eric Bischoff? Sendin' the Rock out with a buncha oompa loompas? I'm gonna tell you what, of all people you throw out of the building, of all people, live TV, you throw out the Rock? No wonder WCW went out of business."

TRISH STRATUS and TYSON TOMKO are in the gorilla position. "Yeah, here we are. Oh, look! Okay, here we are - hey, hey, mama! How ya doin'? No no no, the Rock's gotta go. Don't look at the People's Package. Hell, you, too, don't look, but it's all good. I like your show, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. It's all good." Now there's another security guy. "Oh look, okay, here we go, now we're in white. Look at this, you're the tall one out of the bunches. What're you, their daddy? Yeah, we'll leave. This is the way the Rock is gonna leave. THE ROCK'LL STOP JUST A - yeah. Buncha (bleep)." It's MOLLY HOLLY. "Hey, whassup, mama? How you doin', mama? Good to see you. Okay, nice hair. (there goes her wig) DAMN! Here put that on, man. Take that off, man! Here's a donut, okay. Ohh, here's my boys!" It's THE HURRICANE and ROSEY. "Yeah! Hamburglar, Grimace! Naw, I'm only playin'. What it is you, man? Damn, you don't talk Rock, every time the Rock gets around you you talk, don't get like that. I bet you know how to say 'super size me,' don't you? Here take the donut, man. Oh look at this, look at this. Why you makin' a face like that, COACH? You pucker your lips like that. Why you makin' face like that? What're you angry about, you angry with the Rock, why? 'Cause last time the Rock gave you the people's elbow 'cause you were insultin' people? Insultin' Eugene? We're live, live here in Miami, the Rock is live, this microphone is live, smile, man, damn! You hear the fans! You hear the millions and millions, smile! C'mon, man, it's good, you're gonna go out and party tonight! Miami pie! In the house! Yeah-hea-hea! (Rock leaves Coach hanging) The Rock'll tell you what, he's gotta leave his millions and millions, then the Rock'll leave like this, the Rock says this. Tonight, what's gonna happen, guarandamnteed, is Eugene is gonna whip Triple H's ass all over that ring, guarandamnteed!"

Orton is in the ring and has his mic back. "Hey! Hey! Somebody please shut him up, and get him out of the damn arena! Please! Get him out of the arena! Enough's enough!" "Oh, damn, oh Randy, you still in the ring? Well I tell ya what. I tell ya what. Randy Orton, I tell ya what, if you think the ass-whoopin' the Rock just laid on you was bad, in three seconds, three seconds from now you gonna feel somethin' you ain't never felt, the Rock guarandamntees! Check it out, Randy Orton - 3. 2. 1." And in the ring it's EDGE from behind with a spear. You think you know him! TONIGHT! Edge & Jericho v. Orton & Batista.

That was ... something.

Commercials: Joe Schmo 2, Castrol GTX High Mileage, Game Boy Advance Classic NES Series, Clearasil Ultra, Burger King for White People, McDonald's, U.S. Cellular, McDonald's (2), SpikeTV bumper

Backstage, Bischoff is with an event staff guy named WAYNE. He wants to make sure there's staff all around the arena to ensure Rock doesn't get back in. CHRIS BENOIT would like a word with Eric. "This match tonight, Triple H against Eugene? Eric, it's Eugene. Why does he have to be put in the middle of this? Look, if Triple H wants a shot at the title, I'll give him a shot - anytime, anyplace, anywhere, tonight. It doesn't matter. Leave Eugene out of this. It's Eugene. C'mon, Eric." "Chris, Chris, first of all - this is not about Triple H, okay? This is about Eugene. And more importantly, Chris, this is MY business, not your business. And being as you're not even on the schedule tonight, I suggest, uh, you just stay out of this. Or else." "Or else?" "Chris, as you've just seen, I've already thrown one superstar out of the building tonight. I've got no problem throwing out another one."

WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - TRISH STRATUS (champion, Toronto, ON, with Tyson Tomko) v. VICTORIA (challenger, Los Angeles, CA): Go go go go go! Wooo! I'ma go with my bad self. With my bad self. With my bad self. Your referee is Chris Kay. Collar-and-elbow, schoolboy from Victoria gets two. Scoop aaand a slam, seizuresault follows. 1, 2, kickout. Trish bails. Victoria follows but Tomko gets in the middle. Victoria stares at Tomko from the apron and gets dropkicked to the floor. Into the security wall, back in with Trish in control. Mount n' pummel, or pound n' ground if you prefer. Trish with a kick to the gut, thankfully she isn't Lita! Am I right, folks? Victoria makes the comeback but gets kicked again, so nevermind. There's another kick. Trish mimics the seizuresault but takes too much time and gets schoolboyed again - two count. Victoria throwing rights, Trish blocks a whip with a spinebuster for two. There's a chinlock, gotta love this style change, going back to the scientific days of yore. Victoria with rights again, this time the whip goes and the back elbow connects. Clothesline, clothesline, fireman's carry -> side slam for two. Victoria with a superkick right to the mush. And I mean right to the mush. Best kick in a women's match in the WWF ever. Victoria with a moonsault from the top, Tomko breaks the pin. Trish gets a roll-up and uses the ropes - 1, 2, 3 to retain. (03'54") Post-match, Tomko and Trish consider an attack, but STEVIE RICHARDS IN DRAG saves the day. JR and Lawler don't pick up that it's Richards, and they don't even sell it for shit. "Did that lady come out of the stands? That's weird HEY! THE DIVA SEARCH!"

HEY! THE DIVA SEARCH!

Your hosts tonight are JIM ROSS and JERRY THE KING LAWLER. Tonight, an update on Michaels.

Guerrero v. Bradshaw at the Great American Bash on Sunday

Commercials: YJ Stinger Catch the Buzz Feel the Bling, Spider-Man 2, Full Spectrum Warrior, Subway, 1-800-CALL-ATT, Ashen for N-Gage QD

TONIGHT! Jericho & Edge v. Orton & Batista

TONIGHT! HHH v. Eugene

Let's go back to the table. Hey, let's go back to Last Monday, when HHH and Shawn were going to kiss, but Kane killed Shawn. He has a crushed larynx! Severe throat injuries! He's home, convalescing. I think one of these two just recently learned they word because they say it a LOT.

Let's go backstage to Eric's office and WILLIAM REGAL. Eric is reading. "Is there something more important than this? Do you realize what Chris Benwar has just told you? You CANNOT put Eugene in the ring with Triple Haitch tonight! I mean, you're leading a lamb to the slaughter here! I mean, the poor lad - these people love him! He's become hugely successful, I just don't understand you - can you please explain yourself to me?" "First of all, I don't have to explain myself to you, or to anybody else, for that matter. The fact is, I'm Eric Bischoff, and each and every week, Eugene comes out here, and embarrasses me. I'm tired." "Why - look - instead of - well, just - just, fire the boy, get rid of him!" "I can't just FIRE THE BOY. I've got a board of directors to deal with. I've got a sister to - that I have to deal with. How would it look if I just fired him? No, I can't just fire him." "Just accept it, I mean, he's a huge success. This is about making money, isn't it?" "It's - about - my - family and reputation. It's about getting Eugene to quit. See, I can't fire him, he has to quit under his own volition. Put yourself in my shoes, William. What better way to get him to quit, than to have him beaten like a drum. Humiliated, by his faaavorite wrestler, Triple H." "Step into your shoes. Do you know something? I know I'm a dirty, rotten scoundrel. Absolutely rotten to the core - always have been, and always will be. But I love that boy. I absolutely love that boy. He - there's not a, there's not a drop of harm in him, and YOU - he loves you more than anything in the world, and you treat him like bloody dirt! You should be foundly ashamed of yourself!" "Should be, but I'm not. 'Cause I'm not just thinking about me, I'm thinking about Eugene, and I'm thinking about you. As a matter of fact, I'm thinking about the wonderful job you've done with Eugene. Such a wonderful job, in fact, that, as of this moment, I'm going to relieve you of your duties in regard to Eugene. And I'm going to put you back on the active roster. That's what this is all about, right? And as a matter of fact, I'm going to put you on the active roster, starting tonight - you're going to have your first match tonight. But don't even worry about changing. Don't even worry about getting ready. Because your next match, is coming up next." This is predictable.

Commercials: Anchorman, Game Boy Advance Classic NES Series (2), Starburst, Castrol GTX High Mileage (2), Spider-Man 2 on P-S 2, White Chicks, AutoZone

We're back and Regal's in the ring.

