WWE Raw 04.12.04
by Scott Christ
Yeah baby, hot six-to-ten man pre-PPV tag team action TONIGHT!
BASEBALL: The Orioles managed to get into something of a messy situation by accidentally recalling Erik Bedard from AAA a few days earlier than they were allowed to, and then DFA'ing Jack Cust to make the room. They'll get fined but aren't likely to have to forfeit the 11-3 win they got in Bedard's start. Cust is back on the 25-man roster for a day or so. So this is stupid. What a stupid team. Learn the rules, jokers!
PRIDE GP: Takada? Really? With Giant Silva? Really? C'mon.
CC - TV-14-DLV - SmackDown!/Confidential/Bottom Line/Velocity/Heat/Afterburn/Tough Enough - RAW - Bischoff
Last Monday, Shelton Benjamin beat HHH via countout. Last Monday, Evolution put da boots to Shelton until he was saved by Benoit, Foley and Michaels. Last Monday, Evolution beat up those three guys too. Last Monday, a match was made.
Backstage, ERIC BISCHOFF and JOHNNY NITRO are being confronted by SHELTON BENJAMIN. Benjamin thinks Bischoff sucks. Johnny wants Shelton to "chill out." Benjamin threatens to use Foley's bat as an enema on Nitro. Oh yeah, Johnny has Foley's bat still. CHRIS BENOIT and SHAWN MICHAELS enter to hold Shelton at bay. MICK FOLEY takes his bat back. Shawn promises a bench-clearing brawl and says "Chicago."
Now we will go to the ring! We will be joined by Mick Foley! "Be vewy vewy quiet - I'm hunting Wandies! Thank goodness that Barbie is back where she belongs. Now, during tonight's eight-man tag team match I understand I will temporarily have to give Barbie up, not this week to a little nimrod like Johnny Nitro, but to somebody that I trust. I also understand that during tonight's eight-man I'm going to be restricted by certain rules I wouldn't like to apply to. I also understand during tonight's eight-man, I probably won't be able to do the things to Randy Orton that I would really like to do. But that's okay because first off, I would like to leave a little bit of Randy Orton for Backlash. Second of all, I haven't had a match on Raw for four years, I've got three of the best partners a guy could ask for standing by my side, and I fully intend to do a little Mick Foley rompin'-n-stompin', Chicago style! ("Foley!") So I've got no problems with tonight's eight-man. But when it comes to Backlash, well, I do have a little tiny problem, y'see, it seems as I've become somewhat obsessed with all of the things I'm going to do to Randy Orton with This Here Bat. And it seems that I am - loving it. And that becomes a little problem because...I'm not sure that that's the person I wanna be. See I'm not sure - now, let's face it. Randy Orton is a world-class horse's ass, but he also happens to be one damn good wrestler. He happens to be our Intercontinental champion. Hey - he even happens to own a pinfall victory over yours truly at WrestleMania. So I'm not sure that I would feel comfortable extinguishing one of wrestling's brightest lights in one gory, bloody night at Backlash. Randy Orton happens to be a fairly good-looking guy. And I'm, I'm not sure that I would feel comfortable putting an end to all that in one gory, bloody night at Backlash. No I'm, I'm not sure Mick Foley would feel comfortable in doing that. Fortunately, I know somebody who would. His name - is CACTUS JACK. And for those of you who do not know the difference, let me spell it out to you this way - Mick Foley you see before you, he's a, he's a - nice guy. Whereas Cactus Jack is the most ruthless, heartless bastard who ever stepped foot in a wrestling ring! Mick Foley may have a little problem taking this barbed-wire bat, digging it into Randy Orton's skull, producing the type of blood flow usually seen in Mel Gibson movies. Cactus Jack, on the other hand, would not only do it willingly, but would do it with a joy bordering on the orgasmic! Mick Foley might care about Randy Orton's looks, but Cactus Jack sure as hell won't. Cactus Jack will make Randy Orton unrecognizable to all but his closest family. Bottom line - Mick Foley has a conscience. Cactus Jack just doesn't give a damn. So I think when you come down to it" RANDY ORTON is in with a chair, Mick (Cactus?) turns around and swings, hitting the chair and sending Randy Orton RUNNING LIKE A SCALDED DOG!
