WWE RAW - 05.17.04
by Scott Christ


And away we go!

CC - TV-14-DLV - SmackDown!/WWE Experience/Bottom Line/Velocity/Heat/Afterburn/Tough Enough - RAW - Bischoff/Johnny Nitro

It is the Union Underground and it is clips of the Raw superstars. It is the pyro! We are live on May 17, 2004 from the San Diego Sports Arena in San Diego, CA. Transmitido en Espanol SAP! TONIGHT - Edge & Chris Benoit v. Randy Orton & Batista for the world tag team championship! TONIGHT - 20 man battle royal for the title shot at Bad Blood!

LITA (Sanford, NC, with Last Monday Lita got PUNK'D by Trish) v. TRISH STRATUS (Toronto, ON): Lita doesn't seem very happy. Trish really needs new music. This is great music but it's hard to boo. Eric Bischoff has banned everyone from ringside. Your referee is Jack Doan. Lita with a right, Trish goes down. Monkey flip -> mount and pummel. Corner whip, charge misses, Trish takes over with a hair pull takedown. Kick to the stomach, forearm to the jaw, forearm to the jaw, Lita comes back with three rights. Off the ropes, reversed, spinning headscissors by Lita. Schoolgirl, 2, kickout. Lita gets pulled down across the middle rope and her tank top slides over to expose her bra through the pink mesh, giving many a silly boner. Trish up top and she pulls Lita up with a choke. King makes note of Trish's "cute buns" while she sits on the top rope. He's not wrong, but jeez. Flying clothesline, cover, 2. Elbow to the back of the neck, repeat, forearm shot. Trish off the ropes, swinging neckbreaker as JR suggests everyone read the Bible. Chick kick is blocked, Lita gets a roll-up for two. Trish with a clothesline, 2. Rear chinlock by Trish. Lita gets out and King notices the shirt mishap, off the ropes, Trish with a spinebuster. Cover - 1, 2, kickout. Trish is frustrated and if King calls her a flower or angel again I'm going to fart. Rear chinlock again. Lita elbows out, right, off the ropes, nevermind, Stratusfaction? Countered with the back suplex. They do that spot every time. Cover, 2, shoulder up. Lita blocks a right, punch, punch, kick, snap suplex, kip-up, clothesline. Clothesline #2, cover, 2. Russian legsweep, cover, 2. Eye rake by Trish, Lita slides down on something - inverted twist of fate! 1, 2, kickout. Lita talks and talks and then KANE is on the video screen to distract her. Trish rolls Lita up and uses the ropes - 1, 2, 3. (06'08")

Kane's head is really really lubed up, which is bothersome. "Lita, did I distract you? I didn't mean to distract you. I don't mean to cause you any harm. I just want an answer. Yes, or no? And I want your answer - TONIGHT. And you had better PRAY it's the RIGHT - ONE! Aha. Ahahahaha."

Commercials: Motor May-hem Month, Onimusha 3: Demon Siege, Castrol GTX, You Got Served on DVD, Milky Way, U.S. Cellular, Rose Exterminator Co. (local), Cheech & Chong's Next Movie on SpikeTV, SpikeTV bumper

