NWA-TNA - 08/20/03
by Scott Christ

Big shout-out to my dawgs at Comcast for at least allowing me to order the replay with my remote. Not that I would have been able to order the live showing with the remote, but I wasn't home. You might say, "Scott, why would you order the replay? Why not just avoid watching it?" I dunno, man. Things are crazy these days.

--Live on August 20, 2003 from the TNA Asylum.

--We start off with a super amateur video package made by the Washington Heights High School AV club. It features A.J. Styles being phenomenal. Erik Watts has vowed to bring the NWA championship back where it belongs, which I guess is to one of these men: Raven, Konnan, The Sandman, Shane Douglas, Kid Kash, Ron Killings, Abyss, B.G. James, Christopher Daniels, Sonny Siaki, Legend, D'Lo Brown or Jeff Jarrett. Tonight, we find out who gets the next shot, when those dudes all battle to the death in a gauntlet match.

--NWA footage XPLOOODE!

--Welcome to the Asylum, where Raven and Shane Douglas are fighting in the ring, and Julio Dinero and Alexis are fighting Slash somewhere else, and C.M. Punk is fighting Sinn, the new member of the New Church somewhere even more else. You know, the "C.M." stands for Central Michigan. Raven hits the Raven Effect (I guess they've stuck with that), and grabs the mic. "Mystery man! For the last three weeks, I've been attacked by a mystery man. You don't want a war. You have caused violence and hurt. But you know nothing of war. War is not just a business of death (stomp), it's the antithesis of life, hope - tortured and flayed, reason dismembered, grinning at its own limbs in its lap (stomp). Decency, raped to death. I will bring all this and more. So it is written, and so it shall come to pass. Now step in the ring, and take a walk with me, through Raven's Clockwork Orange (stomp) House of Fun." Blackout. Strobe lights - The Mystery Man is in the ring with a rope. the lights are back on, and Raven has been hanged and busted open. Punk chases The Mystery Man out and comes back to get the noose off with the help of Julio and Alexis.

--Our hosts are Mike Tenay and Don West. Don is in black and Tenay is in a tuxedo. West says there will be a double bullrope match between AMW and Simon & Swinger. Sonny Siaki has vowed to bury D'Lo Brown tonight, not that they're having a match or anything. Christopher Daniels and Legend will take on Jeff Jarrett and Erik Watts. Tonight - Ultimate X match between Chris Sabin, Frankie Kazarian and Michael Shane. To the back!

--Scott Hudson is with Jerry Lynn, who is talking to Athena. Hudson interrupts to ask about his continuing problems with Don Callis, and Lynn says that every time Callis takes money from him, it affects his ability to feed his daughter, because he isn't rich (because he sucks). Don Callis arrives and tells Athena to hit the bricks. Callis has Red Shirt Security with him. Callis goes over terrible things Lynn has done, and says Lynn will be happy to know he's only being fined $5,000. The Red Shirts hold him back and throw him out as he attempts to get to Callis.

--Ultimate X video package, going over all the doings between the three competitors in the last here-and-there, so-and-so.

--X FACTORS: Historic first ever Ultimate X match; Brain child of TNA officials; "No limits" & "no ladders." Neat!!

