WWE Backlash (04/27/03)
by Scott Christ

Hey, how's it goin'. Before I begin I would like to thank Tony Ling for recapping Raw for a while there because I would, a lot of the time, be the only person online watching the show while he was doing it, and sometimes I'd say, "Hey Tony, say this," and he would. He's dead now though, very sad.

--Live on April 27, 2003 from the Worcester Centrum in Worcester, Massachusetts.

--Your Raw match commentators, and calling this opening Heat extravaganza, are Jonathan Coachman and Jerry Lawler.

--Heat Match - Scott Steiner v. Rico: Castrol GTX presents WWE Backlash. You know, in a way, you have to admire Steiner taking his demotion well and trying to make chicken shit out of chicken salad and all that jazz, because he's actually getting over. Rico does not have 3 Minute Warning with him. Steiner looks smaller and more like a human being, but it could just be the new pants and black wrist tape. Either way, he does look better. Steiner starts the squash with some forearms and a big hiptoss, following up with a press slam. Now 3 Minute Warning is here. It took them about 50 seconds to decide Rico was in trouble and may need their help. Steiner doesn't let them get in, and referee Jack Doan sends them away. Steiner turns around into a roundhouse kick and Rico gets some token offense in. Cover, two. Ugh, Rico mocks Steiner's bicep pump elbow, Steiner rolls away too early, and Rico is left to look like a moron. At least he stopped himself once he noticed how lame it would look. Belly-to-belly from Steiner with a big "Rico sucks" chant in the crowd. These two are both actually really over and could have something done with them. Steiner hits a reverse DDT to complete the squash at 02'28". DUD

--Rock v. Goldberg - TONIGHT.

--Now straight to the proper PPV broadcast.

--Rock v. Goldberg - TONIGHT.

--Pyro and pyro and pyro. Ah god, they don't even have the swinging hooks anymore. This isn't Backlash. They have big immobile hooks that are probably more indicative of the dumbass WWF now or something, I don't know. Good thing they're sticking with numetal for all the PPV themes still

--The Smackdown matches will be called, as always, by Michael Cole and Tazz.

--WWE Tag Team Title Match - Team Angle (champions, with giant photograph of Kurt Angle) v. Los Guerreros (challengers): Eddy starts with Charlie Haas. Mat stuff to start. Cole points out that Haas was an academic All-American at Seton Hall, and Tazz says that won't help him in the ring. The Guerreros work the crowd heavily, and Chavo is tagged in. Haas counters the mind games by getting Chavo to circle with him and then backing into a tag to Shelton Benjamin. Cole is really spewing out the tale of the tape stuff tonight, good for him. A few people try to get a "Goooldbeeerg" chant going but it doesn't quite work out. Chavo and Benjamin are doing lots of circling and thinking, which will not help them in the ring at all. Tag to Eddy, and he takes the advantage quickly. Fast tag back to Chavo, who comes in and continues the arm work Eddy started. More and more basic stuff which is, I think, sort of exposing Team Angle right now, but the Guerreros are working hard to make this work, and they are. I guess. Eddy tags in with a somersault senton and gets a back suplex. Tag to Haas, which Eddy just lets happen. How out of character for slimy genius Eddy. Haas, a giant compared to the tiny latinos, works with some power man brawling. Shelton comes back in without a tag, which kind of doesn't make sense since he really needed to tag out a minute ago. Oh well. The big Team Angle Beverly Bros. move hits and Haas is working Eddy over with some stomps. He tries to cover after stomping, which was a poor idea. Eddy tries to run over for the hot tag, but Haas catches him with a big, aggressive double-leg takedown for two before Chavo breaks the pin. The heels cheat some more with Shelton running in with no tag and applying a chinlock. That goes nowhere fast after Eddy jawbreakers his way out. He tries again to spring to the corner, but Benjamin trips him and holds onto the ankle, pulling him back toward the heel corner. Belly-to-belly slam from Shelton, two count. Back into a chinlock. Chavo finally gets the hot tag after more match extending and, of course, cleans house. Haha a Mexican cleaning houses - ok I'll leave it at that. Chavo with lots of dropkicks and fire from the belly, but that doesn't last as Shelton spikes him with a powerbomb. Eddy off the top - missile dropkick for Benjamin. Rolling brainbusters. God, why won't they call it a brainbuster? They always say vertical suplex. What the fuck is wrong with Tazz. Chavo, the legal man, crawls over and drapes an arm over Haas, but gets two. Chavo with a dropkick, and Eddy flies in with the frog splash. Eddy argues with referee Jimmy Corderas about something, that doesn't make any sense. Eddy knows he's not legal and was just being told to leave. Why, like, wouldn't he. I dunno a lot of this just isn't making much sense to me. Chavo covers, but Shelton pulls him off from the outside. Eddy goes over, but gets whipped into the step, and Shelton trips Chavo trying to back suplex Haas, holding the foot down for the three to retain at 15'02".