WILLIAM REGAL (unannounced) v. KANE (unannounced): Oh, wow! Really?! Holy crap! God, fuck this show. They haven't had a new idea in months. No bell ever rings, but Regal gets the jump on him and throws rights and lefts to the breadbasket and head. Kane covers up so Regal headbutts him. That's awesome. Kane with a hiptoss on the floor and a choke throw into the ropes. Regal stumbles back, kick to the face. And that's that.

Live!
06/25 - Buffalo, NY - HSBC Arena
06/26 - New York, NY - Madison Square Garden
06/27 - Salisbury, MD - Wicomico Civic Center (2pm)
06/28 - Raw - Richmond, VA - Richmond Coliseum
07/02 - Vancouver, BC - Pacific Coliseum at P.N.E.

Commercials: Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Jungle Storm for N-Gage QD, Burger King for White People (2), Clearasil Ultra (2), Full Spectrum Warrior (2), Lenny Kravitz for Target, Vehix.com (local), Michigan's Ford Dealers have a deal for me! (local)

Moments Ago, William Regal was eliminated by Kane

BACK FRICKING STAGE, Bischoff is with Kane. Blah blah blah, next week, Kane gets a rematch with Benoit for the world title. "That's great! But as for tonight, one way or another, you ain't seen nothin' yet."

Here is the beautiful fricking American Airlines Arena in beautiful fricking Miami

OH MY GOD THE RAW FRICKING DIVA SEARCH

BATISTA & THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION RANDY ORTON (combined 573, with Raw is brought to you by Starburst, N-Gage QD and White Chicks) v. EDGE (250, Toronto, ON) & CHRIS JERICHO (230, Manhasset, NY): Your referee is Chad Patton. We managed to the the whole first hour with one match. This is just like the old days, bitching about there not being any wrestling, time wasted on stuff no one cares about, overbearing hype for the main event, an update on why a major star can't be here tonight, and when you DO get to a match, it's something repetitive. Kind of makes me tear up, really. Batista and Edge start and Batista is very strong, which Edge would like to avoid. Unfortunately for him, Batista catches him. Tag to Orton and Orton isn't that strong, so Edge is a little more brave with him. Edge with a vertical suplex, cover, 2. Batista tags in and seriously, real strong. Jericho's in and he's in control. Boot up in the corner on Batista, clips him, walls of Jericho? Of course not! That move sucks, he should really abandon it. Jericho with a dropkick to the back, running rope-assisted Mike Enos, crappy "bulldog", LIONSAULT CONNECTS! 1, 2, Orton saves. Batista with a lariat on Jericho, and Jericho is out. Get some help, c'mon. Here comes some help. Let's take a break. (05'24")

Commercials: The Godfather Part II on SpikeTV, Eddie Guerrero for YJ Stinger, Castrol GTX High Mileage (3), Birdman Lugz, Game Boy Advance Classic NES Series (3), 50 First Dates on DVD, Fahrenheit 9/11, Joe Schmo 2 (2), SpikeTV bumper

We are back live and Chris Jericho is gone. Chad Patton gave Edge the option of calling the match off or continuing alone, so he's going it alone. Replay of the clothesline. Orton with the chinlock. CRANK CRANK CRANK!!! Edge with a small package after getting out for two. Orton grinds the elbow into the face and mounts and pummels. Batista gets back in, up for a powerslam, Edge slides down and hits the Edge-o-Matic. Batista makes the tag, and now Orton has added the "let's slug it out wildly" spot. These forearms look pretty bunk. Edge tries a double clothesline, but Batista ducks. Batista sent to the corner, spear in the corner. Orton whipped in, spear on him and Batista. Boy, this Edge is making a game of it. Edge with an HONEST TO GOD bulldog. Batista can't quite make it over the top rope. Eventually, he gets there. Orton rolls Edge up, Edge reverses, two count. "Thumb to the eye", RKO is blocked, spear! Two count before Batista breaks. Edge is busted open on his jaw area. Batistabomb! Orton pulls Edge up and jawjacks - RKO! 1, 2, 3. (06'07" - 11'31" aired)

DIVA SEARCH

JR and King talk about Bush and Kerry formally responding to blah blah blah. Yeah, I'm blahing this. I'm trying to watch fricking wrestling.