--Ultimate X Match X Division Championship - Michael Shane (challenger, 219, San Antonio, TX) v. Frankie Kazarian (challenger, 220, Anaheim, CA) v. Chris Sabin (champion, 216, Detroit, MI): Sabin has stolen two pairs of Dean Malenko's underwear and sewn them together to make a crazy new design. Sabin is on the cables but that doesn't work out so well. Shane and Sabin going at it, Shane gets a really complex and stupid swinging neckbreaker. Kazarian with some kicks and stuff, and he goes to climb, but Sabin cuts him off. Kazarian has Sabin on his shoulders, Shane is on the cable, they try a huracanrana, it just...well let's not talk about it. Shane and Kazarian dangle from the cables, and Sabin gets a springboard dropkick on both of them. Kazarian takes the advantage back with Shane on the floor, and sets up a chair. Sabin catches Kazarian with a swinging Rock Bottom (Rosey's move, I don't know the real name of it) on the opened chair, which just crushes it. Ew, Shane has a wicked blade job going. Sabin beats Shane down some more, and heads up to the cables. Sabin is halfway there, Shane is back up and in, chairshot knocks Sabin down. And hey. The belt fell down, too. FANTASTIC! Tenay and West kind of no-sell it and make it seem like a completely understandable situation. Referee Andrew Thomas grabs the belt and waits for word or something. He calls for the bell and orders a restart. Good call, works for me. Thomas tries to get Kazarian off of Sabin. Shane is bleeding bad and flopping around just like Shawn Michaels. The belt is hung again, and the other three fight on the floor while they do it. Good job to distract people from the belt being redone. It's up, the bell has sounded, we're back underway officially. All three in, Sabin with Shane up for a death valley driver or something, Kazarian sunset flips but misses and we just see Sabin's hot ass. Sabin recovers with a dropkick to Kazarian and a Samoan drop on Shane. Sabin gets Kazarian up for a concrete crack, Shane dropkicks...something, Kazarian's head I guess? Sabin drops down. Kazarian to the top, there he goes. Here comes Shane behind him. Kazarian falls from a kick. Here comes Sabin - both hanging, Shane looks for a rana, Sabin powerbombs the piss out of him from the cables. Great spot even if it was a little slow in execution. Sabin up first, Kazarian second. Shane is just down and bleeding all gross. Sabin is on the cable, Kazarian slips off the top, tries to cover, Sabin just stays, Kazarian switches corners, and spears him down. The belt falls AGAIN. Another restart. Ugh Shane's a mess. Good for him. Belt set up again, restarted again, Shane and Kazarian climb the big lighting prop in the corner. Trading rights and lefts, Shane falls off. Sabin going for the belt, Kazarian going too. You're RIGHT THERE, guys. Both men fall, the belt starts coming unhooked but thankfully doesn't fall again. I just sort of feel bad for them, they're trying very hard to make this good. Shane is down on the floor, all gross, and the other two are going to climb again. Kazarian halfway there, here comes Sabin. Kazarian with kicks, Sabin falls. Belt nearly falls. HERE COMES MICHAEL SHANE! SHANE GRABS THE BELT! New champion crowned at 13'46". Wow, that was a really good ending, which is just weird for TNA. I don't blame them for the belt falling crap, so why be a dick about it? This was way less sloppy than I was prepared for, even though it was 90% spots. 1/2

--Outside, Scott Hudson watches a hearse arrive at the Asylum. Sonny Siaki and Trinity step out and talk about D'Lo Brown. How original.

--Double Bullrope Match (Non-Title) - Simon Diamond & Johnny Swinger (with Glenn Gilberti) v. America's Most Wanted (NWA world tag team champions): As the heels stall to put the ropes on, Tenay sends word to Scott Hudson to find out if Raven will be able to compete in the gauntlet match. Chris Harris is roped to Simon Diamond, Swinger to James Storm. Brawl right away with AMW getting the best of the fight. All on the floor now, Harris gets a rope clothesline on Diamond and Storm whips Swinger into the post. Storm and Swinger on top of the entrance ramp, Storm gets a slam. Harris chokes Diamond and drags him around. Storm gets a pin attempt on Swinger in the ring, two count. Harris hits the catatonic (Rosey's slam) on Diamond, but Gilberti gets in and hits a stunner on Harris. Diamond gets a two count. Swinger lifts the pad outside and gets a vertical suplex on the exposed concrete. Mike Tenay and Don West talk at Gilberti. The heels are on the advantage now. Swinger chokes away while Diamond also chokes away. Diamond and Swinger set for the double-team side slam/reverse DDT, but Harris superkicks one of them and breaks that up. Reversal of the tide again as Harris takes his shirt off. Cowbells come into play on both men. Storm with a cover, two. Harris pulls Diamond into the ringpost twice, but Diamond fires back with one of his own tugs o' war. Pin attempt by Storm, two count. Diamond's chairshot is errant and hits Swinger, cover, two. This is a pretty hot match. Low blow from Swinger. Harris and Simon fight on the apron, Harris is in now. Harris with lefts for both men, but he gets a sort-of hotshot, and Swinger has him set for something, but Storm yanks the rope up into his groin. Harris spears Diamond through the top and middle ropes and to the floor. Gilberti tosses the title belt in the ring. AMW sets for the death sentence, Gilberti yanks Harris down. Swinger with the belt - connects, cover, two, three at 08'33". Good brawl. Post-match, Diamond, Swinger and Gilberti give the beatdown.

--Backstage, Scott Hudson is with Julio, C.M. Punk and Alexis. Julio says Raven is severely injured and gone, and challenges Douglas and the New Church to a match. Douglas comes into the scene only to get punched, and there's a big brawl with the New Church joining in.

