1/2NWA-TNA - 10.08.03
by Scott Christ
Hey ho. Let's go. Hey ho. TNA.
--Tonight's opening video package highlights upcoming matches between AMW and Kash & Abyss, Michael Shane and Chris Sabin, D'Lo & Chris Vaughn and Redshirt Security, Swinger & Diamond & Gilberti and 3 Live Kru, and of course, Raven's mission to destroy everyone that has wronged him. Was Raven's facepaint influenced by Agent Sands, or just the Misfits? Also tonight, A.J. Styles and Dusty Rhodes for the NWA title. We also get to see Erik Watts assure Jarrett that his title shot is on October 22, no matter who the champion is.
--Live on October 8, 2003 from the Asylum in Nashville.
--JEFF JARRETT is in the ring, and he calls out DUSTY RHODES. Jarrett has come to a realization - Dusty tries to interrupt, Jarrett stops him. Over the last seven days, Jarrett has realized that Dusty is the same as all the other icons. Dusty tries to interrupt, Jarrett stops him (2). Namechecks: Piper, Bret, Savage, Hogan. Dusty tries to interrupt, Jarrett stops him (3). Apparently the world is talking about Dusty having one last title shot. Dusty tries to interrupt, Jarrett stops him (4). Dusty is mad now. He tries to interrupt, but Jarrett stops him (5). Jarrett says he might should get in his car and leave, but two weeks from tonight it's his title shot, and he's walking out with the belt.
--Backstage in a locker room, SCOTT HUDSON is with A.J. STYLES, as well as TRINITY. Vince Russo is missing, and Styles is not happy. Apparently they went their separate ways on XPlosion. I wouldn't know. SONNY SIAKI and EKMO say they've got A.J.'s back, but all he wants to do is yell at Trinity to go call Russo again.
--REDSHIRT SECURITY (with DON CALLIS) v. D'LO BROWN and CHRIS VAUGHN (with
RICK SANTEL): Callis' hair looks just plain silly. D'Lo starts with Kevin
Northcutt. D'Lo with a dropkick, standing wristlock, Vaughn wants the tag and
gets it. Vaughn with the wristlock and he's hammering away. Northcutt, though,
is much larger than him, so he throws him into the heel corner. Tag to Wilson,
Vaughn escapes and tags D'Lo. Here they go babbling about the healthcare crap,
Don still takes Don's side. CATCH THAT SUCKA. Vaughn tagged back in, up top -
huracanrana attempt is turned into a powerbomb (of sorts). Bootchoke in the
corner, Callis taunts Vaughn. Both heels are in now, D'Lo seems OK with this all
things considered. Northcutt legal now - pumphandle half-nelson overhead slam. I
think that move needs a NAME. Vaughn sets for a tornado DDT, but if you haven't
noticed, Northcutt is much bigger than him - OW, Northcutt tosses him overhead
into the turnbuckles. Northcutt takes Vaughn's shirt off (but not his own).
Vaughn escapes and tags D'Lo, but Rudy Charles didn't see it. D'Lo isn't having
it, though, he's going to take matters into his own hands. D'Lo takes Wilson out
to the floor, but inside, Northcutt hits the Northcutt Driver (creative name -
double-underhook piledriver) for the win. (04'45") Post-match, the
Redshirts continue their assault until ERIK WATTS runs in, sort of like a
renegade Santa Claus carrying a bag full of clotheslines and front kicks and
chairshots and suck-its. Nothing wrong with the match.
1/2
--"Serious situation here at ringside, with Chris Vaughn who was injured after that piledriver by Kevin Northcutt. Hello once again everyone..." Good sell, Mike. Well, you might be able to tell, but I'll spell it out for you: we're at ringside with MIKE TENAY and DON WEST. Don's shirt/tie color of the week: black (like The Bats), last seen on August 20. Hmm...last week he went with gold, last seen on August 13. I'm going to make a bold prediction and say next week, Don's in blue. Mike's tuxedo of the week: tuxedo. Don runs through the matches, Tenay nods.