After the match, the Guerreros get their revenge by knocking over the picture of Kurt and knocking over the bodies of Haas and Benjamin. They then steal the belts, head out back, and ride away in their green low rider, complete with hydraulics. Haha the horn plays La Cucaracha.

--Backstage, Test is talking to Torrie Wilson. He's calling her baby and she's telling him to stop leaving her messages and stuff. Good, Test is going to rape someone. She's a tease because she's in Playboy. This is fucking terrible. If this is the best they have for Test maybe they should just fire him because he sucks, this sucks, and I want this to die already. Torrie tries to leave but Test pulls her back and kisses her. She calls him a bastard and tries to hit him, but that doesn't work AHHHHHHHH SABLE.

--BAGPIPES. Rowdy Roddy Piper is here, with a basket of coconuts. "I have a loverly bunch of coconuts! Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to present to you now, the new millennium wrestler. The one with intelligence, the one with brawn, brains, the one and only, Sean O'Haire!" Here's O'Haire. "This is a man who's gonna teach Rikishi, everybody pays the Piper."

--Sean O'Haire (with Rowdy Roddy Piper) v. Rikishi: Rikishi stalks Piper outside, ducks O'Haire coming off the steps with a clothesline, and takes over outside before throwing O'Haire in to start proper. Cole said that Piper has been harassing Rikishi's family for 20 years which I suppose ignores the last 17 years or whatever of Piper being a babyface. Rikishi pummels O'Haire to start before Piper distracts Rikishi, who turns around into a superkick. Piper gets some right hands in with the ref distracted. Clothesline from O'Haire gets two as Cole says O'Haire looks to be the real deal. How convincing. O'Haire works the neck with a neck-turning hold, then kicks him in the kidney. Then goes back to that neck-turning old. Another kick. Back to the neck-turning hold. The crowd boos something in the crowd and Cole tries to say it was Piper's antics. Why bother doing that? O'Haire goes for a samoan drop (haha!) or something, but that doesn't work. Butt squash in the corner and O'Haire falls into position for the stinkface. Stinkface doesn't succeed, and Piper's in with a coconut now. Brian Hebner gets Piper out and the other two kick each other at the same time. Well I guess it's more original than a double clothesline. Piper back in with the coconut, but Rikishi catches him. Piper gives the coconut to Hebner, but tries to catch Rikishi with a right hand. That doesn't go so well, and he gets the coconut cracked over his temple and blades for it. Rikishi turns around right into O'Haire's big fireman's carry slam deal, and that's that at 04'54". DUD

--Backstage, Stacy Keibler is getting some vegetables. Sable arrives on the scene and they introduce themselves. Stacy's so nice. Sable asks Stacy to step away from the vegetable man so they move approximately one foot from where they were to get some privacy. Sable says Torrie is after Test, but Stacy doesn't believe it. Then Sable asks, "How do you think he got that advance copy of Playboy?" What a stupid fucking question. HE WORKS FOR THE COMPANY. I'M SURE IT WASN'T SO HARD. Eventually Sable convinces Stacy of these wrongdoings on Torrie's part, which are untrue, of course. This is ridiculous. Stacy throws her vegetables down in disgust.

--RVD and Kane are getting prepared by standing around some crates. RVD: "Kane. I know, we usually can count on me to be the calm voice of reason. But look, dude, this situation? Anything BUT cool. I mean, Chief Morley, making himself our referee? I don't know about you, but, I like having this title. I like wearing this gold. I like being introduced as 'one-half of the world tag team champions, Rob. Van. Dam.' It just sounds good, y'know? I mean, I'm not willing to give that up. We rock, no doubt about it, Kane, but, I just got this feeling, that no matter how bad we kick the Dudleys' asses tonight, no way Chief Morley's gonna let us win. What're we gonna do?" Kane: "There's only one thing we can do, Rob. But if Morley and the Dudleys think that they're gonna take us down, well, we're gonna take them down with us. Now let's go do this thing! Come on!"