Subway presents Orton beating Edge last week

RANDY ORTON makes his way to the ring. JR: "Randy Orton's about as welcome in San Diego as Eli Manning." Orton's going to talk and emote. "Now, now if ya haven't noticed, if ya haven't noticed, I like to talk about myself. I like to talk about how I beat Mick Foley at WrestleMania AND at Backlash. I like to talk about how I beat Edge last week on Raw. You know, I like to talk about how I'm the longest-reigning Intercontinental champion in the last seven years! And tonight ('you suck!') - and tonight, Batista and I, when we defeat Edge and Benoit, I won't just be a record-holding Intercontinental champion, no no no, I will also be half of the world tag team champions. My accomplishments are ENDLESS - I could go ON and ON and ON, but tonight it's not just about Randy Orton, no no no, TONIGHT it's about Evolution. TONIGHT it's about Triple H! The Game, the greatest wrestler alive TODAY. Tonight's about how Triple H is going to bring back the world heavyweight championship TO Evolution. Tonight Evolution will ensure that Triple H wins the battle royal - and goes on to defeat Chris Benoit at Bad Blood. There's no stopping Evolution - THERE'S NO STOPPING EVOLUTION! There's no stopping Triple H from regaining what is rightfully his, and that's the world heavyweight championship. Evolution -" Speaking of no stopping people, it's SHELTON BENJAMIN come out to talk to Randy Orton. Shelton will also emote. "Do my ears deceive me? Did I hear you say tonight is about Evolution? Did I say - did I hear you say tonight is about Triple H winning the battle royal? Did I hear you say that Triple H is the greatest wrestler alive today?" Is he deaf? "A little reminder for you, Randy - I beat Triple H. Not once, but TWICE. And as far as I'm concerned, tonight isn't about Evolution, as far as I'm concerned, tonight is about Shelton Benjamin winning the battle royal. Tonight is about Shelton Benjamin goin' on to Bad Blood and facing Chris Benoit for the world heavyweight title, and there's nothin' YOU or Evolution can do about it." "Easy, Shelton, easy easy easy, man, whoa. Ya had some luck from the start, man, BUT WE ALL KNOW about luck. Luck runs out. You're no match for Evolution, Shelton! You're no match for Triple H, and you're sure as hell no match for me." "So what're you sayin', you think you're better than me?" "I know I'm better than you!" "You're better than me? Well I'll tell you what - in my opinion, luck is when opportunity meets preparation. And opportunity has just given you a chance. Y'see, Randy, how about this - how 'bout Shelton Benjamin versus Randy Orton, one-on-one, for that Intercontinental title?" "Man, Shelton, Shelton, you sure are uppity, man, you know what - that's the problem with you people." Crowd groans. "Give ya an inch, and ya take a mile! Quite frankly, Shelton, I wouldn't SOIL the Intercontinental championship by defending it against you. The answer to your question is NO." "No? Well Randy, since you won't put up - try gettin' up." Shelton attacks! Shelton does a number on Orton before RIC FLAIR comes in to pull Orton out. I sure hope this goes as well for these two as it went for HHH and Booker T.

YJ Stinger Catch the Buzz, Feel the Bling is a YJ Stinger + The Fabulous Life of... tie-in. What a great idea.

Commercials: Lugz, Twix, Nintendo Gamecube, Gatorade

Production foul-up gives us Tajiri v. Batista from last week. That's strange. Here's a WrestleMania XX DVD spot.

Backstage, Orton and Flair meet up with TRIPLE H and BATISTA. They'll win the tag belts and HHH will win the battle royal. Batista is so awesome.

EUGENE and WILLIAM REGAL are hanging out. "Ha, I got your nose." "Very good, can I have it back?" Awwwwwww Regal puts his nose back on. Eugene wants another match, but UNCLE ERIC can't give him one. He's so ... proud of Eugene. Regal and Bischoff step aside and Regal apologizes for his failure. Bischoff promises to humiliate Eugene later in an interview that Regal can't accompany him to. Regal is doing so great being unsure about it all. During all of this, Eugene plays with a box of Al Snow's old hardcore match junk.

Your hosts are JIM ROSS and THE KING. They discuss Eric Bischoff, Eugene and Shawn Michaels - three retards. Last Monday, Shawn Michaels got himself suspended. TONIGHT - a 20-man battle royal.

Commercials: Angel Heart on DVD, True Crime: Streets of LA, Soul Plane, Skittles, TransFormers from Atari - this game will only be sold at Hot Topic, Autolite

WrestleMania XX DVD

KANE (320, homeless, with Subway presents Bad Blood) v. VAL VENIS (244, Las Vegas, NV): Val demanded this match because Kane destroyed him last Monday. Kane mouths "you stupid son of a bitch" before the bell. That about sums it up. Val fires with rights and a kneelift. Russian legsweep is blocked, Kane misses an elbowdrop. Venis mounts and pummels. Off the ropes, big boot. Chokeslam. 1, 2, 3. Venis went up to make that look great but Kane set him down nice and gentle. (01'07") MATT HARDY hits the ring right at the bell and destroys Kane. Clothesline over the top, chair to the gut. In the ring, chairshot is countered with a big boot. Chokeslam. Hardy is tied to the tree of woe. Choke with a cable, Kane chases the referee off. Kane has the chair and he's going to ... Pillmanize his head? No, he's using it to choke him to death. Lita runs in to tell Kane to stop. Her answer: yes. WHAT IS THE QUESTION! Kane whispers something to her and leaves.