Commercials: Joe Schmo 2 (3), Full Spectrum Warrior (3), Clearasil Ultra (3), 1-800-CALL-ATT (2), Game Boy Advance Classic NES Series (4), Castrol GTX High Mileage (4), M&W Tire (local), Comcast digital info button (local)

Backstage, STACY KEIBLER walks. It's MATT HARDY! If they need a babysitter or any help, she'll be there! Oh my God! Matt's going to propose ... to Stacy! Haha, no, to Lita. You got served.

Smackdown Fricking Rebound featuring JB fricking L and the fricking Dudley Boyz

Here is a limo. It's EUGENE! His HHH action figure is beating up his Benoit. RIC FLAIR and TRIPLE H step out. "You have a good time, man?" "Mmhm! I'm a limousine-ridin', jet-flyin', kiss-stealin', whealin'-dealin' son of a gun, wooo!" "Yes you are, Eugene, yes you are. Hey - hey, guess what? I've got ANOTHER big surprise for you! Tonight, you're gonna get to dress in EVOLUTION'S LOCKER ROOM!" Eugene is excited and runs off. Lots of sirens in the background. "You know somethin', Naitch? I think I'm gonna enjoy this more than anything else in my life." Even more than drugging and raping Stephanie McMahon? Even more than boning Chyna?

Commercials: YJ Stinger Catch the Buzz Feel the Bling (2), Birdman Lugz blroo (2), Spider-Man 2 on P-S 2 (2), Burger King for White People (3), Ashen on N-Gage QD (2), Spider-Man 2 (2), Lenny Kravitz for Target (2)

Oh yeah! Matt Hardy is out. Matt has been ecstatic for the last week. Good for him. "Well as all of you know, yesterday in the United States, we celebrated Father's Day. But Father's Day kinda took on a new meaning for me this year, 'cause Lita told me she was pregnant. And I know she's not 100% right now, but I would really appreciate it if the mother of my child, Lita, would come down right now." So LITA will. "Lita, I love you. I love you so much, and you made me the happiest person in the world when you told me that we were gonna have a baby. That we were gonna be a family. But baby, I don't wanna tell ya how much I love ya, I wanna show ya." Down on bended knee. Nice ring, Matt. "Lita. Will you marry me?" She's kinda nodding when guess who's on the video screen? "LEE-TAH. OH LEE-TAH. Before you answer that question, don't you think there's something you should tell Matt? Then let me tell him for you. Matt - that baby that Lita's carrying - isn't yerz. It's ... MINE! Ahahahaha." "Kane you liar! You lying (bleep)! Kane! You wanna mess with me, then you come out here! Kane you wanna ruin my life, then come out here and let me ruin yer life, bastard!" "Matt ... if you don't believe me ... then ... why don't you just ... ask ... Lee-tah? Ahahahahaha."

Matt is distraught! He is pacing! He is calming down. Breathe in, breathe out. Got a Machine Ted. Ok. He's ok. Lita is ... "crying". Matt's not ok! Lita is "crying"! This is not ok with Matt Hardy! Ohhh she can't even look at him. He will pull his hair. He will get crazy eyes. He will fiddle with his hands. The announcers do not talk. Let's leave.

Commercials: Subway (2), Anchorman (2), Castrol GTX High Mileage (5), Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow, White Chicks (2), Geico, Taco Bell

Matt is leaving. "Matt, wait! Wait one second! Please, Matt! Listen to me. Matt!" "You slept with him to protect me?" She didn't want Kane to hurt him. Lita is such a tramp, saying "We weren't together yet." How dare you? "But the baby might be yours!" Oh you slut! Hit her, Matt! "The baby MIGHT be mine?" And he leaves. I'd hit a bitch for that. I mean really.