--World Tag Team Title Match - The Dudley Boyz (challengers) v. Rob Van Dam & Kane (champions) with Chief Morley as special referee: I know that I am excited to see if Rob Van Dam and Kane can again buck the odds and retain their world tag team championship belts. Ohhh boy. Bubba and RVD start off with Bubba stomping away. RVD tries to flip out of a hiptoss but lands a bit not on his feet. The ol' "gosh, we know what each other is doing!" standoff. Rob. Van. Dam. Bubba lays him out with a lariat - Bubba. Ray. Dudley. Shoulderblocks in the corner from RVD, backflip, and Bubba gets him with another lariat. Tag to D-Von, who, if you are unaware, does not appreciate Chief Morley's help. Van Dam with some kicks and a legdrop, two count. Tag to Kane. Morley has made himself pretty invisible thus far. Ugh, Kane goes for a big boot but D-Von has run away and he just ended up lifting his leg. Big boot follows, shockingly. D-Von with a running punch to the back of the head, then he continues running. What the fuck, what is this. Tag to Bubba. D-Von drops Kane's throat across the top rope, and Bubba follows it with a bulldog for two. "We want tables" chant. Bubba off the ropes, caught, spinebuster from Kane. Terrible cover from Kane, two count. What I mean is that it looked stupid. Tag to RVD, lots of kicks in the corner, finished with a seated dropkick to the face. Split-legged moonsault for two. Monkey flip attempt, no go, and Bubba gets a big side slam. Kane knocked off the apron and the Dudleys hit the flying headbutt to the balls with Morley paying attention to Kane. D-Von with his fancy jumping spinning back elbow for two. Into a chinlock. A couple more near falls for D-Von. Elbowdrop, tag to Bubba Ray. Neck-turning move that Sean O'Haire used earlier. Bubba is a lot more excited about it, though. RVD elbows out and tries to get to his corner, but Bubba pulls him down by the hair. Morley warns him because that makes you go, "Wait, why?" See it's so confusing, and that's what I want in wrestling matches. Confusion and things that don't make sense. RVD kicks Bubba, and Kane gets the hot tag along with D-Von. Kane cleans house on both Dudleys with lots of punches and clotheslines and stuff. Side slam for D-Von, cover, two. Morley allows the double-team, but it doesn't matter because Kane is so big. Tag to RVD, WHY? He needed to get out. Goddamn it. RVD in with both Dudleys now and dominating. Rolling thunder for Bubba. D-Von ducks the monkey flip and hits a reverse neckbreaker from the second rope. RVD takes things so nasty because he doesn't have bones. Flying clothesline on D-Von from Kane, and now he grabs Bubba for the chokeslam - low blow on Kane from Morley. Bubba gets two and Morley is not happy. Morley goes for a clothesline on RVD, but he ducks and Morley hits Bubba. D-Von is pissed off and beats the hell out of Morley, and the crowd is thrilled. Out of nowhere - Lance Storm! Springboard clothesline on D-Von! Bubba bomb for Storm! Morley going after Bubba now - 3D for Morley! The crowd is suddenly superhot. Chokeslam for Bubba! D-Von gets thrown to the floor, RVD heads up top. Five star frog splash - new referee, one, two, three at 13'03".

--Come see Raw shows live.

--Stacy makes her way into the women's locker room, and Torrie misunderstands her at first. And now Stacy doesn't believe Torrie. And the other women, including Ivory in a towel, pull them apart. Jesus.

--Women's Title Match - Jazz (challenger, with Theodore Long) v. Trish Stratus (champion): Peanuthead takes the mic. "Let me holla at ya, playa. You know tonight is about one thing, and that one thing, is vindication. Vindication for baby girl Jazz, who's gonna rise about all prejudicks (no), she's gonna rise above all bigotry. And I guarantee you tonight, that Jazz will defeat Trish Stratus, and become the new women's champion, believe that, playa. You feel me, boo?" "I feel ya, playa! Because tonight, the bitch is back, and the bitch is black! Believe that!" Fuck you. Seriously. Trish isn't smiling and having a fine time. Maybe because they fired Jeff Hardy and she's upset.

