The Single File #13
Posted: 06/06/01

What the deuce? Another Single File already? Well, you see, I've got a stack of tapes coming in the mail, plus Fire Pro Wrestling comes out next week, so my productivity's gonna drop faster than ratings during an Albert match. I figured I'd better do a SF while I have no distractions rather than trying to fight the temptation of a new wrestling game.

Anyway, this edition's match comes to us from Frontier Martial Arts Wrestling (FMW to you and me). If you've heard of FMW, it may have been in conjunction with ECW. It makes sense, since both feds present (or in ECW's case, presented) a similar brand of hardcore style wrestling. Blood, tables, chairs, electrified barb wire, or a firecracker up the ass are no strangers to FMW. Plus a lot of FMW guys eventually made appearances in ECW (and vice versa). Hell, three of the wrestlers in this match went on to become ECW World Champions.

Terry Funk you all know. Gladiator is just Mike Awesome's name in Japan. He doesn't wear a helmet or carry a shield or anything; the only difference is that he wears some facepaint around his eyes (1). You know doubt remember Masato Tanaka from his series of matches with Awesome in ECW. Or at least I hope you do, since they were some of the best matches in ECW history. Hayabusa you may not have seen (2)--think of him as Sabu in a mask, only a lot better.

Backstory: Hmmm, I'm not sure if any one specific incident brought this match about, or if everyone was feuding and this was a blowoff. Anyway, the aftermath is what's really important.

The Match: Hayabusa (wearing an ugly robe) and Tanaka come out first. Awesome and Funk (with chain and branding iron) enter next to a really goofy instrumental song (3). "We're gonna kick your ass, Hayabusa," says Awesome.

Intros are barely completed and the expected brawl breaks out. Funk tosses Hayabusa outside as Awesome and Tanaka go at it in the ring. Tanaka tries three running shoulderblocks on Awesome, but can't budge him. Masato bounces off the ropes again and Awesome tries a clothesline, but Tanaka ducks and on the rebound hits a shoulderblock that finally knocks the big man down. Tanaka lays in some punches as we see Hayabusa getting the better of Funk on the outside. Back in the ring, Tanaka leapfrogs a running Awesome and tries another, but Awesome simply catches him and hits a big overhead belly to belly suplex. Awesome clotheslines Tanaka out of the ring and follows up with the no hands tope to the floor. Hayabusa gets in the ring (still wearing his robe), and hits a somersault tope to the floor that flattens Awesome. Everyone recovers on the floor for a bit until Funker wanders over and starts brawling with Tanaka while Hayabusa chokes out Awesome with a chair. Funk has grabbed his branding iron and is just whipping Tanaka fiercely with it. Hayabusa and Awesome brawl into the stands, and Awesome slams Hayabusa's head into the wall three times. Awesome poses and tries it again, but Hayabusa blocks and rams Awesome's head into the wall. Hayabusa follows up with a spinning kick to the gut and starts dragging Awesome back to the ring.

In the ring, Funk is peppering Tanaka with punches. Hayabusa and Awesome are now dueling with chairs at ringside, and Awesome wins that fight and nails Hayabusa in the back with his chair. Funk tries the spinning toehold on Tanaka in the ring, but Masato kicks out and applies one of his own, but Funk escapes with an eyepoke. Awesome hands Funk a Japanese table (4), and the Funker rests it on the ropes. Funk grabs Tanaka and gets a running start, then rams Tanaka's head into the table (and nearly falls out of the ring in the process). Awesome grabs the table and heads up top, as Funk hits about a dozen headbutts on Tanaka. Awesome jumps off the tope rope and just SLAMS the table onto Tanaka's head. Funk covers Tanaka, but he kicks out at 2.

Hayabusa tries to get back in the ring, but Awesome slams his head into the table. Funk grabs Tanaka's head and Awesome gets a running start and again slams the table into Tanaka's head (busting him open) with a sickening thud. Funk tries another cover, but we get another kickout. Awesome sets up the table and calls for the Awesome Bomb. He gets Tanaka up, and with Funk's help drives Tanaka through the table. Awesome covers, but Hayabusa breaks up the pin at 2. Funk slaps Hayabusa around while Awesome picks up the table and does a sort of running splash with it on the downed Tanaka. Awesome covers, kickout at 2. Awesome rips off a shard of the table and places what's left of it in the corner, then rams Tanaka face first into the table again, leaving a red splotch from where Tanaka's head hit. Funk tosses Awesome the shard of the table, and nearly beans him in the head in a comical moment. Funk whips Hayabusa at Awesome, who swings the piece of the table. But Hayabusa manages to slide out of the way, and Tanaka comes out of nowhere to nail Awesome with a flying forearm. Tanaka follows up with a dropkick on Funk as Hayabusa NAILS Awesome in the head with the table piece. Hayabusa nails Tanaka with the table again, and Tanaka follows up with two running clotheslines, the second of which sends Awesome to the floor. Hayabusa nails a baseball slide on Awesome, and follows up with a beauty of an Asai moonsault that sends them both into the stands.

