NWA TNA by James Kalyn
Aired: 05/26/04
Taped: 05/11 and 05/18
Recapped: 06/04/04
Nashville, TN

KJames199: Cubs I'm writing a recap for your site right now
CbsFan12: Cool. About what?
KJames199: NWA TNA World X Cup from like two weeks ago
KJames199: Nobody will give a shit but I don't care
CbsFan12: I wondered if that show was any good.
KJames199: NOW YOU'LL KNOW
CbsFan12: Yes.

Hi!

I haven't done this in forever because I moved far away from my friends who have legit PPV and illegit dishes. My dad lives near me now, and he has a legit dish, but he doesn't have a VCR and I don't feel like bringing my laptop over to his place to try and recap the show as it's going on. However, I likes me the X Division, so I went out of my way to acquire a copy of this show.

I burnt a bag of microwave popcorn before the FBI warning!

Two weeks ago, someone in Team Canada beat Jerry Lynn through nefarious means. Lynn won a match against Bobby Rude the following week to get five minutes against Team Canada's manager Scott D'Amore. Of course, Team Canada interrupts the beatdown and Team TNA makes the save.

You know, I saw Scott D'Amore job twice at a WWF Superstars taping in 1996. I believe I called him "some kind of athlete" for taking on two matches in, like, ten minutes.

Anyway, Christopher Daniels talked for a bit about beating up Team Canada while I was writing that up.

guitar guitar BOOM TNA intro graphics

Tonight, Team Canada, Team TNA, Team Japan, and Team Mexico square off in the World X Cup!

That needs to be more impressive.

World X Cup!

Tonight, we will see a sixteen man not-a-Royal Rumble, with 3 points for the winner and 1 point for second place. After that, a pair of tag matches with two points apiece on the line. And the final match is a four-man ladder match with four big points for the winner!

No, wait. After three rounds, the team with the lowest score is eliminated, and then we have a three-man Ultimate X with five points going to the ultimate warrior. In the event of a tie, the team captains will meet in a match next Wednesday (which is last Wednesday by now) to determine a winner.

You know, I really like that they mention this. Because I forget who wins this thing, but I'm pretty sure it's not a tie, and I like that they make allowances for ties and stuff in matches where that's not what's booked. WWE annoys me by only ever mentioning time limits in matches that go to time limit draws. For example.

No, the following contest is NOT scheduled for one fall, it's scheduled for FIFTEEN FALLS over the top rope because it is a

Gauntlet Not For The Gold

From the City of Angels, Christopher Daniels enters as #1. "Hotshot" Johnny Devine from Team Canada enters as #2. I saw him wrestle live once, too! It was in a dark match before that Edmonton Smackdown where Benoit fought Austin. He looked more like RVD then.

Slaps lead to punches and the match is on. Fast running and a few flips and this is pretty good. #3 is Nosawa, the captain of Team Japan. Dudes are entering once a minute and there's a countdown clock on-screen, which I approve of. Nefarious foreigners team up to battle Daniels, but he comes back with a double clothesline. Ishikara comes in and hits a nice enzuigiri and a tornado DDT. The inscrutable Japanese align with Devine to beat on Daniels until Chris Sabin makes the save. Sabin dumps Ishikara to the ring apron and hits a springboard dropkick for the first elimination. Mr. Aguila comes in from Team AAA which I guess is not Team Mexico after all. You (by "you" I mean "Cubs") may remember Aguila from his WWE stint as Papi Chulo or maybe Essa Rios. Mike Tenay remembers. Petey Williams, the new Team Canada captain, is in to hit a power crucifix on Sabin. I don't really know how to describe it - Williams went for a crucifix but Sabin kinda backflipped and landed on his own head. I guess it looked pretty choreographed but it was cool!

New paragraph time. Who the hell is this dude, Ichikata? I've never heard of him and I'm totally guessing on the spellings here. Tenay says it's Haroojey Ichikata and that doesn't help me any. Williams counters a powerbomb with a rana, dumping Sabin over the ropes. Team TNA is quickly replenished as Jerry Lynn is in next and tosses Nosawa. Williams almost goes over courtesy Daniels, but then he doesn't, if you can believe that. Heavy Metal is in next (to a big pop!) and he teams with Essa Rios to not hit a springboard move on Williams. You know what, it's more fun to call him Petey. A dropkick, and Petey goes over but lands on the stairs. A doubleteam baseball slide sends him over the stairs to the floor. Neat!