--In the ring, Sonny Siaki and Trinity have joined us, and Siaki has the mic, which is never good. "Number one, cocky Siaki, Samoan stallion, ace in your face, bling bling, Mr. Sonny Siaki, woo!" Uh. "I am here to present the passing of a sore loser. D'Lo Brown, also known Mr. Piggybank, was a good man. He was loved by many trailer park trash rednecks, from all over the country, including here at the Asylum. He was the so-called 'good guy.' He loved his cheeseburgers. He loved his cotton candy. But the one thing he loved and wanted most, was to be NWA-TNA heavyweight champion of the world. D'Lo has been number one contender, more times than I can count, and lost every single match. He broke the record of being the worst loser ever in professional wrestling. We've gathered here tonight, myself, the lovely Trinity, to bid farewell to D'Lo Brown's pathetic, useless career. Trinity, let's pay our final respects to the late Dunkin' Donut." The casket is at ringside, and Siaki and Trinity go to bow their heads. D'Lo Brown pops out of the casket to the surprise of someone's mom that might've gone, "Gosh! Didn't see that one coming, huh?!" D'Lo beats the crap out of both of them and throws them in the casket. The dumb pall bearers put the cloth that slipped out back in before picking it up to leave. D'Lo celebrates his cleverness and ability to breathe in a casket.

--To ringside for Mike, Don and Don's droopy cock nose. They discuss the situation at hand, and Don describes it as "fantastic."

--Scott is with Christopher Daniels and Legend. Legend is so terrible. Daniels, not as bad.

--Slash & Sinn (with Father James Mitchell) v. Julio Dinero & C.M. Punk (with Alexis): Pier-four brawl to start. Punk and Julio double on Slash, with Punk backdropping Julio to the floor and onto Sinn. Punk with a suicide dive on Sinn, Slash and Julio in. Punk back. A terrible double sweep by the Gathering sends Slash into Sinn. Double superkick, two count. Punk and Slash in, but not for long. Punk and Sinn fight on the floor, and they hang Punk legs-first from the top rope. Baseball slide dropkick to the back of the head by Slash. Slash and Punk in, now we're settled down. Slash with a chop, tag to Sinn. Back elbow staggers punk, Slash hits a clothesline to the back of the head. He likes to attack the back of the head it would appear. Sinn with a chop, tag to Slash. Slash gets Punk up - hanging vertical suplex. Cover, two. Sinn in again, chops. Punk fires back with three chops, but Sinn rakes the eyes. Slash chokes Punk in the corner, Julio distracts the ref, and Slash comes in without a tag. Punk fights back, might've gotten a tag to Julio, but Rudy Charles didn't see it. Punk in with Sinn, hammerlock clothesline from Punk. Double clothesline with Punk and Slash, hot tag to Julio. Bicycle kicks by Julio, bulldog on Slash, swinging neckbreaker on Sinn. Clothesline sends Slash to the floor, Julio with a flatliner, cover, two. Rollup by Dinero, two count. Sinn with a superkick that sounded more than it hit. Punk back in and looking for a top-rope rana on Sinn - Slash throws powder in Punk's eyes, Sinn with a power bomb, two count. Dinero with rights for both guys, Punk is still a bit disabled. Julio with a double clothesline. Dinero and Sinn in the ring, Julio gets Sinn up for a powerbomb, this isn't going well. Oh, good ending - near-death experience (combination somersault neckbreaker and powerbomb). Two count. Slash with an overhead belly-to-belly toward the corner, nearly breaking Punk's neck. Mitchell is in with a stake in his hand - Alexis kicks the rope into his dick. Alexis up top - flying DDT on Slash. Julio with a full nelson slam, cover - ref is distracted, here's Shane Douglas. He tries to punch Julio with a chain BUT HE FUCKING MISSES. SO HE HAS TO PUNCH HIM AGAIN. GOD HE SUCKS DICK. Slash gets the pin and the three at 07'06". Alexis attacks Mitchell, but Douglas headbutts her and gets the belly-to-belly. Douglas cuts very small chunks of her hair. I don't get this shit at all and Shane Douglas sucks dick. Black Shirt Security is in to try to stop this madness, and they kind of succeed. The match was ok.

--Earlier today, Mike Tenay talked with Erik Watts, Director of Authority. Erik Watts talked for a long time about a bunch of shit no one cares about. He does get in a shot at WWE and makes note that he was often held down by politics.

--Here we see a terrible video clip of A.J. Styles and Vince Russo on vacation, apparently at a Howard Johnson's in Macon. Styles says there are no real contenders left, mentions Sting, and then does a flip into the pool. Russo thinks it's just super. Fuck these guys, man.

--CAGE FUCKING DANCING.