Okay the match. Jazz grunts and shouts a lot, but Trish counters with a takedown and a rollup for two. They do some more stuff and Jazz gets the brilliantly named bitchplant. I think if I'm ever a wrestler my finisher will be the Scottslam. Jazz exposes the middle turnbuckle, but nicely leaves it right there so that Charles Robinson doesn't have to work too hard to get it back on. Jazz, the loser, throws crappy punches and Trish comes back with forearms. Boot in the face in the corner. Trish goes for the rana in the corner, but Jazz counters it with a single crab, then brings it into a full boston crab. Reversal from Trish and she gets her own crabs. Wait...no. STF from Trish, what psychology! Jazz gets the ropes. This has already gone on too long. I'm sorry, I just don't care about this. Chops from Trish - chick kick. One, two, no. I think Coach has said "anguish" about eight times. Jazz covers Trish for two and that is very upset. I don't know WHY. Stratusfaction! One, two, Teddy throws his shoe in. Haha, he blames it on whitey. Jazz blocks a sunset flip by holding onto the middle rope, and that's the pin at 05'50" and we have a new champion. Wow.

--Backstage, Booker T and Shawn Michaels are hanging out. And there's Kevin Nash. They are all ready. Nash wants HHH. That sums it up. Oh, I should mention that this is not Shawn Michaels' first rodeo.

--Look at the sign that says "Centrum in Worcester." Amazing. Michael Cole and Tazz talk over some clips for the next match.

--The Big Show v. Rey Misterio Jr.: Guess what they do for a few minutes. Big Show is angered by Misterio's quickness and Misterio gets some quick strikes that really don't do anything. You know, because he's small and this is stupid. Big Show eventually catches him and throws him very hard into something, in this case the corner. Chop from Big Show. Big Show palms Rey Misterio Jr., which is just sort of upsetting. Big Show is very large and strong. He stands on Rey. Rey tries over and over to be fast but Big Show is just very big. Tazz and Cole find this funny but I'm not so amused. Rey gets a chairshot and a "flying senton" for two. 619 to the gut, 619 to the knees, 619! Gee whatever could happen now. West Coast Pop, haha no, AHHHHTHECHOKESLAM. It's over at 03'43". What the fuck, I couldn't get Chris Benoit on this show because I needed four minutes of THIS? Ugh. DUD

They do an injury angle with Rey going on a backboard, then Big Show comes back and swings it like a baseball bat at the ringpost, with Rey braced in there and unable to protect himself, so he falls on his face. That was such a good idea, I wonder what genius thought that one up. What a fucking stupid thing to do. I would hope that due to Rey's actual injuries they learned their lesson but I would doubt it. They did get a small "holy shit" chant out of it, though! Mission accomplished!

--Before They Were Superstars 2, the depressing years.

--Backstage with Lilian Garcia is Triple H, Ric Flair and Chris Jericho. They talk, I don't want to tell you what they say. Very predictable. I'm not saying it was bad, I just want to get this done.

--May 18 is Judgment Day in Charlotte.

--ENOUGH ALREADY! Stacy and Torrie have a fight in the hall and a big bucket of crap falls and knocks Stacy right on the head. Haha. Scott Steiner rescues her, something Test is not happy about it. Again.

--Lesnar-Cena video package.

--Cena's rap: "Yo the list of legends / Now include me bro / I'll be a better champion / Than Bruno Sammartino / This is thuganomics / I got opponents holdin' crutches / I'm Iron like the Sheik / I got you in my camel clutches / I lost my mind like Mankind / Pullin' socks from his asscrack / I'm straight, you're Dude Love / So get off the cactus, Jack / I take your varsity letters and medals / I leave you mangled and hurt / I'm attackin' from all angles / You'll be callin' me Kurt / And I'm wearin' this Yankees jersey / Cuz Massachusetts makes me sick / Yo, you don't like what I'm sayin'? / Well you can suck my" which gets a Yankees suck chant.