Mitsou Hear You Jr. is in next, and he would be the last competitor for Team Japan, followed by Bobby Rude. One spear, and he tosses Chris Daniels. Tenay and Don West talk about how Rude was added for his power, which is a nice way of trying to make me forget that Teddy Hart isn't here anymore.

Abismo Negro is next, and hearing Don West say name that is GREAT. Negro and Heavy Metal doubleteam Devine to the floor, but Heavy Metal is out next in a double elimination with Hirai Jr? Is that what his name is? Who knows. They really need on-screen graphics for these dudes.

Oh man, I know this guy, it's "Prime Time" Elix Skipper. Lynn got tossed out by some dude in red shorts, and Skipper tossed Papi Chulo. "Showtime" Eric Young is next in, because TNA needed another dude named Young. He sure has some dumb hair. The last guy is coming in and he's Hector Garza, so I'll make a table using my awesome HTML skills (Dreamweaver) to show you who's left.

Garza's in and clotheslines Rude right out. Negro with a Stunner on Young. Young misses a Stinger splash, but catches Negro and flips him out just as Skipper tosses Ichikata to eliminate Team Japan. When did Garza get that mustache? Three men left, and Garza... slaps Young hard on the butt. Like, he runs off the ropes and does it. A double flapjack to Young, and a double clothesline sends him out, dashing the hopes of all of Canada.

Young and Garza left, and they both miss dropkicks. Garza hits a springboard bodypress... for two? We're allowing pins now? Uh, 'kay. Scoooooooop and a slam by Garza. Garza misses a moonsault , but counters The Play Of The Day into a face-first powerbomb. A rollup and a bridge (like what Bob Backlund or Eugene might do) and Skipper is pinned. (19:49)

Garza offers a handshake, Skipper reluctantly accepts. This was pretty good.

Last week, Russo talked about something and sucked. Road Dogg looked like he was wearing an Indiana Jones-inspired gay pride parade costume. Ron Killings won the NWA title. Raven cried.

Back to this week, Jeff Jarrett confronts Mike Tenay (tuxedo of the week: tuxedo; Don West's shirt/tie combination of the week: silver). This will no doubt result in Mike Tenay being berated and leaving the ring while making that awesome angry face that only Mike Tenay can make.

Oh boy, here comes Vince Russo to make this even better. He's skinner than last I saw him. And clean-shaven. And taller than Jarrett. Boy, Jarrett sucks. And Russo sucks. They talked about stuff but I skipped ahead because really, who gives a shit? Not me. For the record, Tenay made some angry faces but didn't storm off in a huff.

Scott Hudson talks to Team TNA. Actually, he only talks to Jerry Lynn who has a funny voice. Elix Skipper shouted YEAH at one point.

"Hotshot" Johnny Devine & Bobby Rude v.
"Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels & "Prime Time" Elix Skipper

Finally we get on-screen graphics, but they just say Team Canada and Team TNA. Tenay points out that Skipper and Daniels were (are? who knows) tag team partners in XXX.

Quick flips and stuff to start until Team TNA traps Rude in the corner and beats him down with quick tags. A double hiptoss gets two. Skipper bridges out of a pin, Tenay calls it by saying that Skipper Matrixed out. He did that in the Gauntlet, too. Lame. Anyway, Team TNA doubleteams Devine until Rude tags back in and they beat up Skipper. Stuff is happening, but it's nothing really worth recapping or reading about. Whoa, Devine just his Skipper with a fisherman suplex into a Stunner, that was pretty neat. He misses the shooting star press, though. Daniels tags in and cleans house. A flatliner on Rude almost gets three, and the Best Moonsault Ever would have got the pin but Devine made the save. Devine takes a springboard Rockerplex for two. TKO by Rude on Skipper. Devine's tornado DDT is blocked, as is Daniels' rana. A missile dropkick from Devine gets two. Rude in, plants Skipper with a spinning sitout powerbomb. Devine goes up and hits the Devine Intervention (moonsault) but can't make the cover. Daniels is up, but takes a superkick and a German suplex. Rude with a spinebuster on Daniels, but it only gets two. Rude dragon suplexes Devine onto Daniels (ow). They set up another doubleteam move, but Skipper crotches Devine on the top rope. Daniels tosses Rude, and Skipper hits the New School. Daniels picks up Devine for a suplex, but Skipper catches him - Skipper hits a powerbomb as Daniels does a Rude Awakening and that's the match. (10:34)

Last Wednesday, James Storm hit a superkick while wearing Dusty Rhodes' boot to score a win over Kid Kash and Dallas. Shame that Dusty never did a superkick in his career, he'd never have lost. Anyway, Kid Kash talks some and he's kinda funny but he's been funnier.

