TNA Wrestling Impact! #3
by AUTHOR NAME
And now, from Stage 21 at Universal Studios at Universal Orlando Resort, it's Total Nonstop Action Wrestling Impact! This is episode No. 3 and we are airing on June 18, 2004 (taped June 17, 2004)
The countdown is on! The 2-year anniversary of TNA is Wednesday on pay-per-view!
SIX-WAY MATCH - MICHAEL SHANE (with Traci) v. CHRIS SABIN v. MIYAMOTO v. PRIMETIME v. KAZARIAN v. HECTOR GARZA: Your referee is Mike Posey. Kazarian and Sabin start it off. Sabin with a huracanrana and a backflip, but Kazarian hits a kick and tags out to shitty Michael Shane. If Kazarian and Shane get in together I'm going to fart. Sabin with a springboard dropkick to the back of the head, Primetime makes the blind tag and goes for the cover. Two count. Skipper crotches Shane and does the ropewalk rana - OR DOES HE? Oh no, he doesn't, he falls on his dick. Let's say Shane shook the ropes. This referee is awful. Miyamoto tags in and it's him and Skipper, just who a new guy would need to be in with. Freaking Elix Skipper. Miyamoto with a brainbuster for two. Garza tags in and it's an international incident. Garza tries a pin and it breaks down because we are almost four minutes in, so let's FREAK OUT!!! Sabin with an Asai moonsault onto Garza on the floor. Let's all dive to the floor! Freak out freak out! Play of the Day on Kazarian, but Miyamoto has RED MIST for Skipper. Michael Shane has a superkick and he gets two before Sabin breaks it up. OHHHH THEY FELL TO THE FLOOR AGAIN! THIS IS SO AWESOME! Garza's in with the tornillo on Miyamoto - 1, 2, 3. (05'16")
NEXT! Sabu's Impact! debut!
This Wednesday there is a show. It's $9.95! Lynn v. D'Amore! Raven tributes the Sheik! Trinity v. Desire in a stretcher match! AMW v. Nosawa & Miyamoto! Styles v. Kid Kash! Jarrett v. Killings!
Commercials: [plug] The Ultimate X Collection, N-Gage QD, Bargain Network
THE NATURALS (with AMW's ring gear) are out for a match, but AMERICA'S MOST WANTED attack. Oh nevermind, it'll happen again.
THE NATURALS (with AMW's ring gear) v. SABU & SONJAY DUTT: Wow, this is an interesting matchup. Your referee is Rudy Charles. Dutt with huracanranas and Don West freaks out because I tell you what that's what it's all about. Huracanranas and running around in circles and flipping. This show is really getting to me already this week. At least it took them two episodes and change, I guess. The Naturals have horrible hair. I don't even know which is which. Okay, dark hair is Andy Douglas. Douglas with a high knee and a tag to Chase Stevens. Are the Naturals supposed to actually be good or are they only considered to be good because they look like what some people assume good is supposed to? I've never really been clear. I've also never really been impressed by them. Douglas and Sabu get the tags and guess who wins that battle. Sabu with the springboard leg lariat and a ropeflip moonsault for two. Sabu with a springboard double clothesline. What's he going to do now, a slingshot? Yep, slingshot somersault legdrops. Sabu is so dated but this is the most fluid I've seen him look in forever. Camel clutch on Stevens and Dutt throws a chair in. Triple jump moonsault, and Sonjay is legal. Hindu press doesn't hit at all and there's the Natural Disaster - 1, 2, 3. (04'54") Hey, that wasn't expected. The Naturals double-team Sabu but he's got a chair so fuck you guys, he's Sabu.
This Wednesday, Ron Killings faces Jeff Jarrett.
Commercials: Tigers v. Mets and then I went to the bathroom so I missed this. Yeah, I could rewind the tape, but no thanks.
POPEYE and SHARK BOY ran around a theme park and annoyed people.