TONIGHT! Benoit, Michaels, Benjamin & Foley v. Evolution!
Commercials: MXC, The Punisher, Gatorade X-Factor, Resident Evil: Outbreak, 1-800-Call-ATT, Martin's pharmacy (local), Afdent (local), SpikeTV bumper
This week on Confidential (RIP), it's getting hot in here - steamy Divas photo shoot!
They haven't really said so yet so I will. Raw is coming to you LIVE! on April 12, 2004 from the sold-out Allstate Arena in Chicago! I saw Bob Dylan there once and we sat by fake hippies and real yuppies.
KANE (320, parts unknown, with Raw is brought to you by Godsend, X-Box and Subway) v. WHAT THE HELL IT'S GRANDMASTER SEXAY (222, Memphis, TN): Turn it up! Bangin it bangin it bangin it! Well this is certainly out of left field. Kane seems confused. Grandmaster gets 'em clapping right away. Rights from Sexay, dropkick doesn't work, dropkick swatted, off the ropes, Kane misses an elbowdrop - AND SITS UP! Basement dropkick by Grandmaster, cover, 2. Enzuigiri does nothing. Dance, off the ropes, shadow big boot. Choke follows, Kane with amazingly light rights. Choke, up, tossed into the corner. Right, elbow, shadow uppercut, corner whip, followed in with a clothesline. Out, sidewalk slam. Up - CHOKESLAM! 1, 2, 3. Welcome back, Grandmaster. (01'58") Well, Heat just got a new star. Aren't you excited, Cubs?! (No. -cubs)
Backstage, TRISH STRATUS whines to THE MAKEUP LADY. Here's EUGENE. Hey, I was right! Her name is Makeup Lady! Trish is sure Eugene must know her name, and he does! "Slut!" Trish is upset! WILLIAM REGAL is dreadfully sorry. Here's CHRISTIAN, who blames Jericho for Eugene's terrible manners. Christian promises to beat Jericho's ass at Backlash and let Trish pin him. They hug aggressively. These two are kind of a one-note song, aren't they?
Commercials: Fozzy for YJ Stinger (jump! included), Drakengard, The Punisher (2), Truth, Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow
X-Box Coach is sauntering down to the ring of the week
THE COACH is out. He has what is very obviously A NINJA with him. Lawler seems to be softening on Coach of late. "So apparently Tajiri is upset with The Coach. Which I know comes as a shock to not only myself, but to all of you people as well. But when you think about it, with a face like this, how can you stay mad at The Coach? But alas, Tajiri is so upset - Tajiri is SO upset that he has challenged The Coach to a match at Backlash. But I'm not gonna accept the challenge just like that, no! ("You suck!") You see, you see - you see, Tajiri must first prove that he is worthy of standing in this ring with The Coach at Backlash. So what we're gonna do tonight, 'cause I've had it cleared through Mr. Bischoff, of course - I have brought with me a DANGEROUS, five-star ninja from the Orient. If somehow Tajiri can beat this man, then and only then will The Coach accept the challenge to go one-on-one with Tajiri at Backlash. However - just like the Cubs ever winning a World Series, that just ain't - gonna - happen!"
A NINJA (unannounced, with THE COACH) v. TAJIRI (206, Japan): So we spent most of this match guessing who A Ninja is. Then, eventually, it was quite apparent. Tajiri with a wristlock and Ninja flips around and nails a back heel trip. Collar-and-elbow, Ninja with a wristlock, Tajiri reverses, armdrag, kip-up, Tajiri works the crowd. Ooh, the karate hand-speed challenge! Ninja wins. Kicks and thrusts from Ninja, superkick is blocked, Tajiri with two roundhouse kicks. Handspring elbow! In the corner, Tajiri tries to remove the mask. Ninja with kicks in the corner. Thrust to the throat, Ninja is in control. Tajiri goes for a backslide, referee gets hit softly. Tajiri goes for the tarantula, Coach nails him in the back. Tajiri sells it like he's been shot in the gut. Ninja covers, 2. Asshole chant at Coach. Coach directs traffic and Ninja stays in control with methodical offense. Off the ropes, somersault elbowdrop. Ninja calls for the finish - Snow plow? A-ha. Tajiri gets out, spinning heel kick to the back of the head, BUZZSAW KICK! 1, 2, 3! (03'47") Airhorn! Tajiri v. Coach at Backlash. Tajiri unmasks A Ninja, and it is, of course, AL SNOW. Al Snow just went out and worked a style that isn't his and looked better than half of the roster.