Backstage, Scott Hudson is with Storm and Rhodes. Dusty sure is fat! But he's pretty charismatic when he talks. I still don't want to see him wrestle, though.

Ishikata & Mitsu Hirai Jr. v.
Abismo Negro & Heavy Metal

The Japanese attack Negro to start, and Ishikata hits Shattered Dreams. He doesn't do a bunch of posing before the kick, but he grabbed his sack and hopped around mockingly afterwards, and that was pretty funny. A split-legged dropkick sends Ishikata and Hirai to the floor, and both Mexicans dive to the floor onto them. Back in the ring, fisherman buster by Ishikata on Heavy Metal.

Tenay shills the new national cable show "on your local sports network" - wtf why can't they say the name? Well, if they're not going to, neither am I.'

Ishikata hits the Garvin Stom on Negro. Doubleteaming ensues. The tag is made, and Heavy Metal misses a soccerball kick and lands on his back like Charlie Brown when the football gets pulled away. Hirai with a double underhook powerbomb, but Negro makes the save. The Mexicans fight back and hit Whisper In The Wind or whatever that stupid name was for that stupid move the Hardy Boyz did in the corner. Metal with an assisted (sorta) top rope rana and Negro comes off the top with a splash, but the ref doesn't count because Negro isn't legal. Ishikawa with an enzuigiri on Metal and Hirai hits an exploder for the pin. (8:01)

Backstage, D'Amore berates Team Canada. Hahaha he claims that Molson sponsors the team and 26 million people will be disappointed if they lose. D'Amore starts yelling and when he does, a Quebecois accent makes a sudden appearance.

"Showtime" Eric Young v. Taichi Ishikari v. Mr. Aguila v. Jerry Lynn

Four points for the winner of this ladder match - if Team Canada wins, Team Japan is gone. If anyone else wins, Team Canada is done.

Young gets a ladder right away as everyone else fights. It doesn't lead to good as he gets baseball slid and suicide dived upon. Back in the ring, he hits people with the ladder and moonsaults Jerry Lynn. He slides to the floor to avoid the ladder, but Lynn dives on him just as Ishikara and Aguila return to the ring. Ishikara tries a spinning headscissors but get dumped into his face. Aguila gets crotched by Lynn, but Aguila comes back to drop Lynn face first on a ladder. Ishikari puts the ladder on his head and verrrrry slooowly spins around in circles. Don West says this is a sign on Ishikari's inexperience. Don West is smart!

Lynn DDTs Young on a ladder and then legdrops him on a ladder. There are now three ladders in play. Aguila sticks Ishikari's leg in a ladder and then kicks the ladder a lot. Hey, there's an X hanging from the ceiling since none of these dudes have a belt. Neat.

Lots of ladder-themed brawling and bumps here. Ishikara ranas Lynn onto a ladder, but clips his own leg in the process. Young showboats and gets hiptossed and moonsaulted onto a ladder for it. Aguila powerbombs Lynn on a ladder, but misses another moonsault and lands on a ladder himself. Young and Lynn climb a ladder, but Aguila tips it over. Lynn and Aguila wind up on the apron, and Ishikara dumps Young on the leaning ladder. Lynn and Aguila grab the ladder and pull down, catapulting Young to the floor. Neat!

Ishikaria scales the ladder, but Aguila powerbombs him off. Lynn tries climbing, but Aguila pulls him off and misses a ladder legdrop. Lynn climbs again, as does Young. Lynn slams Young down, falls, and climbs again but Ishikari dropkicks him down. Aguila and Ishikari climb, but Young tips the ladder over and sends them both to the floor. Young and Lynn climb, and Lynn goes for the cradle piledriver off the ladder, but D'Amore comes in to break a hockey stick over Lynn's back. Young gets the X, (18:44) Team Canada gets 4 points, Team Japan is gone.

3 Live Kru is interviewed. Konnan says something about a car seat and BG James tries to rhyme. This sucks.

Don West with the hard sell. This doesn't suck but I don't really care.