--Legend (261, Toronto, ON) & Christopher Daniels (225, parts unknown as well) v. Erik Watts, Director of Authority & Jeff Jarrett (235, Hendersonville, TN): Daniels and Jarrett were both announced as the opponent, to Legend and Watts respectively. Watts and Legend go at it, Jarrett and Daniels pair off to fight all over. Daniels and Jarrett are in the ring. Whip to the ropes, Daniels counters and hammers away. Daniels with headbutts, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Jarrett gets a flapjack. Watts and Legend are back. This match is a bunch of shit. Legend and Jarrett in now, Legend with a right and a kick that Tenay calls a "Yakuza kick." Tenay has a tendency to call everything a fucking Yakuza kick, the dork. Tag to Daniels, big boot from Legend, side kick from Daniels. Jarrett is playing Ricky Morton while Erik Watts plays Robert Gibson, and HOLY SHIT the ref didn't see the tag. This is about all that's happened in over four minutes. Double-team move from Daniels and Legend which I could rewind to call but this sucks. Nice springboard moonsault from Daniels gets two. Legend with a stomp. Maybe it was a Yakuza stomp. Fucking dork. Jarrett fighting back for the 100th time. The crowd is kinda hot at least. Legend gets Jarrett up, Jarrett tags Watts, and the referee didn't see it again. Watts doesn't care, he just moves the referee and goes to town. Big backdrop and two bicycle kicks -- YAKUZA KICKS??? dork -- followed with a powerbomb into the turnbuckles on Legend. Chokeslam on Daniels, cover, Legend breaks the pin. Watts with a backwards dropkick that Tenay shits for and I just say "that looked pointless." But what do I know. Watts looks for a Rock Bottom, or perhaps a Rosey Move, on Legend but Daniels breaks. Jarrett is back now, it's him and Daniels. Jarrett kicks up in the corner. STO from Daniels. Double-springboard moonsault misses. Kick to the gut, Legend in superkick that AGAIN SOUNDS MORE THAN IT HITS. Legend and Watts fighting, Daniels and Jarrett fighting. Faces whipped into each other. Watts and Daniels to the floor. Jarrett rolls Legend up for the win at 08'16". Daniels looked good. 1/2

Oh boy. A beatdown follows for FIVE YEARS and the bell rings nearly 6,000 times. The securities fight one another. This match was bad and the rest of the shit didn't help. Post-match, during the big mess, the redshirts and blackshirts fight it out, with the redshirts winning, until Jerry Lynn runs in to do some damage before they overwhelm him and throw him out again. After Lynn is gone, the fight CONTINUES, and then Freddy and Jason come out of the crowd to handcuff Watts, then Jason gives Jarrett the Styles Clash. O-be-dobee, it's A.J. Styles and Vince Russo. Jarrett gets tabled, Russo says "shit," and they drag Jarrett out and throw him in the hearse from earlier. Then they leave. So he's out of the gauntlet.

--OMG. BAGPIPES. HE'S COMING...

--Here's a video with Dusty Rhodes. He references Willie Nelson and challenges Gilberti to a match for next week, which is apparently signed for next week.

--To ringside with Tenay and Don. Don does his hype job for next week. Dusty v. Gilberti, Michael Shane defends the X title (Don says "finally" defend it), D'Lo v. Siaki, A.J. Styles v. the winner of the gauntlet for the NWA championship.