TONIGHT! 8 Man Tag Team Match!
Backlash spot feat. Orton and Foley (Cactus?)
Commercials: Ninja Gaiden, Kill Bill Volume 2, 1-800-Call-ATT (2), Subway, Monster.com, Godsend, X-Box
Drakengard Benjamin beats HHH 2 weeks ago of the week
Backstage, RIC FLAIR asks Bischoff for a match at Backlash with Shelton Benjamin. Bischoff has already drawn up the contracts (at 2:30 this afternoon, if you're a stickler for detail). Benjamin jumps Flair and beats him down until referees and agents pull him away.
We are being commentated to this evening by JIM ROSS and JERRY THE KING LAWLER. Let's run down Backlash. No, not like that. The Final Encounter! Oh, wait, let's NOT run down Backlash. Instead, let's join TRIPLE H for a pre-taped promo. "It was WrestleMania XX. The biggest stage of 'em all. Some have said that it was the greatest match of all-time. And now at Backlash, it'll become the greatest rematch of all-time, THE FINAL ENCOUNTER! Chris Benoit - Shawn Michaels - Triple H - for the world heavyweight championship. Three of the greatest of all-time, ALL...with something to prove. Benoit will TRY to prove to the world that he is more than just a one-hit wonder. Shawn Michaels will TRY to prove to the world that he is still the icon. And Triple H - I will prove that that world heavyweight championship still belongs to me. Guys, there is a reason that they call me The Game. There is only ONE diamond in this business. And you're lookin' at 'im."
Commercials: MXC (2), Gatorade, MX Unleashed, Drakengard (2), Kill Bill Volume 2 (2), Guy's Marine (local), drugfreeamerica.org (local)
The theme song for Backlash is "Eyes Wired Shut" by Edgewater from The Punisher soundtrack. That is available right now!
CHRIS JERICHO heads to the ring for the Highlight Reel and I get ready to barf. JR mentions that Jericho debuted in the WWE in this building in August of 1999. This Sunday in beautiful Edmonton, Alberta, Jericho will meet Christian and Trish in a handicap match. "On Sunday at Backlash, I finally get the match I've been waiting for ever since WrestleMania. Chris Jericho versus the creepy little bastard, and the filthy, dirty, digusting, brutal, bottom-feeding trashbag ho! I guess it's Y2J versus CLB, versus the FDDBBTH (versus? you're stupid!) and during the match, when it's done and I get the W, their careers are gonna go DOA, then they'll be MIA, just like DDP, forced to sell DVDs of The OC from HBO on AOL and QVC at the DMV, and all the while, Trish Stratus will be wishin' she had a little vitamin C, baby!" God this sucks. Chicago disagrees with me, but they pay $20 to park. "And I know that Trish is nervous about this match, but she doesn't have to be nervous about this match, I mean, it's obvious to me it's not the first time she's been in action with two men at the exact same time." He's right, you know. She did team with Lita at Armageddon against Jericho and Christian. So...ohhhh, I get it. "And besides Trish, you said it yourself, you like it rough. Ya like it rough. Rough! Rough rough! Rough rough rough! Why does that - rough! - sound familiar!" etc. etc., here's when Trish had to bark like a dog for Vince, now with HILARIOUS sound effects. This sucks! "Well you know what they say, a female dog is a bitch. And Trish, once a bitch, always a bitch! But besides all that, Trish the reason you're in a match against me at Backlash, is because you were thrown out of the women's battle royal last week on Raw by my guest tonight. She's challenging for the women's title this Sunday at Backlash against Victoria. She's the Queen of Extreme!" Francine? "Lita!" Oh. LITA is on the ramp but gets jumped by Trish. Jericho makes his way up there, but here are some referees, and here is Eric Bischoff, too! Bischoff makes a match between these two RIGHT NOW! Or AFTER THE BREAK!