UP NEXT - Edge & Benoit v. Batista & Orton

The WWE Experience has begun

Commercials: Subway, Castrol GTX (2), Nintendo Gamecube (2), Boost Mobile, drugfreeamerica.org (local), Attorney Jim Boardman (local)

Raw Superstars at SD! Your Vote Republican rally feat. Hurricane, Shelton Benjamin, Victoria. About 30 people were there apparently.

WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - CHRIS BENOIT (1/2 champions, World Heavyweight Champion, now residing in Atlanta, GA, 229) & EDGE (1/2 champions, 250, Toronto, ON, with Raw is brought to you by Subway, PlayStation 2 and YJ Stinger Catch the Buzz, Feel the Bling contest) v. BATISTA & RANDY ORTON (challengers, combined 573, with Ric Flair and tickets available for Bad Blood in Columbus, OH via Ticketmaster): Batista pops da abs like a superstud. These Benoit/Edge tag matches kill me in terms of the match header anyway, and they had to put those ads in there too? Come on guys. Your referee is Mike Chioda. Orton and Edge to start it off. Collar-and-elbow, side headlock from Edge, Orton takes it to the corner. Clean break, circle, collar-and-elbow, same result. Off the ropes, Edge with a shoulderblock. Circle, collar-nevermind, Orton with a kick. European uppercut, Edge fires back with forearm shots. Corner whip, Orton stumbles out, backdrop. Orton IS just Flair here. Front facelock by Edge, tag to Benoit. Chop! Head into the buckle, chop! Orton rakes the eyes and Batista is tagged in. Batista with a kick and a forearm, into the buckles now. Kneelift, kneelift, kneelift, off the ropes, shoulderblock and Batista tries to intimidate Edge too. Cover, 2. Into the Evolution corner, tag to Orton. Kick to the gut, into the other corner. Corner whip, Orton charges, boots up by Benoit. Forearms by Benoit, chop! Tag to Edge. Edge with rights and an elbow to the back of the head. More elbows to put Orton down. Cover, Edge's foot is under the bottom rope. Snapmare -> rear chinlock. Out of that, Orton off the ropes, Edge telegraphs a backdrop. Orton charges in, and that backdrop works. Batista in and the champions double-team him and clothesline him to the floor. Faces are celebrating, this match will continue (05'00")

Commercials: Motor May-hem Month (2), Syphon Filter: The Omega Strain, Milky Way (2), Gatorade (2), Onimusha 3: Demon Siege (2), Click It or Ticket, Rudy Giuliani for prostate cancer

We're back and Orton has Edge down in some retarded armbar/wristlock mess that he just CRANKS and CRANKS on. During the break, Edge got posted shoulder-first. Edge fights out, Orton brings him down by the hair. Tag to Batista and the shoulder work continues. "Randy sucks" chant while Batista uses an actual hold on the shoulder. Cover, 2. Knee to the gut from Batista, off the ropes, backdrop is telegraphed. Clothesline from Batista. Cover, Benoit breaks. Orton tagged back in and he goes to the bad arm again. More CRANKING to make the foolish hold seem good or whatever the hell he's trying for. Discussion of Orton's looks turns to how Edge is on the cover of Raw Magazine. Edge fights out again, Orton throws a forearm. Off the ropes, Edge holds the ropes on a dropkick attempt. Maybe it was a huracanrana attempt, since he tried one last week for the first time. Edge sets - slingshot into the turnbuckles! Edge-o-Matic! 1, 2, kickout. Orton cuts off the hot tag attempt again. Clothesline off the ropes is ducked, DDT by Edge. Both men down, the count is on. 7, 8, 9, Benoit is tagged! Snap suplex, chop! Chop! Forearm to the jaw, side backbreaker, cover, 2. Benoit puts Orton down, Batista tries a cheapshot but Benoit knocks him down too. Orton comes back, Benoit's going for the sharpshooter, and he has it! Batista breaks immediately, but here comes Edge. Orton torpedoed into Batista in the corner, double back elbow on Orton, DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE BY BATISTA! Batista sets for the power bomb on Benoit, who counters and goes for the crossface. Batista throws him off and Mike Chioda has been killed. Edge takes Batista to the floor and the legal men are left in the ring. German #1! German #2! German #3! Cut da troat! Flair cuts Benoit off, but he's punched down. Orton has the IC title belt - Benoit swandives right onto it. Benoit you nutty fucker. Orton hides the belt - cover, 2, SHOULDER UP! This match has great heat. Flair on the apron and Orton's in front of him, this time Edge's spear works. Batista nails Edge and they fight on the floor. Edge sends Batista into the steps. In the ring, Orton is up first. Chop, RKO, blocked, CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! Orton taps out! (09'29" - 14'29" aired) Another good match from the Benoit/Edge title reign. Another good match with Batista. Replay of the headbutt onto the belt, replay of the spear, replay of the finish.

