I know I said that I'd review the most recent WWA show next but now I'm not. I'll get to it at some point or I may not, who knows. I will, however, continue the theme of "wrestling that I saw for free."
WWE: International Heat - aired 06/15/03
I actually wanted to review Bad Blood, but I didn't think it was necessary since Scott already did. And besides, this was all I really had to say:
SCOTT STEINER (Bay City, MI, 255 lbs) v. FLOOR (Houston, TX)
Steiner strikes first when he tries to leap off the apron and his legs don't work. He smashes the floor with his face. The floor doesn't sell. Steiner does.
FLOOR d. STEINER (hilarious, 0:03, *****)
I don't normally give star ratings but there's no debate about this one.
Anyway, International Heat. It's the stuff that England gets in place of the pre-PPV warmup episodes of Heat, but I bet you knew that. I downloaded this off the lovely lovely Internet.
attitude entertainment WWE standard Heat graphics to open. Our hosts are Marc Lloyd and Jonathan Coachman, but we don't find that out right away as the music hits and the Fink introduces:
THE ONLY HARVARD GRADUATE IN WWE HISTORY, CHRISTOPHER NOWINSKI (Cambridge, MA, 267 lbs) v. MAVEN (Charlottesville, VA, 235 lbs)
267 pounds my ass.
Hmm... I probably shouldn't provide openings about my ass like that.
Hmm... I probably shouldn't... yeah.
Hey, it's Maven!
Nowinski starts by taking the house mic and asking Maven to not hit him in the nose. The announcers find this to strategy to be dubious. Some basic moves to start as Maven controls with a headlock.
I don't know if it's just this download, but the commentators are REALLY quiet. So is the crowd (though there's a small "Harvard sucks" chant as I type this), but the pops for moves are HUGE and they sound piped in.
Maven hits a Russian legsweep and a neckbreaker for the first two count of the match. He misses a dropkick and Nowinski takes over with kickery. A backbreaker gets two. Nowinski locks in an armbar but Maven reverses it into a cradle for two. His offense is short-lived as Nowinski hits a spinebuster for two. He focuses his attack on Maven's back, which consists of some actual holds, so that should make Steve Austin come out with a sleeping bag. Seriously, what kind of terrible idea was that? A terrible kind, that's what.
But I digress. Maven goes for a suplex but his back hurts too much. Nowinski lands a nice dropkick to Maven's back for two, then locks in a chinlock with a knee to the back. Maven fights his way out. Nowinski goes for another spinebuster but Maven counters with a dropkick. A clothesline and a leg lariat get two for Maven, who is doing a nice job of selling the back. Nowinski runs into a boot and a second-rope bulldog gets two. Maven heads to the top rope, but he's slow because his back hurts. Nowinski shoves the ref into the ropes and Maven slips, then Nowinski smacks Maven in the face with his protective nose mask while the ref looking the other way and going "Man, I can't believe that I just got bumped into and fell into the ropes." This was a pretty simple match, but everything was done well and I enjoyed it.
NOWINSKI d. MAVEN (pin, 6:54, mask shot)
Still to come: Test takes on Spike Dudley! Clips of Goldberg/Jericho from Raw!
The WWE Rewind is Goldberg spearing Charles Robinson.
Last week on Raw, stuff happened.
At Insurrextion, stuff happened.
CADE (w/Lance Cade graphics and w/o Garrison, The State Of Texas, 268 lbs) v. CHAD COLLYER (Muncie, IN, 209 lbs)
Cade has a plain look, with short blonde hair, plain red shorts and kneepads, and plain black boots and wrist tape. I figure it's important to note these things. I'd note them for Collyer too, but he's not on Raw so oh well.
Some nice technical wrestling to start, as the two trade armlocks and takedowns. I've never seen Collyer wrestle and I've heard he was trained by (and similar to) Dean Malenko, and I likes me some Dean Malenko. Cade hits an elbow and a slam as Collyer begs off, but Cade runs into a drop toehold which lands him neck first on the middle rope. Collyer hits a neckbreaker for two. Cade seems to be prone to overselling some kicks and punches, though I'm not sure if that's his fault or Collyer's. Really, does it matter? Probably not.