Commercials: Byrd/Golota + Ruiz/Oquendo + Mayorga/Rivera, X-Box (2), Godsend (2), 1-800-Call-ATT (3), Resident Evil: Outbreak (2), Reebok at Foot Locker, The Punisher (3), MXC (3), SpikeTV bumper
LITA (unannounced, with CHRIS JERICHO) v. TRISH STRATUS (unnanounced) joined in progress: Trish is in control. Kicks in the corner. Christian makes his way to ringside. That's two straight weeks JR has said "sauntering." Lita's boobs struggle to stay put. Oh God Lita, you are so bad. Look, I'm sorry, but I can't watch this. Well, okay. I can watch this, but I can't type about it. Trish tries the Stratusfaction, and Lita kinda suplexes her. Trish to the floor and Lita calls for her to come closer so she can do a "suicide dive." Ugh. Egh. Agh. Igh. Ogh. Sometimes ygh. Christian throws Lita into the security wall for the DQ. (06'10") Jericho lights Christian up, then sees Trish. Walls of Jericho but Christian cuts it off. Jericho takes a long beating including two unprettiers and a chick kick.
TONIGHT! 8 Man Tag! Live! Here! Tonight!
Backlash spot feat. Benoit/Michaels/HHH
Commercials: MXC (4), 1-800-Call-ATT (4), Gatorade X-Factor (2), Drakengard (3), Subway (2), Attorney Jim Boardman (local), Comcast digital cable + Starz! (local)
Backstage, THAT NEW GUY is with LA RESISTANCE. New Guy wants to know why they would move to Quebec. Grenier says moving to Quebec allows them to be closer to the United States so they can go on with their mission. Conway says a lot of the same thing. Behind them, Eugene plays with the flag of Quebec. William Regal tries to get him to stop. La Resistance are upset. Regal is very sorry. Conway: "Fun?! This is the flag of our adopted homeland, Quebec!" Eugene is upset. Regal says the French and Canadians are obnoxious, and thinks they actually like Eugene.
Johnny Nitro is out. JR: "Here's this kid with a Johnny Damon haircut like he's a big stud." "As Mr. Bischoff's hand-picked apprentice, I have a statement to make. Three weeks ago, my boss, Mr. Bischoff, was attacked without warning by a man who calls himself Edge. So, Mr. Bischoff made a match at Backlash. Edge versus the seven-foot monster Kane. Mr. Bischoff did that to send a message to Edge. And I have a message of my own. So, Edge, if you're back there, why don't you come out here, so I can tell you to your face?" So EDGE does come out here. "You think you have it all figured out, don'tcha? You get a match with Kane, and then the next week you come out with a mysterious hand injury that lets you carry around a blatant weapon in the form of a cast. Well I know what it's like to have a real injury. And you can't put one over on me, I'm Johnny Nitro! So how about this - if the referee at Backlash catches you using that cast, even once, not only will you automatically LOSE, you will be suspended on the spot? Hahaha, how d'ya like that Edge? Do you understand what I'm saying?" "I understand THIS - I understand that I've been out of action for over a YEAR. I understand that I've been chompin' at the bit to get back in this ring. And NOTHIN' is gonna stop me. Not a match against Kane, not a broken neck, not a broken hand, and certainly not some threat from you, Johnny Jackass! I face Kane this Sunday. And listen up, kid - I will beat - Kane - this Sun-day! But, you know what, Johnny? You might be right about somethin'. I might've been outta line when I speared Eric Bischoff. I might've been outta line. So I was hopin' the next time you see Eric, after you get up offa your knees - that you could relay a little message to him for me." SPEAR! Sunday! Edge v. Kane!
WWE Live! Sunday night - Backlash in Edmonton! One week from tonight - Calgary hosts Raw! One week from Friday - St. Paul! One week from Saturday - Kansas City! One week from Sunday - Wichita!