Backstage, Regal preps Eugene. "Now Mastah Eugene, your interview's up next. Now, don't be nervous, remember what I told you - stand up straight, and project!" "Do re mi fa so la TITO SANTANAAAA!" Regal is amused. "Now go on, I'll be waiting here for you, go on." "You're not coming with me?" "Now look lad, sometimes, a person has to stand up for themselves. And often under adverse conditions - without adversity can be the defining moment of a man! And tonight, no matter what happens, you have to be a man! Now go on, you don't want to be late." "Are you trying to tell me something?" "Yes I'm trying to tell you something! Your Uncle Eric ... your uncle Eric and myself just wish you good luck. Now, go on lad, you don't wanna be late. Run along." Regal is conflicted.

Cheating Death, Stealing Life: The Eddie Guerrero Story - May 26 at 9/8c on UPN

Commercials: Cheech & Chong's Next Movie on SpikeTV (2), Castrol GTX (3), Gatorade (3), Milky Way (3), Subway, Brookfield Chrysler/Plymouth/Dodge/Jeep (local), Comcast (local)

Here is a look at the beautiful San Diego Sports Arena in beautiful San Diego

Last Monday, Eugene beat Rob Conway despite William Regal's best attempts to make him lose.

I think I'm about to know what it felt like to be CRZ in 1999.

TODD GRISHAM is in the ring. "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the man who was victorious in his first-ever match on Raw, last week - Eugene!" Eugene's music has been changed to that "Eye of the Tiger" ripoff from the training vignette. "Eugene, I have to - (Eugene hugs Todd) - thanks, Eugene. But I have to ask you - this past Monday night -" Oh boy, here comes THE COACH. "Grisham, take a hike, the A-team is takin' over! I said go - NOW. And take my glasses with ya. Eugene, Eugene, great to see you, buddy! How ya doin'? How ya, how ya doin'? I gotta say congratulations on your big last week, how did it feel?" "IT FELT -" "That's great, Eugene, it really is, that's great! But I gotta tell ya, the Coach thinks that you are a brave guy, ya really are. I mean think about it - your first match on live TV, in front of an entire arena that was laughing at you. What? What's that look? Oh, oh my, oh my god - you didn't know. You don't know? Well I hate to be the one to break it to ya, but Eugene you're not a wrestler - YOU'RE A JOKE! You actually think that these people like you? No no, they LIKE making FUN of you. See, they're booing you right now! See, Eugene, everybody on this show serves a purpose - your purpose is to be a laughingstock! (Eugene chant) I mean, I mean look at ya! You're an embarrassment, the way you dress, the way you act, and my God, Eugene, the smell, are you kidding me? I am ashamed to be in the same ring with you. You don't belong here, son. The only reason you have a job is because you're Eric Bischoff's nephew. Oh what's the matter, Eugene? Does the truth hurt? Is Eugene gonna cry? Are you gonna go back and tell all of your friends? Well here's another reality check, Eugene - you don't HAVE any friends. Not me, not William Regal, none of these people are your friend! And I'm gonna go out on a limb and I'm gonna guess, that Eugene, you've never had a girlfriend either. I mean, Eugene, have you ever even kissed a girl? I mean what girl in their right mind would look at you twice, let alone once! Yeah - that's what I thought. So here's the deal, kid. You had a nice moment last week, the whole world loved it, last week on Raw. But here's a TV show and a saying that you should be familiar with - Life. Goes. On. So here's what I want you to do - I want you to get out of this ring, go back to wherever you came from, and tell all of your friends how so very close Eugene came to becoming a true WWE superstar, a true pro wrestler, to realizing your dream! Wait wait - wait a second, I'm sorry, Eugene. I forgot. You don't have any friends. So Eugene, it was nice to know ya, thanks for comin'. NOW GET OUT! And don't bother EVER coming back!"