Back in the ring Tanaka nails the Funker with a rude Tornado DDT. Funk tries to stand up and no-sell it, but quickly flops to the mat. Tanaka covers, kickout at 2. Masato places Funk in position for Hayabusa, who hits a springboard Swanton Bomb, immediately followed by a standing moonsault. Another cover, Funk kicks out at 2. Awesome crawls back into the ring at this point, so Hayabusa just kicks him in the head. Tanaka heads up top and hits a diving headbutt on Funk. He covers, but Awesome somehow breaks up the pin at 2. Awesome gets up, and is immediately hit by a springboard 'rana from Hayabusa. Hayabusa covers, but Awesome muscles out at 2. Hayabusa hits a German suplex, but Awesome kicks out at 2 again. Tanaka and Hayabusa set Awesome up for a double suplex, but Tanaka lets go in mid-move and Hayabusa turns it into a Falcon Arrow for another 2 count. Hayabusa heads up top, but gets nailed with a flying chair (thrown presumably by Funk). Awesome tries to clothesline Tanaka, but Masato ducks and hits Awesome with an elbow. Tanaka bounces off the ropes to try another elbow, but gets met with a big boot from Awesome. Awesome follows up with a weird looking Uranage and covers, but Tanaka kicks out again at 2.

We see a quick cut of Funk destroying Hayabusa on the floor with a chair. Back in the ring, Awesome calls for and hits a brutal sit out Awesome Bomb. Tanaka kicks out at 2. Funk comes in with a chair and starts brutalizing Tanaka's legs, then nails a piledriver on the chair. Outside the ring, Awesome rams Hayabusa into a table. Back in the ring, Funk hits another piledriver on the chair and calls for the Spinning Toe Hold (5). Funk slaps on the hold, but Hayabusa quickly breaks it up with a springboard clothesline on Funk. Awesome gets back in the ring and Hayabusa charges at him, only to get hit with a Hotshot. Awesome seats Hayabusa on the top rope (facing the crowd), then gives him a German suplex! Never saw that before. Hayabusa still kicks out at 2. So Awesome grabs a chair and lays some shots into both Hayabusa and Tanaka. Awesome drops the chair and then gives Hayabusa a spine fusing Powerbomb onto the chair. Yee-ouch. Awesome covers, but Tanaka breaks it up at 2. Hayabusa rolls out of the ring while Awesome concentrates on Tanaka. He whips Masato at Funk who tries a clothesline, but Tanaka ducks and hits the Funker with an elbow. He follows up with a Roaring Elbow on Awesome and goes for the cover, but Awesome kicks out at 2.

Awesome suddenly stands up and no-sells all the punishment he took, and plants Tanaka with a running Awesome Bomb. Awesome covers, but the pin gets broken up by Hayabusa at 2. The Funker hits the ring with a chain and starts choking out Hayabusa. Funk picks up Hayabusa (still with the chain on his neck) on his shoulders, and Awesome heads out on the apron and yanks on the chain, so Hayabusa falls back and lands RIGHT ON HIS HEAD on the apron and then crumples to the floor. Dear Lord. Awesome goes up to the top rope and hits a splash on the still downed Tanaka in the ring. Awesome covers, but Tanaka still kicks out at 2. Crowd chants "Tanaka" as Awesome drags Masato over to the corner and, with a little help from Funk, hits a Top Rope Awesome Bomb, and you better believe that gets the three (15:12).

Funk and Awesome drags Hayabusa's carcass into the ring and give him a double powerbomb. Funk gets on the stick and, surveying the half-dead bodies of Tanaka and Hayabusa, declares FMW dead. Funk says that now FMW stands for Funk Masters of Wrestling, and calls out the Headhunters and Leatherface. The Evil Americans beat up some ringboys (I guess) and cover Hayabusa with the American flag. We fade out with the Funk Masters posing for the camera and wallowing in their own crapulence.

Great angle, but I doubt the live crowd knew what to make of it, since Funk was ranting in a foreign language.

Anyway, this was the best kind of garbage match-one with genuine wrestling in it. Awesome brought the power moves, Tanaka took the concussion-inducing head shots, Hayabusa added the flawless high flying, and Funk was Funk. Throw in some great effort, a neat angle, and awesome spots and you've got a winner (6).

Fallout: The Funk Masters angle eventually petered out, much like the nWo. Mike Awesome finally made his way to the States and fell into a litany of bad gimmicks. Hopefully he'll get a fresh start in the new WCW. Funk has been everywhere and back. Tanaka and Hayabusa still compete in Japan.

If you want to check out some FMW, they've released some videos and DVDs here in the U.S. You can go to www.fmw.tokyopop.com for more details.

And I am outta here. I'll try to do a review of Fire Pro Wrestling next week, and then we'll preview King of the Ring the week after. If you have any questions, comments, or requests for future Single Files, shoot me an e-mail.

Joe Gagne
bwo@telegram.infi.net

Endnotes: 

BACK