Commercials: The Punisher (4), Resident Evil: Outbreak (3), John Cena for YJ Stinger, MX Unleashed (2), Godsend (3), NBA Ballers
The WWE Experience premieres May 2 on SpikeTV
SYLVAN GRENIER (247, Quebec City, PQ, with ROB CONWAY) v. THE HURRICANE (215, homeless, with ROSEY): Hurricane has abandoned the idea of a shirt. Off the ropes, leapfrog, Hurricane intimidates Grenier with his pose. JR mentions Hurricane beating Rock. Side headlock by Hurricane, Grenier gets it to the corner for the break. Grenier just misses a punch entirely so Hurricane takes the advantage easier than planned. Hurricane gutted over the top rope, Grenier lays the boots in. Grenier with a terrible kneelift. This guy is just awful. Cover off a kick to the gut, 2. Rosey cheers Hurricane on. More bad kneelifts. Abdominal stretch from Grenier. JR tries to get a shot in at the internet but fails when he stumbles on the line. Grenier with a gutbuster, cover, 2. Grenier's offense is entirely centered on the stomach. Here comes Eugene! JR likes Eugene. Eugene has an Easter bunny and wants to give it to Conway. Awww. Eugene gets on the apron to give it to Grenier, who accepts and rips its head off. BOOOO! "That wasn't necessary! He just tore the head off that Easter bunny!" Distracted is Grenier, Hurricane hits the Eye of Himself - 1, 2, 3. (04'12") Regal comes out to console Eugene and appears to be mad at La Resistance. I like the idea that Regal will get protective of Eugene.
Shawn Michaels pre-taped promo! "After the triple threat match at WrestleMania XX, people said it was the greatest match in WrestleMania history. And as I walked the streets, people said, 'HBK! How - are you gonna top that?' How are you gonna top that? I'm the showstopper! It's what I do! Always have and always will - top that. Come Backlash, three guys believe honestly in their hearts that they're the best. The very best. But that can only be true for one of us. So now it's time to seperate fact from fiction. Because only one of us can walk out the world heavyweight champion."
TONIGHT! Perhaps the biggest, most emotionally charged 8 man tag in the history of Raw!
Backlash spot feat. Jericho/Christian & Trish
Commercials: Monster.com (2), Kill Bill Volume 2 (3), X-Box (3), 1-800-Call-ATT (5), Reebok at Foot Locker (2), Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow (2), Kill Bill Volume 2 (4)
Here is the beautiful Allstate Arena in beautiful Chicago! 15,186 have sold it out!
Smackdown Rebound features John "Bradshaw" Layfield. "You go back to Mexico! And you tell your Mexican friends! They better stay in Mexico!" Eddie Guerrero smashes a trophy. Booker T turns on RVD. This Thursday: Booker T v. Rob Van Dam!
Here's a video package about Mick Foley. Backstage, Randy Orton is scared.
This Sunday! Orton v. Foley (Cactus?)! Jericho v. Christian AND Trish Stratus! Tajiri v. The Coach! Benjamin v. Flair! Edge v. Kane! Victoria v. Lita for the women's championship! Michaels v. Benoit v. HHH for the world heavyweight championship!
Chris Benoit promo. "WrestleMania XX was definitely the biggest night of my career. The night I faced the world champion, the night I faced two of the greatest wrestlers in the history of this business. The night I made Triple H tap out. Oh I heard it all, too. 'Chris, you'll never do it.' 'Chris, you got lucky.' Well I don't believe in luck - I believe in hard work. Once you step into that ring the only person that you can rely on is yourself. And at Backlash it's gonna be aboat myself. It's gonna aboat my hard work. It's gonna be aboat my title. And I will still walk away world heavyweight champion! And luck will have NOTHING to do it." Yeah man, Benoit can't talk. Belts are SQUEAKY!