--Earlier today, Tenay sat down with Dusty. This is pretty cool if you like Dusty Rhodes, which somehow I do.
--Mike and Don discuss the departure of Jerry Lynn last week, and here's some video to prove it. Lynn wears shirts that are much too large.
--X Factors: Sabin wins Super X tournament; Shane captures title in Ultimate X; Tonight: Super X trophy v. X division title. Cool.
--X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP V. 2003 SUPER X CUP TROPHY - CHRIS SABIN (trophy
owner, 216, Detroit, MI) v. MICHAEL SHANE (champion, 219, San Antonio, TX):
Shane slaps Sabin, then backs off. I guess Sabin is playing the babyface. If you
happened to forget somehow, Don reminds us that Shane is cocky and arrogant.
Shane bails a lot and runs around the ring. Back inside, Sabin with a
huracanrana and a dropkick. Trade of rights, Sabin wins. Shane tosses Sabin over
the top after they come off the ropes. Shane takes some shots outside, we're
back in. Shane unwraps some of the tape on his wrist and gets a choke in. Shane
with a surfboard, "Sabin" chants go up. Whip is reversed by Sabin,
backdropped to the apron, Sabin with a right, springboard spinning heel kick.
Both men down. Back up, trade, Sabin hits the Future Shock! 1, 2, foot on the
rope. Sabin goes for a springboard dropkick, Shane swats him off.
(Masturbation.) (I'm lying. There wasn't any.) Shane tries to use the feet on a
pin in the corner, but the ref catches it. Shane outside, he grabs the belt -
Mike Posey stops him again. What a good ref. Sabin hits the Cradle Shock, but
Posey is caught up discussing current events with Jeremy Borash and it only gets
two. Sabin with a forearm, sunset flip, 2. Reversal, 2, reversal 2, Shane hooks
the trunks, 3. (07'36") So Shane wins a trophy with Chris Sabin's
name on it. That's cool. Shane looked a little iffy again.
1/4
--Backstage, Scott Hudson is with SIMON DIAMOND, JOHNNY SWINGER and GLENN GILBERTI. They cut a bad promoon 3LK. I think Simon is high. Here's DAVID YOUNG. He's upset about that chairshot last week, but Swinger says Glenn hit HIM with a chair at least a dozen times last week. Terms of endearment. Anyway, off they go.
--ELIMINATION MATCH - GLENN GILBERTI, SIMON DIAMOND and JOHNNY SWINGER v.
3 LIVE KRU WE BE DROPPIN' LIKE BANG: I have neglected to mention until now
that they have two new dancing cage girls this week, and one of them has WICKED
cameltoe. Simon and Killings start it off, Killings with a spinning
headscissors, tag to James. They get the Hart Attack but with leg lariat for
two. Tag to Swinger, James with the funky punches, Swinger ducks the
clothesline, blind tag to Konnan, who hits the rolling lariat. Konnan with a
rolling leg grapevine, Simon breaks the hold. With the ref distracted, Killings
gets the whassup legdrop (without whassup). Konnan with a modified standing
figure-four, broken quickly when Simon comes in and gets a facejam. Gilberti
considers coming in but thinks better of it. Swinger goes for a sunset flip,
Konnan rules through, seated dropkick. Crappy pin reversal spot gets two
near-falls. Gilberti trips Konnan up, Simon and Swinger get an embarrassingly
bad double-team flatliner on Konnan, and he's gone. (03'50")
Killings in, Don West does his usual spooge-sell over him. James clears both
heels off the apron, and Konnan is back, returning the tripping favor on
Swinger, and James gets the pumphandle slam. Cover, Swinger is gone. (05'06")
Diamond and James in, Diamond cheats to win, though he hasn't won, and Gilberti
tags in when the advantage up. I could really live without them pretending
Gilberti is somehow at a huge disadvantage against B.G. James. Tag to Killings,
guess what, referee Andrew Thomas didn't see the tag. Disco with the Chartbuster
on James! Simon with a superkick - cover, 2, 3. (06'52") 2-on-1 now,
Killings is on fire taking them on, on his own. Quick tags from the heels. I
think Don West thinks Ron Killings is the best wrestler ever. Diamond and
Killings in, flying body attack by Killings (Tenay totally actually said
"body attack" after I typed that!), front-layout suplex! Cover, 2, 3,
Diamond is gone. (09'08") Don is terribly certain that Gilberti has
NO CHANCE now. Well. Here comes the DAVID YOUNG, Cole. Young takes a seat
at ringside. Gilberti dumps Killings out in front of David Young, who continues
to sit. Killings takes Young's chair, but Young steals is back and bashes his
noggin with the ref not looking. Rolled in, Gilberti covers for the win. (11'05")
Gilberti instructs Young to deliver the stomps, which he does, but Jizzle and
Dawg come back to break it up. Gilberti leaves Young hanging again. This was
alright.
