1/4WWE RAW presents Armageddon 2003 -
12/14/03
by Scott Christ
Hello and welcome to the end of the world (as we know it).
I have great news. I have second-row tickets to the April Ring of Honor show in Chicago, which is bound to be super fun. I'll get to see my main men CM Punk and Colt Cabana at the least. Also, I'll be able to do a live-event recap, and feel much closer in spirit to the great Joe Gagne.
--Live on December 14, 2003 from the TD Waterhouse Center in Orlando, Florida.
--We begin tonight's journey on SpikeTV, where THE COACH and AL SNOW try to help us get through Heat. Al has skunked up the front of his hair, making him look older than he is, and let's face it, the guy is old to begin with. Coach is merely being Coach. Things happen on Heat, as a Molly Holly v. Ivory women's title match is announced for Armageddon, and in a backstage segment, MAVEN insults MATT HARDY VERSION 1.0, causing Matt to get angry and go to Bischoff to arrange a match between those two for the big show as well. Oh goodness! Let's take it over to JR and THE KING for our Heat match. Lawler makes fun of Al Snow's awful hair. Armageddon is sponsored by Final Fantasy X-2, and it's next, only on pay-per-view.
--HEAT MATCH - RICO (no entrance, 225, Las Vegas, NV, with MISS JACKIE) v. JON HEIDENREICH (275, New Orleans, LA): No reaction whatsoever for Heidenreich as JR goes over his football career(s) at Mississippi State and with the New Orleans Saints. Rico jumps on Heidenreich and kisses him pretty much off the bat, which is a bit forward, wouldn't you say? "Rico sucks" chant, Heidenreich clotheslines him over. Jackie summons Rico, who crawls. JR makes a not-so-subtle anal sex joke. Back into the ring, shoulderblock, clothesline, Jackie offers her breasts to the big turd, Rico hits the neckbreaker, cover, 2, 3. (01'26") Well that was completely freaking useless. JR thinks it might be an upset, which is hard to stomach after how much he tries to put Rico over whenever he gets a pointless match on Raw. Let's just get to channel 801.
--We are at channel 801, and we have shots of Bischoff and Foley. Here is LILLIAN GARCIA to sing our national anthem, and since this recap will be put into the history books (humor me), let us not forget that WWE Armageddon in 2003 happened on the day where this fine, fine country finally caught and arrested Saddam Hussein in Iraq. What a momentous achievement. Lillian does a fine job on the anthem, and a guy has a sign proclaiming that O-Town supports our troops. Maybe that guy was IN O-Town. JR likes the USA, too.
--Here is a video package with biblical quotage and all kinds of badass shit. This production crew is made up of cowboys with foot-long dicks. Don't forget that Final Fantasy X-2 is sponsoring Armageddon, either.
--MARK HENRY (385, Silsby, TX, with THEODORE LONG) v. BOOKER T (256,
Houston, TX): Mark Henry looks nervous or something. This is certainly an
interesting choice for an opener. Booker hammers away with wild forearm shots,
but Henry knocks him to the mat. Scoop slam, Henry demands Booker stand up, and
now he chokes him against the ropes. Clothesline to the floor, Booker gives
chase to Theodore Long, then gets a mule kick on Henry. Whip to the steps is
reversed, and Booker is down again. Back inside, there's TIE-DYE GUY. Well, he's
in the crowd. I apologize, that was a bad sentence. Back to the floor again,
Booker is on the advantage. Inside again, Booker up top - missile dropkick hits!
Cover, 2, kickout. Kick to the gut, Theodore distracts Booker, and Henry floors
him. Scoop, backbreaker. "Boo ker T" chant for the second time. Cover,
2, kickout. Henry puts a sorta bow-and-arrow on Booker. JR insists that once
Henry gains more experience, he'll gain more submission knowledge. Have the last
seven years, or five if you want to be nice, NOT taught him ANYTHING? Are they
negated because he had not yet come out to Rodney Mack's music with Teddy Long?