Eugene makes his way up the ramp and cries. "Asshole" chant at Coach. Eugene waves goodbye. IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! WHAT! WHAT THE HELL! IT'S THE ROCK! Eugene is shocked! The crowd goes nuts! Nuts nuts nuts! Rock and Eugene march to the ring, Rock hits the buckles and the place is going batshit. Rock eyes Coach, who isn't pleased with this turn of events. ROCK E ROCK E ROCK E ROCK E. "EUGENE! You ain't goin' NOWHERE! See the Rock was backstage, well I heard all the trash you were talkin' Coach, and the Rock heard - 'scuse the Rock one second. FINALLY! The Rock has come BACK to San DiE-GO! Rock was backstage, hangin' out with all his boys, heard somebody out here talkin' about - the PEOPLE. The people don't like Eugene, the people think Eugene is a joke, well Eugene, let the Rock make something perfectly clear to you, just so you know - there's only ONE MAN who knows the people." ROCK E ROCK E ROCK E "Eugene, there ain't but one man who knows the people, and it damn sure is NOT this walkin' popcorn fart right here, no! Oh yeah, yes I did call you a popcorn fart. The only one who knows the people is the People's Champ The Rock! Eugene, the Rock was backstage, hangin' out with all the boys, seein' everybody, but I want you to know - Rock came here lookin' FORWARD to meeting YOU. Yeah! Yeah, I'm a fan, the Rock is a big fan, I watched ya, saw what ya did last week, the Rock saw ya whip all kinds of ass last week, and I tell ya what. I tell ya what. Don't listen to what the Coach says - because these people, guarandamnteed, these people, the way they've been reacting to you? They LIKE you." EU GENE EU GENE EU GENE "Did ya like that? Well I tell ya what, if you give 'em three seconds they will chant your name again!" 1 2 3 - EU GENE EU GENE "I tell ya what, Eugene, Coach ain't your friend, he'll never be your friend - screw the Coach! Screw the Coach! But I tell you what - it would be -" SCREW THE COACH SCREW THE COACH "That's a good one, I gotta remember that, that is really good. Eugene - yeah, screw the Coach - I tell you what, it would be an honor, an HONOR, for the Rock to be your friend. What're you lookin' mad over there, look at that sourpuss look on your face, you didn't like when they were chanting that? Is that it? I tell you what, I tell ya - did you like when they were chanting stuff, Eugene? Well I tell ya what, I tell ya what, before the screw the Coach chant comes on, here's another chant. San Diego will chant it, all around the world will chant it every single week - they will be calling Coach a popcorn fart." POP CORN FART POP CORN FART "What do you mean it's not funny? Why's it not funny? The Rock knows damn well that JR and the King up there, they were chanting popcorn fart! The Rock saw Lilian - hey how ya doin' honey? You chanted popcorn fart! Oh yeah!" "That's real funny Rock, real funny. I guess you need to do this kind of stuff to make you feel better about yourself. Ya see, the last time we saw each other, you were getting your ass kicked all over Madison Square Garden at WrestleMania XX! So you have no right to make fun of the Coach." "Yeah I'll give it to ya, Coach, the Rock lost, but - is that what you think, Coach?" "That's exactly what I -" Eugene interjects: "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!" EU GENE EU GENE EU GENE "By the way, aside from Mick Foley, you are the only one to ever say the Rock's catchphrases, alright? We got that straight? Tell ya what - who's ya boy standin' in the middle of the ring?" "The Rock!" "Who, who - hold on it gets better than that I promah, who is the people's champ?" "The Rock!" "And WHO is ya favorite wrestler of all-time?" "Triple H!" Hey, he's honest. "What're you laughin' at Coach, don't laugh, I'll come over there and slap the lips right offa your face. Champagne. Tell ya what - what, Triple H, what're you doin'? What is that Triple H? Hold on wait a minute - hey man, why do you like Triple H?" "We both like to play games." ROCK E ROCK E ROCK E - are they chanting for him to beat up Eugene? "No, listen, man, listen, you're the Rock's boy, the Rock's gonna be your boy, we can't do this, you can't embarrass the Rock like that. And you don't wanna play games with Triple H, the only game he likes to play is Hide the Strudel, I guarantee ya, man - yeah. Don't - the Rock'll explain it to ya later. YOU know, mama, about the strudel, baby. Well I tell ya what, I tell ya what, you like to play games, well then I tell ya what, we're gonna play a game, the three of us - look at the Rock, COACH - the three of us are gonna play a game! But we're gonna let the people decide what game we're gonna play. By round of applause, you wanna see all three of us play checkers? No, we don't wanna see screw the Coach game, no, man, damn. No, you're settin' a bad example for him. Okay I tell ya what, second game, you wanna see us play dodgeball?" YES! "How 'bout a game we play - how 'bout a game we play called Eugene whips the Coach's candy ass all over San Diego!"