--WWE Title Match - John Cena (challenger) v. Brock Lesnar (champion): Lesnar's forehead is bandaged from a Cena chairshot, apparently. I haven't seen much John Cena, just the match he had with Lesnar a couple months ago and a squash or two on Velocity. Cena attacks quickly after a staredown, driving shoulders and elbows in the corner. Lesnar fights back, whip to the corner, out, two backbreakers, and a fallaway slam. Into a front facelock from Lesnar, then over with a fisherman suplex without a pin attempt. Lesnar with some mudhole-stompin'. Press slam from Lesnar, then he clotheslines Cena to the floor. After some more brawling and Lesnar kicking ass, Cena bails and goes for a chair, but gets cut off. Lesnar with knees to the ribs and some trash-talking. The tide is turned when Cena reverses a whip and sends Lesnar into the steps. Lesnar's cut is reopened and he's bleeding from the forehead. Rolled back in, Cena goes for the cover, two count. Back suplex, hard bump by Lesnar, two count. Cena with a back elbow, two count. Cena stays on the attack, throwing him head-first into the ringpost outside and going for another pin inside, getting two again. Cena with a chinlock. Cena is very obviously calling spots in the chinlock. Lesnar snapmares his way out, but Cena comes back with a DDT. One, two, no. I don't like the faces Cena makes, they're like someone that thinks those are faces you should make when you're a wrestler. Cena charges, but Lesnar catches him with a spinebuster. Both men down. Both men up. Cena with a jawbreaker, two count. Boy this match is horribly paced, and now we're into the chinlock with the grapevine that Angle always used against Lesnar, and that Cena used in that Smackdown match. Lesnar fights to his feet after a few minutes, and rams into the turnbuckles, but Cena hangs on. Three times does it. Lesnar's in bad shape and Cena is too for some reason. Cena with a retarded back elbow. Lesnar sweeps and clotheslines Cena, another clothesline, they go for a duck spot and fuck it up, redo it, powerslam from Lesnar, two. They screw up a pick up and drive into the corner, then look like they screw up another one, and Lesnar powerslams again for two. This has gone to hell. Referee almost gets bumped in the corner, but Lesnar stops short. Cena with a lowblow and a rollup, two count. Cena with a Hennig-style necksnap with Lesnar standing, two count again. They finally get the drive into the corner right, and Cena takes it hard. Cena grabs his chain with Brock down, but Brian Hebner sees it and stops that from happening. F5! Hesitation, one, two, three at 15'14".

--Back to Coach and King, and back to video packages.

--Chris Jericho, Ric Flair & Triple H v. Booker T, Shawn Michaels & Kevin Nash: Nash and HHH start, but they never get anything going before HHH tags Jericho. Nash tags Michaels in return. Couple of winners, Nash and HHH. Sunset flip pin reversal spot, ECW ECW ECW. Michaels with a backslide, two. Jericho goes for the walls, but Shawn twists away. Tag to Nash, get ready for slow motion. Nash dominates Jericho very slowly. In comes Flair, out goes Flair. Nash turns his attention to HHH, who keeps that attention, allowing Jericho to sneak in. Jericho skins the cat, but Nash watches him do it, so big deal. Big *boot*. Tag to Booker T. Big spinebuster from Booker, two count. Jericho fights back a little and tags HHH, who gets it taken to him immediately. Knee-to-face from HHH to turn the tide. HHH works him over and gets him trapped in the heel corner, but Booker fights out. Spinebuster from Triple H. Tag to Ric Flair, whoooooo. Elbowdrop misses, and Booker rolls over to tag Shawn. Shawn goes crazy and takes the heels out, then sets up for sweet chin music - connects on Flair! HHH gets in - pedigree! Why didn't Shawn leave his feet. Nash gets in and HHH runs away. Shawn and Flair are legal and both down, with Jericho and Booker on the apron and HHH and Nash looking at each other longingly on the floor. Flair gets the tag to Jericho, who has Shawn at his mercy. Right hand, elbowdrop, elbowdrop, Shawn flex, elbowdrop. Two count. Tag to HHH, and they trade right hands. Shawn wins that fight, ducks a clothesline, but is caught with a high knee. Two count, pin broken by Booker T. Tag to Flair. Chop! Snapmare, figure-four, blocked, small package, two count. Chop! Punch from Shawn, and Flair trips Shawn before he can tag, holding onto the ankle and getting the tag back to Jericho. Jericho works him over a little and gets the tag to Triple H as Coach and King argue over egos. And continue to argue over egos. You see, all of these people have egos. Even Booker T, although they don't mention him at all in this match except for when Lawler is calling him a felon. Flair back in with Shawn, and he's working the knee. Chop! Punch. Chop! Punch. Chop! Punch. Flair with a kneebreaker - whoo! Shawn with an enziguiri. Both back up, chop! What the fuck - two count. I don't know what that was. Another two. Oh please get the hot tag to Nash. Tag to HHH, hot tag to Nash. YES!