Henry with the running rope-assisted slide-through Mike Enos, which gets a pop.
Cover, 2, kickout. Mark Henry is flustered, he can't believe the running
rope-assisted slide-through Mike Enos wasn't enough, and quite frankly (1),
neither can I. Chinlock by Henry. Booker elbows out, but Henry clubs him on the
back of the neck. Off the ropes, bearhug is locked on. JR asks the King if he's
ever been in the ring with someone that has the kind of strength that Henry
does, and Lawler mentions Andre the Giant. Booker with rights, he's out, off the
ropes again, clotheslined down. Big, and I mean big, legdrop misses the mark.
Booker up again, but Henry is too strong, and also big. Bicycle kick to the
chest from Booker, series of rights, Henry fires back with a single right.
Clothesline is ducked, Booker rocks him with a forearm shot. Kick to the gut.
Scissor kick hits - cover, 2, shoulder up! Crowd bought it, but now they're back
to normal. Spinebuster slam from Henry, cover, 2, shoulder up. Henry with
another clothesline, this time the legdrop hits. Cover, 2, kickout. Mark Henry
is getting really upset now. JR again mentions Mark Henry's inexperience which
is really bothering me. Henry hits an ass-awful powerbomb that may have supposed
to have been something else, or else he just kind of dropped him halfway
through. Cover, 2, kickout, Henry looks sad now. Kick to the gut, off the ropes,
scissor kick - 1, 2, 3. (09'21") What a terribly built match. They
did a good job with Booker needing the comeback, and it comes down to him doing
one move. Other than the crappy finish, it was OK.
1/4
--Damn! That was NOT how ERIC BISCHOFF wanted to start off Armageddon. But he knows he can count on CHRISTIAN and CHRIS JERICHO. Jericho seems a bit off about the whole battle of the sexes thing, but Christian is all up ons. Entrance music hits, and we go to the ring.
--MICK FOLEY makes his way to the ring. "Thank you. (Foley chant) Thank you, now usually, I watch the WWE pay-per-views at my buddy Chris' house in Seafort, New York. But I'm not in Seafort, New York tonight, I'm RIGHT HERE - IN ORLANDO, FLORIDA. Where I will bring to you my first pay-per-view as co-manager of Raw. And I have every reason to believe it's going to be a tremendous show, but the reason I walked out here today, is to bring all of you some really, really good news. You see, the petition to bring back Stone Cold Steve Austin now has one million signatures. (Dr. Evil finger thing, hilarious) And I think that shows everybody, including the board of directors at WWE, just how badly we want Stone Cold back on Raw! And I think you'll agree with me, that that news is cause for a celebration. And I, I wonder, I wa-wa-wa-wa wonder, if there's anybody backstage who might be able to join me in a small celebration, I wonder..." And there is - STACY KEIBLER in a cheerleader outfit. In order to make a long story short, she does cartwheels and we get to see her underwear, which popped roughly 354 boners all over the world. Mick does a crappy cartwheel. But oh goodness, someone is interrupting the celebration, and it's RANDY ORTON, and also it's RIC FLAIR. I think Stacy headed for a safer place - MY BED. Hahaha, I have sex with babes. "What I'm really out here to talk about, Mick, is the fact that the party is OVER. You see, Stone Cold is gone, and he's gone for GOOD, because I won that match at Survivor Series! Mick, your stupid petition is done, it's over. You see, it is time for Randy Orton to collect, what he came here to collect, and Mick Foley, that is the intercontinental championship." Mick thinks Randy wants to go, so he drops his mic and takes his jacket and dress shirt off, revealing his DIY referee shirt, and we're gonna get going right now.
--INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH (WITH SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE MICK
FOLEY) - RANDY ORTON (challenger, 245, St. Louis, MO, with RIC FLAIR) v. ROB VAN
DAM (champion, 235, Battle Creek, MI): Trash-talking, RVD blocks a kick to
the gut, and sweeps the legs. Orton bails to converse with Flair. Trade of holds
inside, ducks of clotheslines and kicks, and Van Dam gets to break out his,
"Oh, you're with me, let's pose and stare at each other" thing. "RVD"
chants, Orton is not thrilled. Van Dam with a spin kick, right, right, whip is
reversed, Orton charges in, and RVD drives a dropkick into the gut. Up top -
frog crossbody! 1, 2, kickout. Orton thrown over, lands on the apron, Van Dam
ducks a right, spin kick hits. Orton's on the floor, Van Dam poses and hops,
then gets a somersault plancha. Back inside, Van Dam leaps up top, and Orton
shoves him off and into the security wall. Outside, Orton hits a standing
dropkick. What a beaut. So much of a beaut, we need a replay of a dropkick.
Inside, cover, 2. Orton with walking punch to the head of the downed RVD, cover,
2. Orton with a choke against the ropes, break, back to it. Foley pulls Orton
off after he doesn't break, then Flair gets into an argument with Foley, and
those two steal the show on the outside yelling and striking fighting poses.
Orton stays in control for a few minutes before Van Dam gets the split-legged
moonsault for 2. Orton with a high back suplex, cover, 2, back to the chinlock.
Arm drops twice, held up on the third lift. Van Dam's ponytail is falling out,
so he kicks Orton in the throat for messing up his hair. Van Dam with rights,
kicks in the corner, ten-punch goes all the way. Whip to the corner, monkey flip
out of it. Shoulderblocks in the corner, out of there, off the turnbuckles, side
kick from Van Dam. Northern lights suplex, cover, 2, kickout. Outside, Van Dam
hits the spinning legdrop across the wall. Coming back in, Orton spikes Van Dam
with a DDT where RVD's legs were balanced on the second rope. Van Dam looks a
little loopy. Actually a lot loopy. Orton misses a kneedrop and oversells it to
help out. Van Dam with a leg-scissors pin attempt, two count. Rolling thunder
connects, Flair is there yelling for Randy to get up, RVD dropkicks him, Orton
rolls RVD up, two count. Another kick from Van Dam. RVD up top, Flair hits the
apron with something in his hand, but Foley cuts him off. Orton dropkicks RVD,
which crotches him. RKO! Bam. 1, 2, 3. (17'56") Randy Orton is the
new intercontinental champion, and they do a pretty good job making it seem
rather important after the match, but maybe that's just because I kinda like
Randy Orton. The match was pretty solid, even if Orton still isn't quite
"there."
--Attitude and intensity, etc. Tomorrow in Tampa, one week from Saturday in El Paso, two weeks from tonight in Lubbock, two weeks from tomorrow Raw is in San Antonio, two weeks from Saturday in Jackson (I'm goin' to Jackson, turn loose of my coat).
--Over to JR and the King. King thinks it'll be a big, big night for Evolution. Next: Battle of the Sexes. Video package.
--ERIC BISCHOFF'S BATTLE OF THE SEXES - CHRIS JERICHO (230, Winnipeg, MB)
& CHRISTIAN (225, Toronto, ON) v. LITA (Cameron, NC) & TRISH STRATUS
(Toronto, ON): Trish isn't about rock n' rolling tonight, but Lita was,
clearly exposing that Trish is way awesomer than Lita. Now Lita is serious and
ready for business because Trish reminded her. Jericho tries to talk some sense
into Trish, but she smacks him. Jericho picks her up and spanks her and tells
her to calm down, and says it's not what they want. Trish slaps because
apparently a punch is not in her vocabulary. Christian makes a blind tag, shoves
Trish into her corner, and gets Lita to tag in. Christian grabs both her arms,
so Lita headbutts him. She's Mark Coleman. She kinda has the same potato face.