D-RAY 3000 v. ABYSS (with Goldylocks): Oh good, a crappy AWWL wrestler against Abyss, just what I needed in my life. Thank GOD they got Abyss some new ring gear. Your referee is Mike Posey. Guess what, Abyss squashes him and wins with the black hole slam. (01'23")
NEXT! AJ Styles.
This Wednesday, AJ Styles v. Kid Kash.
Commercials: [plug] TNAwrestling.com, [plug] Best of the World title matches, Right Guard Power Caps, Pistons tickets for next year
NON-TITLE MATCH - MR. AGUILA v. AJ STYLES (X Division Champion): Your referee is Rudy Charles. Trade of wristlocks and Styles goes to the hammerlock and side headlock. Dropkick from Styles, scoop aaand a slam and a kneedrop. Cover, 2. Styles treats Aguila like a bum, and there's KID KASH with his underwear sticking out on the ramp. Tape machines are rolling and Aguila hits a baseball slide headscissors. (02'47")
Commercials: [plug] Ultimate X Collection, Right Guard Power Caps (2), Best Damn Sports Show Period
We're back and both men are down. Let's see some action from the tape machines. Crossbody collision! Ho ho ho, maaan! Backdrop from Styles, heel kick, cover, 2. Cliffhanger from Styles gets two. Styles up top, Aguila pushes Charles into the ropes to crotch Styles. Aguila up with him for a superplex, but Styles pushes him off. Sunset flip - 1, 2, kickout. Styles Clash is blocked and Aguila gets a backdrop. Styles Clash! 1, 2, 3. (02'17" - 05'04" aired) Kash and Dallas hit the ring but here comes D-LO BROWN for the save. D-Lo takes the mic. "Yo check this out, you think AJ Styles winnin' the X division title made an impact? Well I do, too. But you see, next week, I'm gonna walk in the Anniversary show, I'm gonna watch Jarrett against the Truth, and I'm gonna make an impact. I'm gonna challenge the winner, because I wanna be world heavyweight champion!"
PAY PER VIEW WEDNESDAY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
Commercials: [plug] TNAwrestling.com, [plug] Best of the world title matches, Gateway, Discount Tire Co., Yankees v. Dodgers is a DREAM
Here's a flashback with Roddy Piper, Sting saying he likes TNA, and Styles pinning Lex Luger.
Your hosts are MIKE TENAY and DON WEST. Did you know there's a PPV Wednesday? I didn't. Here's a video package for Trinity and Desire.
NEXT! Ron Killings
Jerry Lynn v. Scott D'Amore this Wednesday
Commercials: Bad Santa on DVD, Fox Sports Detroit wins awards, Tony Stewart bashes football players, Detroit Pistons - yay!
Apparently, Jeff Jarrett needs another video.
ERIC YOUNG (with Scott D'Amore) v. RON KILLINGS (with Konnan and B.G. James): Your referee is Mike Posey. DUSTY RHODES, who is shockingly the judge again this week, is on commentary, so I hope Don West just shuts up. D'Amore trips Killings with the hockey stick flag, and here comes JERRY LYNN to chase D'Amore off. Killings with a forearm and a powerslam. What's with Killings' eyes? Young with a backbreaker and that gets two. Young goes up top but gets belly-to-belly suplexed off. Killings starts his comebacks with rights and a backdrop. Whip is reversed, Killings can do a backflip! Heel kick and an axe kick - 1, 2, 3. (04'14")
The lights go out because it's time for JEFF JARRETT. Jarrett el kabongs Dusty Rhodes and Truth charges and gets beaten down too. Konnan and James make the save, and VINCE RUSSO is in the ring to yell about it. He could suspend him without pay! But he won't do that, because on Wednesday night, Killings will win the belt. "Bring the guitar, Jeff - because if that guitar is used in the match, there will be a disqualification on the spot. And remember one thing, under NWA rules, if there is a disqualification, that NWA world heavyweight title will change hands." Tenay says "use it and lose it!" Truth runs up to take another beating.
This show sucks.