GARRISON CADE runs in to nail the Rock from behind, Coach joins. Eugene takes Coach to the corner, SPINEBUSTER on Cade. Clothesline from Rock on Coach, and Eugene mimics Rock's motions. ROCK BOTTOM on Coach! Rock has no elbowpad - he takes off his windbreaker. Rock looks to Eugene, and he's going to have Eugene hit the elbow. EU GENE EU GENE. Eugene whips off his embroidered jacket, off the ropes, off the ropes, RETARDED PEOPLE'S ELBOW! What the fuck was this segment. This was really something else.

TONIGHT - 20-man battle royal

New graphics for live dates! Saturday night in Philadelphia, Sunday night in Moline, one week from tonight Raw in Rockford, one week from Wednesday in Dublin, one week from Thursday in Dublin.

YJ Stinger Catch the Buzz, Feel the Bling spot

Commercials: You Got Served on DVD (2), Lugz (2), Twix (2), Nintendo Gamecube (3), truth, You Got Served on DVD (3)

Smackdown Rebound features the Eddie/Bradshaw stuff from last Thursday and stills of the main event at Judgment Day

TRIPLE H (265, Greenwich, CT, with Raw is live next Monday from Rockford, IL) is out for the battle royal, followed by THE RETURNING MAVEN (225, Charlottesville, VA), and then CHRIS JERICHO (230, Manhasset, NY), then we go to a break.

Commercials: Cheech & Chong's Next Movie on SpikeTV (3), TransFormers from Atari (2), Skittles (2), True Crime: Streets of LA (2), Click It or Ticket (2), Red Dead Revolver, Motor May-hem Month (2)

SHELTON BENJAMIN (248, Orangeburg, SC) is out, other people are in the ring but I don't want to list them all. KANE (320, homeless) is out. It's notable that HHH is on one side of the ring and everyone else is on the other. EDGE (1/2 World Tag Team Champions, 250, Toronto, ON) is next, and to complete it all, EVOLUTION.

Oh, hell, the other competitors are LA RESISTANCE, JOHNNY NITRO, VAL VENIS, THE HURRICANE, ROSEY, RHYNO, GARRISON CADE and STEVEN RICHARDS. Christian and Matt Hardy are out due to injury.

20-MAN OVER-THE-TOP-ROPE BATTLE ROYAL FOR A SHOT AT THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP AT BAD BLOOD ON JUNE 13 FROM THE NATIONWIDE ARENA IN COLUMBUS, OH: Match starts with Evolution in the bottom left corner, Kane in the bottom right, and everyone else on the other side of the ring. Evolution gets the bum's rush, but Johnny Nitro and Kane hang back. This leads to hilarity as Kane confronts Nitro, Nitro attempts to leave peacefully, and Kane throws him out. (00'22") Batista and Val Venis pair off and I wish they would go one-on-one sometime. Rosey out via Kane. (00'45") Hurricane is thrown over, but Rosey catches him and puts him back in. Hey, his feet didn't touch the floor. Uh we go to a break? Lame. We'll just keep the time on and estimate as best as possible.