Cade breaks out of a chinlock and counters a hiptoss into a backslide for two, followed by a back suplex. They trade forearm shots with Cade getting the better of it. Cade fires Collyer into the corner and a Barry Windham bulldog gets two. Collyer runs into a boot and Cade scales the ropes. A decent Savage elbow gets three. I'm not sold on Cade - I think he has potential, but I fear he's being brought up too early, much like lots of the developmental guys. Collyer would make a nice addition to the Smackdown cruiser ranks.
CADE d. COLLYER (pin, 4:34, top rope elbow drop)
Last week: Christian and Chris Jericho talked about stuff! Booker and Christian did Spin-A-Roonys! I skip ahead to the matches!
VAL VENIS (Las Vegas, NV, 242 lbs) v. SCOOT ANDREWS (214 lbs)
If Venis is 242, there's no freaking way Nowinski is 267. No mention of Andrews being the Black Nature Boy, of course.
"Hello ladies," says Val. "I PUNCH YOU NOW" says Andrews, depriving us of the opportunity of finding out what, exactly, the Big Valbowski is like. I note that Venis was talking in center ring but was punched in the corner, and I level charges of editing at... someone.
Anyway, Venis fights back with punches, kneelifts, and a Russian legsweep, before doing his porno dance into the mounted punches, which was a move I always hated in awesome N64 WWF No Mercy because it took forever and he did it 20 times in every match and it's like WTF, just punch me you jerkoff. Am I right?
Venis hits double underhook kneelifts and a double underhook suplex. Andrews hits a very nice dropkick but only gets a one count. Frustrated, Andrews chokes the Big Valbowski (tee hee) and leg lariats the Big Valbowski for two (tee hee). Venis kips up and takes down Scoot with an Ultimate Warrior shoulder tackle and a big ol' spinebuster. He calls for the Money Shot, using the words "son of a bitch" in there somewhere.
VENIS d. ANDREWS (pin, 2:29, Money Shot)
Last week, Foley and HHH talked about stuff! ONE! TWO! THREE! It was awesome watching Shawn Michaels eagerly walking in for the save, knowing full well that he couldn't run lest he expose Big Gimpy's slowness.
TEST (282 lbs) v. SPIKE DUDLEY (150 lbs)
I don't imagine the outcome to this one is in doubt. "Spike" chant to start. Test shoves Spike down hard, then drops to his knees to taunt Spike. Spike responds with a slap and now Test is all kinds of mad and makes with the chasing. Spike hits a forearm sending Test to the floor. He tries for a bodypress, but Test catches him and dumps him on the barricade. Back in the ring, Test rakes Spike's eyes on the ropes, then drops him with a clothesline. A second clothesline misses and Spike hits a few shoulders to Test's abdomen, but Spike gets whipped into the corner at a high rate of speed. Test clamps on a bearhug as I get caught up with the typing. "We want Stacy," says the crowd, and Test is all like "Oh yeah? Well I will stomp on Spike and give him another bearhug, take THAT, crowd!"
The announcers run down the Bad Blood card and why can nobody pronounce La Résistance? Ray-zee-staunss. It's not hard.
Spike escapes a pumphandle slam and shoots Test into the corner. He hits a bunch of stomps, waking up the crowd. Test gets all mad and goes for a powerbomb, but Spike reverses it into a sunset flip for a nearfall. That got the crowd going! Spike goes for the Dudley Dog, but Test tosses him and smacks him with a big boot for a big win. Well, sort of a big win. Maybe. If nothing else, this new heel Test shows great facial expressions when he's trying to look angry, which is pretty much all the time. He still needs a new name, though.
TEST d. DUDLEY (pin, 5:05, big boot)
Test is all like RAAAAAAARGH and we're out. This wasn't a must-see show but I saw it anyway, and there was wrestling, which I like. So yeah.
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