--Backstage, Scott Hudson is with JAMES T. REVEREND, VAMPIRO and THE DISCIPLES OF THE NEW CHURCH. James T. Reverend does the talking. James T. says that every time Raven builds a better mousetrap, he'll build a better mouse. OK, Willard. Slash throws darts into Sinn's back (seriously) and Sinn goes "OHHH. URRR." What a stupid bunch of guys.
--FRANKIE KAZARIAN (220, Anaheim, CA) v. CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (225, Los
Angeles, CA, with the followers): Kazarian's a real ladies man these days.
Daniels not so much. Don says Frankie must have a "vanity complex."
Both men roll through on a wristlock, that looked cool. Kazarian with an
armdrag, dropkick, whip to the corner, lariat. Dropkick to the chest, Daniels
bails, and Kazarian flies to the floor, taking out Daniels and a follower. Back
in, Kazarian gets a slingshot DDT for two. That reminds me of all the times I
saw Kaz Hayashi on Saturday Night. Kazarian is all full of piss and vinegar.
Hey, check it out - screen inside the screen! Styles and his friends are waiting
outside. Daniels has taken the advantage here. Scoop AND a slam, slingshot
legdrop gets two. Kazarian with a clothesline, dropkick, slap, somersault axe
kick gets two. Kazarian charges the corner, Daniels with an elbow up. Goes for a
springboard, Kazarian catches, Daniels reverses, two, Kazarian reverses, two.
Double-springboard moonsault! 1, 2, no. Daniels is gonna go for something, and
yells "ANGEL'S WIIINGS!" Why do that? Now Kazarian knows what's
coming. Daniels is stupid. Kazarian reverses, but Daniels is back at it -
"LAST RIIIITES!" Is he DAFT? Kazarian reverses, sending Daniels
crashing into a follower on the apron, and Kazarian hits the Back to the Future!
Cover, two, no. One of the followers (little fatty) trips Kazarian up, Angel's
Wings hits (because he didn't YELL about it this time), and that's it. (05'58")
Outside, Daniels says his followers are useless and it's time he calls upon his
brothers. Pretty good match, unfortunately short.
1/2
--Scott Hudson is with RAVEN, JULIO DINERO and C.M. PUNK. Raven says some stuff, then asks Julio and Punk not to get involved tonight. Raven leaves, Julio is concerned, Punk says they still have his back.
--KID KASH & ABYSS v. AMERICA'S MOST WANTED with special guest
referee TERRY TAYLOR: Kash and Abyss attack as soon as AMW hit the ring,
but Storm dumps Kash and that allows the faces to team up on Abyss and get him
out. Instead of celebrating they follow them out, and Abyss beats Storm up.