Commercials: Soul Plane (2), Castrol GTX (4), Gatorade (4), Onimusha 3: Demon Siege (3), Oak Express (local), Patio Enclosures Inc. (local)

We're back and only Rob Conway has been eliminated, via a Maven dropkick. HHH eliminates Venis and Maven. (05'21") Jericho gets HHH close to being out, but Batista saves. Flair flops for fun. Jericho throws Sylvan Grenier out. (06'09") Jericho skins the cat and dropkicks Cade out. (06'28") JR notes that Jericho beat Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock in this very arena to become the undisputed champion. I notice Batista is playing the muscle of Evolution really well, backing off until he sees someone needs his help, and then saving them. Evolution beats Rhyno down, and Batista tosses him out. (07'30") Hurricane gets held by HHH and punched by Flair as the other two hover nearby. Batista and HHH toss, Hurricane, who lands hard on his hip. (08'09") Orton talks shit after both of those eliminations. LET'S TAKE ANOTHER BREAK

Commercials: Cheech & Chong's Next Movie on SpikeTV (4), TV Games Old School Controllers, You Got Served on DVD (4), Nintendo Gamecube (4), Milky Way (3), Syphon Filter: The Omega Strain (2), Van Helsing the video game, Stripperella, SpikeTV bumper

We're back and eight men are left: Orton, HHH, Batista, Flair, Jericho, Shelton, Edge, Kane. Orton nearly falls out but HHH helps him out. Batista comes to save those two fools from Shelton Benjamin, then saves Orton from Edge. Batista is a brilliant man. It also looks great that Evolution has the gameplan of Batista hovering and saving. Flair puts the figure-four on Jericho, "for some reason," according to JR. JR, you're so stupid, go watch the '92 Rumble when Flair does that and Heenan and Gorilla agree that it's a good idea to take someone's legs out. Jericho and Flair, Edge and Orton, Triple H and Shelton are your pairings, with Kane and Batista taking breathers. Jericho eliminates Flair! (13'51") Batista isn't happy so he beats the shit out of Jericho. He's a RAVAGED CARNIVORE! HE'S AN ANIMAL! Jericho is thrown into the corner, tries to land on the steps, and loses his footing, falling to the floor. (14'23") Batista kneels and talks to Orton, I'm not sure that was supposed to happen as everyone sits around while Kane and HHH fight. Kane no-sells the facebuster! Shelton may be getting word from Chioda. Chokeslam on HHH! Chokeslam on Orton! Chokeslam on Edge! HHH rolls over to Chioda. Chokeslam on Benjamin! OH MY GOD - BATISTA IS GONNA BRING IT! BATISTA AIN'T HAVIN NO SHIT FROM NO KANE! Crowd's reaction is, "FUCK YEAH! BATISTA! Wait, what." These two bulls are throwing horrible punches at each other! Batista AIN'T HAVIN IT! Chokeslam? NO! Batista is your daddy! Uppercut by Kane, Batista reverses a whip, SPINEBUSTER! BATISTA!!! Edge comes in on Batista, hey f you Edge, clothesline and Batista is gone. BOOOOO. (16'27") Edge waits on HHH - spear! Kane sits up a few feet away. "What a dynamic spear on the Game!" It was scintillating! Edge tries to hang onto the ropes as Kane throws him over, but Orton wakes up to kick him off. (17'08") Haha, that wormy Randy Orton. Final four: HHH, Orton, Kane, Shelton. I would guess Shelton was just deemed to be the last babyface after Jericho was thrown out, if that wasn't supposed to happen. I'm not saying he was supposed to win either. Orton and HHH pair up on Shelton with Kane being dead, and Shelton fights back! HHH reverses a whip, clothesline is ducked, high knee connects. They repeatedly try to eliminate him, but he hangs on over and over. Further double-teaming follows. Shelton with a flying double crossbody! A double clothesline! Kane's back up and Shelton tries, foot is caught, dragon whip! Shelton clotheslines Orton out! (20'39") Stinger splash on Kane! Stinger splash on Kane #2! Off the ropes, and he's caught - chokeslam? Nope, HHH breaks it up with a nutshot, then eliminates Shelton. (21'19") JR says HHH is going to win this damn thing after all, so of course he's not. Kane struggles to get up, and HHH waits on him, but then SHAWN MICHAELS runs in to do a number on HHH and eliminate him? (22'03"?) What the fuck is that? Boy, the whole thing got a lot of stuff over, Shelton v. Orton, Orton v. Edge, Batista v. Jericho, Batista v. Shelton, Batista v. the world, HHH v. Shawn, and yet it managed to not put anything on Benoit v. Kane, the match it made. How about that? F you Shawn Michaels f you Triple H.

See you next week.


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