DIVA SEARCH

Backstage, Eugene does his squats. Batista is here. Orton. Flair. HHH. "Are you ready?" "Where's William Regal, he likes to go to the ring with me?" Oh please, he went to the ring with him two times, and one was an interview. HHH wants Eugene to take it easy. Bischoff is here. "I just came here to wish, uh, Eugene, good luck." "You know what, Eric? Why don't you go sell that crap someplace else? 'Cause no one is buyin' it in this room! Y'understand me? I know what ya think! Ya think I'm gonna go out there and slaughter the kid tonight, you think I'm gonna go out there and beat the hell out of Eugene? Well it ain't gonna happen! Get this through your head - Eugene is with Evolution now! So it's never gonna happen like that, you understand me? Now, Eugene, our match is up next, so why don't you run along and get ready for it, while your uncle Eric and I finish our conversation." Eugene leaves, and everyone busts out laughing. Hahahaha.

Commercials: Burger King for White People (4), Game Boy Advance Classic NES Series (5), Spider-Man 2 (3), Starburst (2), McDonald's (3), U.S. Cellular (2), McDonald's (4)

Sting of the Night is Eugene and HHH talking last week.

Next week! Benoit v. Kane for the world heavyweight title

EUGENE (242, Louisville, KY, with Raw and 1-800-CALL-ATT present Vengeance on July 11) v. TRIPLE H (265, Greenwich, CT, with The Nature Boy Ric Flair): Your referee is Mike Chioda. Collar-and-elbow, HHH with a pathetic hiptoss and helps Eugene back up. Collar-and-elbow, HHH with a headlock, off the ropes, Eugene with a hiptoss. HHH is a little annoyed. They shake hands. Hammerlock from HHH, side headlock, Eugene powers out and I'm really sorry, but this is kind of hard to buy. Yes, I realize what I'm saying. Eugene murders HHH in the Greco-Roman knuckle lock. Boy do I hate this. Flair is mad, so Eugene knuckle locks with him. Flair doesn't fair well either. HHH extends the hand and goes to a waistlock takedown. Eugene with a back suplex. HHH goes to the floor. We'll be back. (03'41")

Commercials: Joe Schmo 2 (4), YJ Stinger Catch the Buzz Feel the Bling (3), Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Jungle Storm on N-Gage QD (2), Castrol GTX High Mileage (6), Game Boy Advance Classic NES Series (6), Clearasil Ultra (4), The Godfather Part II on SpikeTV (2), SpikeTV bumper

I wonder what it's like to BE Tom Clancy, when all you do is sit around and think about top-secret military missions and conspiracies and shit.

Great American Bash - Undertaker v. Dudleys - Sunday

We're back and HHH's attempts at counter- and chain-wrestling are really putrid. "(bleep)! Eugene, you're hurtin' my arm! You hurt my arm! No, it's not okay, Eugene! Ya hurt me!" Bahaha, sucker punch straight to the tard's mush. More rights. "I have no problems with his goals, but his mythology is repulsive!" Or did he say "methology"? Let's go with mythology. It is repulsive. Idiot HHH telegraphs a backdrop, but Eugene runs into a spinebuster. Two count. Choking on the ropes. Turnbuckle bashes and HHH obviously does not watch Eugene matches. Eugene with rights AND lefts, rights AND lefts, inverted atomic drop. Regular atomic drop. Big right! Airplane spin, by God I haven't seen that in a thousand years or more. Eugene up top - flying axhandle! 1, 2, HHH kicks out and MURDERS EUGENE'S FINISHER! OH THAT BASTARD! Kick, pedigree, blocked with a backdrop. Eugene clearly does watch HHH matches. ROCK BOTTOM! People's Elbow! HHH rolls to the floor as Flair is on the apron, so Eugene struts. Eugene goes out to help HHH up and back into the ring. Flair comes to throw a right, it's blocked, and Eugene puts Flair down. Back in - pedigree! Bischoff is out. "Hey! Hey, hey, Triple H! I didn't make this match for you to come out here and BEAT Eugene. I made this match for you to come out here and beat the HELL out of Eugene. And either you beat the livin' hell out of Eugene, or you can forget about your world title match at Vengeance. So what's it gonna be?" HHH hesistates, spits, and goes to get a chair. But here comes Chris Benoit! Benoit does a number on HHH and Flair, but HHH cuts him off. He's got the chair, nevermind, German suplex! Benoit has the chair, and here comes Batista. Here comes Orton. Out they go. Benoit swings for the fences on HHH, but nails Eugene. HHH is back with a low blow and a pedigree for Benoit. Everyone's down and we're done. I guess it's a no-decision. (09'20" - 13'01" aired)

What a crappy show.

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