I hate talking about anyone after they’ve died, while the loss is still bitting your heart. It’s just – the thing I want most at the moment is for the person not to be dead, and there are no words which will make it happen. All the words are pointless, all actions feel pointless, everything is worthless. I can tell you how much I miss Eddie, and you can nod and respond because you feel the same way, and it’s all irrelevant. Everything you know seems to be a spec of dirt in a sand storm, powerless compared to the whims of the world. What’s the point?
But I didn’t sleep much last night, and won’t sleep again good till I talk this out, at least a little bit. And since I’m in between situations where I can wake someone up at midnight to talk about it, you’re stuck reading it.
I admired Eddie as a wrestler. But I admired him more as a man. Eddie should’ve died in that New Year’s Eve car accident, but fate smiled upon him and he lived. And it probably was not the only time he was starting death straight in the face before he finally turned it around. Not enough credit can be given to him for doing it – many people try, few are able to turn their lives around like Eddie did. I really wish he was still with us, but I’m so thankful he was able to face his demons and get four more happy and good years out of his life. He got a second chance, he made the most out of it, and I’m grateful to been part of it as a fan.
I can’t imagine a more horrible experience possible than what Chavo went thru that morning.
I’m depressed that by Sunday afternoon, I had figured out what the shows were going to be like this week and what things would happen that people would complain about, because this has happened enough where they have a freaking formula for tribute shows. I know I’m being unfair, but it’s completely wrong that they just can handle deaths because they’re used to it, it’s run of the mill on some level. It screams out that something’s tragically horrible wrong here, and I don’t what to do it. I don’t know if I should just stop watching or if me and people like me are so trivial in the big picture that it’s irrelevant too. I don’t have any answer.
I couldn’t really handle RAW after “Hurt” – it was all just too much, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything else, so I kept on watching it. It was all just too weird to be thinking about Eddie and seeing stuff like MNM’s entrance, just as usual, and trying to take it the least bit serious. Even the good matches weren’t good enough to undistract me. Watching the HBK/Rey match reminded me I had complained about not getting HBK/Eddie or HBK/Rey matches about a month ago, and I hope we get a chance to try this match again on a happier day. The only stuff that really worked for me were the comedy bits, I guess because I really needed a break and they provided it. They really should’ve dropped the taping-kayfabe for the night and out right said Chavo was going to wrestle on SmackDown! – not as much as an ad as to let people to know why he wasn’t wresting on this show. Same with Benoit.
Everyday, you have a chance to change it all. Don’t waste it.