Oh Lita, I'm sorry. That was mean. I'd do you before I did Mark Coleman, I
promise. Lita with a spinning headscissors, two count. Off the ropes, Jericho
knocks Lita down. Jericho tagged in, scoop and a slam. Jericho turns into a
woman and stands on her hair. Jericho goes for a power bomb, Lita counters with
a crappy rana for two. Back elbow, tag to Christian, and he tears Lita's shirt
off, exposing her sexy sports bra. Lita gets a kick to the nuts. Tag to Trish,
she unloads with forearms, whip is reversed, clothesline ducked, CHICK KICK.
Trish flips out of a back suplex, Christian charges, Trish moves, and Christian
flies to the floor. Jericho goes up top, Lita crotches him. Trish goes for the
rana, but Jericho just shoves her away. Christian covers, two. "Christian,
that sweaty body on Trish." What the fuck, JR? Are you writing erotica?
Trish rolls Christian up, 2. Lita up top - flying rana! Herky-jerky retard
celebration! Jericho pulls Lita out to the floor, then heads in and approaches
Trish. Jericho helps her up, Christian comes from behind, roll-up, 2, 3. (06'37")
Jericho isn't happy, but Christian sure is. This was decent enough all things
considered. 1/2
--BloodBath is available all December on PPV.
--Look outside! Fountains and pretty trees, that's all Orlando is.
--Wrestlemania XX will be live on March 14, when I turn THE DOUBLE DEUCE.
--Video package.
--SHAWN MICHAELS (225, San Antonio, TX) v. BATISTA (318, Washington, DC,
with RIC FLAIR): JR mentions that Michaels is competing at his 68th PPV
appearance, Batista only his 3rd. Shawn sticks with lefts and a right in the
corner, which appears to just piss Batista off. More peppering shots. Batista
with a boot to the gut, clubbing forearm to the back, kneelift, forearm, sent
into the turnbuckle. Shawn off the ropes, catches a boot, three left kicks to
the leg, chop, chop, off the ropes, duck, slide-through to the floor. Flair
comes in for a cheapshot, but he gets laid out. Shawn's back in, Flair holds
Batista up to give him some advice and settle him down. Inside now, Batista
hammers away in the corner. Michaels slides down on a slam, rolls through,
ducks, ducks, caught with a clothesline. Cover, 2, kickout. Batista with a
vertical suplex, cover, 2. Batista goes after the back. Michaels with some
chops, but that's stopped with a kneelift. To the corner, Batista charges, boot
up from HBK. Batista puts Michaels up top, back superplex elbowed out of,
Michaels stoops on the ropes, then finally leaps with a moonsault bodyblock.
Cover, 2. Michaels hits the forearm, and everyone waits for the kip-up. Both men
down, we get to six before Shawn starts moving, then eight before he kips up,
but he's hit with a clothesline. Flip in the corner, then Batista dumps him to
the floor. Shawn sent into the stairs, back in, two count. Backbreaker, two
count. Backbreaker, held and Batista wrenches on it. "As the sweat pours on
a sticky night here in Florida." Seriously, JR. What the FUCK. Michaels
tries to come back, but Batista catches him with a choke, but Michaels gets out
with a DDT. Both men down, Shawn struggles up and heads to the top. Flying elbow
hits! Michaels is fiiiired up. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP.
KICK is blocked with a spinebuster, and another, followed by some screaming and
tongue sticking-out. More screaming. Flair demands Batista "show 'em the
body," so he flexes and screams, showing 'em the body. Batista looking for
the sit-out power bomb, up, Shawn slides down, SWEET CHIN MUSIC. 1, 2, 3. (12'27")
God, Shawn Michaels is great, but even he couldn't make Batista look good.
Post-match, Batista is pissed right off.
--Royal Rumble spot.
--Here comes MAVEN, but Batista and Flair are still in the ring, with Batista still being pissed right off. Maven isn't sure what to make of this as Earl Hebner and Jack Doan try to get Batista out of there. The bell rings, so uh.