Armando Quintero interviews Team Mexico. I don't know if this sucks because I don't speak Spanish.

Petey Williams v. Hector Garza v. Chris Sabin

With five points on the line in Ultimate X, the World X Cup is up for grabs. Jeremy Borash does the honours. Sabin is the only man to have competed in all three previous Ultimate X matches, and he even won one!

Sabin and Garza start as Petey makes a mad dash for the X. They double team him, only to try for a flapjack and inadvertantly launch him to the cables. Sabin goes for a springboard but gets crotched by Petey. That sounds gross. Petey crawls across the cables, hangs down, and flips into a DDT on Garza. That was neat but he should have just grabbed the stupid X, he was right there.

Just now, Paul showed me this and it's pretty awesome. KILLDOZER

Anyway. We get the double German suplex spot. Someone should German suplex the KILLDOZER

Garza goes for the X, Petey grabs his legs, Sabin hits a dropkick. That would have no effect on KILLDOZER

Williams launched to the floor onto Garza. Lucky for him, he was not launched onto KILLDOZER. Sabin follows with a dive.

Sabin climbs the corner, Petey blocks, Sabin turns a fireman's carry into a powerbomb. Garza's been down so now he takes control. Sabin drops Garza with a kick, and WHOA Petey with a flip piledriver on Sabin! That ruled! It's called the Canadian Destroyer. Basically, Petey grabs Sabin like he's going for a piledriver, then does a forward flip into a piledriver. That looks dangerous and cool! That might even hurt KILLDOZER if you were strong enough to lift it and surely no man is.

Everyone is dead, then they all climb for the X. They all kick, they all fall. Sabin with a brainbuster to Garza. Michinoku Driver from Petey to Sabin. Garza's up and takes out Petey, but gets tossed to the floor and Sabin and Petey go for the X. Petey gets shoved down, and Garza comes back with a missile dropkick - but Sabin climbs up to dodge it and grab the X. (13:45) Team TNA wins!

Here's what could have been:

But it was not to be, and Team TNA celebrates the win. Sabin has the X, Jerry Lynn has an American flag, Chris Daniels has an NWA flag, and Elix Skipper is really happy to be there :)

So yeah. That was a pretty good show. I don't know if I'd recap it (or anything?) again - I find it hard to recap long matches since what am I supposed to do, just descibe shit? That's boring for both of us. But it was a fun show to watch, well worth the money, for sure.

As an added bonus, I also downloaded this old video of the WWF from 1984. I didn't keep it, but maybe I should have, it had some awesomeness that I will recap in my patented "pasting an email I sent to a friend the other day" style:

• The first match was Steve Lombardi (as a face?) going against Kamala, managed by Freddie Blassie (assisted by Friday who looked a lot like Kimchee). Before the bell rang, Hulk Hogan came out to wish Lombardi good luck (what) and then the ref sent Hogan to the back and Kamala splashed Lombardi's back (and knew to roll him over!) in like thirty seconds.
• Then we had Junk Yard Dog vs a jobber, only the match was shown in MUSIC VIDEO STYLE where they'd do these awkward cuts back and forth between the footage. Also, there was no commentary, instead we were treated to Dance Hall Days by Wang Chung. JYD wins with the thump.
• Manificient (sic) Muraco won a squash in similar MUSIC VIDEO STYLE only I didn't recognize the song. Muraco wins with the tombstone.
• Vince looked SO YOUNG HOLY CRAP.
• Tito Santana, INTER-CONT. CHAMP, wins a squash. He hit the flying jalapeno, then won with this move I'd never seen where he sort figure-foured the guy's leg, then fell backwards overtop of him into a bridge for the pin. It looked really neat until I looked at it again and decided it wasn't very good.
• Kamala, Friday, and Blassie are guests on Piper's Pit. Kamala is chief of his tribe. And he's a cannibal.
• The Spoiler wins a squash with the CLAWHOLD.
• History was made recently as Wendi Richter defeated Fabulous Moolah (who did not look SO YOUNG HOLY CRAP) in MSG, and here's Wendi now for an interview! But she got attacked by Moolah. Then she fought back who cares
• Brutus Beefcake (from parts unknown?) beat a jobber. Hilariously, he won with an EARTHQUAKE SPLASH or maybe a BIG JOSH RUNNING BUTT SPLASH either way this was great.
  

Anyway, bye.