Storm gets dropped on the guardrail, and when they get back in he's pointing at
his throat or collarbone a lot to anyone that can see, which might be bad. Kash
tags Abyss, they hit the backdrop moonsault, and Abyss gets a two-count. Tag to
Kash, somersault legdrop by Kash, warrior splash by Abyss. Abyss covers, Terry
Taylor doesn't count. FINALLY. Thank GOD for Terry Taylor. Heels working the
quick tags and dominating Storm. Abyss sits up top, Kash slams Storm, and the
moonsault-off-the-shoulders misses. Tags to Abyss and Harryss, Harris cleans
some house. Storm gets a blind tag, double-team flapjack! Kash sent to the
floor, and Storm is backdropped out onto him. Harris with a backdrop, heads up
top, Abyss cuts him off. Storm is back, Kash is back but gone again. Harris hits
the spear from the middle rope on Abyss, cover, twoooo, NO. Kash takes Taylor
out, Harris spears Kash to the floor, and Abyss blocks a superkick from Storm.
Storm hits the Swinging Noose (tornado reverse DDT). Kash back in - smashmouth
(thrown chair)! Mike Posey is in, cover, two! Kash throws Posey out. Kash tosses
the chair at Harris, caught, tossed back, Storm with a superkick to the chair,
Taylor is in, 1, 2, 3. (07'49") Post-match, Kash smacks and taunts
Abyss (again), who teases chokeslamming him (again). Abyss leaves and comes back
while Kash is bent over with his back to Abyss (presumably, Abyss had plans to
fuck Kid Kash right here), but then finally pulls the trigger and knocks him on
his keister, meister, and they brawl and Abyss barely gets the upperhand before
Kash bails.
--Backstage, they blah blah some more about the healthcare crap with Callis.
--SHANE DOUGLAS has paid for some commercial time, saying he's going to start a new Franchise in TNA by recruiting some nobody from the audience or something. What a dipshit.
--SINN (weightless, Toronto, ON, with JAMES T. REVEREND) v. RAVEN (244,
The Bowery): Raven doesn't even take off his hoodie or the dog collar before
jumping all over Sinn. Chain shots in the corner, Sinn blades within a minute.
Raven gives James T. Reverend chase, but that proves to be a poor plan, as Sinn
uses it to gain the advantage. Sinn chokes and punches away, but Raven comes
back with lefts, a discus clothesline, and a running clothesline, then a
kneelift, then a scream. Corner whip, clothesline, out with a bulldog onto the
chain. Raven Effect! 1, 2, 3. (02'54") Nothing wrong with that.
Afterward, Raven hangs Sinn over the ropes, but here comes SLASH! Slash eats a superkick, then Raven whips the chain around his legs and trips him down. That was cool. Chain whips, James T. is not happy. Here comes VAMPIRO! DDT by Vampiro! The numbers game overwhelms Raven, and they head through the crowd to hang him again, but C.M. PUNK and JULIO DINERO make the save. This shit's never going to end.
--To ringside with Mike and Don. Mike has a huge announcement to make - on November 30, they will have a live three-hour super mega pay-per-view event extravaganza, entitled Bound for Glory. Don takes over. Next week! Kid Kash v. Abyss! Raven v. Slash or Vampiro (or maybe Shane Douglas)! Erik Watts has challenged Kevin Northcutt, one-on-one! Mike is receiving word that Roddy Piper is watching the show tonight. Wow, cool. So am I. So what. Oh, Piper asked to make a statement next week, and that might happen. Next! Our main event!
--Backstage, Scott Hudson is with the family that misses their daddy. And here he is - PAPA VINCE RUSSO. Russo is fitschased and screaming.
--Video package.
--X Factors: Styles humiliation led to challenge; Are Russo & Styles on same page?; Can "The Dream" realize his ultimate dream. Cool.
--NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - DUSTY RHODES (challenger,
312, Austin, TX) v. A.J. STYLES (champion, 215, Gainesville, GA, with TRINITY
and VINCE RUSSO): Mike wonders if Dusty can write another chapter in the
history books tonight. Would this REALLY warrant an entire chapter? Don yells,
"You're drunk!" at Russo. Don picks up on things really quickly. Tenay
says Russo is embarrassing everyone associated with TNA. That's funny because
blah blah blah. Raven has been taken to an emergency room because he almost got
hanged. Did he go to one when they actually DID hang him? This match hasn't
actually started yet, we're a minute in. Dusty blocks some rights,
collar-and-elbow into the corner, and Dusty prances out waving at his ass. Did
he fart? While the crowd chants "A.J.! A.J.!" Don takes that moment to
note that the crowd is fully behind Dusty Rhodes. Elbow by Dusty. Hard right,
Styles falls from the apron. Jesus, this is slow. I mean I wasn't expecting it
to not be or anything. Into the crowd, Styles hammers away with rights, and
Dusty is bleeding. Dusty knocks him down, though, and then smashes him (well,
let's pretend) with a chair. Then Dusty sits down in a chair. Up, right from
Styles, right, Dusty's selling is not so good. Shot to the back, Dusty is
slowwwwwwwly making it back to the ring. He rolls in, I'm not sure he can get
back up. Styles mounts and pummels. Dusty's up, but he falls back into the
corner. Styles with more rights. Dusty back up, bionic elbow! Styles up, rights.
Dusty with a right, Styles goes down. Eyerake by Dusty? I think. Don thinks
Dusty is getting a second wind, but I disagree. Dusty rakes the back. This is
pretty bad! Dusty goes over to the corner to lean against the turnbuckles and
try to breathe. Dusty can barely stand up. Down to the knees, kick to the back.
Chinlock by Styles. Dusty gets back up and Mike FREAKS OUT because he can stand
up out of a fucking chinlock. Off the ropes, sloppy clothesline attempt is
ducked, Styles hits a crossbody and Dusty eventually falls over. Dusty's down
and looks like he's dead. Styles doesn't seem to know what the hell he should do
at this point. So he punches him some more. Styles to the apron - springboard
450 misses. Styles sells the knee. Dusty rolls outside and wraps it around the
ringpost. Russo gives Styles a pep talk while Dusty makes it back into the ring.
Dusty pulls Styles back to the center (well, sort of), holds up four fingers,
and hooks the figure-four. Referee Andrew Thomas is flung to the floor by
Styles, and then Styles taps out. Dusty releases the hold. Good thing we've
established that a big fat old man that can barely stand up is better than the
goddamned world champion. Why is this going so long? Why is it happening at all?
Why don't I have an airplane? Styles goes for the figure-four, it's not working
out so well, what with Dusty's big fat legs. But he does get it. Styles uses the
ropes for leverage, and Dusty passes out and is pinned in the hold. Thank God
that's over. (15'38") It wasn't the worst match I've ever seen or
anything, and it really wasn't even all that bad, but there was very little
wrestling and Dusty, while I like him fine, is a very fat, very old man.
Russo takes the mic and squeaks and squawks (that's what you do when you're drunk). Russo wants to whip Dusty's bare ass, so Dusty grabs Russo's beer bottle. Then he puts it down. What a dumbass. Styles doesn't want to do this, because that's how it always is, but then he does, because that's how it always is. Some blackshirts try to break it up, but SONNY SIAKI and EKMO get them out of there. Now AMERICA'S MOST WANTED are out to lend a hand to Dusty. Too many heels, though. But never fear, all! From the crowd comes JEFF JARRETT! He's got a chair, down goes Siaki, down goes Styles, down goes Ekmo, down goes Siaki, down goes Styles, down goes Ekmo. Dusty covers up as Jarrett nearly hits him too, but Jarrett doesn't do it. Russo tells Jarrett it's OVER, and that Russo will make sure Jarrett's title shot on October 22 won't happen. Dusty has the mic, saying he'll repay Jarrett. Next week, apparently, we're getting Russo, Siaki and Ekmo v. Dusty and AMW. As we fade out, Jarrett hits people with chairs some more.
I'm leavin' now. A-dios.