--MAVEN (225, Charlottesville, VA) v. MATT HARDY VERSION 1.0 (weightless, Cameron, NC): Matt Fact: Matt's fingernails grow very quickly. So these two start brawling on the ramp without a bell ringing to start the match, and Batista is still all mad and crap in the ring. Matt gets a great idea - he throws Maven into the ring and backs off. Batista clotheslines Maven, picks him up, clotheslines him, picks him up, hits some kneelifts, and power bombs him. Matt Hardy is amused. Matt Hardy, to be honest, is pretty worthless these days. Another power bomb. The referees call for help, and here comes a fat guy to lend a hand. Batista and Flair finally leave. Jack Doan tells Lilian that Maven cannot wrestle, and the match is off. Matt Hardy doesn't believe that's fair, so he Warrior splashes him and counts his own pin. Matt then announces himself as the winner. This sucks.
--Backstage, the Batista Show continues, with Batista screaming and letting a bad word slip, and Flair screams at him to calm down. Batista remarks, "BATISTA'S A WINNER!" Flair talks some sense into Batista, and says they're walking outta here tonight as champions. Helloooo.
--TAG TEAM TURMOIL FOR THE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: Starting out
are LA RESISTANCE and THE HURRICANE & ROSEY. Hurricane tries a
plancha and falls off the ropes. Lawler just makes fun of him, but he's holding
his hip or something, though he appears okay. Conway with a full nelson,
Hurricane fights out. Conway takes over again, tag to Rene Dupree. Hurricane
sells some more, hot tag to Rosey, who gets the Rosey Slam and then his mask is
knocked off. This is awful. Weak spinebuster slam on Conway, tag to Hurricane.
Rosey sits on the top rope, Hurricane jumps off his shoulders with a splash, 2,
3. (03'14") Entering: MARK JINDRAK & GARRISON CADE, who
sneak in from behind and get the roll-up pin. (03'31") Entering: VAL
VENIS & LANCE STORM. Venis and Jindrak start it out, since this is
basically just a second match. Venis with a hiptoss, Jindrak comes back with an
armdrag. Jindrak with a legsweep, two count. Jindrak smacks Val, who hits a
reverse elbow off the ropes. Arm wringer and a tag to Lance Storm, who
springboards in with a shot to the arm. Jindrak tags to Cade, and they trade
some holds. "BORING" chant. Storm with an armdrag into an armbar.
Storm with a springboard and flip out of an armbar, then Cade nails him with a
left hand. Cover, 2, kickout. Tag to Jindrak, who holds on until missing a
charge into the corner. Trade to Val, who is a house of fire. Half-nelson slam
on Jindrak, cover, 2, Cade breaks the pin. Storm in now, and he takes Cade out
of the ring, and goes with him to boot. Blue mountain bomb from Venis, 2. Val
goes for a suplex from the apron, but Cade sneaks in to clip the knee, then
holds the foot down for the 3 count. (07'51") Entering: THE
DUDLEY BOYZ, the defending champions. The crowd wants tables but instead
they get a brawl. Bubba still refuses to wear kneepads. Bubba puts Cade in the
tree of woe, then smacks him in the chest a couple times. Bland wrestling from
the Dudleys and these two, pretty much just recreating all their matches from
recently, and that sentence is entirely my excuse for zoning out during the last
couple minutes. Cade is working D-Von over with a chinlock. Tables chant again,
hot tag to Bubba, who takes over. I zoned out again. Could I rewind? Yes, but
I'm not. HAHA, I'm a HEEL. Jindrak with a weak roll-up on D-Von, two count.