Slooow punch. Slooow punch. Slooow elbows in the corner. Slooow punches for the other two. Slooow slam. Slooow slam. Slooow slam. This is the worst house of fire I have ever seen. No one CARES, either. Big boot for Jericho. Oh my god the crowd is dead silent. Snake eyes for HHH, sidewalk slam, two count. Flair breaks the pin. Chop! Chop! Chop! No-selling. Fuck you, don't no-sell Ric Flair's chops you ass hole. Booker T gets in but is immediately thrown back out to fight with Flair as Jericho and Nash "go at it" on the outside. HHH and Nash in, pedigree? No, backdrop. Slooow kneelift. Jacknife? No, Jericho gets a missile dropkick for the save. Booker is back, forearm for Jericho. Shawn is down and holding his knee and out of the match. Booker T is trying to save this with lots of kicks. So okay, there are five men down, and one man standing, and he does a breakdance move. Excellent. Coach says "A Backlash spinaroonie-style!" I don't think that made sense. Booker and Jericho fight outside. They aren't legal. This is awful. Flair and Michaels fight, Nash fights with HHH outside. Nick Patrick is trying to get them back in because they are legal. Flair gets thrown off the top by Shawn, who tunes up the band again. Jericho sneaks in and gets the hairpull bulldog, and now Flair hooks the figure-four. Jericho hits the lionsault with Shawn in the hold. Nash clears off the Smackdown announce table while Coach apparently has an orgasm. Nash's attention turns to the inside where Shawn is dying, so he goes in to take out Flair and Jericho. Flair is lamely "tossed" outside and "bumps" into Nick Patrick. Jacknife for Jericho, but here's HHH with his retarded sledgehammer. Down goes Nash - cover, two, three at 17'40". What sense does THAT make? Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.

--A recap of the stupid Big Show-Misterio stuff from earlier.

--Rock and Goldberg, next. Video package.

--The Rock is with Terri. Terri asks about facing Goldberg, and says there are a lot of people who think Rock is gonna lose. Rock cuts a weird, senseless promo that turns him face. Kind of a dick move.

--The Rock v. Goldberg: Goldberg's music has been changed for reasons stupider than I can think to possibly explain. King explains that Goldberg sucks because he was in WCW. That's nice. They have a staredown and Goldberg pops a bubble at Rock before spitting his gum out. Bell rings, here we go. "Rocky" chants, "Goldberg" chants. Collar-and-elbow, Goldberg is stronger. Collar-and-elbow, Goldberg, again, is stronger. Rock comes back and smacks Goldberg, who laughs. Goldberg with rights, whip reversed, shoulderblock puts Rock down. Clothesline sends Rock to the floor. I think Goldberg just told Rock that "lunch is in here." Rock stalls for a dog's age. Rock suckers Goldberg in and drives him down across the top rope, then sneaks in and clotheslines him to the mat. Right hands from Rock. ROCK BOTTOM FROM GOLDBERG! What the hell. Sets up for the spear - Rock dodges it and sends Goldberg into the ringpost. Goldberg gets back in, Rock hooks the sharpshooter. Coach doesn't know if Goldberg has ever been in this situation before. God I miss JR. Goldberg powers his way to the ropes, but Rock takes his time breaking the hold. Rock shoves Earl Hebner out of the way and punches Goldberg right in the dick. Rock sets up for the Rock Bottom - SPEAR! Goldberg sells the shoulder he hurt earlier, both men down, and Coach calls him "Goalbor." Both men make it to their feet, both hurting. Rock's right is blocked, Goldberg with a right. And again. Whip, reversed, shoulderblock with the good shoulder. Powerslam from Goldberg, who again sells the shoulder. Cover, two. You know I'm not sure I ever saw Goldberg attempt a pin unless it was after the jackhammer. Goldberg charges the corner, Rock gets an elbow up. Clotheslines don't work, so Rock spears Goldberg! Kip-up, smellllllllll. Rock sets up for the Rock Bottom again - Rock Bottom hits! Cover, two, NO and Goldberg just barely got out of the pin. Jeez. Rock up and waiting on Goldberg as Coach says he's in "beautiful" condition. Coach has a crush on The Rock, it would seem. Goldberg clotheslines Rock down and sells the shoulder again, and gets booed. This is just lovely. Spinebuster from Rock. Off goes the elbowpad, off the ropes, people's elbow! Cover, two, thr--no. Both men struggled up, SPEAR! Goldberg sets up again, "Goldberg sucks" chant now - SPEAR #3! Goldberg points up to mostly boos - jackhammer! One, two, three at 13'03". This was a failure and it's unclear who to blame.

Thanks for reading, see you next month.