Commercials: Resident Evil: Outbreak (4), Gatorade (2), Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow (3), Kill Bill Volume 1 DVD, MX Unleashed (3), Truth (2), McDonald's, Oak Express (local)
CHRIS BENOIT (World Heavyweight Champion, 229, now residing in Atlanta, GA), SHELTON BENJAMIN (248, Orangeburg, SC), SHAWN MICHAELS (weightless, San Antonio, TX) & MICK FOLEY (weightless, Long Island, NY, with Drakengard presents WWE Backlash) v. EVOLUTION (RANDY ORTON, BATISTA, RIC FLAIR & TRIPLE H) (combined 1072): Benjamin is jumpy but Shawn keeps holding him back. Flair and Michaels start it out. Collar-and-elbow, Michaels with a shove, a strut and a whoo. Collar-and-elbow, into the corner, reversed, reversed, Michaels slaps Flair. Flair spits and flops. Flair with a knee to the gut, chop, chop, chop, turned around, chop, chop, chop, corner whip, backdrop! Tag to Foley! Kick to the gut, running kneelift, Flair pinballs around the face corner, tag to HHH? Ok, nevermind. Tag to Benoit, chop, chop, chop, chop. Reversed, chop, reversed, chop, forearm, Foley gets another shot in too. Tag to HHH, and these two are HYPED UP! "You tapped out!" Chop, chop, kick, kick, kick, forearm, forearm, forearm, kick, kick, chop, off the ropes, backdrop by Benoit! Benjamin nails HHH! Stomp stomp stomp Benoit is picking HHH apart. Snap suplex! Cover, 2. HHH clothesline is ducked, Benoit off, HHH with the high knee. Chop! Punch. Chop! Punch. Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Off the ropes, they stumble on a pedigree spot, try again, legs swept, catapult? No, sharpshooter! It's on! Flair in! Flair down! ALL HELL HAS BROKEN LOOSE! HHH to the floor! The rest of Evolution to the floor! Bang bang! Michaels with the slingshot plancha onto HHH, Flair and Batista! We've gotta take a break! (05'39")
Commercials: MXC (5), Byrd/Golota + Ruiz/Oquendo + Mayorga/Rivera (2), freevibe.com, 1-800-Call-ATT (6), Subway (3), Drakengard (4), Godsend (4), This Just In...
We're back and HHH is in control against Benoit. Tag to Flair, who stays on offense and gets in Benjamin's face. No tag made, HHH is in. Batista in. More dominance, tag to Flair, Benoit is face-in-peril. What an odd choice on a team that has Shelton Benjamin, to use the world champion as face-in-peril. Benoit and Flair trade shots. Benoit body attack! Tag to Foley! Cactus beatdown in the corner! BANG BANG! Down goes Orton! Running knee! Tag to Shelton Benjamin. Up top - flying lariat! HHH saves, but Benjamin is on fire. Backdrop on Flair. Flair thumbs him in the eye. Off the ropes, shoulderblock by Benjamin, off the ropes again, HHH pulls the top rope down. HHH whips Shelton into the steel steps. Back in, Orton tagged. Pummeling, cover, 2. Standing dropkick. Eh, no Bob Holly. Tag to HHH. Benjamin and HHH trade rights, Benjamin wins, off the ropes, SPINEBUSTER! Cover, Benoit saves. Abdominal stretch from HHH, Orton helps him cheat. Shawn calls attention to it, but hey, not anymore! Crowd rallies Benjamin, but Orton helps him cheat again. Foley comes in to break it up this time. HHH nails Foley, Flair in with no tag. Right, right, rightrightrightright as Flair goes after Shelton's 15 stitches. We are LIVE in Chicago! Benjamin with a right, up, chop from Flair. Chop from Shelton. Chop from Flair. Right, chop, right, right, right, Shelton wins the slugfest, nevermind, more trading, Flair drops down and trips the ankle. Batista in, gutbuster. Don't steal Sylvan Grenier's offense, Batista! This Batista is a powerhouse. Knees to the gut. Look Batista, Grenier doesn't have much. Batista catches the foot and guess what? Dragon whip, that's what. Orton and Shawn get the tags, Michaels is on fire. Backdrop! Atomic drop on HHH! Atomic drop on Flair! Double clothesline on HHH and Flair! Orton reverses a whip, flying burrito! Kip up, Batista kips him back down. All-out brawl again. Benjamin with the Stinger splash on Orton! Flair throws Shelton out, Michaels hits the flying elbow on Orton. Michaels tunes up the band, Flair gets in, superkick on Flair! RKO on Shawn Michaels! Delayed cover, 2, Benoit breaks with a hellacious flying headbutt. Benoit into the post via HHH, and now it's MICK FOLEY AND TRIPLE H! Relive the glory! Facebuster on Foley, let's get positioned, HHH backdropped to the floor on a pedigree attempt. Mandible claw on Orton! Batista trips Foley and brings him out of the ring. Benoit attacks Batista. Inside, Michaels and Orton struggle to their feet, SWEET CHIN MUSIC! 1, 2, 3! (11'28" - 17'07" aired) That was fun, as expected. Benoit and Shawn stare each other down. HHH gets onto the apron to join the staring. See you for Backlash! Goodnight!