D-Von with a roll-up, two count. Jindrak's dropkick doesn't go, then he turns
around into the 3D. 1, 2, 3. (12'26") Entering: SCOTT STEINER
& TEST, and Bubba is holding his shoulder. Steiner and Test wisely rush
the ring. Off-screen, D-Von gets whipped into the steps by Steiner, and now the
heels are battling it out. This is the end of this match, and praise the lord,
because this sucks. Steiner with an overhead suplex on Bubba, then Bubba heads
to the floor. Test works on Bubba's hurting arm on the floor as D-Von and
Steiner take turns distracting Mike Chioda. Steiner with a clothesline and an
elbowdrop for two. Push-ups from Steiner, and then he goes to a choke against
the ropes. Referee breaks it, Test takes over the choking. Steiner with an
armbar takedown and he holds it. Crowd tries to rally Bubba. Test tagged in, and
he goes to an armbar. Bubba gets out of that, but Test sets him up top. Right,
right, Bubba with a right, Test right, Bubba right, Test right, up top,
superplex doesn't go, shoved off, and BUBBA HITS THE SENTON. D-Von finally gets
the tag, and he's all clotheslines. Neckbreaker on Steiner, swinging neckbreaker
on Test, cover, 2. Test hits a sidewalk slam for two. Steiner tells Test to
deliver Da Boot, but D-Von ducks and Test hits Steiner. Roll-up, 2, kickout.
Test goes for the pumphandle, D-Von slips out, but Test hits the full nelson
slam for two. Test cracks D-Von with a chair after using the belt as a decoy,
and Bubba pulls Test out on the pin attempt. Bubba slid in now and he's really
favoring the arm. Bubba gets enough out of it to hit the Bubba Bomb on Test,
D-Von covers - 1, 2, 3. (19'24") Before Lilian can even get done
announcing that the Dudleys have retained, here comes ERIC BISCHOFF.
"In order to win tag team turmoil, you have to go through ALL of the teams.
And there is one team who has yet to compete. Ladies, and gentlemen, allow me to
introduce to you BATISTA and "THE NATURE BOY" RIC FLAIR."
Batista and Flair are in and dominating. Flair hooks the figure-four on Bubba,
and Batista drills D-Von with the power bomb. (21'29") We have new
world tag team champions. This match was pretty much the shits for twenty
minutes but had its moments. Actually, it didn't.
--WWEShopZone.com.
--JR and the King discuss Smackdown's trip to Iraq next week. Here's a video of them talking about it.
--WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - MOLLY HOLLY (champion, Forest Lake, MN) v.
IVORY (challenger, Seattle, WA): Here's the thing about this match. JR and
the King discuss the possibility that Molly might not be getting enough schlong
in her diet, among other things, until JR admits he has not prepared for this
match at all, and tries to apologize. Ivory with a crossbody from the top, then
a slingshot sends Molly to the floor. Molly dropkicks Ivory off the apron. Back
in, Molly with a northern lights suplex for two. Top wristlock from Molly. JR
and King discuss Molly drinking prune juice and the possibility that she suffers
from irregularity. WHAT ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT? Molly with a suplex for two,
and these two are making me lose my mind. Handspring elbow from Molly, cover,
two. Molly removes the top turnbuckle pad, but Ivory blocks and slams Molly's
head into it. Ivory with a roll-up, two, "reversed," three count to
retain. (04'22") Heatless and just plain bad. 1/2
--Royal Rumble on January 25, 2004.
--Video package.
--WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TRIPLE THREAT MATCH - KANE (challenger,
320, homeless) v. TRIPLE H (challenger, 265, Greenwich, CT) v. GOLDBERG
(champion, 280, Atlanta, GA): Trash-talking between Goldberg and HHH, then
Kane and Goldberg, and HHH just hangs out. HHH from behind on Goldberg, and he
and Kane team up on Goldberg in the corner. Slow brawling as the heels dominate
Goldberg. Goldberg takes HHH to the floor and follows him out, but instead
changes his mind to have the showdown with Kane. Kane right, Goldberg right,
Kane, Goldberg, Kane, Goldberg, Goldberg, Goldberg, Kane with an uppercut. Whip
to the corner by Kane, clothesline follows. Shitty short-arm clothesline by Kane
for two. Goldberg goes for the roll of the dice and Kane didn't know what the
fuck was going on there. HHH back in, he gets thrown. Goldberg walks into a
couple Kane uppercuts, sidewalk slam hits. Kane up top - Goldberg slams him off.