--The Gauntlet for #1 Contendership: Each wrestler enters every 90 seconds, the final two have a one-on-one match. Elimination can come from pinfall, submission or being thrown over the top to the floor. First entrant is Kid Kash, and he'll start it out with Ron Killings. The bell rings but Killings needs to pose some more. Kash attacks and takes over in the corner with stomps. Killings goes up top, flying dropkick. Chops. Super samoan drop from Killings. Double-springboard huracanrana from Kash. #3 is Christopher Daniels. Daniels in quick and attacking Killings. Shoulders in the corner, whip, Killings kicks up, backflips, ducks, leg lariat from Killings. Kash just lets them go at it. Killings with a slam and rights, then Kash gets the worst side slam I've ever seen in my life which I guess was supposed to be a backbreaker. Daniels and Kash team up on Killings. Fistdrop from Daniels. Ted DiBiase is going to be at a church here on the 24th, you know. #4 is B.G. James, thankfully for Killings. James and Killings get claws on Kash and Daniels, respectively. Hiptosses from both, James gets a crazy legs kneedrop, Killings with a legdrop. 3LK is in control. James throws Kash over, but he skins the cat. James goes for a clothesline to the floor, doesn't work. Throws him over again, skins the cat. Then James just stands there to wait for him to get back in. #5 is Sonny Siaki. Siaki with a kick and a flip neckbreaker on Killings. Siaki takes it to James, Daniels takes it to Killings, and Kash takes it to no one. Siaki and Daniels double up on James, Killings beating up on Kash. #6 is Jeff Jarrett, but he's not here. So he's the first elimination I guess (06'00"). Siaki takes the mic: "Obviously, Jeff Jarrett's not showing up. So tune in next week, same Siaki time, same Siaki channel, 'cause tonight, the ace in the hole, is winning the gauntlet." Thanks for that, douchebag. #7 is D'Lo Brown who sorta slips on the way to the ring. D'Lo goes right after Siaki, then Kash, then Daniels. More against Siaki. Mad Mikey is out now, wearing an old Stevie Richards t-shirt. Mad Mikey is very mad because he's not in the gauntlet match. Sonny Siaki is eliminated by D'Lo (08'19"), but we were too busy looking at Crash. Mikey throws a tantrum on the announce table. We spend more time focusing on Mikey as Abyss enters at #8. Clothesline on D'Lo, rights for James, choke for James, forearms for Killings. James off the ropes, duck, James with the punch combo, but no go as he gets grabbed for a chokeslam. Killings comes in, they kick him in the nuts, but then Killings is chokeslammed out by Abyss (10'16"). James out via Abyss (10'28"). #9 is The Sandman, way drunk. Abyss tosses his buddy Kash out (11'00"). Mad Mikey is in and mad at Abyss. There he goes. D'Lo from behind as Sandman meanders into the ring. Mikey is mad!! Don't forget him!! Sandman tosses Abyss a beer and toasts him. Sandman spits beer in the face. Cane shot. Cane shot. Abyss hits the Rosey Move on Sandman. For god's sake. #10 is Legend. Legend ducks a cane shot and gets a front kick. Another kick. Chokeslam spinebuster on Sandman. D'Lo hammering away on Abyss, Daniels trying to stay out of the way. D'Lo off the ropes, Abyss hits the Rosey Move. He calls it the black hole. How nice of him. Legend working on Sandman, Abyss on D'Lo, Daniels on nothing. Abyss approaches and chokes Daniels. #11 is Konnan. Konnan comes in all full of piss and vinegar! Chops and punches for Daniels and Legend. Rolling clothesline on Legend! Reverse DDT on Daniels! Rolling clothesline on Abyss! Sitdown faceslam on Abyss! WTF. Konnan goes for a crucifix bomb (I'd guess) on Daniels, but Legend kicks him. Good thing it made such a sound, I would've thought he DIDN'T FUCKING HIT THE KICK. Phantom kicks and the Rosey Move, that's all I'm getting tonight. Sandman tossed by Abyss and Legend (15'06"). #12 is Shane Douglas. Legend gets backdropped out by Konnan (15'56"). Douglas stomps on D'Lo, Daniels gets a crossface on Konnan. Abyss takes a break. Nobody is left to enter at #13, since Jarrett is gone and Raven is at the hospital. Don West thinks Abyss will win, and Vince McMahon thinks Warlord has a real shot. Konnan and D'Lo double up on Shane Douglas. #13 is Raven! Bandaged up and bleeding, it's Raven. Douglas isn't thrilled. Raven is a house o' fire, taking everyone down. Abyss can't take a clothesline. Superkick on Daniels. Douglas is shitting his pants. Abyss sets, chokeslam on Raven. Raven tosses Abyss though (17'45"). Douglas puts Raven down, but here comes D'Lo. Konnan gets the crucifix bomb on Daniels, then thinks about a pin, and then I think he got confused. The ref was ready. D'Lo choking Douglas in the corner. Daniels with a jawbreaker and a crappy kick to eliminate Konnan (18'34"). D'Lo with a sky-hi on Douglas, Daniels with the angel's wings (sitout pedigree) and tosses D'Lo (19'02"). Daniels looks for the angel's wings on Raven. Raven blocks, catapults Daniels out (19'20"), we're down to Raven and Douglas. Douglas isn't thrilled, but then he gets fired up. Raven with rights and a kick, clothesline by Raven sends them both to the floor, but we're down to pin-or-submission. Raven gets a chair, that goes nowhere. Hotshot from Raven, Douglas with a chairshot. Cover, two, NO! Drop-toehold into the chair from Raven, both men are down. Count to nine, but Douglas is up and covers, two, no! Raven gets an inside cradle, no! Douglas sets for a suplex, Raven with a cradle, two. Running clothesline from Douglas. Douglas signals for the belly-to-belly, but Raven headbutts out - RAVEN EFFECT! One, two, three at 22'20"! Man this was pretty good. 1/2

Best TNA show I ever did see.

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