Goldberg can't quite get the military press on HHH for whatever reason, so he
just hits a powerslam. Goldberg looks for the spear on Kane, but catches a big
boot. Kane chokes and lays in some rights, then HHH gets in to choke and punch
as well. Kane with another uppercut on Goldberg as the Goldberg chants start.
Double-team suplex on Goldberg. Kane with a powerslam on Goldberg, HHH sneaks in
for the pin, but Kane breaks. Kane seems upset, sort of saying, "Yoooou
sneaky guy, you! I'll keep my eyyyyye on yoooou!" Goldberg is again the
victim of the double-team, this match is dead. Kane with a clothesline that
Goldberg ducks, and HHH is sent to the floor as a result. Goldberg with rights,
Kane...kinda hotshots Goldberg and JR has broken "bowling shoe ugly"
out. Kane looks for the chokeslam, but here's HHH with a chair to lay Kane out.
Goldberg puts HHH down and looks to Pillmanize the ankle, but here's Kane to
stop him. WHY? Another uppercut and JR has to make note of how many there are.
This SUCKS. Kane and Goldberg on the floor, Goldberg sent into the stairs. Kane
dismantles the Spanish announce table. Chokeslam doesn't happen, Goldberg looks
for a suplex on Kane, but HHH breaks it up. Kane chokeslams Goldberg on the
table, but it doesn't sell worth a shit. Kane and HHH seem a bit concerned. HHH
tells Kane to put Goldberg on the table, and he does. HHH gets on the wall and
drops an elbow. HHH is fired up, either because he's trying to get the crowd
going, or because he's pissed off at how bad this match is. Kane gives HHH that
look again, and HHH begs off. HHH tells Kane that Goldberg is all Kane's. Kane
turns to Goldberg, so HHH puts Kane into the steps. HHH looks for the pedigree
on the floor, but instead he gets backdropped. HHH starts running away as Kane
stalks him, and we're back in the ring. Kane dominates as the battle of the
heels surprisingly lacks any crowd heat. Kane hits the flying clothesline and
signals for the chokeslam. Kane has SPIRIT FINGERS. HHH thumbs out of the choke.
Kane sits up after being knocked down, but HHH gets a reverse neckbreaker. No
pin, the crowd is booing now. This is so bad. Kane no-sells a couple rights and
knocks HHH down, then sends him to the floor with a clothesline. Battle up the
ramp now, and Kane looks for the tombstone, maybe. HHH slides out, then Kane
hits a weak ass chokeslam on the steel. I get that it hurts and all, so how
about don't do it? Back in the ring, HHH is dead, but Goldberg has gotten back
in. SPEAR ON KANE! Ugly spear at that. Everyone is down. Goldberg covers Kane,
2, HHH breaks the pin. Staggering and brawling from everyone. Goldberg hits the
heels with a double clothesline, and everyone is down again. Spear on Kane!
Spear on HHH! Here's EVOLUTION, and they get laid out. Another spear on
HHH, cover, Kane breaks at two. Goldberg gets a choke on Kane, but Kane gets one
right back. HHH with a low blow on Goldberg, and Kane hits the chokeslam on
Goldberg finally. Batista pulls Kane out of the ring and holds him off, allowing
HHH to pin for the victory. (19'38") This match was an embarrassing
main event. Freaking sloppy and dull and boring, and to make matters worse, they
picked the absolute worst guy to go over. This was the capper on a truly shitty
year from HHH, though you can't say he's solely to blame. Everyone sucked in
this match. Ugh. The worst WWE main event in some time.
Our final shot is Evolution standing at the entrance with all the belts. Goodnight.